Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘wine’

10 Things About Fall & Other Stuff

Posted by AllieB on October 9, 2014

It’s fall, y’all! Fall, according to the Goog, is the most popular of all the seasons, so here are 10 things about fall and other stuff, then I added two more items at the end so I guess 12 things total. I try to mix it up; BBT is NOT some basic fall-loving betch who only talks about new sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes.

1. This is me not talking about pumpkin spice lattes – never had one; I don’t care; you do you but maybe consider the sugar content

2. TV is not only back, but there are a lot of new shows to check out: How to Get Away with Murder premiered two weeks ago, and, besides its annoying name (HTGAWM henceforth), BBT highly recommends. Marry Me has such potential (Penny from Happy Endings! Ron from Party Down!) and, I’m embarrassed to say this, Selfie might not suck… Homeland wrapped up some very tired story lines (smell ya later Brody) and the season premiere shows much promise for good TV – just so long as Carrie never touches her child, or anyone else’s, ever again. Lastly, I watched the first episode of The Affair last night – I am IN. It caught my eye earlier this year when I heard about the cast (Pacey Witter! Maura Tierney! Jimmy McNulty from the Wire!) and, based on the first epi, it is everything I hoped it would be.

3. I got stung – stung bad – by a bee in Idaho last weekend. I hope it died.

sun valley

Idaho – who knew? (I know other people knew, but I didn’t) CONGRATS Nandi & Duncan!

4. 31 Dog Reactions for Everyday Situations – this is perfect, please click thru (#’s 1, 2, 9, 12, 14, 16 – 25, 31)

5. I’m not implying that all kids raised in NYC are brats, but I have observed a heightened level of the ridiculous when it comes to parenting up here. Case in point: I was recently at my local Whole Foods doing my daily shopping of only things I needed right that moment (nothing if not practical!), and I noticed a father and his two children, a boy and a girl both under age of 4, in the midst of truly epic meltdown. The girl, the younger of the two, had collapsed on the ground and was crying that especially aggressive silent cry where her mouth was open and her body was heaving but no sound was coming out. Not to be overlooked, the boy had wrapped himself around his father’s leg while he cried a more subdued whimper but with double the snot and tears. Dad, to his credit, wasn’t freaking out but I think this is likely because he’d checked out entirely to his mental happy place. “Woof” I thought, as I skirted by them to get in line, “I wonder how much longer he’s going to let this go on..” I also may have thought things like, “get your sh*t together little girl” and “can someone please wipe this kid’s nose”

Finally, something yanked Dad back to reality – maybe it was that his daughter hadn’t taken a proper breath in like a minute – and suddenly he was totally, 100% over it. His eyes darkened as he inhaled deeply….”PENELOPE! ALVIN! THAT. IS. IT! When we get home….NO soy dream for you.”

Aaaaand you lost me. Hey, buddy, FYI: the moment you named your kids Pompous and Arrogant you gave them license to behave like jerks. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that one or both had some sort of dairy allergy, explaining why soy dream was the most glorious treat in which they’re allowed to indulge thus the absolute worst thing he could take away…but with names like that, it’s hard. My advice? Sign the girl up for soccer, the boy up for football, and cancel all lessons involving wind and string instruments. There’s still hope.

*Note: when I have kids one day and name them Philomena and Astrid and they go mental at the grocery store you can remind me of this post.

**Y’all know I’d never name my kids that.

***Confession: I played the Alto Sax in third grade. It was a risky move but I pulled it off. Penelope – not so much.

****I don’t know anyone named Penelope or Alvin, do I?

6. Jimmy Fallon + EW! = watch this.

7. My Father, The Hero (?)

Just kidding. Dude, that's too much...and when this pot calls you black, you better recognize

Dude, that’s too much…and when this pot calls you black, you better recognize

8. All the hilar Insta accounts you need to follow, give or take a couple – there’s really something for everyone. You should check out that blog regardless, @AshHess is doing good stuff over there. Thank you, Witty & Pretty!

9. Brush up on history with a healthy side of scandal and intrigue with After Camelot, a sweeping biography of the whole Kennedy family – there are lot of them, so it’s long, but you can breeze right through it.

10. This week in That Is Brand New Information: Todd Gurley is a Badass

Georgia running back Todd Gurley completes 50-yard pass (GIF)

I could watch these all day.

Here's the GIF of Georgia's Todd Gurley running like Marshawn Lynch against Clemson.  -- (Via @SBNation)

***UPDATE 10/10: I posted this yesterday before the TRAGIC news that TGII had been suspended. Why God. Why. I am 100% #teamtodd and still think he’s one of the good ones – he’ll get thru this and go on to have an amazing career and keep a clean record all the while, of that I am sure, and in the meantime us Georgia fans will have to hunker down and deal with the hard knocks that we should by now be used to/expect. TEAM TODD!!!

Bonus #11: I needed a crisp white button down to go with my outfit yesterday, but I couldn’t find the iron because we don’t own one, so I used my straightener instead – it totally worked! A tip from me to you: best to remove the shirt then iron as opposed to keeping on shirt whilst wielding a piping hot wand of heat near your skin.

Super Bonus #12: I think we already knew as much, but I asked Siri the other night who’s the fairest of them all, and…well:

fairest one of all

And there you are – a BBT for your Thursday. Boom.

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Just like Nancy Drew, I solved a mystery

Posted by AllieB on January 30, 2014

Hello. Today I will solve a mystery so mysterious it makes the Bermuda Triangle look like an above-ground backyard pool in Ohio where the Loch Ness Monster and Big Foot hang out, grill steaks, and play touch football with their kids, Loch Ness and Big Foot, Jrs.

It’s a total game changer: here’s how to see time stamps on your iMessages. Credit: JVBJordan…eh, so I guess it’s her we should call Nancy Drew. Fine.

how to see time stamps on iphone imessages

I had to black out the sender’s name, obvi, given the mention of pre-meditated murder and a clearly stated lack of remorse; BBT is no snitch. If this is not brand new information then up yours for not telling me sooner. I mean, it didn’t even occur to me to goog it, that’s how futile the situation seemed. This might be the best brand new information I’ve received since I learned about Let Me Google That For You – I love LMGTFY.

While we’re talking game changers, I have a couple requests for the big guys:

Dear Mr. Snapchat,

Will you please figure out a way for me to send my screenshots via Snap? Super.

P.S. What 23 year-old says “pass” to $3 billion?! Pretty ballsy…

P.P.S. Might you consider dating a slightly older woman?

Dear Apple (cc: Emoji),

Could someone please find out how to assign unique keyboards to specific contacts? Or, at the very least, put the hashtag thingy on the main typing screen? Yes.

hashtag wine

I need this on my keyboard, please and thank you

I think that’s it; I’m not unreasonable.

Another helpful tip I generously share with you today: do you find that your ear buds fall out during exercise? I do. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me – the right ear bud barely stays in while I’m just walking. I have those hook-over-the-ear headphones but they look stupid. SOLUTION! Credit: CKBMaines

sprng

Meet Sprng, the $10 plastic clips that will greatly improve your quality of life – they just snap right onto your ear buds and fit neatly into the groove of your ear (ew). They slide in easily, stay put, and are much more comfortable than the ones that hook – you don’t even notice they’re there, you just notice that you’re not having to shove your right bud in every 20 seconds. I’ve run with them twice this week, and I’m very impressed. Also, I opted for a subtle light grey color that blends right in – ya can’t even see them. BBT highly recommends.

Sooo…how’s it going, ATL? The pictures I’ve seen online from Tuesday & Wednesday are insane, and I still can’t quite comprehend the gravity of the situation on the roads. It sucks that it was handled poorly on so many fronts, but – and more importantly, I think – my overall takeaway is this: I am in awe of the innate goodness of the peeps Atlanta. I read so many stories on the SnowedOut Atlanta page that gave me the warm and fuzzies – it was pretty great. (Unfortunately there are also haters posting on that page, but haters are always going to hate.) They’ll be embarrassed I shared this, but on Tuesday night my mom saw a post on FB about woman stranded near our house, and my dad went to pick her up and wound up with a second woman as well. The two of them stayed the night at our house and finally were able to start their trek home yesterday afternoon. I know my parents’ gesture was just one of thousands made throughout the city. There’s going to be a lot of political conversations and pointing of fingers and I imagine it’s going to get pretty ugly – it already has – but, as is the BBT way, I like to find the silver lining. It’s amazing how the worst times can truly bring out the best in people.

I’d also like to give a shout-out to Zirk3 and her harrowing commute home Tuesday day -> evening -> night…you’re very brave, and I commend you for finding the silver lining via Insta posts (I also commend you for having a car charger). It takes a special breed of person to keep their sense of humor in the face of such hardship. Next time we meet, the goldschlager’s on me.

Not to take away from what’s going on down there, but we’re cold, too…..

hudson river frozen

The Hudson was frozen halfway to Jersey last Friday. Thass bunk.

Here’s fun activity: take this 100%  entirely accurate quiz that will determine your mental age in 6 short and easy multiple choice questions.

Your mental age is

19

Well, that settles it: I most definitely belong with a 23 year old! I’m going to make a wonderful Mrs. Allie Snapchat.

If you haven’t already, watch this. Even if you have, watch it again – I’m in double digits. Hint: there are puppies. Puppies and Clydesdales and Budweiser.

TGIT and Happy Super Bowl Weekend! Go Peyton!! Go Sherman!! If you live in NYC, don’t even think about going near Times Square, but do read this article What Super Bowl Week Is All About by my man Jason Gay at the WSJ. And, believe it or not…it hardly seems possible…tomorrow is the last day of January. VICTORY!

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The 8th Sign of the Apocalypse

Posted by AllieB on October 31, 2013

It is neither famine nor earthquake, or any of that other apocalyptic stuff, that has me concerned…it is the confirmed, reputably-reported WINE SHORTAGE. I was hesitant to write about this – I imagine droves of people causing riots at liquor stores, brawling over who gets the last case of The Pinot Project. Perhaps not, but you better believe when this all becomes a real thing, I will be prepared and you will be thirsty.

There’s just not enough wine in the world, says Morgan Stanley, and the problem is only going to get worse.

I feel like a ghost just passed thru me – that is some scary stuff.

Speaking of scary….HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! I have no costume, and I feel like Scrooge. Maybe I should have dressed up as Scrooge?? I couldn’t get excited about anything, and now I feel left out. Woe is me. At least some people get it right…herewith, my two favorite costumes, ever:

The Donk as Werewolf of London. I am terrified yet fascinated

The Donk as Werewolf of London. Incredible

WaWa never disappoints...Bone Appetit (credit: Swardina)

WaWa never disappoints…Bone Appetit! (credit: Swardina)

Haters gonna hate: Blake Lively is not a new addition to My List. I have accepted her hotness – she’s really so attractive one can’t even be jealous; she’s inhuman. However, I can fault her for being a moron, and I think it would be in her best interest to stop talking. Stand there with your glorious hair, pouty pout, the bod that defies science, and keep that yapper shut. Blake’s been chosen as the new L’Oreal spokesperson and recently had a publicist-free interview with Vogue U.K. about her beauty/fashion/livelihood tips.

I don’t really need a personal trainer, or watch what I eat. I can’t start the day without a hot chocolate, or finish it without a few squares of dark chocolate. Its good for my mood!

Words we can all live by, truly.

A&K came last weekend, and it was the best. We ate delicious meals (Market Table & Locanda Verde were highlights) and laughed a lot and Amy took selfies. I’m a big fan of the hometown team…

BBT - K - A - E Rock - Lady Liberty

BBT – K – A – E Rock – Lady Liberty

Today is the 31st of October, so tomorrow is the first of November. That is whack. Man, I don’t write for one week and totally lose all my mojo…I’m just really shaken up by this wine shortage.

#mojo

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Anything you can do, I can do almost or equally as well

Posted by AllieB on October 3, 2013

I’ve mastered the subways; I emerge from underground and know instinctively which way is N/S/E/W; you should see me weave thru the herds of cattle throngs of people on the sidewalk; I stuck out my tongue at a cab driver last week when he violated my right of way – let’s face it, y’all, I’m a New Yawker.

alexandra

a saavy city girl from the very beginning. that’s right – GIRL

While I think we can all agree these are noteworthy accomplishments, I’ve still yet to conquer my Everest: mastering the art/science/I think it might be magic of making dinner reservations. I spent a good chunk of time this week trying to find two restaurants that will impress my high-brow foodie friends, A and K, when they come to visit, and I’m getting the proverbial talk-to-the-hand at every place I’ve tried. I mean, this is like a month in advance! Evidently no one A) knows who I am or B) is aware that I manage a very dated and irrelevant restaurant guide to Atlanta. K&A, how do you feel about dining at 5:30? Actually, wait: who needs restaurants – we’re all talented chefs, why don’t we just cook our own meals!?! And let’s be sure not to have any wine at all.

what would happen if we did either of those things

what would happen if we did either of those things

Obviously, none of us would ever find ourselves in this sort of situation, and I want to be very clear that I am NOT condoning such behavior, but when I saw this I thought I’d better share: The Rules for Calling in Sick When You’re Actually Hungover. Upon completion I found myself wanting to seek out Captain Obvious so I could thank him for sharing such brand new information, but who am I to judge – let’s see what I’ve got:

1. Mind over matter. I am a strong believer in this: stop wallowing and get over it. I am lucky not to get the voms when I am overserved, so I’m sure this is easier said than done…but most of the time I feel like people are just being big babies.

2. Water: it’s not a myth. Water before, during, and after your ill-advised outing will help tremendously. And cold Vitamin Water Zero in the morning is like nectar of the gods.

3. A lot of people say exercise. Me, not so much

4. Oh. I was supposed write a list about how to call in sick when you’re hungover. I don’t really have any tips on that for I hath ne’er done such a thing.

5. Cpt Obvs: 1, BBT: 0

But seriously: drink water.

Ok, this is weird, right? Mediocre-hurdler-turned-bobsledding-hopeful, Lolo Jones, is trying to gain 60 lbs to make “bobsled weight.” Her daily diet includes two 1,365 protein shakes and FOUR double bacon cheeseburgers from McDonald’s. This approach seems flawed. She is literally going to turn into a double bacon cheeseburger…literally. Ehhh, Lolo makes me uncomf – she seems like she’s kind of nuts, if not a little bit delusional:

“My abs are still there,” she said. “I’m still cut, just super solid.”

Yeah, a super solid double bacon cheeseburger…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, G FORCE!!!!! Remember that time we went to Pakistan? Such adventures we’ve had…I love you!!

incognito in Lahore

incognito in Lahore. also, barefoot. ew

TGIT! Feels good to be back on sched…truthfully, I’ve had a whole week of Thursdays, but I’m glad everyone else is now on my same page.

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50 Shades of Do Not Want

Posted by AllieB on September 25, 2013

Hey guys! On the Effort Scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is standing up and 10 is walking to the kitchen, today’s post is about a 1.25.

50 Shades of Do Not Want: I’ve been over 50 Shades of Grey for awhile now, and, even though I obviously made my way thru all three books, I definitely judge anyone who is still reading them…similarly, I am an equal opportunity indulger of  any and all (red) wine, but even I turn my nose at this: 50 Shades of Grey Wine. There are two varietals: White Silk and Red Satin. That’s disgusting. Also, it’s going for $18/bottle! You could buy two non-embarrassing bottles of malbec for that; this just goes from bad to worse. BBT says: absolutely not.

IT Allie asks: have you downloaded the new iOS 7? Do it. Do it now. It’s like getting a whole new phone! And, given that I’ve actually downgraded to a plain old 4 from a 4S instead of upgrading (April 2k14..!), this is especially exciting for moi. I’ve had zero kinks – just back your shiz up. iTunes Radio is a great addition, and the camera has improved. Everyone also loves the Control Center; the pros abound. Me, I mostly just think it’s really pretty…

ios screen shot

background

I feel v exposed, like I just showed you my bank acct balance or undergarment drawer

-I’ve heard a few things about the fingerprint scanner on the new 5S: cats can do it, hackers figured out to hack it, and…this: You Can Also Unlock the iPhone 5 S with Your  Junk. Y’all, that’s gross.

-Closing out apps is not entirely intuitive – here’s how.

-Have you recently lost your 3rd Kindle? Just me? Well, fear not, because Amazon has released yet another Kindle, the Kindle Fire HDX, complete with a “mayday” button that links to live support 24/7/365, promising a 15 second or less response time. Dang. (Credit: Charlotte!)

Watching: My roommates love The Voice, so it looks like I love The Voice, too. I’m just not sure I’m emotionally equipped to handle it. They draw you in with heart-wrenching backstories of these people want nothing more than to share the gift of music, then they go out on stage, sing their hearts out, and….none of the judges pick them. Although, I do respect the judges for refraining from the pity pick – I’d have a team of losers halfway thru the first audition. I’m such a softie. Modern Family starts back tonight, SNL on Saturday, and T minus 103 hours, give or take, til Homeland Season 3 returns. (It took me almost as long to calculate that number just now)

SHE WOULD: Blake Lively is starting her own GOOPy-sounding company. Boobs Legsly, a moniker that isn’t even legit anymore since she’s morphed into this married class act, is even easier to hate than Gwyneth. Obviously I will read every issue, scoffing at the recipes but diligently saving all of them. It annoys me when people talk about “curating” a lifestyle. I can barely curate my salad from Chop’t*.

GFY, seriously

GFY, seriously

*I actually have a bombass salad order: Spinach, Kale, Fresh Jalapeños, Cucumber, Tomato, Pepper Jack Cheese, FreeBird Ancho Chile Chicken, Tri-Color Quinoa, Low-Fat Spa Greek Yogurt Tzatziki Dressing. I made it up all by myself. FACE.

Fall is here! I really am going to pump the brakes on talking about weather. Elmore Leonard, the renowned novelist who passed away recently, had a list of of 10 Rules for Good Writing:

  1.  Never open a book with weather.

I took a quick look at past BBT posts, and, if you replace “book” with “blog” I’m not doing so hot – same with the other nine. Whatever, I’m a slow learner. Like I was saying: fall is here! I want to swaddle myself in 1,000 sweaters (I like these: Dear Santa/if I budget better); fill my apartment with the aroma of spiced cider (the spiked cider looks good, pretty sure if I had a cabernet candle in my apt I’d have to have a bottle of cabernet open…oh wait); and jump in piles of leaves (don’t need sound and really only need to watch like first ten secs).

 

Happy Wednesday to all of you, and HAPPY FRIDAY to meeee! I’m headed south for a sure-to-be perfect wedding – can wait to see ya, EmilyB (cc: W Port)!

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