Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘dunce’

A year older, wiser, awesomer

Posted by AllieB on June 20, 2012

Thanks for all the birthday love!! I have a feeling 29 is going to be my year. Seriously – good things are in the mix for BBT, so BOLO for that. An extra special thank you to Tina, who put her exceptional photo-shopping skills to good use and made me this:

The Royal Couple. Let it be known that I don’t have a crush on William, my crush is on Kate…and her glorious hair. On a different note, I hear they’re planning a remake of Single White Female?

I’d like to also give a little shout-out to 5 Seasons Brewery on the Westside for proffering such a pleasant spot and service for the celebration of moi. Their pizza: meh (I’m pretty sure it’s gluten-free, which pizza should never be), their crab ragoons/flash-fried dumpling goodness: AMAZING. It’s kind of a random, not-oft-thought-of spot, but their patio is great, especially once the sun goes down, and the view is lovely – I do love a good vista!

Clockwise from top: FRIENDS! Dunce Hat (remember the brewery debacle of Oct 2k10? I’ve come such a long way since then). Thank you, Perez.

I’m having quite the love affair with the Westside right now…the JCT Rooftop Bar is absolutely idyllic for happy hour (rose, anyone?), and JCT’s Sunday Supper is really a must-do. For $24 you get homemade biscuits, a deviled egg, a nature salad (lot’s of nature in that thing, thankfully no peas – tis delish), then you choose a meat for yourself and then pick three sides for the table. I went with Mr. and Mrs. Baxter on Sunday, and I got the fish and grits (tile fish served on a bed of grits, which actually meant I got an extra fourth side…if I know how to do anything, it’s order), and then we shared sweet corn with bacon and bleu cheese, a summer squash saute, and fresh tomatoes with a light brushing of E.V.O.O. and ground pepper. OMG YUM. We also had a nice malbec, and the whole evening was very pleasant. BBT: HIGHLY recommends.

I updated my Book List.

Obsessed with this nail polish (gracias, Dinka!) – both color and name:

essie – off the shoulder

LeAnn Rimes is the worst, and this latest gaffe really takes the cake (wordplay): check out the birthday treat she designed for her now-husband’s birthday. I say “now-husband” because he was married to someone else when they started seeing each other. In case you can’t tell, it’s her and hubby cuddling in bed on the top layer with his two children sitting alone at the bottom. Someone should call child services.

Wrong. So Wrong. (via UsWeekly)

Get after it – it’s humpday!

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Our country tis of dunce

Posted by AllieB on July 7, 2011

America is 100% the best country in which to live. Watching the fireworks on Monday night, I couldn’t help but be filled with pride, patriotism, and pure love for all things USA. When the crowd around us started cheering during the cacophonous finale, I felt my eyes start to well up a little….God Bless America. In that same vein, America’s Team is dominating – GO BRAVES! (The Braves will always be America’s Team in my book…)

That said, we have our failures. I get that Casey Anthony can’t serve life in jail just because it’s obvious that she’s a murderous Tot Mom – there has to be evidence and blah blah and whatever, you can’t go around putting people in jail based on common sense, but I don’t have to like it.

BBT’s favorite author, Bill Bryson, has detailed a dissimilar yet nevertheless alarming compilation of ways in which America fails – specifically, the failures of its citizens. I share with you below excerpts of an article entitled, “Well, Doctor, I was just trying to lie down…” that I finally found in full text on the internet. (I’ve been goog’ing the damn thing for over a year, and I finally got my search query right because I FOUND IT. It was the best day…)

Here’s a fact for you: According to the latest Statistical Abstract of the United States, every year more than 400,000 Americans suffer injuries involving beds, mattresses, or pillows. Think about that for a minute. That is almost 2,000 bed, mattress, or pillow injuries a day. In the time it takes you to read this article, fourof my fellow citizens will somehow manage to be wounded by their bedding.
Consider this intriguing fact: Almost 50,000 people in the United States are injured each year by pencils, pens, and other desk accessories. How do they do it? I have spent many long hours seated at desks where I would have greeted almost any kind of injury as a welcome diversion, but never once have I come close to achieving actual bodily harm.
So I ask again: How do they do it?… In 1992 (the latest year for which figures are available) more than 400,000 people in the United States were injured by chairs, sofas, and sofa beds. What are we to make of this?… Have we become exceptionally careless sitters? What is certain is that the problem is worsening. The number of chair, sofa, and sofa bed injuries showed an increase of 30,000 over the previous year, which is quite a worrying trend even for those of us who are frankly fearless with regard to soft furnishings. (That may, of course, be the nub of the problem-overconfidence.)

I will never find that not funny…Clearly I’m still on vacation, but I wanted to keep up the momentum.

Two VERY important pieces of information re: BBT’s peeps:

1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MCL!!! I can’t wait to see you in tha A in a couple of weeks. I am tempted to put up the photo of you straggling up the beach in 2k5, but I’m not that mean…nor will I link to your ramen recipe. Instead I’ll just give you an awkward hug via the interweb, and an even more awkward one in person.

2. TINA IS ENGAGED!!!! Oh, happy day. This is my new favorite photo ever, in the history of all photos. LURVE.



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D is for Dunce

Posted by AllieB on March 10, 2011

The following humans are clearly very special, and I’d like to acknowledge their specialness by awarding them Dunce Hats.

Meet Timothy Chapek. Timothy needed to take a shower, so he broke into someone’s house. Hilary McKenzie, owner of said home, had the gall to enter whilst Timothy was self-cleaning, causing him to panic. Tapping into his meager cache of brain cells, Timothy did the only thing he could think to do (source: NYDaily News):

“I just broke into a house and the owner came home,” Chapek told the 911 operator, in a call obtained by The Smoking Gun. “I think they have guns.”

“You broke into a house?” asked the confused operator.

“Why are you in my house taking a shower?” homeowner Hilary McKenzie can be heard asking in the background. “Who are you?”

“My name is Timothy Chapek,” Chapek told her sheepishly.

“I broke in…I already called them,” he added, when McKenzie threatened to call the police. “They’re on the phone right now.”

When people who know Timothy hear about this, they’ll probably shake their heads with disdain and mutter, “damn fool can’t even burgle a house right…” At least that’s what I would say, if I knew Timothy.

Next, I shall revisit the gold mine of fail that is girls track. I’ve shared with you before a video of girls track going awry*, and this gem is no less sensational.


I don’t even understand how that happened, but I’m glad it did.

Holy crap that is awesome.

*Sidebar: I just watched that YouTube and it’s amazing – here’s the link again, you don’t need sound. I have it embedded so it starts at the perfect time…DO IT DAMMIT. Ok bye.

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