Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘weather’

Cue the crop tops and denim diapers

Posted by AllieB on April 16, 2015

Yesterday, for the first time since October, it was 70+ degrees in New York. Much as the black bear emerges from its cave after the long winter months, so too do the citizens of NYC.  Everywhere you look, people so pale they’re almost translucent are lighting their puffer jackets on fire and congratulating themselves on surviving another soul-crushing, morale-killing, life-sucking winter season: “so this is why we live here!” Cue the crop tops and denim diapers: HELLO SPRING. Oh yes – now that it’s getting warm I’ve got a whole new arsenal of things to complain about.

It will probably snow next week. Mother Nature has such a great sense of humor!

Bryant Park is trying

Bryant Park is trying… #tryharder

Y’all would tell me if I talked about the weather too much, right?

I’m going to share some thoughts with you now. Having lived in two different cities post-college, I feel like I have the credibility to say that every city has unique traits and hardships that make you love/hate/love/HATE it, and you, as a resident, must adapt accordingly. New York is the best place on earth but it can also be a real sonofabitch – here’s how we get by in the Big Apple:

Indifference: new “hot” restaurants open every day, it seems. Before you know it, all you’re hearing about is that spot in Alphabet City where you MUST go and definitely get burrata and the burger and the f*cking kale salad. So you talk about going with your friends – let’s totally go next week to that new place! It doesn’t matter if they don’t take reservations, I hear the broiled oysters are life-changing, so we will wait for 2 hours in the crowded bar where regardless of where you stand you’re totally in the way. Next week comes and suddenly you’re like…let’s go to the bar across the street.

Then, on top of that, you get so sick of people raving about the new place that you ultimately just end up saying you’ve been and those oysters really are life-changing but somehow never actually go and then it closes. I feel like as much as there is to do and see and eat all over the city, there’s also all of that on your block. I am hesitant to use the word “lazy” – geographically averse, perhaps.

Disclaimer: we do venture to different ‘hoods and boroughs, but we’re also very supportive of our respective neighborhoods. And that’s not indifference, that is loyalty, and New Yorkers are nothing if not loyal.

Whine: we get to complain about the weather; you do not.*

*Unless you live in Boston or Chicago, but you chose your choice so I will still complain.

Denial: people will read things like this depressing AF list of 10 Reasons Why You Can’t Afford to Live in New York City that states then proves with hard facts and numbers that the cost of living here is double the national average, but then qualify it by saying, “but who cares – it’s New York!”

Or, another example: “A rat ran across my foot in the subway this morning then I get hit by a bike delivery guy; it started pouring but I didn’t have an umbrella, and there was a fire at the W. 4th Street station, so no downtown trains were running and the Uber surge was 12%. Oh, and the guy who lives above me is auditioning for STOMP. But I wouldn’t live anywhere else because NEW YORK.”

Basically, we’re all in abusive relationships with this city, but at least we’re all in them together…

Ok, I’m done with the thoughts.

I did not post a picture for Sibling Day last week, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love my siblings!!

sibling day whatever

 Happy Baptism, Jordan! Or whatever. Everyone look at me.

Do you watch Veep? You really, really should – even if you’re easily offended by crass language or your favorite show is Real Housewives of Injectables, you should still watch it. It’s the best show on tv.

IG account of the week: BowenTheLab. He’s like a puppy but also a grandfather and I LOVE HIM.

Don’t forget to take your Zyrtec. TGIT!

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That moment when…

Posted by AllieB on April 9, 2015

That moment when you look at your public blog page on Facebook and realize you actually look like a crazy person:

completely insane

I bet Scott and Tom would just be really flattered if they saw these – flattered and appreciative of my craftiness in Microsoft Word, probably.

And this gem from 2011 that I made myself of myself:

BBT as kate

I wonder if straight jackets come in navy or like a charcoal color? I don’t have the tan to pull off white right now.

For more psychotic renderings like these, follow BBT on FB!

I’m not sure if I’m just totally cool with how batsh*t bonkers I look, or if it’s more that I think I’m so sane I can pull off the occasional foray to LocoTown. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Either way, I think we can all agree I should’ve been a graphic designer.

Anyhoo, moving along:

~ we asked and FINALLY they listened: there’s going to be a new podcast delving into the unsolved case featured on the first installment of Serial about Adnan Syed and the murder of Hae Min Lee – it’s not on Serial and Sarah Koenig won’t have anything to do with it, but two lawyers who worked with the original team are working on it, plus the lawyer who brought the whole case to light in the first place, Adnan’s cousin Rabia. (Note: I personally think Rabia is a little nuts, but the addition of the two Serial lawyers ups the credibility of the venture.) WE JUST WANT TO  KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

~ update your phone to iOS 8.3 for new, politically correct emojis. That’s great and all, but where are the block of cheese, the taco, and the fingers-crossed sign? Or, if you’re my bud JT, different wine varietals? I will say, the scrolling mechanism is vastly improved.

new emojis

I mean, it took me two minutes to add those three emoji and I was using Microsoft Word (obvs), so these techie “geniuses” really have no excuse.

~ book recommendation: A Friend of the Family. I read this awhile ago, but I saw it on my Kindle the other day and remembered how much I enjoyed it. Per Amazon:

Pete Dizinoff, a skilled and successful New Jersey internist, has a loving and devoted wife, a network of close friends, an impressive house, and, most of all, a son, Alec, now nineteen, on whom he has pinned all his hopes. But Pete hadn’t expected his best friend’s troubled daughter to set her sights on his boy. When Alec falls under her spell, Pete sets out to derail the romance, never foreseeing the devastating consequences.

~ should I go to business school?

~ law school?

~ I didn’t mention weather ONCE in this entire post.

~ IG account of the week: The Masters, duh. #teamAdam #yeahweknow

Ok, I’m done – short and sweet and to no point. TGIT!

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Just like Nancy Drew, I solved a mystery

Posted by AllieB on January 30, 2014

Hello. Today I will solve a mystery so mysterious it makes the Bermuda Triangle look like an above-ground backyard pool in Ohio where the Loch Ness Monster and Big Foot hang out, grill steaks, and play touch football with their kids, Loch Ness and Big Foot, Jrs.

It’s a total game changer: here’s how to see time stamps on your iMessages. Credit: JVBJordan…eh, so I guess it’s her we should call Nancy Drew. Fine.

how to see time stamps on iphone imessages

I had to black out the sender’s name, obvi, given the mention of pre-meditated murder and a clearly stated lack of remorse; BBT is no snitch. If this is not brand new information then up yours for not telling me sooner. I mean, it didn’t even occur to me to goog it, that’s how futile the situation seemed. This might be the best brand new information I’ve received since I learned about Let Me Google That For You – I love LMGTFY.

While we’re talking game changers, I have a couple requests for the big guys:

Dear Mr. Snapchat,

Will you please figure out a way for me to send my screenshots via Snap? Super.

P.S. What 23 year-old says “pass” to $3 billion?! Pretty ballsy…

P.P.S. Might you consider dating a slightly older woman?

Dear Apple (cc: Emoji),

Could someone please find out how to assign unique keyboards to specific contacts? Or, at the very least, put the hashtag thingy on the main typing screen? Yes.

hashtag wine

I need this on my keyboard, please and thank you

I think that’s it; I’m not unreasonable.

Another helpful tip I generously share with you today: do you find that your ear buds fall out during exercise? I do. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me – the right ear bud barely stays in while I’m just walking. I have those hook-over-the-ear headphones but they look stupid. SOLUTION! Credit: CKBMaines

sprng

Meet Sprng, the $10 plastic clips that will greatly improve your quality of life – they just snap right onto your ear buds and fit neatly into the groove of your ear (ew). They slide in easily, stay put, and are much more comfortable than the ones that hook – you don’t even notice they’re there, you just notice that you’re not having to shove your right bud in every 20 seconds. I’ve run with them twice this week, and I’m very impressed. Also, I opted for a subtle light grey color that blends right in – ya can’t even see them. BBT highly recommends.

Sooo…how’s it going, ATL? The pictures I’ve seen online from Tuesday & Wednesday are insane, and I still can’t quite comprehend the gravity of the situation on the roads. It sucks that it was handled poorly on so many fronts, but – and more importantly, I think – my overall takeaway is this: I am in awe of the innate goodness of the peeps Atlanta. I read so many stories on the SnowedOut Atlanta page that gave me the warm and fuzzies – it was pretty great. (Unfortunately there are also haters posting on that page, but haters are always going to hate.) They’ll be embarrassed I shared this, but on Tuesday night my mom saw a post on FB about woman stranded near our house, and my dad went to pick her up and wound up with a second woman as well. The two of them stayed the night at our house and finally were able to start their trek home yesterday afternoon. I know my parents’ gesture was just one of thousands made throughout the city. There’s going to be a lot of political conversations and pointing of fingers and I imagine it’s going to get pretty ugly – it already has – but, as is the BBT way, I like to find the silver lining. It’s amazing how the worst times can truly bring out the best in people.

I’d also like to give a shout-out to Zirk3 and her harrowing commute home Tuesday day -> evening -> night…you’re very brave, and I commend you for finding the silver lining via Insta posts (I also commend you for having a car charger). It takes a special breed of person to keep their sense of humor in the face of such hardship. Next time we meet, the goldschlager’s on me.

Not to take away from what’s going on down there, but we’re cold, too…..

hudson river frozen

The Hudson was frozen halfway to Jersey last Friday. Thass bunk.

Here’s fun activity: take this 100%  entirely accurate quiz that will determine your mental age in 6 short and easy multiple choice questions.

Your mental age is

19

Well, that settles it: I most definitely belong with a 23 year old! I’m going to make a wonderful Mrs. Allie Snapchat.

If you haven’t already, watch this. Even if you have, watch it again – I’m in double digits. Hint: there are puppies. Puppies and Clydesdales and Budweiser.

TGIT and Happy Super Bowl Weekend! Go Peyton!! Go Sherman!! If you live in NYC, don’t even think about going near Times Square, but do read this article What Super Bowl Week Is All About by my man Jason Gay at the WSJ. And, believe it or not…it hardly seems possible…tomorrow is the last day of January. VICTORY!

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Let’s do this

Posted by AllieB on January 9, 2014

We’ll start things off on a high note: Monday, January 6, was Blue Monday. According to some somewhat reliable sources, Blue Monday is the most depressing day of the year. Today is Thursday, January 9, which means you not only survived Blue Monday, but that you’ve already had your worst day of the year and every day hereafter will be better than the last. This is great news!! 2014 is going to be awesome!

Coming at you on a low, albeit obvious, note: my process of thought is seriously flawed.

I have many intentions for this year, and I’m writing them down. An “intention” is less scary and not as annoying as a “resolution,” but it more or less means the same thing. I know – again with the flawed thought process.

1. I will use my passport. A&K..!

where to go in 2014

I do not know where Latvia is or how one might go about getting there, but I am IN! Jetsetter is my new favorite site.

2. Be physically active for 30 minutes each day. (Confession: this one started off as “Leave the apartment every day” but that sounds really pathetic, so I changed it. There’s a chance it will change back – February up here is the worst, and there is literally nothing I cannot get delivered to my apartment. Literally, in the literal sense.)

3. Continue to be a non-presence on this list: The 30 Dumbest Things Drunk Women Have Ever Done.

4. Read less. I read so much crap – like legitimate, good-thing-it’s-on-my-Kindle-so-people-can’t-see-the-cover CRAP – and I need to stop indulging in these “books” which are probably making me dumber and work on my own stuff. If you’re not living you’re dying, right? Bao Bao, the panda cub at the Washington Zoo, probably has a shot at a book deal if this fluff is any indication of publishing standards.

Bao Bao whoops

5. Sign up for zero marathons.

I am reaching for the stars in Twenty-Fourteen!

Newsflash: this week was really cold. It was very cold here, it was very cold in Atlanta, and people in Chicago should really consider moving. However, Optimistic Allie is here to enlighten you as to some perks of the frigid weather. Optimistic Allie can always find the silver lining.

-you can hunker down indoors all day and not feel bad about it. I love a winter Saturday in a cozy, dark tavern.

-a blast of cold air to the face will snap you right of whatever catatonic state you’re in: hangover, lack of sleep, office-eyes (you know, when you’re indoors all day you get office eyes), etc….

-children swaddled within an inch of their lives, waddling around with scarecrow arms. I get a real kick out of swaddled kids.

all of your TV shows are back with brand new episodes!! Me, I am excited about: Cougartown (yep), House of Lies, Downton, Scandal, and the second season of House of Cards on Feb 14. BRING IT, FRANCIS.

-The Winter Olympics. 40 Harry will be hosting an Olympics party, so start gathering your red, white, and blue spandex and BOLO for an invitation 3-4 days before the party. Speaking of the Winter Olympics, it is the 20th Anniversary of the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan scandal. That whole thing was seriously insane…gah, amateur sports are totally boring these days.

-you burn more calories running in cold weather than in hot.

-I have a deep and abiding love for my puffer jacket, which I get to wear every day.

-winter selfies…! And the obligatory weather app screen-grab to prove that you are colder than everyone else. Except Chicago – Chicago wins.

winter collageTemp on Tues PM; stick ’em up!; Greenwich Street last Fri; my 5-borough running gloves being put to use

Did I miss my calling as a motivational speaker?

2014 is the Year of the Horse, and it is also the Year of BBT. Happy Thursday and Happy Weekend and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the DUCHESS! Here are 32 GIFs of her and her hair being perfect.

407761-the-duke-and-duchess-of-cambridge-attend-the-awards-ceremony-for-the-a

 Here’s to another year of this.

P.S. I’ve had (Do It On My) Twin Bed stuck in my head since before Christmas.

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

50 Shades of Do Not Want

Posted by AllieB on September 25, 2013

Hey guys! On the Effort Scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is standing up and 10 is walking to the kitchen, today’s post is about a 1.25.

50 Shades of Do Not Want: I’ve been over 50 Shades of Grey for awhile now, and, even though I obviously made my way thru all three books, I definitely judge anyone who is still reading them…similarly, I am an equal opportunity indulger of  any and all (red) wine, but even I turn my nose at this: 50 Shades of Grey Wine. There are two varietals: White Silk and Red Satin. That’s disgusting. Also, it’s going for $18/bottle! You could buy two non-embarrassing bottles of malbec for that; this just goes from bad to worse. BBT says: absolutely not.

IT Allie asks: have you downloaded the new iOS 7? Do it. Do it now. It’s like getting a whole new phone! And, given that I’ve actually downgraded to a plain old 4 from a 4S instead of upgrading (April 2k14..!), this is especially exciting for moi. I’ve had zero kinks – just back your shiz up. iTunes Radio is a great addition, and the camera has improved. Everyone also loves the Control Center; the pros abound. Me, I mostly just think it’s really pretty…

ios screen shot

background

I feel v exposed, like I just showed you my bank acct balance or undergarment drawer

-I’ve heard a few things about the fingerprint scanner on the new 5S: cats can do it, hackers figured out to hack it, and…this: You Can Also Unlock the iPhone 5 S with Your  Junk. Y’all, that’s gross.

-Closing out apps is not entirely intuitive – here’s how.

-Have you recently lost your 3rd Kindle? Just me? Well, fear not, because Amazon has released yet another Kindle, the Kindle Fire HDX, complete with a “mayday” button that links to live support 24/7/365, promising a 15 second or less response time. Dang. (Credit: Charlotte!)

Watching: My roommates love The Voice, so it looks like I love The Voice, too. I’m just not sure I’m emotionally equipped to handle it. They draw you in with heart-wrenching backstories of these people want nothing more than to share the gift of music, then they go out on stage, sing their hearts out, and….none of the judges pick them. Although, I do respect the judges for refraining from the pity pick – I’d have a team of losers halfway thru the first audition. I’m such a softie. Modern Family starts back tonight, SNL on Saturday, and T minus 103 hours, give or take, til Homeland Season 3 returns. (It took me almost as long to calculate that number just now)

SHE WOULD: Blake Lively is starting her own GOOPy-sounding company. Boobs Legsly, a moniker that isn’t even legit anymore since she’s morphed into this married class act, is even easier to hate than Gwyneth. Obviously I will read every issue, scoffing at the recipes but diligently saving all of them. It annoys me when people talk about “curating” a lifestyle. I can barely curate my salad from Chop’t*.

GFY, seriously

GFY, seriously

*I actually have a bombass salad order: Spinach, Kale, Fresh Jalapeños, Cucumber, Tomato, Pepper Jack Cheese, FreeBird Ancho Chile Chicken, Tri-Color Quinoa, Low-Fat Spa Greek Yogurt Tzatziki Dressing. I made it up all by myself. FACE.

Fall is here! I really am going to pump the brakes on talking about weather. Elmore Leonard, the renowned novelist who passed away recently, had a list of of 10 Rules for Good Writing:

  1.  Never open a book with weather.

I took a quick look at past BBT posts, and, if you replace “book” with “blog” I’m not doing so hot – same with the other nine. Whatever, I’m a slow learner. Like I was saying: fall is here! I want to swaddle myself in 1,000 sweaters (I like these: Dear Santa/if I budget better); fill my apartment with the aroma of spiced cider (the spiked cider looks good, pretty sure if I had a cabernet candle in my apt I’d have to have a bottle of cabernet open…oh wait); and jump in piles of leaves (don’t need sound and really only need to watch like first ten secs).

 

Happy Wednesday to all of you, and HAPPY FRIDAY to meeee! I’m headed south for a sure-to-be perfect wedding – can wait to see ya, EmilyB (cc: W Port)!

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