Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘do not want’

Cue the crop tops and denim diapers

Posted by AllieB on April 16, 2015

Yesterday, for the first time since October, it was 70+ degrees in New York. Much as the black bear emerges from its cave after the long winter months, so too do the citizens of NYC.  Everywhere you look, people so pale they’re almost translucent are lighting their puffer jackets on fire and congratulating themselves on surviving another soul-crushing, morale-killing, life-sucking winter season: “so this is why we live here!” Cue the crop tops and denim diapers: HELLO SPRING. Oh yes – now that it’s getting warm I’ve got a whole new arsenal of things to complain about.

It will probably snow next week. Mother Nature has such a great sense of humor!

Bryant Park is trying

Bryant Park is trying… #tryharder

Y’all would tell me if I talked about the weather too much, right?

I’m going to share some thoughts with you now. Having lived in two different cities post-college, I feel like I have the credibility to say that every city has unique traits and hardships that make you love/hate/love/HATE it, and you, as a resident, must adapt accordingly. New York is the best place on earth but it can also be a real sonofabitch – here’s how we get by in the Big Apple:

Indifference: new “hot” restaurants open every day, it seems. Before you know it, all you’re hearing about is that spot in Alphabet City where you MUST go and definitely get burrata and the burger and the kale salad will literally change your life. So you talk about going with your friends – let’s totally go next week to that new place! It doesn’t matter if they don’t take reservations, I hear the broiled oysters are life-changing, so we will wait for 2 hours in the crowded bar where regardless of where you stand you’re totally in the way. Next week comes and suddenly you’re like…let’s go to the bar across the street.

Then, on top of that, you get so sick of people raving about the new place that you ultimately just end up saying you’ve been and those oysters really are life-changing but somehow never actually go and then it closes. I feel like as much as there is to do and see and eat all over the city, there’s also all of that on your block. I am hesitant to use the word “lazy” – geographically averse, perhaps.

Disclaimer: we do venture to different ‘hoods and boroughs, but we’re also very supportive of our respective neighborhoods. And that’s not indifference, that is loyalty, and New Yorkers are nothing if not loyal.

Whine: we get to complain about the weather; you do not.*

*Unless you live in Boston or Chicago, but you chose your choice so I will still complain.

Denial: people will read things like this depressing AF list of 10 Reasons Why You Can’t Afford to Live in New York City that states then proves with hard facts and numbers that the cost of living here is double the national average, but then qualify it by saying, “but who cares – it’s New York!”

Or, another example: “A rat ran across my foot in the subway this morning then I get hit by a bike delivery guy; it started pouring but I didn’t have an umbrella, and there was a fire at the W. 4th Street station, so no downtown trains were running and the Uber surge was 12%. Oh, and the guy who lives above me is auditioning for STOMP. But I wouldn’t live anywhere else because NEW YORK.”

Basically, we’re all in abusive relationships with this city, but at least we’re all in them together…

Ok, I’m done with the thoughts.

I did not post a picture for Sibling Day last week, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love my siblings!!

sibling day whatever

 Happy Baptism, Jordan! Or whatever. Everyone look at me.

Do you watch Veep? You really, really should – even if you’re easily offended by crass language or your favorite show is Real Housewives of Injectables, you should still watch it. It’s the best show on tv.

IG account of the week: BowenTheLab. He’s like a puppy but also a grandfather and I LOVE HIM.

Don’t forget to take your Zyrtec. TGIT!

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BBT’s The Allie Awards

Posted by AllieB on January 16, 2014

If you’re reading this, then you already know: it’s Thursday.

Award season is upon us! I find the Oscars to be a little high-brow for my taste, so I’ve created my own awards: BBT’s The Allie Awards. Just like Lee Daniels did with The Butler, I had to add the BBT part as I did not want to be confused with (or sued by) the Allie Awards in Atlanta which honor excellence in event design, planning, and production. One of their awards is “Best Buffet” – I would’ve been really good at awarding that award. Award. And now, without further ado!

Best Use of Double Sided Tape: Amy Adams, American Hustle. By the end of the movie I wanted to climb into the screen and offer her a turtleneck

amy adams american hustle

could she V any hotter….

Bleakest Film Location: The Prisoners. Conyers, GA is not so scenic.

Best Film Location: Hunger Games: Catching Fire. The Atlanta History Center, on the other hand, is very scenic.

Best Eastern European Accent: Steve Carrell, Despicable Me: 2. I love these movies.

Hottest Actress Who is 23, Australian, and Plays in an Ice Hockey League for Fun: Margot Robbie in Wolf of Wall Street (read that – I was all set to be like, “LAME” but she is a delight!)

margot robbie

oh hey

Best Soundtrack: American Hustle. It’s legit. I’ve always kind of wished I was around in the 70’s…I think it’s my decade-that-should-have-been.

In Memory of the One Who Kept Us Up At Night…RIP Paul Walker: You’re the hottest QB there ever was.

paul walker varsity blues

My awards > The Academy’s.

#NewYorkLife: On Sunday I needed to get from TriBeCa to the West Village, something that is very easily accomplished by hopping on the 1 train right by my apartment. Very easily accomplished unless, of course, it’s No Pants Day on the subway. The only thing worse than a bunch of weirdos riding the New York City subway without their pants is nothing; there is nothing worse. I wound up using a Citibike instead – in spite of strong headwinds, no gloves, and silly flats (I am my own hero) – and, just to be on the safe side, I took a cab home.*

*I have very strict rules about when I can and cannot take cabs. Said rules are constantly changing in accordance to weather, my outfit, time of day, and level of laziness, but they are rigid and ironclad once I choose to apply them.

#NewYorkLife: Yesterday I took a yoga class after work. Due to various variables, I had to bring all my stuff with me to the office. Super-sized satchel + gym bag + YOGA MAT makes for an exciting morning rush-hour commute – lots of slinging things around, and I know I drilled a few people in the peepers. Talk about losing friends and alienating people: I sort of felt like her. Namaste.

worst lady on an airplane SNL

oh yes, and I had on a neck pillow #commutercomfort

Some housekeeping: I updated my Book List this week, and I removed my Atlanta Restaurant Guide. It was time, y’all. If anyone really wants to see a list of where to dine in Atlanta as of July 2012, by all means email me and I’ll send you a copy. Or you can look at it here.

Enjoy what I hope is a long weekend like mine. I’m looking at some chillaxin’, catching up on movies/tv, lbcha’s AND MHM’s bdizzles… Oh, woof – and SoulCycle. Gag me with a spoon. TGIT!

P.S. I’d be remiss to not share these “otherwordly” pics taken of NYC yesterday…this place is the coolest.

NYC fog

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Buckhead Betty Meets Holly Hamptons

Posted by AllieB on October 17, 2013

What up!

I never got around to this last summer, so I’d like to take a minute and discuss a place of which I’ve grown quite fond. The Hamptons, to me at least, always seemed like a surreal, self-contained world of glamour and glitz and the sporadic sensational murder (credit: Revenge), and, while this wasn’t an entirely inaccurate perception, it’s not what I’m talking about – I hate glitz and murder is messy. It turns out, amid all that silliness, there are beautiful, pristine beaches and towny dive bars situated on the most picturesque real estate imaginable.

The off-season, obviously, is the ideal time to avoid the fracas, but you really just have to know where to go. This summer E Rock, Moo, Flembot, CammyCakes and I enjoyed a lovely meal and substantial servings of rose at Surf Lodge – there is a lot going on at Surf Lodge. I totally get why: the setting is perfect, the restaurant is beautiful, the people watching is entertaining…but when we maxed out on pink wine and folks in ridiculous sunglasses, we headed up the hill to Montauket, an old bed and breakfast. While I do not recommend staying or eating there, I implore you to go to this place for a Budweiser at sunset. Our tenure on this overlook was perhaps my favorite part of the entire weekend. The Hamptons, when you’re not sweating your face off in Talkhouse, or sitting in miles of bumper-to-bumper traffic, is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. For lack of better or more accurate phrase: it’s almost magical. ZERO Filters. None, nada.

montauket

boating

sunset

sunset over Montauket

shadowssss

Main Beach – East Hampton

photo 2

Montauk Point

Montauk lighthouse

Montauk lighthouse

Too mas? I exercised a great deal of discretion; I wanted to share way more than that. I’m telling you…it’s magical. And this isn’t totally out of left field – I spent last weekend out there. Gimme a house on Lily Pond Lane and a Jeep Wagoneer and I’ll never ask for anything ever again. Except maybe a new watch because I smashed the face on mine.

Now that I am 30 (say it loud, say it proud!), I am very conscientious about skin maintenance. Lotions, serums, facials – it’s an expensive venture, but I want preserve my fresh-faced youthfulness for as long as possible. I’ve got a few tricks in my arsenal, but I can assure you that were you to ask, “what is your skincare regimen?” at no point in the step-by-step procedure would I say, “and then I put a bra on my face.”

This is a face bra.

This is a face bra.

The Japan Shop invented it in a bid to combat smile lines and prevent premature ageing.

I am pretty skeptical about this facial bustier. Maybe wear a hat and buy some La Mer instead.

CitiBikes launched in NY last spring, and they’ve become crazy popular. With hundreds of docking stations around the city, it’s an incredibly easy and fun (?) way to get around while avoiding the stuffiness of the subway and the mania of the fraffic. Now that it’s finally about to get cold, I decided it was a good time to sign up for an annual membership. My timing is typical – I know this – but I’m so excited!! There are three stations within .03 miles of my front door. People will wonder: “Where’s Allie?” and someone will answer “Allie? She’ll be here soon, she’s riding her bike.” Honestly, I will use it all the time to zip between my ‘hood and the West Vill and over to the east side. I only have to use it 10 times to get my money’s worth – I can manage that over the next 365 days. I am not going to be a bike commuter: 1. it’s too far 2. helmet hair 3. red-faced Allie should never meet Corporate Allie. Jordan/Mom, I promise I’ll get a helmet.

bday Sister and I rode them in June. I was a total pansy at first, but I got the hang of it – just look at that breeziness. A&K – bring your biking gear!

On a serious note, thank you all so much for your kind words about the loss of our beloved Missy. A lot of people had their own favorite Missy memories, and it was very special to have some of you share. I know she’s up in doggy heaven, eating all the fancy cheese she wants and playing fetch in the heaven-equivalent of the Chattahoochee. I imagine it’s much cleaner where she is.

Happy 17th day of October. Do you have your Halloween costume yet?!? I’m looking at you, Casey Wa-wa.

princess wa wa

That’s a high quality picture. Man, I really miss my Blackberry.

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50 Shades of Do Not Want

Posted by AllieB on September 25, 2013

Hey guys! On the Effort Scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is standing up and 10 is walking to the kitchen, today’s post is about a 1.25.

50 Shades of Do Not Want: I’ve been over 50 Shades of Grey for awhile now, and, even though I obviously made my way thru all three books, I definitely judge anyone who is still reading them…similarly, I am an equal opportunity indulger of  any and all (red) wine, but even I turn my nose at this: 50 Shades of Grey Wine. There are two varietals: White Silk and Red Satin. That’s disgusting. Also, it’s going for $18/bottle! You could buy two non-embarrassing bottles of malbec for that; this just goes from bad to worse. BBT says: absolutely not.

IT Allie asks: have you downloaded the new iOS 7? Do it. Do it now. It’s like getting a whole new phone! And, given that I’ve actually downgraded to a plain old 4 from a 4S instead of upgrading (April 2k14..!), this is especially exciting for moi. I’ve had zero kinks – just back your shiz up. iTunes Radio is a great addition, and the camera has improved. Everyone also loves the Control Center; the pros abound. Me, I mostly just think it’s really pretty…

ios screen shot

background

I feel v exposed, like I just showed you my bank acct balance or undergarment drawer

-I’ve heard a few things about the fingerprint scanner on the new 5S: cats can do it, hackers figured out to hack it, and…this: You Can Also Unlock the iPhone 5 S with Your  Junk. Y’all, that’s gross.

-Closing out apps is not entirely intuitive – here’s how.

-Have you recently lost your 3rd Kindle? Just me? Well, fear not, because Amazon has released yet another Kindle, the Kindle Fire HDX, complete with a “mayday” button that links to live support 24/7/365, promising a 15 second or less response time. Dang. (Credit: Charlotte!)

Watching: My roommates love The Voice, so it looks like I love The Voice, too. I’m just not sure I’m emotionally equipped to handle it. They draw you in with heart-wrenching backstories of these people want nothing more than to share the gift of music, then they go out on stage, sing their hearts out, and….none of the judges pick them. Although, I do respect the judges for refraining from the pity pick – I’d have a team of losers halfway thru the first audition. I’m such a softie. Modern Family starts back tonight, SNL on Saturday, and T minus 103 hours, give or take, til Homeland Season 3 returns. (It took me almost as long to calculate that number just now)

SHE WOULD: Blake Lively is starting her own GOOPy-sounding company. Boobs Legsly, a moniker that isn’t even legit anymore since she’s morphed into this married class act, is even easier to hate than Gwyneth. Obviously I will read every issue, scoffing at the recipes but diligently saving all of them. It annoys me when people talk about “curating” a lifestyle. I can barely curate my salad from Chop’t*.

GFY, seriously

GFY, seriously

*I actually have a bombass salad order: Spinach, Kale, Fresh Jalapeños, Cucumber, Tomato, Pepper Jack Cheese, FreeBird Ancho Chile Chicken, Tri-Color Quinoa, Low-Fat Spa Greek Yogurt Tzatziki Dressing. I made it up all by myself. FACE.

Fall is here! I really am going to pump the brakes on talking about weather. Elmore Leonard, the renowned novelist who passed away recently, had a list of of 10 Rules for Good Writing:

  1.  Never open a book with weather.

I took a quick look at past BBT posts, and, if you replace “book” with “blog” I’m not doing so hot – same with the other nine. Whatever, I’m a slow learner. Like I was saying: fall is here! I want to swaddle myself in 1,000 sweaters (I like these: Dear Santa/if I budget better); fill my apartment with the aroma of spiced cider (the spiked cider looks good, pretty sure if I had a cabernet candle in my apt I’d have to have a bottle of cabernet open…oh wait); and jump in piles of leaves (don’t need sound and really only need to watch like first ten secs).

 

Happy Wednesday to all of you, and HAPPY FRIDAY to meeee! I’m headed south for a sure-to-be perfect wedding – can wait to see ya, EmilyB (cc: W Port)!

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Roses are red, violets are blue…

Posted by AllieB on February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine’s Day!! In spite of my single-person status, I’m really not some embittered anti-St. Valentine person; I mean, second only to Easter Valentine’s candy is the best, plus my bevy of Secret Admirers is sure to come thru with dozens and dozens of roses and diamond tennis bracelets…besides, Valentine’s Day is for love of all kinds, so, if you think about it, no matter who you are we all have something to celebrate today. Yeah, and mini-giraffes are real. 

Let’s open the Pandora’s Box of my Valentine’s Day history:

-in 2012 my mom made filet mignon with a crack-laced peppercorn sauce, twice baked potatoes, roasted asparagus, and homemade molten chocolate lava cakes for dessert. That > pretty much anything or anyone else you could offer me on Valentine’s Day, except maybe David Beckham/Channing Tatum/the guy in the Calvin Klein ad that’s all over the place right now. Ideally, all three…..

-in 2011 I was in Pakistan. Have you been to Pakistan? Allie: 1, VDay: 0

Ali/Allie Butt

Ali/Allie Butt

-I’m not sure about 2010

-same for 2009

-in 2008 I went to the Pink Pony, which makes perfect sense…pink -> Valentine’s Day. If you’re unfamiliar with the Pink Pony, best to keep it that way.

-ahh, 2007 – an epic evening at Eclipse di Luna

Happy Valentine's Day to my lovely dates

Happy Valentine’s Day to my lovely dates

-jump back to 1998: a guy who I was semi talking to brought me wilted daises with an “It’s a Boy!” card because Kroger was all out of every other kind of card. This was one instance where the thought did not count at all, and nothing would have been infinitely better than something.

So. I don’t know what to say about this. I am 80% laughing, 10% not laughing, 5% nauseous looking at that picture of Hilary, and 5% very uncomfortable with the excessive amount of personal información I just shared. Whatevs – here’s how I feel about that: if you’re a little bummed about your VDay this ought to cheer you up; if you’re feeling a bit superior about your circumstances compared to my own, allow me to assure you that karma does indeed exist and is a real biatch; lastly, if you laughed because you enjoy humor at the expense of others, then it’s safe to say you’re in the right place – you know what they say about great minds thinking alike.

Hell on Earth has a new definition: 4,000 passengers have been stuck on a cruise ship without power (read: no plumbing) and no food for four days. Here’s my takeaway from this Carnival Cruise Line Horror Story that’s been in the news this week:

1. The Carpathia got to the Titanic in six hours in 1912; can someone please explain why these people were stuck in the Gulf of Mexico, a finite body of water, for four days in 2013. (I know there are some different logistics in play here, but from my uninformed  and unresearched perspective, this is completely unacceptable.)

2. Never will I ever step foot on a cruise ship again. I’ll consider a boutique liner in the Adriatic, and a yacht obviously would be fine, but that’s it…

3. The company’s idea of “compensation” for the 4,000 passengers held captive on board is seriously deluded: The cruise line said it would give each passenger $500, a free flight home, a full refund for their trip and for most expenses on board, as well as a credit for another cruise

My reaction would be as follows: <slow shred of voucher to tiny little pieces; silent vow of revenge; put $500 towards Emily Thorne-esque avenger training>

Not that I was in a bad mood this morning, but I’m in a specifically good mood now. Those pandas down there are helping. And I’m wearing a pink skirt – I’m so festive!!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Don’t have a date?
At least you’re not on that cruise ship.

Cheers to Thursday!!

bottoms up

bottoms up

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