Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘celebs’

Today is Picture Day!

Posted by AllieB on April 23, 2015

Picture Day at school was my least favorite day. My forced smile looks exactly that – forced – and 9 out of 10 times I would forget and show up with my hair in a veritable rat’s nest, or happen to wear my 1991 Atlanta Braves National League Champs tshirt (Adult Large) with sweatpants. At least you couldn’t see the sweatpants?*

But here on BBT picture day does not suck because the smiles are (hopefully) not forced, and sweatpants are actually in style right now. Besides, sometimes I feel like y’all don’t read my carefully crafted comments, so perhaps this format will be more appealing.

~ Google offered a “what animal are you” quiz yesterday in honor of Earth Day. I must say, I did not see this coming:

what animal are you

 but who am I to argue with the Goog? #dismember

~ VISTAS!

vista

On the Left: last night in my ‘hood, post-storm. There’s something for everyone at Pier 25! #golf #snacks #theapocalypse

And ze Right: I went off-campus for a hike on Saturday w MelBoo & CDMcD – it was a great success in that the weather was lovely and there were lots of “money shot” views, less so in that we got completely lost and actually did 2 hikes instead of one. As we hit mile 7 of our 3 mile hike, I began to wonder who might play me in the movie…

~ Speaking of hikes, the Baxter Fam is hiking Machu Picchu in Peru next month. We were told that some training is advised, so I’ve been doing lots of Flywheel and sometimes I take the stairs to my 9th floor apartment carrying two bottles of wine. I thought I was good to go until the aforementioned hike last Saturday, when I realized – not so much. Always reasonable, I tried to blame the higher altitude for my shortness of breath (1,380 ft) but then I checked and The Inca Trail we trek to Machu Picchu reaches almost 14,000 ft in some places…so. Crap.

machu picchu

I think it’ll be worth it tho – BOLO for 1,348,986 vista pics

~ this is the little ginger kid who informed us and Jerry McGuire that the human head weighs 8 lbs

human head weighs 8 lbs

 holy sh*t

*case in point: Picture Day was the worst.

picture day

Second grade: I think my parents did this on purpose, like for their own entertainment. And it occurs to me that is genius and I’m 1000% doing that with my own kids

Third grade: I may have peaked in third grade

Fourth grade: no.

Turns out I already did a Picture Day post – two years ago, same title and everything. +2 points for consistency.

Friendly reminder: only 7 more days to celebrate National Grilled Cheese Month. TGIT!!

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That moment when…

Posted by AllieB on April 9, 2015

That moment when you look at your public blog page on Facebook and realize you actually look like a crazy person:

completely insane

I bet Scott and Tom would just be really flattered if they saw these – flattered and appreciative of my craftiness in Microsoft Word, probably.

And this gem from 2011 that I made myself of myself:

BBT as kate

I wonder if straight jackets come in navy or like a charcoal color? I don’t have the tan to pull off white right now.

For more psychotic renderings like these, follow BBT on FB!

I’m not sure if I’m just totally cool with how batsh*t bonkers I look, or if it’s more that I think I’m so sane I can pull off the occasional foray to LocoTown. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Either way, I think we can all agree I should’ve been a graphic designer.

Anyhoo, moving along:

~ we asked and FINALLY they listened: there’s going to be a new podcast delving into the unsolved case featured on the first installment of Serial about Adnan Syed and the murder of Hae Min Lee – it’s not on Serial and Sarah Koenig won’t have anything to do with it, but two lawyers who worked with the original team are working on it, plus the lawyer who brought the whole case to light in the first place, Adnan’s cousin Rabia. (Note: I personally think Rabia is a little nuts, but the addition of the two Serial lawyers ups the credibility of the venture.) WE JUST WANT TO  KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

~ update your phone to iOS 8.3 for new, politically correct emojis. That’s great and all, but where are the block of cheese, the taco, and the fingers-crossed sign? Or, if you’re my bud JT, different wine varietals? I will say, the scrolling mechanism is vastly improved.

new emojis

I mean, it took me two minutes to add those three emoji and I was using Microsoft Word (obvs), so these techie “geniuses” really have no excuse.

~ book recommendation: A Friend of the Family. I read this awhile ago, but I saw it on my Kindle the other day and remembered how much I enjoyed it. Per Amazon:

Pete Dizinoff, a skilled and successful New Jersey internist, has a loving and devoted wife, a network of close friends, an impressive house, and, most of all, a son, Alec, now nineteen, on whom he has pinned all his hopes. But Pete hadn’t expected his best friend’s troubled daughter to set her sights on his boy. When Alec falls under her spell, Pete sets out to derail the romance, never foreseeing the devastating consequences.

~ should I go to business school?

~ law school?

~ I didn’t mention weather ONCE in this entire post.

~ IG account of the week: The Masters, duh. #teamAdam #yeahweknow

Ok, I’m done – short and sweet and to no point. TGIT!

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Naughty or Nice?

Posted by AllieB on December 11, 2014

Santa’s super busy around Christmas, so I decided to lend a hand and help him out with those pesky Naughty or Nice lists. Santa, you are so welcome. ‘Tis the season for generosity and selfless good deeds! Also, no need to get a second opinion – pretty sure I nailed it.

Naughty:

~ the news of late…makes you wish for simpler times, like when we all thought we were getting Ebola

Nice!

~ the doorman in my building, Eustace, who knows the name of every single resident (he calls me Ali Baba which still counts and you can all call me that if you want because WWED?) and sells Girl Scout cookies for his granddaughter every spring. Put me down for all the boxes, Eustace – every single one.

~ Sephora. Sephora is on every block in New York, which means I am never too far from dry shampoo and bronzer. Dry shampoo is to me what cake is to those fat kids: you don’t want to be around us if we haven’t had our fix.

But, also a little Naughty:

~ Sephora. The small yet adorably packaged and, duh, therefore expensive items stocked in the checkout line at Sephora are to me what cake is to those fat kids: when it comes to temptation, we have the backbone of a wet noodle.

Back to Nice:

Domesticate-Me. Thanks to Serena and her sharp writing and rather challenging recipes, I have recently achieved Goddess of Kitchen status. I must also give a shout out to my poor budgeting skills, for without my inability to properly manage money, I would absolutely still order Seamless every night.

butternut squash soup

This is the Butternut Squash Soup with Roasted Garlic, Goat Cheese, and Pepitas. It took me like 2.5 hours but it was worth it – that stuff is dank city.

~ Grapefruit season! I love grapefruit. You can all come over for Grapefruit-Rosemary Mules! (I swear I wrote about grapefruit before I saw this recipe – I’m even eating one right now at my desk, we just happen to be on the same page. Is this getting weird? We have friends in common….time to pop that chill pill.)

Possibly the worst ever:

~ (Subterranean transportation x the holiday season) + New York City = HOMICIDAL RAGE. Just last night I was meeting ERock and Flem for dinner at Marta (BBT says: 3.5 stars), and I was literally forced onto the wrong train because of the crowd surge. Stuck in this cattle car against my will, I had to ride the express all the way to 14th then double-back up to 28th. I realized, after the fact, that I really should have just walked the 13 blocks from my office….but it was snowing. So, yeah – toss lousy weather into that equation, and get the hell out of my way.

Go ahead and give in to the goodness:

~ Serial. Yeah, it’s a podcast, and yeah, IT IS AWESOME. I haven’t downloaded this week’s epi yet, and it wraps up next week…I have so many feelings I don’t even know where to start. Stop resisting and start listening – especially if you drive a car or go for long runs, this podcast platform is made for you.

It’s a toss-up:

~ The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. While it is hardly a morale booster, the #VSFashionShow does provide endless fodder when it comes to documenting the appallingly awkward moves, behavior, and facial expressions of Taylor Swift…your call, Santa.

Adrianna and Alessandra each have two kids. And I bet Ed Sheehan posted this on his high school reunion page w caption: "YOU CAN KEEP MY LUNCH MONEY SUCKAS"

Adrianna and Alessandra each have two kids. And I bet Ed Sheeran posted this on his high school reunion page w caption: “YOU CAN KEEP ALL THAT LUNCH MONEY SUCKAS”

Ending on a high note:

~ Christmas in New York. I will never tire of Christmas in NYC.

grand central

So now I ask all of you: are you naughty like Ebola or nice like a grapefruit?

It’s possible Santa might need a back-up list….

I honestly, in my heart of hearts, woke up today and thought it was Friday. The only silver lining is that I had time to throw together this haphazard, weak-sauce BBT…which I think we can all agree places me firmly and immovably on the Nice list.

TGIhowisitstillT!

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An Open Letter to the Internet

Posted by AllieB on November 13, 2014

I am mad at the internet. Between Taylor Swift’s new album and Kim Kardashian’s oily photo shoot, I am actually feeling feelings of legit anger. I am  unwittingly in the know about every single moment of Taylor’s life and am somehow now intimately acquainted Kim’s nether regions. I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW OR SEE ANY OF THAT. The over-exposure and inexhaustible self-promotion of these two women and their “art” really bothers me. I don’t follow Taylor Swift or Kim Kardashian on any form of social media, but they are unavoidable – from TIME Magazine to every single pop culture news outlet – and I want out. What’s more: I want the option to opt out. I feel like the internet has taken away my right to choose.

That said, I’m also a little mad at Taylor Swift. Promoting a new album is a musician’s job. You give interviews, you go on tour, you give free shows on morning news programs and appear on magazine covers. You tweet and you post on Instagram and you get your fans excited. Taylor Swift invited fans TO HER HOUSE for cookies. Taylor Swift inked a deal with the CITY OF NEW YORK to be its global ambassador even though she moved here in March. March of 2014. Speaking of, I’d like to note that Taylor Swift’s New York is that of the .0000007% and bless the tweens from Middle America who think their TriBeCa loft and black SUVs are but a Greyhound ride away. And although the entire music industry has imbibed the kool-aid served up at Taylor ‘s house parties, giving her album 5 star reviews across the board, I can’t bring myself to listen to a single song or watch the new music video that’s getting all the hype – I won’t even link you to it, I am standing strong!

And I’m always mad at Kim Kardashian. I think KimK is actually a robot and definitely has butt implants and is dead inside and I’m sure is very nice but only because she was programmed that way and her motherboard can only handle a very limited range of emotion. She is what’s wrong with everything that is going wrong.

While I do take issue with both Taylor and Kim personally – clearly – I am more more frustrated with the bigger picture. The ebola frenzy of recent weeks really annoyed me, too, but even coverage of that has waned significantly. And I’m not some highbrow consumer – believe you me, I’d much rather click thru on an article about 17 tips for getting ready after a sweaty workout-minus the shower over one about Vladimir Putin and something about the Ukraine, but that is my choice. The obsessive and ceaseless nature of documenting and reporting Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian has forcibly burdened me with information I did not want or seek out, and therein lies my main issue. I also recognize that resistance against these two is futile – case in point: I am writing about them right now – and it’s clear to me I have but one option: I must move to Appalachia. The End.

OK I feel much better, and I don’t even feel bad because I know that TSwizz would just Shake It Off saying “Hater’s gonna hate!” while cashing a check for gazillion dollars, and KimK can’t feel anything stronger than “slightly perturbed” so no harm, no foul.

I do realize the irony of a tirade against the internet…on the internet…but no one stopped to listen when I set up my soap box in Bryant Park.

My apologies to MelBoo and KReav for this outcry against Taylor Swift, but you’ve gotta tell your girl to pipe down.

What’s for lunch?

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Woe Is Me

Posted by AllieB on February 6, 2014

<updated Thursday afternoon 2/6>

So, I have my health, the sun is shining, nearly all of the black ice has melted on the sidewalks, and I just read a most amazing masterpiece entitled: THIS IS THE APPROPRIATE THING TO DO WHEN A STRANGER TEXTS YOU. Like, Allie, what was all that nonsense earlier? I apologize for writing such a depressing post – one of BBT’s founding principles is “no depressing posts” and today…I got all up in my head and forgot about the fundamentals; I forgot who I am. #neveragain #neverforget

L8er dudes

<original post Thursday morning>

Hi.

These are the reasons why my life, as I know it, is in shambles:

1. I was the victim of subway grossness. There was a man, me, a crowded rush hour car, and….do I have to spell it out? I took my gym bag and sandwiched it between me and…him, jabbing him with my elbow as I did so, and he definitely backed off, but it was awful. People are disgusting. F you dude, seriously.

2. Between The Subway Incident and The Sludge, I’m sorry to say that the honeymoon is over: I am currently in the latter state of my love/hate relationship with NYC. We had a great run, but things have gone south. The Sludge has taken away a piece of my soul I may never get back. I cried real tears making my way to the subway yesterday morning. The wind + horizontal rain + foot-deep “puddles” of mud/snow/ice/pee/poop (that is what Sludge consists of) made me really unhappy. I didn’t know I was allowed to bitch about winter and have been a great sport about it, but if everyone else in the city is, so can I, and now I’ve unleashed a beast I cannot contain. More weather is coming this weekend. I quit.

3. I am very displeased with the outcome of the Top Chef season finale.

how to get up

help.

WOE IS ME IS RIGHT

But I suppose morale could be lower: I could be in Sochi. The journalists have arrived to cover the Games, and, per their tweets and pics, things are not quite ready. This is horrible. I am actually very concerned about the Winter Olympics, from infrastructure issues to something really bad happening, and the more I read (and I’ve been reading a lot), the more worrisome things seem. One reporter for the Chicago Tribune tweeted:

My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, “do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous.” #Sochi2014

Then, a little while later:

Stacy St. Clair ‏@StacyStClair  Feb 3 

Water restored, sorta. On the bright side, I now know what very dangerous face water looks like. #Sochi #unfiltered

View image on Twitter

I really thought that was urine. Sick.

Seriously, things are not in good shape over there, and it sounds like they could get worse, with the U.S. Adding Toothpaste Bombs to the List of Sochi Worries. A writer for Grantland mentioned “toxic sludge filling washbasins” – huh? – and a “hotel maintenance crew kicking down someone’s locked door to install a cable box” which seems altogether unnecessary. Russia says they’re ready and have security measures in place akin to a “ring of steel” – I hope they are right. U-S-A!!!

This is a pretty bleak BBT. I wrote most of it yesterday, when I was in a very bleak place, and I figured that today – Thursday! TGIT! – I would wake up with the usual spring in my step and tweak it armed with a decidedly sunnier disposition. I woke up springless. I’ve gotta get it together, let’s cheer me up…

Jon Stewart had a hard time with what went down in ATL last week, and this is hilarious. Humor at the expense of others is the best medicine

-as far as I’m concerned, David Beckham won the Super Bowl. My goodness.

david beckham super bowl H&M 2014

-a baby elephant faceplant

elephant face plant

-a picture of the city, sans Sludge. Ok, NY, I still love you. We’ll get thru this…there are better days ahead.

bryant park

Bryant Park as seen during a mid-afternoon stroll last spring. I’ll be having lunch al fresco before I know it…ish

-and, of course, this:

hashtag wine

Ok, I feel much better. Enjoy your days.

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