Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘USA’

Thoughts: Shallow & Deep

Posted by AllieB on September 12, 2013

I had an idea once that I might go to all of the classes Equinox offers then write about them, and, while that is a really good idea, it also requires me to go to all of the classes Equinox offers…so, sadly, this brainchild was over before it began. However, I do make it to the occasional group fitness gathering – last night was Asset Management. Not a seminar on finance, mind you, but an hour long workout focusing on your…assets. It was a good class, the teacher is Australian and Australians are funny, and there weren’t any ridiculous props like that VIPR class, (remember the giant tube I had to sling around?!? I wish I could forget) but there was a girl – a really not cute one – who had zero concept of personal space. This class was packed to the gills, and here’s Susie McLargeAndInCharge, barging into my very small area during each segment.

please stop

if this were my gym class, I’d be the woman wondering how/why/HOW I am in contact with the frontal protrusion of the man sitting in the row behind me  (how not shocking these are Tennessee fans)

I just get really mad when people don’t pay attention to their surroundings. It’s less the personal space invasion – I always invade Sister’s personal space every time I see her – and more the complete disregard for others. Susie Sausage was not picking up on my pointed looks and noises of frustration, so I finally stopped and stood still during a side-to-side exercise, and, whaddya know, she ran smack into me (it was all I could do to stay on my feet). She stopped short and looked at me first in surprise, then in anger, and I served it back tenfold; I glowered at her. Then and only then did she look around and realize just how out of bounds she was – I’m pretending like I heard her mutter “sorry” and not that word that rhymes with witch as she retreated to her area. You better believe she kept her distance for the duration of class. Once again, David hath defeated Goliath.

It’s a good thing I can switch up which location I go to, probably need to steer clear of that one for awhile…

And now for the news:

-FIRST and most importantly: 38 Essential Pizzas Across the United States. Readers from my most densely populated areas are decently covered, but it gets a little spotty around Missouri. Sucks for you, Mizzou.

-Fashion Week is still going on up here…me – I’m done. I’ve  had to totally re-tool my Instagram account, I’ve really had enough. I did see one disconcerting article that mentioned how Birkenstocks are back?Unfortunately, BBT has close contact with a bona fide Birkenstock Expert, so let’s check in with her – Hilary, thoughts?

A related-yet-not-a-sequel-or-prequel to Harry Potter is in the works! And it’s legit – JK Rowling’s involved and everything. I love Harry Potter, and I – we – could all use more Hogwarts in our lives.

-watch the roasting of James Franco (it’s on YouTube, find it yourself). And if you can’t watch it all, at least watch Bill Hader – Bill Hader is #1

-I got 100+ likes on my last Instagram post (see below). I’m not gloating; it was a very special picture…which brings me to today’s Special Segment. I’m all for light ‘n breezy, but sometimes I like to get a little real.

light tribute and tower

For various reasons, the anniversary of 9/11 was more significant for me this year than any year previous. Obviously I feel an ever-increasing level of solidarity with the city, but I think a lot of it is just plain geography: living down in TriBeCa, where the new One World Trade Center tower is such a pervasively physical presence, I can easily visualize what used to be there even though I never really knew the view myself. I can imagine how the planes came in, and I know now where people sprinted up the street – my street, where I live – away from the buildings in sheer terror, knowing that something was terribly, irreversibly wrong but without any clue as to what had actually happened. Then I can hear the deafening silence as the dust settled and revealed the gaping hole where the towers once stood….although it’s still completely unfathomable, I guess I just have a better sense of it all, and I’m really grateful for that. I read upwards of 100 articles yesterday and watched countless videos, and, while devastating, the overriding sense of hope – even mere days after the attack – is just…it’s inspiring all over again. Jon Stewart, on his show’s first airing post-attack on 9/20/01, gave a very touching, candid monologue. See below (video/transcript):

I just wanted to tell you why I grieve–but why I don’t despair.

Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding. . .that’s extraordinary. And that’s why we have already won. It’s democracy. They can’t shut that down. They live in chaos. And chaos, it can’t sustain itself–it never could. It’s too easy and it’s too unsatisfying.

The view from my apartment was the World Trade Center. . .now it’s gone. They attacked it. This symbol of American ingenuity and strength and labor and imagination and commerce and it’s gone. But you know what the view is now? The Statue of Liberty. . . the view from the south of Manhattan is the Statue of Liberty.

You can’t beat that.

Thank you for letting me share.

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NEXT!

Posted by AllieB on June 27, 2013

It happened; it’s over.

sistas in the city; my bestest Juan embracing life on Top of the Standard; city biking on Westside Hwy (NO HELMETS DANGER); there's a cat on Sissy's head

Bday Weekend Breakdown: sistas in the city; my bestest Juan embracing life on Top of the Standard; city biking on Westside Hwy (NO HELMETS DANGER); there’s a cat on Sissy’s head

Moving on! In less than two weeks I depart for Africa. Every time I say “Africa” I automatically hear that song “Africa” in my head – it’s getting pretty old. One thing that’s cool about this trip, besides the fact that it’s going to be really cool, is that it will enable me to cross off 6 of the 7 continents from my list: Continents. This leaves only Antarctica, which is actually super convenient because all I need to do is nail down an SI Swimsuit Cover and I’m all set!

dang

made ya look

Back to Africa. Ok, one more look at Kate . . . and NOW back to Africa: I will take tons of photos, of course, and tell you all about it when I get back. One thing that should cause all of us some concern is that, from NY->ATL->Johannesburg->Malawi->Johannesburg->ATL->NY I will log in approximately 50 hours of flying time.  My god that is a lot of time to be on a plane within 12 days…it really hit me when I did the math just then…oh dear. Anyway, unpleasant things tend to happen to other people while I’m on board airplanes (e.g. death, broken pelvis, violent nausea), so this doesn’t bode well for my fellow passengers – that is a lot of time for others to be at risk. Best wishes for safe travels!

50 hours. What the crap am I going to do for 50 hours. Pre-Teen Allie is getting fidgety just thinking about it…

In other news, some of which is legitimately worthy:

-THE ODDS ARE IN MY FAVOR!! If Princess Kate has a girl (which everyone thinks she is) the odds are 5-2 that she will name her Alexandra. If I cannot be Princess Kate, I will settle for being the namesake of her first born. (Credit: Caro)

-the amazing story about the man who slipped into a coma upon consuming 413 cheddar cheese biscuits fat Red Lobster is, sadly, not true.

The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy is getting really good reviews – I thought it looked dumb, but perhaps now I will see it on Sunday. I always listen to reviews, just as I always follow the rules regarding bicycle safety (unless that outlaw Sister is involved)

This list of “Lessons Learned” is applicable to everyone, regardless of occupation/age/gender – it’s written by a Vice Chairman at the PE firm Blackstone. The guy’s been around for 80 years, he knows what’s up.

-is anyone interested in renting my sister’s townhouse in Jupiter, Florida? I can’t believe I’m even posting this, I’d really rather it stay in the family for when I am in the mood to visit SoFla. I am trying very hard to not think about what $1,860/month gets you there vs. what $1,860 gets you here…..gross.

Happy Birthday to AMERICA!!! I love the 4th of July. I’ll be heading east to the Hamptons, and I will enjoy the beach, fireworks, $30 cover charges at Talkhouse, and overcrowded accommodations. God bless the stars and bars, sahn.

food you can make look like an American Flag: lasagna, assortment of cheeses, Budweiser, dessert

food you can make look like an American Flag: lasagna, an assortment of cheeses, Budweiser, dessert

If you need the recipe for Budweiser, let me know.

TGIT! It is unclear to me how it is only Thursday, but I am ever so thankful that this, the longest week ever in the history of all the weeks, is almost over. Be well, make good choices, and, as always, do as I say but never as I do.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Wake up and smell the gardens

Posted by AllieB on August 6, 2012

I am wary of two things*: outer space and Craigslist. The first makes my head hurt if I think about it for too long, because seriously – how?!, and the second is a well-known haven for predators and freakshows of all kinds, and I’d be just plain foolish to not be on guard. Right now I’m selling my car, and I’m sure to always have someone with me when I meet people, and I also have my uncannily intuitive gut intuition – it’s possible I even have a sixth sense of sorts, so I feel pretty good about spotting the psycho killers right away….anyway, I received this email last week re: purchasing my car.

I have a very nice Rolex submariner cobalt blue dial worth 6200 A emerald diamond 18k gold worth 4000 and a little cash if interested.

Hey, thanks but no thanks. My gut says: SCAM!!! I’m telling you, it’s a sixth sense…

The Olympics are still happening. I haven’t been watching all that much, to be honest, but the daily round-ups by Vanity Fair blogger Michelle Collins supply me with pretty much all the info I need. She’s pretty funny…

“Diving is an insane sport. It’s like watching people repeatedly rehearse their own suicide.”  – BBT says: TRUTH

A waiter claiming to have served 15 top officials of the International Olympic Committee posted a copy of the receipt online, and it’s pretty standard:

You’ve got your exotic fruits, some sorbet (a gentleman always cleanses his palate), and 19,000 pounds’ worth of Hennessy.BBT says: that’s not a bad tip.

In my other Olympics segment today we revisit some of the greatest gems and pearls tweeted by swimmer Ryan Lochte, who has emerged as a very talented athlete with a shockingly low I.Q. and an extreme inability to assemble words together in a remotely sensical manner. I guess he’s spent much of the last two years in a gym/hurling tires/skateboarding, which doesn’t necessarily lend itself to interaction with people on a social level, but…come on, dude. This is some pretty basic stuff.

 “Always reach for the moon cuz if u slip up u will still be a star!!#Jeah

“Rocks, paper, siccor……..”

“Too travel is sometimes better to arrive!”

“Pain is temporarily, but pride last forever”

“Can u catch lightening in a bottle and set the water on fire?”

“Wake up and smell the gardens”

Huh? And from what device is he tweeting that wouldn’t auto correct “siccor”??? The slideshow has 25 tweets, and I honestly wanted to include all 25…but you can check them out for yourself here. They’re all amazing. However, in spite of this…assault on the English language, I gotta say – I wouldn’t kick him out of my lane…if you get my drift.

He reminds me of Forrest Gump.

*I am wary of more than just those two things, but they were the two most relevant what with the Mars landing today and all. A close third would be tornadoes. I leave you with this: a picture of BBT’s favorite Duchess – I swear she’s getting cuter by the day.

Have a great week! Don’t forget to reach for the moon and remember that pain is only temporarily.

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Why do we never play Night Crawlers anymore?

Posted by AllieB on September 12, 2011

It was a rough weekend for fans of Georgia-based athletics.

Today, being Monday, means that I am tired and cranky. I’m also emotionally drained after watching hours of 9/11 coverage yesterday. The most surreal part – for me – was watching the Today Show from that Tuesday morning ten years ago and seeing things unfold again, as though for the first time…it was spooky. God bless America.

Non sequitur: you know what pisses me off – when people won’t tell you where they got something. Refer to the following exchange:

Allie: oh, I just LOVE that piece you’re wearing!

Frenemy: why, thank you.

Allie: where did you get it?

Frenemy: where did I get what?

Allie: that piece you’re wearing – where is it from?

Frenemy: <looking around, checking watch> oh, did you say something?

Allie: alright. <wrangles Frenemy, checks label of piece> thanks, that’s all I wanted to know

Not telling me won’t keep me from finding out. If anything, it will encourage me to track it down and buy it, just to spite you. SO THERE. Also, like I said, I’m pretty cranky and complaining about totally random and irrelevant things does wonders to boost Monday morning morale.

I am going to CALI tomorrow!!! It’s for work, but it also means I get to see my seeester and Stanton and maybe some other people up and down the Coast. We’ll be covering a lot of ground. I have no idea what to pack, what to expect, or really what is going to happen at all. At least I’m pretty sure I’m going tomorrow?? I hope it’s not today. I ought to check on that – I already know I mis-booked my flight home, so who’s to say I got the one out there right….get with the program, BBT. I haven’t spent much time in southern Cal, so I’m excited to get the grand tour. Must-do’s include a meal at The Grilled Cheese Truck and I don’t really care what else.

Anyway, suggestions welcome.

I leave you with:

Tex’s Tacos schedule for the week (don’t worry guys – no matter what happens between me and the grilled cheese truck, you’re still my #1)

New shows are starting to premier this week – per your suggestions, here is a link to my Fall TV Preview that I, for some reason, posted about two weeks too early. I am most excited about the Always Sunny in Philedalphia premier on Thursday, as well as Up All Night, also on 9/15. Kara, get the DVR ready.

Dennis Reynolds: How much cheese have you eaten today?
Charlie Kelly: How much cheese is too much cheese?
Dennis Reynolds: Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese!
Charlie Kelly: I had a lot of cheese, I had a block of cheese.
Mac: You had a block of cheese?
Charlie Kelly: I got really, really nervous I just started eating cheese

Does anyone want to buy a minivan? I know of one that’s for sale. Seriously.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , | 6 Comments »

Our country tis of dunce

Posted by AllieB on July 7, 2011

America is 100% the best country in which to live. Watching the fireworks on Monday night, I couldn’t help but be filled with pride, patriotism, and pure love for all things USA. When the crowd around us started cheering during the cacophonous finale, I felt my eyes start to well up a little….God Bless America. In that same vein, America’s Team is dominating – GO BRAVES! (The Braves will always be America’s Team in my book…)

That said, we have our failures. I get that Casey Anthony can’t serve life in jail just because it’s obvious that she’s a murderous Tot Mom – there has to be evidence and blah blah and whatever, you can’t go around putting people in jail based on common sense, but I don’t have to like it.

BBT’s favorite author, Bill Bryson, has detailed a dissimilar yet nevertheless alarming compilation of ways in which America fails – specifically, the failures of its citizens. I share with you below excerpts of an article entitled, “Well, Doctor, I was just trying to lie down…” that I finally found in full text on the internet. (I’ve been goog’ing the damn thing for over a year, and I finally got my search query right because I FOUND IT. It was the best day…)

Here’s a fact for you: According to the latest Statistical Abstract of the United States, every year more than 400,000 Americans suffer injuries involving beds, mattresses, or pillows. Think about that for a minute. That is almost 2,000 bed, mattress, or pillow injuries a day. In the time it takes you to read this article, fourof my fellow citizens will somehow manage to be wounded by their bedding.
 
Consider this intriguing fact: Almost 50,000 people in the United States are injured each year by pencils, pens, and other desk accessories. How do they do it? I have spent many long hours seated at desks where I would have greeted almost any kind of injury as a welcome diversion, but never once have I come close to achieving actual bodily harm.
 
So I ask again: How do they do it?… In 1992 (the latest year for which figures are available) more than 400,000 people in the United States were injured by chairs, sofas, and sofa beds. What are we to make of this?… Have we become exceptionally careless sitters? What is certain is that the problem is worsening. The number of chair, sofa, and sofa bed injuries showed an increase of 30,000 over the previous year, which is quite a worrying trend even for those of us who are frankly fearless with regard to soft furnishings. (That may, of course, be the nub of the problem-overconfidence.)

I will never find that not funny…Clearly I’m still on vacation, but I wanted to keep up the momentum.

Two VERY important pieces of information re: BBT’s peeps:

1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MCL!!! I can’t wait to see you in tha A in a couple of weeks. I am tempted to put up the photo of you straggling up the beach in 2k5, but I’m not that mean…nor will I link to your ramen recipe. Instead I’ll just give you an awkward hug via the interweb, and an even more awkward one in person.

2. TINA IS ENGAGED!!!! Oh, happy day. This is my new favorite photo ever, in the history of all photos. LURVE.

 

 

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