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Do as I say, never as I do

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Posts Tagged ‘my faves’

Absence makes the heart grow fonder…

Posted by AllieB on March 6, 2014

…or does it? Sometimes I just want what I want when I want it, and barring access to something that I want seems needlessly cruel. For this reason, I often choose not to partake in Lent – most of the time I fail and then some: I end up doing (eating) whatever it is I decided not to do (eat) even more than I did in the first place. However, now that I am in the latter part of my 31st year, I think maybe I should try adulthood on for size. Challenge: accepted.

This year I am giving up pasta & pizza. Monday thru Thursday this will be a cake walk mmm cake but come Friday, Saturday, and Sunday…well, I’m going to have to dig deep. Every weekend I have one or the other or both, and I am already concerned about what I’ll have instead. Like, seriously, what does one eat on Sunday if not the homemade Fettucini Al Sugo Toscano from Max Trattoria? I guess I’ll find out. This also means no more Pizza Friday….I did not think this through. I wish I’d given up cake.

ravioli - Lent

My Last Supper on Tuesday. I am not even kidding: this meal of Whole Foods Cheese Ravioli on a bed of sauteed spinach is the closest I’ve ever come to Stuffed Pasta Heaven. It goes without saying that I am adroit in the kitchen, particularly when it comes to boiling water, but that crack they put in the ravioli is damn good. You can find these pastas in the refrigerated pasta section at your local Whole Foods.

At least I’m not the only one who’s concerned about making it thru the Lenten season:

Hilary:  yuuuum wait did you give up pasta for lent?

me:  pasta and pizza

Hilary:  oy vey. i thought about giving up fried foods. but i can’t seem to pull the triggeri need to though

me:  it’s really only going to be a problem on the wknds when that’s pretty much all i eat

Hilary:  yeah i’m going to do it. no fried foods for 40 days

me:  there ya go

Hilary:  OMG I WISH I WAS DEAD ALREADY

You’re an inspiration to us all, Hildebeast.

I’m heading south manana!! Ahh, ATL – I have missed you…I’m excited about the following:

  • Seeing G-Force, Geoffrey, and frands. If you’re one of the lucky ones, BOLO for a huge MASH. Hilary, you can BOLO for a cold shoulder and a look of disinterest
  • Driving a car. I miss having a whip. Plus, riding in a car pretty much eradicates any chance of you sitting in a stranger’s lap
  • CHEESE DIP. If you need me, I’ll be by the queso.
  • Weather that is not this. I don’t even bother looking at the forecast anymore – I just automatically don my puffer, boots, scarf, and ear warmers before leaving the house
  • Taking long walks and cozy naps with this ANGEL MUFFIN, Sally, the lab my parents are temporarily hosting via Atlanta Lab Rescue.

SALLY

Ijustwannasqueeeeeeeezeherangelmuffinface

Look at that – me & ATL is a perfect example of absence making the heart grow fonder…guess it can go either way #themindreels

Elsewhere on the interweb:

-Buzzfeed did some good work (The 54 Best GIFs of 2012 & The 41 Most Awkward Things That Have Ever Happened)

The 54 Best Animated GIFs Of 2012

wait for it….

The 41 Most Awkward Things That Have Ever Happened

Awkward Nirvana + Charles Barkley

-Witty + Pretty told the truth about girls and their favorite fat foods in honor of Fat Tuesday.

-WHO IS THE YELLOW KING?? We find out on Sunday…

Guys, I very nearly didn’t write today (I think you can probably see why, if you’ve even made it to the end to read this), but I’ve written every single week of 2014 – can’t let this hot streak fizzle. Happy Thursday to you and yours! A, pour me out some of that hashtagwine in prep for my imminent arrival…

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

I have a new hobby!

Posted by AllieB on February 13, 2014

If there is one thing I know to be true it is that idle hands and minds are the devil’s playground. Are they ever. The solution is simple: stay busy – duh. Here’s how I am keeping the devil at bay…and then just some other stuff, because there’s always other stuff.

-I have a new hobby: gambling! I bought upwards of 10 squares for the Superbowl ($50 out, $0 in – that went well), and I’m filling out my ballot now for the Oscars . Perhaps I’ll even look into that billion dollar bracket that Warren Buffet is doing…but probably not because I can’t even pretend I care about college basketball, and I can pretend to care about most things.

-I am watching the Olympics. Well, sort of – sometimes I get bored – but I’ve observed the following:

First: mogul skiing should be illegal.

mogul ski NO

Second: Bob Costas is my hero

-I am in love with Jimmy Fallon. I watched the 1.5 hour Jimmy Fallon Goodbye Special (it’s OnDemand), and I loved it. I haven’t had that much fun watching a television program in a long time. If I was a celeb, I’d tell my agent, “GET me on Jimmy Fallon and tell him I want to play Beer Pong and Catch Phrase and also do some sort of dance.” You can tell everyone is having an awesome time – Jimmy is the most genuinely entertaining and easily entertained person I have ever seen; he loves people and they love him. Will Ferrell is a frequent guest, and this is my new favorite thing: Will Ferrell and Jimmy Fallon Fight Over Tight Pants. (PLEASE WATCH!) My second favorite thing is this tumblr of all his Thank You Notes - sometimes the internet comes thru in amazing ways. I have very high hopes for our Jimmy.

thank you oatmeal

Thank you, Oatmeal, for looking like I already ate you before I eat you.

-Ah yes, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day…kewl…better get to Duane Reade and stock up on the holiday candy. If you’re in a bad place re: your Valentine’s sitchy, I encourage you to check out the post I did last year – your morale will skyrocket; my VDay’s of yore leave much to be desired. I think it also single-handedly fulfills BBT’s “personal sharing” quota for the next decade.

-I am accepting of Fashion Week this season, minus the huge stain it is on my Instagram. Also, the below was chosen as a “Best Look of the Day” by NYMag. Have they no eyes that can see?

The Row fuzzy sweater and slouchy pants

If this were shown with a bowl of popcorn and a remote instead of patent Oxfords and a briefcase, I could possibly reconsider.

-I am very much looking forward to a return trip to France in August. Is that annoying? You’re annoying. Our 2010 stay at the chateau was delightful, and I can’t wait for Round 2. I am already planning some activities, and, amongst other things, I would love to visit a vineyard, see Mont-St-Michel, and have zero women die on my airplane. (Hey, E Rock – have I told you that story?)

BBT + chateau; #wine; Mont-St-Michel; death

BBT + chateau; #wine; Mont-St-Michel; death

-Speaking of death, I am plotting the very slow and painful demise of Old Man Winter.

-I have been going to spin class on the reg,* and I like it. Well, I don’t like it – obviously I hate it – but it seems like a very efficient way to exercise if one must exercise. The downside is that, upon completing a single, 45 minute class, I say to myself, “Done!” and feel as though I have achieved my apex of physical fitness, an ass that won’t quit, and will never have to exercise again. That’s not right.

*Because BBT is not a fitness blog (say what?!) and because I am not lame, I will leave this open to interpretation. But I’m kind of proud of myself so if you’ll allow me a little humby brag, I will say that I have gone to more spin classes in the 44 days of 2014 than I did in all of 2013 and 2012 combined. And you should know that still doesn’t say much.

-Happy late/early BIRTHDAYS to Sis & A & Mims. Mucho love. Mucho.

favorite people

I just love this pic in general. Hazy pic….hazy night. xoxo

Happy Thursday, Happy Valentine’s Day, Happy…whatever! Except you southerners – y’all are really starting to piss me off with all these snow days, so I wish you no happiness. Read the previous sentence as: Thursday, Valentine’s Day, …whatever. If you don’t have power I am sorry.

P.S. I know most people reading this are dealing with crappy weather right now, but this happened on my way to work today: living near the water means more wind, it’s just science, and I was literally blinded by horizontal snow coming at me in gale force gusts on my way to the subway. As I turned the corner onto Hudson I ran smack into a woman, also blinded, and it was like something out of a movie except not. We both involuntarily reached out and grabbed one another to keep our balance, and we wound up locked in a sort of standing embrace – she was about a foot shorter than me, so I basically had her nestled in my bosom - and then, once we gained our footing, continued on in our respective directions without exchanging words besides a muffled SORRY. Now that I am safely ensconced in my office, I can kind of laugh about it…but at the time: only tears.

do you see?? real human tears.

do you see?? real human tears.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

Posted by AllieB on January 23, 2014

I write today about choosing the company you keep. At this point in my life, I know exactly who I like, who I don’t like, and who I wish to send here, and it’s time to make some changes. I’ve outlined some methods that focus on the implementation of passive-aggressive behavior – as everyone knows, such conduct is a highly effective and emotionally prudent way to drop the zeros and get with only heroes.  See below.

#1: Trim the Fat. Cut the B-Team. You know – the people who are a third, maybe fourth resort when you’re looking to make plans. Wouldn’t you rather stay home than force awkward conversation while pretending to not look over their shoulder to see if there’s anyone better to talk to? I would. Done. It’s hard enough to keep your inner circle at arms length – these peeps gotta go.

#2: Just Say No. “Allie, want to get lunch today?” Nope. “Does anyone want to meet for happy hour?” Sure don’t. “Want to go shopping in Brooklyn?” Absolutely not. “So-and-so’s playing at Bowery tonight – wanna go?” What do you think?

#3: Flat Face. I talk about “flat face” all the time: it is the ultimate unimpressed expression that reeks of judgement and disdain. Cut to a Thursday evening at your favorite bar/restaurant –  you’re sitting at a table with a few friends, having a really fun conversation, oblivious to all around you. Then you sense it: the lurking presence of some stain primed to ruin everything. He interjects, “Well, hey there ladies…” Say nothing, just turn slowly to him with your flattest face and maintain eye contact for a couple seconds – trust me, he’ll pick up what you’re putting down…he might even cry a little. Be advised: this sometimes goes awry if you’re with people who do not employ FF and instead entertain strangers as though they might bring something of value to the evening. When this happens, you will look like a total bitch. Me, I say: Mission Accomplished!

flat faced

:|

#4: Radio Silence. Stop responding altogether.

#5: Salt-n-Pepa. Conversely, let’s say someone has decided to ignore you – who knows why, probably because of something you did – and they’re trying to utilize the approach described in #4. Under no circumstances will you take this lying down: instead you assault (“salt”) them with texts and pepper (“pepa”) them with questions. This strategy is actually empowering because you are knowingly foiling their Radio Silence plan, and knowledge is power. The Mess-er, as they say, becomes the Mess-ee. See below for a “salting” in the literal sense.

salt the snail

Sister, you are to me what Gail the Snail is to Charlie. xoxo

So there ya have it – 5 easy steps to fewer friends and more enemies…you are welcome! Also, I’m kidding*

*Except for number 3**

**OK, let’s get real for a sec: I’m trying – like in real life – to do the opposite of everything I just said. Especially #3, even though that’s going to be very hard for me, but it’s time to expand my horizons. I realized recently I am my own worst enemy when it comes to social ventures – I’m used to being included by default, but if you say no enough people really will start to get the hint. It is incumbent upon my nearest and dearest to hold me accountable as I attempt to eradicate these bad habits. Consider this needlessly sarcastic post a cry for help.

ANYWAY in other news…

Superbowl XLVIII is Broncos v Seahawks! And it’s in NYC!! Actually, it’s in Jersey, but whatevs. Not gonna lie, I was pulling for Tom and the Pats on Sunday (I have a thing for Tom), but this should be a good game. TBD who I’m cheering for – right now I’m thinking I’ll take chicken wings over the hummus.

I made this in 2011 - I still think it's some of my best work

Alsele & Tom

What a nice, non-creepy photo. I hope Tom Brady doesn’t have a Goog alert set for his name…I’d be so embarrassed if Tom Brady saw this!

Aaaand the weather outside is weather.

Winter Storm Janus. Who's naming these things?!

Outside our apt Tuesday evening. Credit: my roomie OBatt

Winter Storm Janus hit the Northeast coast pretty rough on Tuesday. Who’s naming these things?!

I screen-grabbed my own Snap. Yep.

Post-spin, pre-#wine. I screen-grabbed my own Snap

Have wonderful Thursdays. MC & KR, I’m thinking margs for this eve…? A spicy jalapeno one, to be specific.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Let’s do this

Posted by AllieB on January 9, 2014

We’ll start things off on a high note: Monday, January 6, was Blue Monday. According to some somewhat reliable sources, Blue Monday is the most depressing day of the year. Today is Thursday, January 9, which means you not only survived Blue Monday, but that you’ve already had your worst day of the year and every day hereafter will be better than the last. This is great news!! 2014 is going to be awesome!

Coming at you on a low, albeit obvious, note: my process of thought is seriously flawed.

I have many intentions for this year, and I’m writing them down. An “intention” is less scary and not as annoying as a “resolution,” but it more or less means the same thing. I know – again with the flawed thought process.

1. I will use my passport. A&K..!

where to go in 2014

I do not know where Latvia is or how one might go about getting there, but I am IN! Jetsetter is my new favorite site.

2. Be physically active for 30 minutes each day. (Confession: this one started off as “Leave the apartment every day” but that sounds really pathetic, so I changed it. There’s a chance it will change back – February up here is the worst, and there is literally nothing I cannot get delivered to my apartment. Literally, in the literal sense.)

3. Continue to be a non-presence on this list: The 30 Dumbest Things Drunk Women Have Ever Done.

4. Read less. I read so much crap – like legitimate, good-thing-it’s-on-my-Kindle-so-people-can’t-see-the-cover CRAP – and I need to stop indulging in these “books” which are probably making me dumber and work on my own stuff. If you’re not living you’re dying, right? Bao Bao, the panda cub at the Washington Zoo, probably has a shot at a book deal if this fluff is any indication of publishing standards.

Bao Bao whoops

5. Sign up for zero marathons.

I am reaching for the stars in Twenty-Fourteen!

Newsflash: this week was really cold. It was very cold here, it was very cold in Atlanta, and people in Chicago should really consider moving. However, Optimistic Allie is here to enlighten you as to some perks of the frigid weather. Optimistic Allie can always find the silver lining.

-you can hunker down indoors all day and not feel bad about it. I love a winter Saturday in a cozy, dark tavern.

-a blast of cold air to the face will snap you right of whatever catatonic state you’re in: hangover, lack of sleep, office-eyes (you know, when you’re indoors all day you get office eyes), etc….

-children swaddled within an inch of their lives, waddling around with scarecrow arms. I get a real kick out of swaddled kids.

-all of your TV shows are back with brand new episodes!! Me, I am excited about: Cougartown (yep), House of Lies, Downton, Scandal, and the second season of House of Cards on Feb 14. BRING IT, FRANCIS.

-The Winter Olympics. 40 Harry will be hosting an Olympics party, so start gathering your red, white, and blue spandex and BOLO for an invitation 3-4 days before the party. Speaking of the Winter Olympics, it is the 20th Anniversary of the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan scandal. That whole thing was seriously insane…gah, amateur sports are totally boring these days.

-you burn more calories running in cold weather than in hot.

-I have a deep and abiding love for my puffer jacket, which I get to wear every day.

-winter selfies…! And the obligatory weather app screen-grab to prove that you are colder than everyone else. Except Chicago – Chicago wins.

winter collageTemp on Tues PM; stick ‘em up!; Greenwich Street last Fri; my 5-borough running gloves being put to use

Did I miss my calling as a motivational speaker?

2014 is the Year of the Horse, and it is also the Year of BBT. Happy Thursday and Happy Weekend and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the DUCHESS! Here are 32 GIFs of her and her hair being perfect.

407761-the-duke-and-duchess-of-cambridge-attend-the-awards-ceremony-for-the-a

 Here’s to another year of this.

P.S. I’ve had (Do It On My) Twin Bed stuck in my head since before Christmas.

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

BBT Investigates: What Do Guys Really Want?

Posted by AllieB on December 5, 2013

*specifically, what do guys really want for Christmas. The title is intentionally misleading.

Last year I asked 100 or so of my male and female friends, acquaintances, and frenemies to take a little survey about gift giving and receiving. I took the time to create it, they obliged me in answering it, I tracked and compiled their answers…and then I threw all of our hard work in the crapper. But, today I revisited my hard work and have decided, yes, these insightful questions and revealing answers must be shared! I am aware that I recently said gift guides are not one of my strengths, and that’s still true, but I’m not providing links to artisan cheese boards, I’m giving you the gift of TRUTH…it also adds a little insight into the ever-mystifying minds of the opposite sex. This is more than a gift guide; it’s a guide to life.

Today, per the title, we’ll learn about the dudes. PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE.

boys what they want

The best “Other” response I got was: Like Mariah, all I want for Christmas is ewe. I’m hoping to start a farm. 

You can’t say this wasn’t helpful! Ok fine, other “Other” responses included golf clubs, golf vacation, and golf clubs.

boys ignore girls

The most telling commentary was: If I ignored what she said she wanted and something on my own I would totally fail.

See?? You can’t make these vague references or veiled hints and expect to get what you want, or even remotely what you want. This goes for most things you’re trying to communicate, I’ve learned, just go ahead and spell it out. #lifelessons

dumb when girls ask for

There was some helpful commentary along with this question:

  • All of the above but also something “small”
  • “nothing” and a ring
  • Is it true that when a woman says nothing she means something? I did not expect to learn so much from a quiz. Do women always mean the opposite of what they say? Thanks, BBT!
  • “Oh, I’m sure I’ll love whatever you get me.” Wanna bet?
  • clothes… I have absolutely no idea what size you are. If I guess too big, I think you are too fat… if too small, its a subliminal messages to lose weight – lose lose

I’m sensing a bit of SARCASM from the funny guy in the middle.

The next question wasn’t really graphable:

I will be really pissed if I receive any of the following items:

  • A nicer version of something I already have. I simply don’t give a shit if it’s new. If it isn’t broken, I don’t a replacement.
  • Hemorrhoid Cream
  • a f*cking tie
  • socks or towels
  • more pajama pants
  • fruit cake
  • cologne
  • Jelly of the month club
  • vacuum cleaner
  • owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
  • Slippers
  • Anything I didn’t pick out
  • Any kind of DVD. Also, I don’t need anymore golf shirts.
  • grown up clothes
  • a Nickelback CD
  • A Cookbook

Jeeez, diva central over here.

boys santa

Alright, girls – now you know: be very clear about what you want, don’t even THINK about buying socks, and anything golf-related is probably a safe bet. Wow, Allie, that sure is a lot of brand new information.

Happy Thursday! See y’all next week when we delve into the female psyche…that sounds terrifying.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »