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Do as I say, never as I do

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Posts Tagged ‘TGIT’

Woe Is Me

Posted by AllieB on February 6, 2014

<updated Thursday afternoon 2/6>

So, I have my health, the sun is shining, nearly all of the black ice has melted on the sidewalks, and I just read a most amazing masterpiece entitled: THIS IS THE APPROPRIATE THING TO DO WHEN A STRANGER TEXTS YOU. Like, Allie, what was all that nonsense earlier? I apologize for writing such a depressing post – one of BBT’s founding principles is “no depressing posts” and today…I got all up in my head and forgot about the fundamentals; I forgot who I am. #neveragain #neverforget

L8er dudes

<original post Thursday morning>

Hi.

These are the reasons why my life, as I know it, is in shambles:

1. I was the victim of subway grossness. There was a man, me, a crowded rush hour car, and….do I have to spell it out? I took my gym bag and sandwiched it between me and…him, jabbing him with my elbow as I did so, and he definitely backed off, but it was awful. People are disgusting. F you dude, seriously.

2. Between The Subway Incident and The Sludge, I’m sorry to say that the honeymoon is over: I am currently in the latter state of my love/hate relationship with NYC. We had a great run, but things have gone south. The Sludge has taken away a piece of my soul I may never get back. I cried real tears making my way to the subway yesterday morning. The wind + horizontal rain + foot-deep “puddles” of mud/snow/ice/pee/poop (that is what Sludge consists of) made me really unhappy. I didn’t know I was allowed to bitch about winter and have been a great sport about it, but if everyone else in the city is, so can I, and now I’ve unleashed a beast I cannot contain. More weather is coming this weekend. I quit.

3. I am very displeased with the outcome of the Top Chef season finale.

how to get up

help.

WOE IS ME IS RIGHT

But I suppose morale could be lower: I could be in Sochi. The journalists have arrived to cover the Games, and, per their tweets and pics, things are not quite ready. This is horrible. I am actually very concerned about the Winter Olympics, from infrastructure issues to something really bad happening, and the more I read (and I’ve been reading a lot), the more worrisome things seem. One reporter for the Chicago Tribune tweeted:

My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, “do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous.” #Sochi2014

Then, a little while later:

Stacy St. Clair ‏@StacyStClair  Feb 3 

Water restored, sorta. On the bright side, I now know what very dangerous face water looks like. #Sochi #unfiltered

View image on Twitter

I really thought that was urine. Sick.

Seriously, things are not in good shape over there, and it sounds like they could get worse, with the U.S. Adding Toothpaste Bombs to the List of Sochi Worries. A writer for Grantland mentioned “toxic sludge filling washbasins” – huh? – and a “hotel maintenance crew kicking down someone’s locked door to install a cable box” which seems altogether unnecessary. Russia says they’re ready and have security measures in place akin to a “ring of steel” – I hope they are right. U-S-A!!!

This is a pretty bleak BBT. I wrote most of it yesterday, when I was in a very bleak place, and I figured that today – Thursday! TGIT! – I would wake up with the usual spring in my step and tweak it armed with a decidedly sunnier disposition. I woke up springless. I’ve gotta get it together, let’s cheer me up…

-Jon Stewart had a hard time with what went down in ATL last week, and this is hilarious. Humor at the expense of others is the best medicine

-as far as I’m concerned, David Beckham won the Super Bowl. My goodness.

david beckham super bowl H&M 2014

-a baby elephant faceplant

elephant face plant

-a picture of the city, sans Sludge. Ok, NY, I still love you. We’ll get thru this…there are better days ahead.

bryant park

Bryant Park as seen during a mid-afternoon stroll last spring. I’ll be having lunch al fresco before I know it…ish

-and, of course, this:

hashtag wine

Ok, I feel much better. Enjoy your days.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

BBT’s The Allie Awards

Posted by AllieB on January 16, 2014

If you’re reading this, then you already know: it’s Thursday.

Award season is upon us! I find the Oscars to be a little high-brow for my taste, so I’ve created my own awards: BBT’s The Allie Awards. Just like Lee Daniels did with The Butler, I had to add the BBT part as I did not want to be confused with (or sued by) the Allie Awards in Atlanta which honor excellence in event design, planning, and production. One of their awards is “Best Buffet” – I would’ve been really good at awarding that award. Award. And now, without further ado!

Best Use of Double Sided Tape: Amy Adams, American Hustle. By the end of the movie I wanted to climb into the screen and offer her a turtleneck

amy adams american hustle

could she V any hotter….

Bleakest Film Location: The Prisoners. Conyers, GA is not so scenic.

Best Film Location: Hunger Games: Catching Fire. The Atlanta History Center, on the other hand, is very scenic.

Best Eastern European Accent: Steve Carrell, Despicable Me: 2. I love these movies.

Hottest Actress Who is 23, Australian, and Plays in an Ice Hockey League for Fun: Margot Robbie in Wolf of Wall Street (read that – I was all set to be like, “LAME” but she is a delight!)

margot robbie

oh hey

Best Soundtrack: American Hustle. It’s legit. I’ve always kind of wished I was around in the 70′s…I think it’s my decade-that-should-have-been.

In Memory of the One Who Kept Us Up At Night…RIP Paul Walker: You’re the hottest QB there ever was.

paul walker varsity blues

My awards > The Academy’s.

#NewYorkLife: On Sunday I needed to get from TriBeCa to the West Village, something that is very easily accomplished by hopping on the 1 train right by my apartment. Very easily accomplished unless, of course, it’s No Pants Day on the subway. The only thing worse than a bunch of weirdos riding the New York City subway without their pants is nothing; there is nothing worse. I wound up using a Citibike instead – in spite of strong headwinds, no gloves, and silly flats (I am my own hero) – and, just to be on the safe side, I took a cab home.*

*I have very strict rules about when I can and cannot take cabs. Said rules are constantly changing in accordance to weather, my outfit, time of day, and level of laziness, but they are rigid and ironclad once I choose to apply them.

#NewYorkLife: Yesterday I took a yoga class after work. Due to various variables, I had to bring all my stuff with me to the office. Super-sized satchel + gym bag + YOGA MAT makes for an exciting morning rush-hour commute – lots of slinging things around, and I know I drilled a few people in the peepers. Talk about losing friends and alienating people: I sort of felt like her. Namaste.

worst lady on an airplane SNL

oh yes, and I had on a neck pillow #commutercomfort

Some housekeeping: I updated my Book List this week, and I removed my Atlanta Restaurant Guide. It was time, y’all. If anyone really wants to see a list of where to dine in Atlanta as of July 2012, by all means email me and I’ll send you a copy. Or you can look at it here.

Enjoy what I hope is a long weekend like mine. I’m looking at some chillaxin’, catching up on movies/tv, lbcha’s AND MHM’s bdizzles… Oh, woof – and SoulCycle. Gag me with a spoon. TGIT!

P.S. I’d be remiss to not share these “otherwordly” pics taken of NYC yesterday…this place is the coolest.

NYC fog

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

BBT Investigates: What Do Guys Really Want?

Posted by AllieB on December 5, 2013

*specifically, what do guys really want for Christmas. The title is intentionally misleading.

Last year I asked 100 or so of my male and female friends, acquaintances, and frenemies to take a little survey about gift giving and receiving. I took the time to create it, they obliged me in answering it, I tracked and compiled their answers…and then I threw all of our hard work in the crapper. But, today I revisited my hard work and have decided, yes, these insightful questions and revealing answers must be shared! I am aware that I recently said gift guides are not one of my strengths, and that’s still true, but I’m not providing links to artisan cheese boards, I’m giving you the gift of TRUTH…it also adds a little insight into the ever-mystifying minds of the opposite sex. This is more than a gift guide; it’s a guide to life.

Today, per the title, we’ll learn about the dudes. PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE.

boys what they want

The best “Other” response I got was: Like Mariah, all I want for Christmas is ewe. I’m hoping to start a farm. 

You can’t say this wasn’t helpful! Ok fine, other “Other” responses included golf clubs, golf vacation, and golf clubs.

boys ignore girls

The most telling commentary was: If I ignored what she said she wanted and something on my own I would totally fail.

See?? You can’t make these vague references or veiled hints and expect to get what you want, or even remotely what you want. This goes for most things you’re trying to communicate, I’ve learned, just go ahead and spell it out. #lifelessons

dumb when girls ask for

There was some helpful commentary along with this question:

  • All of the above but also something “small”
  • “nothing” and a ring
  • Is it true that when a woman says nothing she means something? I did not expect to learn so much from a quiz. Do women always mean the opposite of what they say? Thanks, BBT!
  • “Oh, I’m sure I’ll love whatever you get me.” Wanna bet?
  • clothes… I have absolutely no idea what size you are. If I guess too big, I think you are too fat… if too small, its a subliminal messages to lose weight – lose lose

I’m sensing a bit of SARCASM from the funny guy in the middle.

The next question wasn’t really graphable:

I will be really pissed if I receive any of the following items:

  • A nicer version of something I already have. I simply don’t give a shit if it’s new. If it isn’t broken, I don’t a replacement.
  • Hemorrhoid Cream
  • a f*cking tie
  • socks or towels
  • more pajama pants
  • fruit cake
  • cologne
  • Jelly of the month club
  • vacuum cleaner
  • owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
  • Slippers
  • Anything I didn’t pick out
  • Any kind of DVD. Also, I don’t need anymore golf shirts.
  • grown up clothes
  • a Nickelback CD
  • A Cookbook

Jeeez, diva central over here.

boys santa

Alright, girls – now you know: be very clear about what you want, don’t even THINK about buying socks, and anything golf-related is probably a safe bet. Wow, Allie, that sure is a lot of brand new information.

Happy Thursday! See y’all next week when we delve into the female psyche…that sounds terrifying.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

You might be a Redneck if…

Posted by AllieB on November 21, 2013

Happy Thursday/Hunger Games!!

It’s that weird time of year when I’m definitely excited for the holidays, but the onslaught of decor and commercials and the fact that Thanksgiving hasn’t happened yet is kind of throwing me. At least it was until earlier this morning, when I figured out what my Redneck Elf Name is, and now I’m totally pumped for December Bender the Holidays. My game face: it is on.

XMAS

Hey, y’all! I’m Trixie, the gingerbread deerhunter!

I’ve never wished my last name began with a Q, but I would’ve been real pleased if my redneck name was Cletus. I don’t know why I’m so entertained by this – I guess there’s nothing like a naughty dope dealer named Bubba to get your head right about the Holidaze. (Credit: Kitty Decks)

Another thing that thwarted my acceptance of the imminent Yuletide Season was my trip to LA last week, Santa Monica specifically. I really like it out there – as I said after my last visit in June, while Los Angeles reminds me of outer space (and I HATE outer space), Santa Monica is delightful. It’s beautiful, it was 86 degrees, you’ve got mountains and beach….but it’s empty! Maybe I’m just used to having full body contact with 2-3 strangers on the subway each morning, but it was almost eerie how few people were out and about. Anyway, good trip, The Fairmont is a lovely place to stay, and I managed to snap this one evening leaving the office. No filtration, as ever, but does it not look like a fake movie set or similar?? I know, it totes does.

santa mon sunset

Sorry I’m not sorry if you don’t like vista pictures as much as I do.

I’ve had few blog-worthy anecdotes in my personal life of late – this isn’t a bad thing, as my anecdotal instances tend to include a lot of me being an idiot – but, as a result, I feel as though I am ‘connecting’ less with BBT. I shall persevere and instead of telling about my horrible flight on Friday (and it was AWFUL), I will instead give you lots of external links to peruse.

1. As devastating as Saturday’s loss was for the Dawgs and the Dawgnation, at least we’ve got this going for us…? According to Business Week’s list, WORK HARD, PLAY HARD: America’s Most Intense Colleges, The University of Georgia is numero uno.

“Many knock UGA as a party school. We’re well rounded, but let there be no mistake. UGA has become more selective 15 out of 16 straight years Michael Adams has been president. Our 2016 student profile is outstanding.”

“The University of Georgia is not really a big drug college. Alcohol is more likely the only thing that kids tend to struggle with since UGA is one of the top party schools in Georgia. Peer pressure is not something that happens for the most part. Either certain people do or they just don’t. If caught drinking under-aged their are definitely consequences and they are definitely reinforced!”

Eh. I have mixed feelings about this write-up. And nothing says academic excellence like the improper use of their/there! That’s embarrassing (for them, not for us).

2. I’ve learned to accept that we all have our strengths, and compiling holiday gift guides is not one of mine. The girls at Piece of Toast, however, have put together a pretty good guide for guys.  I have a serious question: do people give/use flasks anymore? Isn’t that kind of a high school/college graduation gift, or maybe a gag gift at some point during the same time period? I am legitimately curious about this. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone use a flask, and I’ve seen a lot of people drink under-the-radar alcohol. That’s what airplane bottles are for. Or maybe I/the people I hang with aren’t classy enough for flasks? Anywho, lemme know.

3. PANDAZ. I’ll have one cub sandwich, please.

When this cub sandwich happened.

4. I guess everyone deserves happiness? This Rolling Stone article about infamous murderer, Charles Manson, and his 25 year old maybe-bride, Star, is…it’s weird. This will not bolster your goodwill towards men. It will, however, make you uncomfortable. Credit: Mary Cath. Because who else.

5. Let’s end things on a high note. Yes, that means with a heart-warming tale of puppy triumph. After tornadoes ravaged Illinois on Sunday, Jon Bann, his wife, and 4 daughters, were thankful to find themselves unscathed, but they were devastated by the apparent loss of their 11 year old dog, Maggie. A full day after the storm hit, Bann was digging thru the rubble that was his home and heard barking…Today News (NBC) reported:

“After it happened and my dog was lost, I didn’t feel right,’’ Dann said. “I felt extreme guilt, and I felt panic, but I really believe it’s because she was still alive and in there just waiting for me to find her.”

So when they found the dog buried under the rubble, the reunion proved incredibly emotional. “My children were relatively unscathed other than some scratches, and then finding my dog alive and kicking, it’s like everything else is a bonus,’’ Dann said.

maggie

Once the story went viral, donations started pouring in, and well over $4,000 has been raised to cover Maggie’s medical bills.

Now there’s something that should put everyone in the holiday spirit….

That’s all for today. HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you and yours.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Good to Know Vol. III

Posted by AllieB on November 7, 2013

Oh hey. I don’t think there was a Good to Know Vol I or II, but I wanted to give myself a head start. Herewith: some pearls of wisdom, observant observations, and a corgi. And a Hilary.

1. Happy Birthday, HILARY. Have y’all met Allary? She is Allie + Hilary. This freaks me out in a big way.

Alhi

 I feel like my eyes are messed up. What is happening. DO NOT WANT!

2. Jason Isbell’s album Southeastern: buy it.

3. If you ever tire of lighting your money on fire or throwing twenties in the garbage, by all means spend some time among the items displayed in the Sephora check-out line. It will have the same affect.

4. There’s a reason southern women are so pretty and non-weathered: it’s because they aren’t ravaged by northeastern winters every year. Winter is way harsh on the epidermis, and I’m already on the offensive. First, Yu-Be Moisturizing Skin Cream. I’m a sucker for all-purpose moisturizers, especially ones made in other countries without the pesky FDA to approve them – this one comes from Japan. It’s not at all greasy and kind of reminds me of Carmex without being too Carmex-y. Good for hands, face, cuts, burns, etc etc etc. Second, Benefit Watt’s Up. Good bye ghoulish, ghostly winter pallor – helloooo glowing snow bunny! It’s a highlighter for your face. Use with blush/bronzer and you’ll glow like a worm.

collage makeup

Come at me, Motha Nature

5. I originally had my your/you’re grammar peeve for #5, but I’ve decided to let it go. Your welcome.

6. Kale. UGH I am so over kale. But even I know how dumb it would be to not eat it on principle (I have principles?!), and my preferred method of consumption is via chip. Kale chips are the bomb.edu. I don’t eat them because they are nutritious; I eat them because they are delicious. But heed me on this: said chips should only be consumed in the presence of someone whom you trust implicitly, someone you know will say, “yo, you’ve got something in your teeth” because, after this leafy snack, you will have a whole garden of kale in your chompers. What’s not in your teeth will be on your shirt – this can be hard to spot if you’re wearing a dark color, just FYI. Maybe no kale chips on a first date.

7. I was the only female in my subway car this morning. I counted 35 dudes, give or take, and then me. That’s weird, right?? I thought that was weird.

8. I cannot say enough wonderful things about the author Bill Bryson. I realize that his books, on on the outset, might not seem terribly exciting, but they ARE – he can make boring, random, pointless crap absolutely delightful. I just started his new book, One Summer: America, 1927 and not only have I already laughed outloud many times, I have also learned a lot. I love laughing and learning! Nerd.

9. Do you follow Humans of New York? DO it. Do it now: Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, buy the book. It is my favorite thing on the internet.

10. The 33 Dumbest Things That Have Ever Happened is pretty entertaining. Upsetting, but entertaining.

Jack's best friend's emergency:

11. I’m only on 11?

12. THIS corgi. I just keep looking at him and smiling. So regal.

corgi

 Sprawled. Credit: FlemBot

13. Speaking of ole FlemBot, I wound up dressing up for Halloween after all.While I am not a particular fan of Grateful Dead, I felt okay dressing up as Sugar Magnolia because I know some of the words to the song. Plus, I love a floral domepiece. Halloween in NYC is a spectacle. I feel like everyday could be Halloween in this city, but on October 31 people achieve a whole new level of freak.

scarlett begonias sugar magnolia

Scarlet Begonias & Sugar Magnolia, y’all

14. Make this on Sunday and have it for lunch all week: Fall Orzo Salad with Butternut Squash, Bleu Cheese, and Pomegranate Seeds. The recipe doesn’t mention the pomegranate seeds, that’s BBT’s Top Secret Ingredient. And by BBT’s I mean Fresh & Co., the place where I purchased the salad yesterday. It was so delicious and it really does seem easy to make, so I goog’ed the recipe and that one’s pretty close. I don’t know what pepitas are – perhaps use pumpkin seeds instead.

Cooking tips are not really under my purview…I should probably leave the recipe talk to the 4,968,999 cooking blogs out there. Hey, look – I have a camera and I heated up some pre-made chocolate chip cookies! People should see this! And don’t EVEN get me started on the fashion let’s-take-a-picture-of-me-in-my-outfit sites…..I feel like, since I have a blog (www.baxterbarktwice.com), I have free rein to judge other people who have blogs. I gotta say, I’m pretty unimpressed. The Bill of Rights is great and I do love America, but there are a lot of people whose right to Freedom of Speech should absolutely be revoked.

15. I love a good cityscape, and NYC never lets me down.

nyc sunrise

Yesterday morning’s sunrise. Prob spent longer taking/enhancing/posting this pic than I did actually running. #priorities

16. Sixteen Candles, Sweet Sixteen, 16 Handles….ok yeah, I’m done.whiteflag

I hope you all have really great Thursdays. Me, I have a packed night of plans – a quick stop at the salon for some personal primping, an art show, dinner at Pylos with some gal pals…you know, just L-I-V-I-N’

Baxter, out

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »