At approximately 4PM on Tuesday afternoon I was at my desk, working or whatever, when I heard what sounded like someone clipping their nails. Surely not – this is an office with an open-plan layout and there’s no such thing as personal space; anyone within a 20 foot radius is privy to everything you say or do. The sound continued; I had to investigate. I stood up and honed in on a man sitting the next row over. He was CLIPPING HIS NAILS. He was at his desk clipping his nails and then nonchalantly brushing the remnants into his trashcan. I was/am/will forever be appalled.
Amid my disgust, I realized there was probably a good BBT in here, so I emailed a group of people inquiring as to their workplace pet peeves, and some of you might need to look for new jobs. I am saddened by how uncommon common sense is.
Herewith, 19 things you can do to make your coworkers hate you.
1. Mayonnaise-based salads have a shelf-life one day. As in, do not bring a tub of tuna salad on a Monday and plan to eat out of it thru Friday. You are the worst and everyone hates you.
And if you didn’t put it in the fridge, it’s not yours.
2. When people shoot nerf guns around me while I’m trying to be productive. This is not to be confused with when people shoot nerf guns when I’d like to be distracted.
3. I want to reiterate this one more time: no nail clipping at your desk or anywhere that’s not your own bathroom in your own home.
It IS crazy.
4. People who are RUDE. It won’t kill you to say THANK YOU.
5. The guy that speaks loudly and mispronounces everything by putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable.
Previously, it has been the guy that said “deuces” to me every day when I left. Or when you someone goes on vacation for two weeks and when you ask how it was responds by saying “it’s not a vacation when you have kids”. And you’ve been covering their work. (“Deuces” –> nerd chills)
6. People talking loudly on the phone. (Preach! I think people who have zero regard for other people/their surroundings are sociopaths.)
7. I can’t stand it when I have literally just walked in for the day or from grabbing lunch and someone races or hovers over my desk to ask me a question. Especially if I am mid-bite, and they want to ask me 10 questions. Like give me 1 minute to get lettuce out of my teeth, and then I can help you.
8. When you sign an email with your name “Gregg” and someone will respond back “Hey Jack”…..grinds my gears man (By Jack he means Jack Donnelly, name of the best khaki brand in the biz. Check out story and link at the end of the post)
9. Captain Unfriendlies. Those who do not make eye contact, speak or acknowledge that another human is also present when you’re in an enclosed common area.
10. Captain Toofriendlies. Those who loiter in your area when you are clearly done with the conversation at hand. Bye Felecia.
11. When people eat delicious food – chicken fingers, pizza, french fries, etc – sending yummy smells wafting through the air when it’s not even a Friday. (Totes agree – get your fried mess away from me may I please have a french fry)
12. The guy who is flicking boogers on the wall over the urinal. This isn’t Kindergarten, and there will be some kind of hell to pay if I ever catch the culprit. (That is gross. Boys are GROSS)
Also, people who schedule calls/meetings past 5pm on a Friday. Hell, past noon. (Or really just on Friday, period.)
13. People who are idiots
14. When you ask someone to send something ASAP and they say “I’m right on top of that, Rose!” and it takes 17 more tries before they actually get it to you. WERE YOU NOT A PART OF THE CONVERSATION WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD SEND IT? Because you were, and you lied, and now I hate you.
15. The girl in the office next door to me plays Second Life (online virtual world) pretty much all day at work. She wears a headset and speaks aloud to other avatars. I think she may “own” a boot store because she’s always talking about how she doesn’t like this set of boots or that set of boots. I also think her avatar must have a really dominant personality because she says “f you motherf’er” 2-4 times/hour. (Um. What.)
16. I 100% clip my nails at work and don’t give a $*&%. I hate the assistant that leaves at 4:59:59 every day regardless of how much she knows everyone has going on. (Aren’t you a delight.)
17. People talking over or down to you. Work hard and be nice to each other. Rude is never an excuse. (Words to live by!)
18. Co-workers sharing too much personal information.We work together I don’t need to know your birthing plan. (EW.)
Also, millennials (even though we technically are in that group). Spotlight on a convo I had with Frank our new Government Affairs Coordinator.
F: When were you born?
J: When were you born?
(Tell Frank he used EW wrong.)
19. Women in sales that dress like sl*ts. Yes. I am being hypocritical. I should be supporting other women in my field. But they are all fake and obnoxious. (I’m with you on this – it’s obvious what you’re doing and you make the rest of us look bad.)
This is where you should pause and ask yourself, do I do any of these things? Check yourself before you wreck yourself, y’all.
As previously mentioned, I want to do a quick plug for Jack Donnelly khakis. Gregg, the owner, launched a Kickstarter campaign and is killing it – he’s at over 300% of his goal, and there are still three days to go. Read this note and check out the video, and join the movement! Be a part of something bigger than yourself.
An open letter to our loyal customers and supporters:
In June 2010, I launched Jack Donnelly from my parents’ basement. Disappointed with the way khakis were being made (mass produced and ill-fitting), I set out to create a better khaki – one that fit great, was highly constructed, and made to last. It was important to me to do it the best way an American based company can – sourcing and manufacturing in the USA.
It’s been an awesome journey thus far, and all your feedback has been amazing. We’ve spent the last four years carefully building out and improving our product line. We made sure to take it slowly because we wanted to build a business that lasts, to always deliver a top quality product, and to cultivate a brand that you can trust.
Today we set out on our newest and biggest journey, a Kickstarter campaign to help fund new product development and expanded operations with a mission to take our brand to the next level. The more people who visit our Kickstarter page, the more successful we can be, and the more great pants we can make.
I ask you to please watch and share our Kickstarter video with your friends, family, and colleagues. If you feel that we deserve your financial support to help fund our future growth, please contribute (and get some great pants). I sincerely appreciate your support and business. It means more than you know. With your help we can make this into something special…the great khaki comeback starts here!
If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let me know.
I know this is information overload, especially on a Friday (see #12), but really – what else are you going to do today? TGIF!
Living footloose & ebola-free in NYC,