Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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Posts Tagged ‘Mehday’

Wake up and smell the gardens

Posted by AllieB on August 6, 2012

I am wary of two things*: outer space and Craigslist. The first makes my head hurt if I think about it for too long, because seriously – how?!, and the second is a well-known haven for predators and freakshows of all kinds, and I’d be just plain foolish to not be on guard. Right now I’m selling my car, and I’m sure to always have someone with me when I meet people, and I also have my uncannily intuitive gut intuition – it’s possible I even have a sixth sense of sorts, so I feel pretty good about spotting the psycho killers right away….anyway, I received this email last week re: purchasing my car.

I have a very nice Rolex submariner cobalt blue dial worth 6200 A emerald diamond 18k gold worth 4000 and a little cash if interested.

Hey, thanks but no thanks. My gut says: SCAM!!! I’m telling you, it’s a sixth sense…

The Olympics are still happening. I haven’t been watching all that much, to be honest, but the daily round-ups by Vanity Fair blogger Michelle Collins supply me with pretty much all the info I need. She’s pretty funny…

“Diving is an insane sport. It’s like watching people repeatedly rehearse their own suicide.”  - BBT says: TRUTH

A waiter claiming to have served 15 top officials of the International Olympic Committee posted a copy of the receipt online, and it’s pretty standard:

You’ve got your exotic fruits, some sorbet (a gentleman always cleanses his palate), and 19,000 pounds’ worth of Hennessy.BBT says: that’s not a bad tip.

In my other Olympics segment today we revisit some of the greatest gems and pearls tweeted by swimmer Ryan Lochte, who has emerged as a very talented athlete with a shockingly low I.Q. and an extreme inability to assemble words together in a remotely sensical manner. I guess he’s spent much of the last two years in a gym/hurling tires/skateboarding, which doesn’t necessarily lend itself to interaction with people on a social level, but…come on, dude. This is some pretty basic stuff.

 “Always reach for the moon cuz if u slip up u will still be a star!!#Jeah

“Rocks, paper, siccor……..”

“Too travel is sometimes better to arrive!”

“Pain is temporarily, but pride last forever”

“Can u catch lightening in a bottle and set the water on fire?”

“Wake up and smell the gardens”

Huh? And from what device is he tweeting that wouldn’t auto correct “siccor”??? The slideshow has 25 tweets, and I honestly wanted to include all 25…but you can check them out for yourself here. They’re all amazing. However, in spite of this…assault on the English language, I gotta say – I wouldn’t kick him out of my lane…if you get my drift.

He reminds me of Forrest Gump.

*I am wary of more than just those two things, but they were the two most relevant what with the Mars landing today and all. A close third would be tornadoes. I leave you with this: a picture of BBT’s favorite Duchess – I swear she’s getting cuter by the day.

Have a great week! Don’t forget to reach for the moon and remember that pain is only temporarily.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Seattle: The Sunshine State

Posted by AllieB on July 30, 2012

Should you find yourself planning a trip with me that includes flying on an airplane, do yourself a favor and don’t. Or at least book a different flight; it’s become glaringly obvious that I am the proverbial black cat of air travel. Exhibit A: the woman who died on my plane to my France. That sucked. I know it was way worse for her, obviously, and her loved ones, but it was no picnic for yours truly, either. Exhibit B: my flight to Seattle last week. I was in an exit row, enjoying the leg room and another chilling Lisa Gardner mystery, when I heard a loud thud. I didn’t even look up – I already knew I wanted nothing to do with what was happening. Sure enough, a woman had passed out standing up and fell down, breaking her pelvis in the process. Having no medical background, I didn’t feel the need to join the crowd gathering around her, and I figured someone had to man the exit row anyway…I’m not totally useless in emergency situations, but I’ve learned that sometimes it’s best to just stay clear of the fracas. I guess Exhibit B isn’t so bad, and had I been sitting elsewhere on the plane I probably wouldn’t have even known about the incident, but that’s kind of my point – I always seem to be in close proximity to ground zero of the trauma.

Anyway – Seattle! Great city. We even had awesome weather, which is kind of unheard of given there is some sort of precipitation 220 days out of the year. Bleak. Here are some pics. Neat.

Vistas! Elliot Bay; Space Needle at night; Mt. Ranier

if you don’t love sea otters, you are probably dead inside

I tried on Avatar shoes at an Avatar exhibit – they fit perfectly :|

The end. It was great having all six of us together, and I even got to see NANDI – good times, y’all, good times…

Now I have to move out of my apartment, and I have no idea where to start. Moving is the worst. Does anyone want to buy a couch/table/bed/dresser/another table/rug/rug again/arm chair? A, the tv’s got your name on it…let me know.

Oh. I was WILDLY incorrect re: my crush on Ryan Lochte. Retract!!! In spite of winning first place on Saturday, he is nevertheless a complete and total LOSER. I think it surprises no one that he lives in…wait for it…Gainesville, Florida. He would. And it gets worse! I just goog’ed Ryan Lochte grill and it turns out he has several and has been wearing them at medal ceremonies for years – it seems that custom-made bedazzled grills are his “thing”…I just threw up a little.

“Yes, I am wearing one in London, and I wear them because they are different and fun. That’s my personality,” Ryan told USA Today.

And on that note, I bid you farewell. Take solace in the fact that, no matter how mis your Monday is, at least you’re cooler than this guy. You might not be in as good shape as he is and you probably have fewer Olympic medals, but you’re definitely cooler.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

I love Tom Brady and puppies a normal amount

Posted by AllieB on January 23, 2012

Sometimes I watch football games – especially now that I am a baller with HD television (welcome to 2012, BBT) – and I enjoy them. But what I really enjoy watching are 1. the commercials and 2. Tom Brady. Even though the pinnacle of commercial viewing is clearly during the Super Bowl, the ads aired during sports events are just so much better than average ads. As I have not yet indulged in DVR (2012 feels sorry for you, BBT), I care quite a bit about the level of entertainment these 30 second ads offer me, and the best ones are during sports. I found some teasers for this year’s Super Bowl ads – they look promising. Particularly the one featuring David Beckham in his skivvies.

And what do we have here? Oh right, it’s Allie & Tom…what an attractive couple.

Giselle who?

I don’t know how to do photoshop and Hilary isn’t on gchat to help me…which is why that is so creepy looking.

It is with a heart filled with love and teeth clenched to the point of injury that I introduce you to the newest member of the BBT family. Meet: CHARLIE!!!!!! As I mentioned last week, Pal went to volunteer at the Humane Society. She came home with Charlie after her first day, which surprised no one. Before I met Charlie I was discussing name options with Allison – I like Molly and Lolly – but she was set on Charlie. I said to her, “Allison, you really have to be careful naming animals after the opposite gender – people will just assume she’s a boy and/or go searching around her undercarriage to figure out what she is. And you are sentencing her to a life of pink accessories.” Neither Pal nor I are a particularly huge fan of pink. However, once I met my sweet angel muffin, I knew that her name is, was, and should be Charlie, so Charlie it is. Charlie is a girl – a very sweet, precious, perfect little puppy girl.

One guess which of these 4 photos was taken with my p.o.s. Blackberry.

Charlie has already had a successful playdate with her big sister, Casey Wawa, and we’re planning a get together with her other sister, Aggie, down in Savannah. BBT is a devoted and loving aunt to her three animules.

ATTN Fellow Reading Enthusiasts: Emily Giffin (author of Something Borrowed (also a heinously miscast disaster of a movie) and Love the One You’re With) has a new book coming out July 2012 – Where We Belong. I read the first chapter online and I’m already kind of exhausted with the whole story line, which doesn’t really bode well for the entire book…but I’m sure I’ll read it anyway.

I hope all y’all had a great weekend and are totally dominating this awesome, cheery Mehday Munday. PEACE.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

A cure for the common hangover

Posted by AllieB on December 5, 2011

The FDA has approved a hangover pill – a pill that promises to cure your hangover. (Credit: Baxter Bark Thrice)

Blowfish in an over-the-counter effervescent tablet that contains 1,000 milligrams of aspirin, 120 milligrams of caffeine and a stomach-soothing agent.

So how is this different from taking two Tylenol and chugging down a grande at Starbucks?

“The magic of the effervescent tablet is that it hits your system much faster than getting a cup of coffee, taking an antacid and taking some aspirin separately,” creator Brenna Haysom told the NYDN.

It also works fast, promising to have you feeling normal and functional in just 15-30 minutes.  And it won’t break the bank, even if you’re a practicing alcoholic. A single dose is just $2.99, or $11.99 for a six-pack.   For those wanting to see if this miracle pill actually works, you can find it online, at Ricky’s and in your local Duane Reade in January.

Well, color me skeptical. The fact that the FDA’s approved it says a lot, though…my take on hangovers is this: mind over matter. But I’m not opposed to a pill, in addition to my mantra. Here’s the link to purchase on Amazon – of course Amazon carries it. I guess it couldn’t hurt to try..? Tell you what, why doesn’t someone volunteer to order it for me then I’ll try it and let you know if it works or not. ‘Tis the season for empty wallets and a multitude of holiday parties.

HILBILLY and Jimbabwe are ENGAGED! I am so happy.

Another thing about which I am happy: this Best of Craigslist gem shared with me by Paxton. I’m still not convinced he didn’t write it….

Apropos of nothing. But who doesn’t love a thieving guinea pig?!

Yeah he is.

“That’s all.”  -Miranda Priestly

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 6 Comments »

I will literally do anything to be liked

Posted by AllieB on October 10, 2011

Greetings.

Couple of things: I made it so that BBT is now MUCH more mobile-device friendly. If you are reading this from your mobile device, you know what I’m talking about because it is now a simple format instead of the narrow margin of text that was pretty much impossible to read. I hope this helps. You are welcome.

Also, in efforts to make Baxter Bark Twice a worldwide phenomenon, I am going to award one lucky Facebook fan $20 to iTunes. Who wouldn’t want $20 to iTunes?! According to the web information company Alexa, BBT is ranked as the 9,623,940th viewed site on all of the interweb, reaching .00001 percent of global internet users. I don’t really know what to make of that, but I feel as though I could do better. Ergo, here’s what you do:

1. LIKE me on Facebook.

By Friday at noon, I will choose someone at random and email them the code to their $20 iTunes gift card. Said winner can choose to remain anonymous or we can come up with some kind of moniker to announce their win – whatevs, I don’t really care, but I want more fans on Facebook, so I’ve resorted to actually paying you to be my friend. People respond well to bribes incentives, and I have no shame. Sorry I’m not sorry. If you’re already a fan not to worry – you can still win, but feel free to help generate some buzz.

Just think of what you could do with $20 to iTunes…make a brand new mix CD for that special someone; catch up on old episodes of Rescue Me; re-gift it to someone you’re too lazy/cheap to buy something for… The options are endless!

Thanks in advance.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »