Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for the ‘Arbitrary’ Category

An Open Letter to the Internet

Posted by AllieB on November 13, 2014

I am mad at the internet. Between Taylor Swift’s new album and Kim Kardashian’s oily photo shoot, I am actually feeling feelings of legit anger. I am  unwittingly in the know about every single moment of Taylor’s life and am somehow now intimately acquainted Kim’s nether regions. I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW OR SEE ANY OF THAT. The over-exposure and inexhaustible self-promotion of these two women and their “art” really bothers me. I don’t follow Taylor Swift or Kim Kardashian on any form of social media, but they are unavoidable – from TIME Magazine to every single pop culture news outlet – and I want out. What’s more: I want the option to opt out. I feel like the internet has taken away my right to choose.

That said, I’m also a little mad at Taylor Swift. Promoting a new album is a musician’s job. You give interviews, you go on tour, you give free shows on morning news programs and appear on magazine covers. You tweet and you post on Instagram and you get your fans excited. Taylor Swift invited fans TO HER HOUSE for cookies. Taylor Swift inked a deal with the CITY OF NEW YORK to be its global ambassador even though she moved here in March. March of 2014. Speaking of, I’d like to note that Taylor Swift’s New York is that of the .0000007% and bless the tweens from Middle America who think their TriBeCa loft and black SUVs are but a Greyhound ride away. And although the entire music industry has imbibed the kool-aid served up at Taylor ‘s house parties, giving her album 5 star reviews across the board, I can’t bring myself to listen to a single song or watch the new music video that’s getting all the hype – I won’t even link you to it, I am standing strong!

And I’m always mad at Kim Kardashian. I think KimK is actually a robot and definitely has butt implants and is dead inside and I’m sure is very nice but only because she was programmed that way and her motherboard can only handle a very limited range of emotion. She is what’s wrong with everything that is going wrong.

While I do take issue with both Taylor and Kim personally – clearly – I am more more frustrated with the bigger picture. The ebola frenzy of recent weeks really annoyed me, too, but even coverage of that has waned significantly. And I’m not some highbrow consumer – believe you me, I’d much rather click thru on an article about 17 tips for getting ready after a sweaty workout-minus the shower over one about Vladimir Putin and something about the Ukraine, but that is my choice. The obsessive and ceaseless nature of documenting and reporting Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian has forcibly burdened me with information I did not want or seek out, and therein lies my main issue. I also recognize that resistance against these two is futile – case in point: I am writing about them right now – and it’s clear to me I have but one option: I must move to Appalachia. The End.

OK I feel much better, and I don’t even feel bad because I know that TSwizz would just Shake It Off saying “Hater’s gonna hate!” while cashing a check for gazillion dollars, and KimK can’t feel anything stronger than “slightly perturbed” so no harm, no foul.

I do realize the irony of a tirade against the internet…on the internet…but no one stopped to listen when I set up my soap box in Bryant Park.

My apologies to MelBoo and KReav for this outcry against Taylor Swift, but you’ve gotta tell your girl to pipe down.

What’s for lunch?

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Interview of the Week: Me

Posted by AllieB on November 6, 2014

This is the one where I couldn’t think of my own material so I copied something I’ve seen on another site…

Today’s post is borrowed from The New Potato and follows the list of questions they give to the actors/designers/foodies featured on their blog. Have they featured me? They have not. But now I will be prepared if/WHEN such an event occurs. I didn’t like some of their questions, so I made up a few of my own. I call this “Interview of the Week” – my first ever! – and my first guest is me because who else.

From start to finish, what would be your ideal food day?

Breaky: 2 cups of earl grey tea and a cranberry scone from the bakery dude who comes to the Tribeca Farmer’s Market every Saturday…I’d probably also toss in pancakes from Bubby’s and brown sugar-glazed bacon.

For lunch: Shake Shack – Shack Burger & cheese fries.

Dinner: pizza, pasta, steak…pizza from Keste* or Spunto; pasta from Bianca or Max; steak by moi – a ribeye or similar coated in salt n pepper cooked in my cast iron skillet with sauteed spinach and the pepper jack mac n cheese from Whole Foods on the side.

Snacks: cheese dip from Jalisco, burrata from John Dory Oyster Bar, choc chip cookie from Levain; veggie slice from Fellini’s with Italian dressing for dipping…

I’m hungry.

*ATLiens: Don Antonio by Sarita is a Neopolitan pizza place on W Paces Ferry in Buckhead where STG Trattoria used to be – it is operated by the same owners who run Don Antonio in New York, who also own Keste. In other words: GO TO HERE. Go now and get the Burrata Roberto pizza.

How do you always start your day on a good note?

I’ve started making smoothies every morning and they are GOOD, like, get-me-out-of-bed-on-cold-and-rainy-mornings good. Also, sometimes I wake up and lie in my bed for a little while, looking at the river and just contemplating life/my outfit for the day, and I’ll see a big cruise ship go by – I have two thoughts: 1. How cool that I can see this from my bed and 2. SUCKAS

What’s your drink?

Actually, I was at The Standard East Village a couple weekends ago and my eye automatically went to the spicy marg – I saw ‘tequila’ and ‘jalapeno’ and ordered it w/o further thought, then K pointed out it was also “topped with red wine.” What. These are not two drinks I would normally think to have together – in succession, sure, but not simultaneously – and turns out it is delicious.

Hey AllieIt’s now called “The Allie” they just have to reprint the  menus

What are your vices?

I eat too much kale.

What’s always in your bag?

Vaseline and Rohto drops.

Words to act by…

I’ll defer to Pinterest on this one

Three words to describe social media…

I love/hate/love social media.

Do you Tweet?

Yes, I am on Twitter, but I only use it to share a new link to BBT (as many as one person has clicked thru – I have a massive and devoted following), and to retweet stuff I like. I have not had an original tweet since October 9, 2012, and I think we can all agree I really went out with a bang:

twitter

wow is right.

If you’re a Twitter-er you should follow Samir from Buzzfeed – he will make you laugh.

Million Dollar Idea? 

So, we all use Snapchat, right? I want Snapchat to have a function where it links to your Spotify and shows the name of whatever song you’re listening to onto the snap. I need it to access what’s going on INSIDE my phone instead of only picking up ambient noise. Por ejemplo:

wiz khalifaSee? Not just a selfie in the elevator bank (embarrassing), it’s like, “hey guys I’m here and I’m listening to Wiz Khalifa what are y’all listening to?” For the record, this went to only like 5 ppl in my Snap contacts…well, and now the millions of BBT readers. Either way, I am not trying to steal Snapchat or copy it, I just want to build on top of its gazillion dollar platform, is all. Everybody wins!

Mr. Snap: have your people call my people.

Favorite kind of workout?

The kind of workout I hate least is Flywheel. I did a new class on Tuesday: SLT (Strengthen-Lengthen-Tone). I’ve never been so sore: I’m walking like Frankenstein and every time I stand or sit or cough I cry a little. It’s like Pilates Reformer, I think – I’ve never done Pilates – but there’s a cardio aspect, as well. I don’t know, if you’re really interested read about it here. Bottom line: it was HARD.

SLT Soho“50 shades of fitness” LOL but 4 real those contraptions look like gurneys. Each class costs a month’s rent so not sure how often I’ll go, but it’s nice to pretend.

How have you contributed to the Greater Good this week? (BBT is not a place for political discussion, so voting does not count.)

I just made a donation to Atlanta Lab Rescue. And, unless you’re Mother Teresa, I’m guessing your karmic balance could use some padding, so please go to the Atlanta Lab Rescue site and donate $5 – literally, $5. You can all afford $5. It links right up with your Paypal so you don’t even have to register, and you can help save this dog’s life. (I can’t read the story again or I’ll lose it, but he needs your help!)

ALR is a 501c3 nonprofit and 100% of all donations are used for the rescue and care of these dogs. 

*PS none of you are Mother Teresa so let’s get going on the link clicking.

Ok. The End. Happy Thursday and hellooooooo to the Weekend. Goodbye, however, to Fall. It was nice while it lasted :(

foliage_best library in the worldFall foliage at my favorite library in the best city

Oh yeah – TGIT!

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Great for Halloween or Just Fashion

Posted by AllieB on October 29, 2014

Halloween, for me, is meh. With the exception of Wine Gal (she is my superhero alter-ego and she will CUT you with her corkscrew while sipping on a mini-bottle of Cab in order to save a glass a bottle a case of wine), I do not have the best track record of costuming, and 75% of the time I lose interest in assembling the ‘stume before it comes to fruition. When I was a sophomore in college I had a denim jumpsuit that was all the assemblage I needed for an entire year of socials and holidays – redneck social, Halloween, disco – but I stupidly threw it away. I’m still mad at myself: do they even sell J.Lo brand jumpsuits anymore? I only buy denim jumpsuits by J.Lo. I’ll check eBay. (Update: no luck on eBay.)

But what is meh for me is probably awesome for you, and I’m okay with that – we all have our strengths, and I genuinely respect and delight in other people’s talents. One of my favorite things is seeing what ole FJ comes up with for her Halloween look. I’ve shared this at least thrice on BBT and should probably make it the backdrop of my phone given how often I show it to people, but here she is as the Werewolf of London:

The Donk as Werewolf of London. I am terrified yet fascinated

Halloween 2012. Young children cried.

So, instead of stressing about thinking of and creating a costume, I instead found my inner Boppy & Basic BBT – it was a Tuesday, I don’t go to clubs on Tuesdays – and the result, I think we can all agree, was favorable: Melt in Your Mouth Pumpkin Cookies. I made these from scratch using only organic ingredients, sporting Uggs and an apron that said, “Kiss the Cook!” while listening to the new Taylor Swift album on my pink Jambox. I posted a selfie with a dot of flour on my cheek and captioned it, “missed a spot! #pumpkinspiceandeverythingnice #yummy #mycoworkersloveme” Then my roommates and I got in a flour fight and I posted another pic: “Flour Fight!!! #LOL #lovethesegirls #youwishyouhadthismuchfun”

melt in your mouth pumpkin cookies

Even though I accidentally halved the called-for amount of butter (the recipe said FOUR sticks of butter I am not Paula Deen) they are still awesome – perhaps more muffin-like than intended, but I think I’d rather have functioning arteries, ya know? And I obviously used only organic ingredients, but besides that #sensethetone

If you still need costume ideas, here: 32 ‘Sexy’ Halloween Costumes That Make No Sense (‘sexy’ corn and ‘sexy’ body bag are especially…’sexy’), or for those living in ATL – hit up this guy.

mens large 42 reg black trench coat great for halloween costume – $20

image 1

“long black coat great for Halloween or just fashion”

^^ I have been laughing at that ad since Monday (credit: A Social Mess)

 In other news…

-UPenn is offering a class for actual course credit entitled “Wasting Time on the Internet.” A few thoughts: 1. really. 2. do they need a guest speaker 3. as a parent I would be displeased 4. is there a Masters program? 5. I shoulda went to an Ivy League school

**note: I wrote that blurb on Tuesday, and The Skimm mentioned it Wednesday morning, so now I feel cheated. But I’m keeping it in anyway bc who’s to say their description is any better than mine?:

Speaking of things that can make your head spin, the University of Pennsylvania has created a new course called “Wasting Time on the Internet,” where students will be required to do just that.

See? It’s just different. But if y’all are hiring…holla

-Dang, this city…. credit: K

NYC from above

-THEY FOUND AMELIA EARHART?! <crosses off #6 on List of Things To Do>

-the Fireball/Anti-Freeze scare is just in Europe, chill. We’ll still be having our Fireball Christmas Party in December.

-best dog in the world??  Probably: Bandit takes under 30 seconds to fetch his human a beer – and he even makes the fridge door is properly shut. If I had a dog I’d get to work on this trick immediately.

-CharBaxMaines is running her TWENTIETH marathon this weekend – she’s coming in town for the NYC race and I will doggedly go to two of the five boroughs to cheer her on. Cheering people on as they run 26.2 miles is really quite tiring. #sisteroftheyear

Happy Hump Day & Halloween! Love, Wine Gal

 Not the best pic: you can barely see WG’s fanny pack – tho that is a nice shot of the cape, but in all the other photos, well…her strength (wine) had become her weakness (too much wine).

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Your coworkers hate you.

Posted by AllieB on October 24, 2014

At approximately 4PM on Tuesday afternoon I was at my desk, working or whatever, when I heard what sounded like someone clipping their nails. Surely not – this is an office with an open-plan layout and there’s no such thing as personal space; anyone within a 20 foot radius is privy to everything you say or do. The sound continued; I had to investigate. I stood up and honed in on a man sitting the next row over. He was CLIPPING HIS NAILS. He was at his desk clipping his nails and then nonchalantly brushing the remnants into his trashcan. I was/am/will forever be appalled.

Amid my disgust, I realized there was probably a good BBT in here, so I emailed a group of people inquiring as to their workplace pet peeves, and some of you might need to look for new jobs. I am saddened by how uncommon common sense is.

Herewith, 19 things you can do to make your coworkers hate you.

1. Mayonnaise-based salads have a shelf-life one day. As in, do not bring a tub of tuna salad on a Monday and plan to eat out of it thru Friday. You are the worst and everyone hates you.

And if you didn’t put it in the fridge, it’s not yours.

ross's sandwich

2. When people shoot nerf guns around me while I’m trying to be productive. This is not to be confused with when people shoot nerf guns when I’d like to be distracted.

3. I want to reiterate this one more time: no nail clipping at your desk or anywhere that’s not your own bathroom in your own home.

nail clipping

It IS crazy.

4. People who are RUDE. It won’t kill you to say THANK YOU.

5. The guy that speaks loudly and mispronounces everything by putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable.

Previously, it has been the guy that said “deuces” to me every day when I left. Or when you someone goes on vacation for two weeks and when you ask how it was responds by saying “it’s not a vacation when you have kids”. And you’ve been covering their work. (“Deuces” –> nerd chills)

6. People talking loudly on the phone. (Preach! I think people who have zero regard for other people/their surroundings are sociopaths.)

7. I can’t stand it when I have literally just walked in for the day or from grabbing lunch and someone races or hovers over my desk to ask me a question. Especially if I am mid-bite, and they want to ask me 10 questions. Like give me 1 minute to get lettuce out of my teeth, and then I can help you.

8. When you sign an email with your name “Gregg” and someone will respond back “Hey Jack”…..grinds my gears man (By Jack he means Jack Donnelly, name of the best khaki brand in the biz. Check out story and link at the end of the post)

9. Captain Unfriendlies. Those who do not make eye contact, speak or acknowledge that another human is also present when you’re in an enclosed common area.

10. Captain Toofriendlies. Those who loiter in your area when you are clearly done with the conversation at hand. Bye Felecia.

case of the mondays

11. When people eat delicious food – chicken fingers, pizza, french fries, etc – sending yummy smells wafting through the air when it’s not even a Friday. (Totes agree – get your fried mess away from me may I please have a french fry)

12. The guy who is flicking boogers on the wall over the urinal.  This isn’t Kindergarten, and there will be some kind of hell to pay if I ever catch the culprit. (That is gross. Boys are GROSS)

Also, people who schedule calls/meetings past 5pm on a Friday. Hell, past noon. (Or really just on Friday, period.)

13. People who are idiots

people are idiots

14. When you ask someone to send something ASAP and they say “I’m right on top of that, Rose!” and it takes 17 more tries before they actually get it to you. WERE YOU NOT A PART OF THE CONVERSATION WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD SEND IT? Because you were, and you lied, and now I hate you.

15. The girl in the office next door to me plays Second Life (online virtual world) pretty much all day at work.  She wears a headset and speaks aloud to other avatars.  I think she may “own” a boot store because she’s always talking about how she doesn’t like this set of boots or that set of boots.  I also think her avatar must have a really dominant personality because she says “f you motherf’er” 2-4 times/hour. (Um. What.)

16. I 100% clip my nails at work and don’t give a $*&%.  I hate the assistant that leaves at 4:59:59 every day regardless of how much she knows everyone has going on. (Aren’t you a delight.)

17. People talking over or down to you.  Work hard and be nice to each other.  Rude is never an excuse. (Words to live by!)

18. Co-workers sharing too much personal information.We work together I don’t need to know your birthing plan. (EW.)

Also, millennials (even though we technically are in that group). Spotlight on a convo I had with Frank our new Government Affairs Coordinator.

F: When were you born?

J: 1984

F: Ew.

J: When were you born?

F:1992

J. Oh.

(Tell Frank he used EW wrong.)

19. Women in sales that dress like sl*ts. Yes. I am being hypocritical. I should be supporting other women in my field. But they are all fake and obnoxious. (I’m with you on this – it’s obvious what you’re doing and you make the rest of us look bad.)

This is where you should pause and ask yourself, do I do any of these things? Check yourself before you wreck yourself, y’all.

As previously mentioned, I want to do a quick plug for Jack Donnelly khakis. Gregg, the owner, launched a Kickstarter campaign and is killing it – he’s at over 300% of his goal, and there are still three days to go. Read this note and check out the video, and join the movement! Be a part of something bigger than yourself.

An open letter to our loyal customers and supporters:

In June 2010, I launched Jack Donnelly from my parents’ basement. Disappointed with the way khakis were being made (mass produced and ill-fitting), I set out to create a better khaki – one that fit great, was highly constructed, and made to last.  It was important to me to do it the best way an American based company can – sourcing and manufacturing in the USA.

It’s been an awesome journey thus far, and all your feedback has been amazing. We’ve spent the last four years carefully building out and improving our product line.  We made sure to take it slowly because we wanted to build a business that lasts, to always deliver a top quality product, and to cultivate a brand that you can trust.

Today we set out on our newest and biggest journey, a Kickstarter campaign to help fund new product development and expanded operations with a mission to take our brand to the next level.  The more people who visit our Kickstarter page, the more successful we can be, and the more great pants we can make.

I ask you to please watch and share our Kickstarter video with your friends, family, and colleagues.  If you feel that we deserve your financial support to help fund our future growth, please contribute (and get some great pants).  I sincerely appreciate your support and business.  It means more than you know.  With your help we can make this into something special…the great khaki comeback starts here!

If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

Sincerely,

Gregg Donnelly

Founder

I know this is information overload, especially on a Friday (see #12), but really – what else are you going to do today? TGIF!

Living footloose & ebola-free in NYC,

BBT

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

10 Things About Fall & Other Stuff

Posted by AllieB on October 9, 2014

It’s fall, y’all! Fall, according to the Goog, is the most popular of all the seasons, so here are 10 things about fall and other stuff, then I added two more items at the end so I guess 12 things total. I try to mix it up; BBT is NOT some basic fall-loving betch who only talks about new sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes.

1. This is me not talking about pumpkin spice lattes – never had one; I don’t care; you do you but maybe consider the sugar content

2. TV is not only back, but there are a lot of new shows to check out: How to Get Away with Murder premiered two weeks ago, and, besides its annoying name (HTGAWM henceforth), BBT highly recommends. Marry Me has such potential (Penny from Happy Endings! Ron from Party Down!) and, I’m embarrassed to say this, Selfie might not suck… Homeland wrapped up some very tired story lines (smell ya later Brody) and the season premiere shows much promise for good TV – just so long as Carrie never touches her child, or anyone else’s, ever again. Lastly, I watched the first episode of The Affair last night – I am IN. It caught my eye earlier this year when I heard about the cast (Pacey Witter! Maura Tierney! Jimmy McNulty from the Wire!) and, based on the first epi, it is everything I hoped it would be.

3. I got stung – stung bad – by a bee in Idaho last weekend. I hope it died.

sun valley

Idaho – who knew? (I know other people knew, but I didn’t) CONGRATS Nandi & Duncan!

4. 31 Dog Reactions for Everyday Situations – this is perfect, please click thru (#’s 1, 2, 9, 12, 14, 16 – 25, 31)

5. I’m not implying that all kids raised in NYC are brats, but I have observed a heightened level of the ridiculous when it comes to parenting up here. Case in point: I was recently at my local Whole Foods doing my daily shopping of only things I needed right that moment (nothing if not practical!), and I noticed a father and his two children, a boy and a girl both under age of 4, in the midst of truly epic meltdown. The girl, the younger of the two, had collapsed on the ground and was crying that especially aggressive silent cry where her mouth was open and her body was heaving but no sound was coming out. Not to be overlooked, the boy had wrapped himself around his father’s leg while he cried a more subdued whimper but with double the snot and tears. Dad, to his credit, wasn’t freaking out but I think this is likely because he’d checked out entirely to his mental happy place. “Woof” I thought, as I skirted by them to get in line, “I wonder how much longer he’s going to let this go on..” I also may have thought things like, “get your sh*t together little girl” and “can someone please wipe this kid’s nose”

Finally, something yanked Dad back to reality – maybe it was that his daughter hadn’t taken a proper breath in like a minute – and suddenly he was totally, 100% over it. His eyes darkened as he inhaled deeply….”PENELOPE! ALVIN! THAT. IS. IT! When we get home….NO soy dream for you.”

Aaaaand you lost me. Hey, buddy, FYI: the moment you named your kids Pompous and Arrogant you gave them license to behave like jerks. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that one or both had some sort of dairy allergy, explaining why soy dream was the most glorious treat in which they’re allowed to indulge thus the absolute worst thing he could take away…but with names like that, it’s hard. My advice? Sign the girl up for soccer, the boy up for football, and cancel all lessons involving wind and string instruments. There’s still hope.

*Note: when I have kids one day and name them Philomena and Astrid and they go mental at the grocery store you can remind me of this post.

**Y’all know I’d never name my kids that.

***Confession: I played the Alto Sax in third grade. It was a risky move but I pulled it off. Penelope – not so much.

****I don’t know anyone named Penelope or Alvin, do I?

6. Jimmy Fallon + EW! = watch this.

7. My Father, The Hero (?)

Just kidding. Dude, that's too much...and when this pot calls you black, you better recognize

Dude, that’s too much…and when this pot calls you black, you better recognize

8. All the hilar Insta accounts you need to follow, give or take a couple – there’s really something for everyone. You should check out that blog regardless, @AshHess is doing good stuff over there. Thank you, Witty & Pretty!

9. Brush up on history with a healthy side of scandal and intrigue with After Camelot, a sweeping biography of the whole Kennedy family – there are lot of them, so it’s long, but you can breeze right through it.

10. This week in That Is Brand New Information: Todd Gurley is a Badass

Georgia running back Todd Gurley completes 50-yard pass (GIF)

I could watch these all day.

Here's the GIF of Georgia's Todd Gurley running like Marshawn Lynch against Clemson.  -- (Via @SBNation)

***UPDATE 10/10: I posted this yesterday before the TRAGIC news that TGII had been suspended. Why God. Why. I am 100% #teamtodd and still think he’s one of the good ones – he’ll get thru this and go on to have an amazing career and keep a clean record all the while, of that I am sure, and in the meantime us Georgia fans will have to hunker down and deal with the hard knocks that we should by now be used to/expect. TEAM TODD!!!

Bonus #11: I needed a crisp white button down to go with my outfit yesterday, but I couldn’t find the iron because we don’t own one, so I used my straightener instead – it totally worked! A tip from me to you: best to remove the shirt then iron as opposed to keeping on shirt whilst wielding a piping hot wand of heat near your skin.

Super Bonus #12: I think we already knew as much, but I asked Siri the other night who’s the fairest of them all, and…well:

fairest one of all

And there you are – a BBT for your Thursday. Boom.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »