Baxter Bark Twice

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Archive for the ‘Arbitrary’ Category

Going Rogue

Posted by AllieB on April 30, 2015

April just flew by, amiright? May is here, and with May comes flowers and, this weekend, sports. I like sports, and there was a time when I would’ve asked you to call me Alex because soccer, kickball, and Adidas were the only things I cared about. Even though I’ve since grown up to be Allie, the epitome of femininity and grace, I still have a vested interest in the athletics which is why today I will discuss my NFL draft picks, Derby projection, and Floyd Mayweather’s $25K mouthguard.

Yeah yeah, read it anyway.

NFL:
1. Tampa Bay – Jameis Winston
This is pretty much a done deal. We haven’t heard the last of Jameis Winston’s legal troubles, on that I’d bet my lunch money. I like to think that people can change, but history has a real funny way of repeating itself. And he’s not a victim of uncontrollable circumstance like some NFL players, he’s just an idiot who’s never been held accountable for his actions and is also possibly a sociopath. But there’s no denying his skillz, so if he can get and keep his act together he could be everything he says can be.

2. Tennessee* – Marcus Mariota
*We might see some Draft Day-esque maneuvers here, and the rumor mill has Philadelphia’s Chip Kelly, the former Oregon coach who oversaw Mariota’s recruitment, orchestrating some convoluted, multi-team trade to get his former player. Talk about “going rogue” – Coach Kelly been pulling all kinds of stunts this offseason. Draft Day is an excellent film, btw.

(you can goog #’s 3-7)

8. Atlanta – the Falcons need to build their defense like now, Todd, and some people have them trading up with Jacksonville and picking Dante Fowler at #3 – but they could still grab Vic Beasley or Bud Dupree if they stay where they are. Shane Ray will likely be available, and, in spite of his recent arrest for possession of marijuana, Coach Quinn says he’s “absolutely” still on the board. I respect that. Ray did something really stupid, no question, but I’m not sure I can penalize him for an isolated, nonviolent misdemeanor that’s (basically) legal in 27 states/DC when you’ve got Jaboo Winston and all of his oversize baggage going at #1. Just sayin’

(ESPN > BBT)

14. Miami – Todd Gurley
TGIII is the talk of the town right now after that video of him dominating the treadmill went viral this past weekend, proving he’s made great strides (!) in recovering from his torn ACL, and he’s now a first-round lock. I mean, he could even go in the Top 10. Who’s to say! I’m just so excited to see Todd Gurley play football again – he deserves nothing but the greatest success and I truly hope things work out for him.

A little treat for the ladies (stay with me!) #tbt #Tristan #yas

brad pitt legends of the fall

Kentucky Derby:
I’m taking Dortmund (ranked #2) for the Derby bc think of the ridicule on the playground growing up, plus he drew the #8 gate slot and that is some prime real estate. The #1 seed, American Pharoah, is all the way outside in gate, like, 49.

If I were going rogue and choosing horses as I do my wine – based on name – I’d go with Bolo. These names are crazy. Has there ever been a horse named “Going Rogue”? That’s totes what I’m going to call my next horse.

That fight or whatever:
It would be impossible for me to care less about this, but going with Mayweather because that’s what the internet said. Read here about his $25K mouth guards. He’s a piece of work, and not in a good way.

So, there you go. SPORTS.

Some wise guy added my name to a distribution list from “A Most Curious Wedding Fair” that took place at the Truman Brewery in London last month, and now I get 5 emails/day from wedding-related vendors in the UK. At first I was like, that’s strange and I unsubscribed and marked them as spam, but they kept coming…well, yesterday I sort of lost it and poor Andi Freeman of Andi Freeman Cakes bore the brunt of my agitation:

a most curious pain in my a$$A most curious pain in my a$$, is what this is.

Random acts of randomness observed this week:

~ overheard at Whole Foods on Monday: a very adorable definitely bratty 3 year oldish girl sat in the shopping cart, swinging her legs and singing some silly song. Her father, an older gentleman who I’d guess was an artist of some sort – you know the kind – looked at her for a few moments, then said, “You know, Abigail, if you were a radio I’d change the station.” BURN

~ I watched a man complete 3/4 of the New York Times crossword puzzle in just under 5 minutes in pen on the subway this morning. I timed it. I think there’s a chance he was just writing letters at random because this was some crazy sh*t.

~ update your Instagram so you can get three new filters and hyperlink your hashtagged emojis. Kewl!

~ WHERE is this Royal Babe?! I’m staying on top of it here. Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease let it be a girl.

The End. I’m not wearing tights today and feel over-exposed. TGIT!

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Today is Picture Day!

Posted by AllieB on April 23, 2015

Picture Day at school was my least favorite day. My forced smile looks exactly that – forced – and 9 out of 10 times I would forget and show up with my hair in a veritable rat’s nest, or happen to wear my 1991 Atlanta Braves National League Champs tshirt (Adult Large) with sweatpants. At least you couldn’t see the sweatpants?*

But here on BBT picture day does not suck because the smiles are (hopefully) not forced, and sweatpants are actually in style right now. Besides, sometimes I feel like y’all don’t read my carefully crafted comments, so perhaps this format will be more appealing.

~ Google offered a “what animal are you” quiz yesterday in honor of Earth Day. I must say, I did not see this coming:

what animal are you

 but who am I to argue with the Goog? #dismember

~ VISTAS!

vista

On the Left: last night in my ‘hood, post-storm. There’s something for everyone at Pier 25! #golf #snacks #theapocalypse

And ze Right: I went off-campus for a hike on Saturday w MelBoo & CDMcD – it was a great success in that the weather was lovely and there were lots of “money shot” views, less so in that we got completely lost and actually did 2 hikes instead of one. As we hit mile 7 of our 3 mile hike, I began to wonder who might play me in the movie…

~ Speaking of hikes, the Baxter Fam is hiking Machu Picchu in Peru next month. We were told that some training is advised, so I’ve been doing lots of Flywheel and sometimes I take the stairs to my 9th floor apartment carrying two bottles of wine. I thought I was good to go until the aforementioned hike last Saturday, when I realized – not so much. Always reasonable, I tried to blame the higher altitude for my shortness of breath (1,380 ft) but then I checked and The Inca Trail we trek to Machu Picchu reaches almost 14,000 ft in some places…so. Crap.

machu picchu

I think it’ll be worth it tho – BOLO for 1,348,986 vista pics

~ this is the little ginger kid who informed us and Jerry McGuire that the human head weighs 8 lbs

human head weighs 8 lbs

 holy sh*t

*case in point: Picture Day was the worst.

picture day

Second grade: I think my parents did this on purpose, like for their own entertainment. And it occurs to me that is genius and I’m 1000% doing that with my own kids

Third grade: I may have peaked in third grade

Fourth grade: no.

Turns out I already did a Picture Day post – two years ago, same title and everything. +2 points for consistency.

Friendly reminder: only 7 more days to celebrate National Grilled Cheese Month. TGIT!!

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Cue the crop tops and denim diapers

Posted by AllieB on April 16, 2015

Yesterday, for the first time since October, it was 70+ degrees in New York. Much as the black bear emerges from its cave after the long winter months, so too do the citizens of NYC.  Everywhere you look, people so pale they’re almost translucent are lighting their puffer jackets on fire and congratulating themselves on surviving another soul-crushing, morale-killing, life-sucking winter season: “so this is why we live here!” Cue the crop tops and denim diapers: HELLO SPRING. Oh yes – now that it’s getting warm I’ve got a whole new arsenal of things to complain about.

It will probably snow next week. Mother Nature has such a great sense of humor!

Bryant Park is trying

Bryant Park is trying… #tryharder

Y’all would tell me if I talked about the weather too much, right?

I’m going to share some thoughts with you now. Having lived in two different cities post-college, I feel like I have the credibility to say that every city has unique traits and hardships that make you love/hate/love/HATE it, and you, as a resident, must adapt accordingly. New York is the best place on earth but it can also be a real sonofabitch – here’s how we get by in the Big Apple:

Indifference: new “hot” restaurants open every day, it seems. Before you know it, all you’re hearing about is that spot in Alphabet City where you MUST go and definitely get burrata and the burger and the f*cking kale salad. So you talk about going with your friends – let’s totally go next week to that new place! It doesn’t matter if they don’t take reservations, I hear the broiled oysters are life-changing, so we will wait for 2 hours in the crowded bar where regardless of where you stand you’re totally in the way. Next week comes and suddenly you’re like…let’s go to the bar across the street.

Then, on top of that, you get so sick of people raving about the new place that you ultimately just end up saying you’ve been and those oysters really are life-changing but somehow never actually go and then it closes. I feel like as much as there is to do and see and eat all over the city, there’s also all of that on your block. I am hesitant to use the word “lazy” – geographically averse, perhaps.

Disclaimer: we do venture to different ‘hoods and boroughs, but we’re also very supportive of our respective neighborhoods. And that’s not indifference, that is loyalty, and New Yorkers are nothing if not loyal.

Whine: we get to complain about the weather; you do not.*

*Unless you live in Boston or Chicago, but you chose your choice so I will still complain.

Denial: people will read things like this depressing AF list of 10 Reasons Why You Can’t Afford to Live in New York City that states then proves with hard facts and numbers that the cost of living here is double the national average, but then qualify it by saying, “but who cares – it’s New York!”

Or, another example: “A rat ran across my foot in the subway this morning then I get hit by a bike delivery guy; it started pouring but I didn’t have an umbrella, and there was a fire at the W. 4th Street station, so no downtown trains were running and the Uber surge was 12%. Oh, and the guy who lives above me is auditioning for STOMP. But I wouldn’t live anywhere else because NEW YORK.”

Basically, we’re all in abusive relationships with this city, but at least we’re all in them together…

Ok, I’m done with the thoughts.

I did not post a picture for Sibling Day last week, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love my siblings!!

sibling day whatever

 Happy Baptism, Jordan! Or whatever. Everyone look at me.

Do you watch Veep? You really, really should – even if you’re easily offended by crass language or your favorite show is Real Housewives of Injectables, you should still watch it. It’s the best show on tv.

IG account of the week: BowenTheLab. He’s like a puppy but also a grandfather and I LOVE HIM.

Don’t forget to take your Zyrtec. TGIT!

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That moment when…

Posted by AllieB on April 9, 2015

That moment when you look at your public blog page on Facebook and realize you actually look like a crazy person:

completely insane

I bet Scott and Tom would just be really flattered if they saw these – flattered and appreciative of my craftiness in Microsoft Word, probably.

And this gem from 2011 that I made myself of myself:

BBT as kate

I wonder if straight jackets come in navy or like a charcoal color? I don’t have the tan to pull off white right now.

For more psychotic renderings like these, follow BBT on FB!

I’m not sure if I’m just totally cool with how batsh*t bonkers I look, or if it’s more that I think I’m so sane I can pull off the occasional foray to LocoTown. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Either way, I think we can all agree I should’ve been a graphic designer.

Anyhoo, moving along:

~ we asked and FINALLY they listened: there’s going to be a new podcast delving into the unsolved case featured on the first installment of Serial about Adnan Syed and the murder of Hae Min Lee – it’s not on Serial and Sarah Koenig won’t have anything to do with it, but two lawyers who worked with the original team are working on it, plus the lawyer who brought the whole case to light in the first place, Adnan’s cousin Rabia. (Note: I personally think Rabia is a little nuts, but the addition of the two Serial lawyers ups the credibility of the venture.) WE JUST WANT TO  KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

~ update your phone to iOS 8.3 for new, politically correct emojis. That’s great and all, but where are the block of cheese, the taco, and the fingers-crossed sign? Or, if you’re my bud JT, different wine varietals? I will say, the scrolling mechanism is vastly improved.

new emojis

I mean, it took me two minutes to add those three emoji and I was using Microsoft Word (obvs), so these techie “geniuses” really have no excuse.

~ book recommendation: A Friend of the Family. I read this awhile ago, but I saw it on my Kindle the other day and remembered how much I enjoyed it. Per Amazon:

Pete Dizinoff, a skilled and successful New Jersey internist, has a loving and devoted wife, a network of close friends, an impressive house, and, most of all, a son, Alec, now nineteen, on whom he has pinned all his hopes. But Pete hadn’t expected his best friend’s troubled daughter to set her sights on his boy. When Alec falls under her spell, Pete sets out to derail the romance, never foreseeing the devastating consequences.

~ should I go to business school?

~ law school?

~ I didn’t mention weather ONCE in this entire post.

~ IG account of the week: The Masters, duh. #teamAdam #yeahweknow

Ok, I’m done – short and sweet and to no point. TGIT!

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You don’t know until you know

Posted by AllieB on March 12, 2015

Oh, hello readers. I know it’s been a minute, but up until very recently I’ve been completely miserable and amid the throes of a serious bout of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder is not a joke; it is real), and my inability to talk about anything but my misery mandated a brief BBT hiatus. But that’s all in the past, there’s no more sludge – I will literally kill someone if the sludge comes back, and I learned I am my own hero and my super power is getting out of bed. Join me as we move on from actual hell on earth winter and embrace the joyful pleasures of spring.

It’s always hard for me to jump back in after a lengthy absence, so I’ll go the way of the listicle; I love a listicle with lots of links.

~ I do not love emails from non-humans and have spammed every daily or weekly or even monthly newsletter I’ve ever tried – with two exceptions: The Skimm and, as of last week, The Lead. We’ve discussed The Skimm 100x why do you never listen to me, and The Lead is like a Skimm but for sports only. I like these guys – here’s a partial shot of today’s email:

The Lead

it’s like zing! but also yeah – that is a fair question

Remember kids: knowing stuff is kewl.

~ Much to the excitement of high-schoolers everywhere, powdered alcohol will be available for purchase this summer. Now teens in the “fast crowd” really can leave the house with just a water bottle – sniff away, Mom and Dad! – then add the “Powderita” when they get to the Chick-fil-A parking lot. These Generation Z punks don’t have to work for anything; this is what’s wrong with America’s Youth!

~ They took their sweet time, but Zoolander 2 has a confirmed release date: 2/12/2016. Neat. The Fashion Week debut was pretty awesome. You probably don’t remember/never read it, but BBT brought you news about this sequel back in January 2011 with an aptly titled post, “The results are in, amigo. What’s left to ponder?” The lesson here is to listen to your friend Billy Zane, he’s a cool dude!

~ I am a published photographer!! I never aspired to be a photographer, but now that I am, I’d like to thank my family and friends for all their support…and Camera Plus for their advanced filtering mechanism, and Instagram for allowing me to add filters on top of filters.

Tribeca Citizen

I posted this stunningly artistic and evocative cityscape on Instagram last week, and they asked if they could post on the site. So that’s how that happened.

The below is from a BBT draft that I’d been half-heartedly working on over the last days of Feb/first few of March, and you can see I was not joking about my fragile state – I think this is what they call “spiraling.” Sheesh.

Morale is low. I recall saying, I think it was early January, the following:

<sips wine, touches hair> “Y’all, I don’t think winter’s going to be that bad. I just don’t. It’s already January and it hasn’t snowed yet, plus last winter was beyond awful, and I read some article that said it’s only really bad every other year…so, right? It’s going to be fine!”

Oh really, Allie. REALLY. I need to leave weather to the professionals and stick with what I know, like watching tv or internet trolling (wanna hang out?) – instead I planted this ill-conceived notion of a balmy winter in my head, so when February hit and wound up being the coldest month since 1934, I didn’t handle it well. I’m not handling it well. I’m starting to lose it. Actually, I think it’s already been lost.

Silver lining: new winter boots for BBT!!

My new boots are already stained by the sludge. I hate everything. Send help.

I know it’s cold everywhere blah blah blah but it’s different up here and you don’t know until you know.

Girlfriend needed a chill pill and a trip to Mexi. DO NOT LET ME FORGET TO GO TO MEXICO NEXT YEAR.

death to the puffer jacket

Baxter, out.

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