Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Our country tis of dunce

Posted by AllieB on July 7, 2011

America is 100% the best country in which to live. Watching the fireworks on Monday night, I couldn’t help but be filled with pride, patriotism, and pure love for all things USA. When the crowd around us started cheering during the cacophonous finale, I felt my eyes start to well up a little….God Bless America. In that same vein, America’s Team is dominating – GO BRAVES! (The Braves will always be America’s Team in my book…)

That said, we have our failures. I get that Casey Anthony can’t serve life in jail just because it’s obvious that she’s a murderous Tot Mom – there has to be evidence and blah blah and whatever, you can’t go around putting people in jail based on common sense, but I don’t have to like it.

BBT’s favorite author, Bill Bryson, has detailed a dissimilar yet nevertheless alarming compilation of ways in which America fails – specifically, the failures of its citizens. I share with you below excerpts of an article entitled, “Well, Doctor, I was just trying to lie down…” that I finally found in full text on the internet. (I’ve been goog’ing the damn thing for over a year, and I finally got my search query right because I FOUND IT. It was the best day…)

Here’s a fact for you: According to the latest Statistical Abstract of the United States, every year more than 400,000 Americans suffer injuries involving beds, mattresses, or pillows. Think about that for a minute. That is almost 2,000 bed, mattress, or pillow injuries a day. In the time it takes you to read this article, fourof my fellow citizens will somehow manage to be wounded by their bedding.
Consider this intriguing fact: Almost 50,000 people in the United States are injured each year by pencils, pens, and other desk accessories. How do they do it? I have spent many long hours seated at desks where I would have greeted almost any kind of injury as a welcome diversion, but never once have I come close to achieving actual bodily harm.
So I ask again: How do they do it?… In 1992 (the latest year for which figures are available) more than 400,000 people in the United States were injured by chairs, sofas, and sofa beds. What are we to make of this?… Have we become exceptionally careless sitters? What is certain is that the problem is worsening. The number of chair, sofa, and sofa bed injuries showed an increase of 30,000 over the previous year, which is quite a worrying trend even for those of us who are frankly fearless with regard to soft furnishings. (That may, of course, be the nub of the problem-overconfidence.)

I will never find that not funny…Clearly I’m still on vacation, but I wanted to keep up the momentum.

Two VERY important pieces of information re: BBT’s peeps:

1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MCL!!! I can’t wait to see you in tha A in a couple of weeks. I am tempted to put up the photo of you straggling up the beach in 2k5, but I’m not that mean…nor will I link to your ramen recipe. Instead I’ll just give you an awkward hug via the interweb, and an even more awkward one in person.

2. TINA IS ENGAGED!!!! Oh, happy day. This is my new favorite photo ever, in the history of all photos. LURVE.



2 Responses to “Our country tis of dunce”

  1. I love ramen said

    Thanks for the wishes (and not tarnishing my reputation w/ my ramen link)!

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