Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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Posts Tagged ‘BBT Recommends’

You can quote me on that

Posted by AllieB on February 5, 2015

Dryuary is a phenomenon wherein people, after a gluttonous holiday season, choose to abstain from all forms of alcohol for the month of January. I applaud this endeavor though don’t necessarily condone it. Me, I chose to participate in a different yet totally similar practice of not writing BBT for the month of January – I imagine it was equally beneficial to my health. So there was that, then the small issue of having nothing to say, and, of course: winter. Winter is the reason for everything.

garbage

 They never showed the slush and garbage on Sex and the City

I’ve recharged the batts, and I’m trying to get back in the groove – and not just re: ze blog, but life in general. I’m going to Flywheel; pasta and pizza are for Sundays only*; I am finally buying wine by the case instead of by the bottle; and I got a hair cut last night. I hate getting my hair cut and have put it off for months (next time I have ends like that please stage an intervention, or Buff, can you just say: “Allie, go get your hair cut toDAY – it looks awful have some self-respect”), and it occurred to me, as I reveled in the best scalp massage EVER, that if our world leaders had their scalps massaged daily by someone with hands like Irena, we’d all get along a whole lot better. You can quote me on that.

*Unless I feel like having pizza on a Friday, which I can do because I am a grown-up capable of making my own decisions, and I am not lactose intolerant nor do I have a gluten allergy. Pizza for everybody!

What was that about having nothing to say? Here is a selection of things that have struck my fancy lately – and, in keeping with my theme of no theme at all, this list is random AF.

~ WE WON!! To be honest, I was my own house divided watching the Superbowl – Marshawn Lynch is my new favorite person, and Gronk was starting to get on my nerves, but…in the end I stood by TB for the W.

tom and fam

Can I get arrested for this?

El Yucateca hot sauce. Thank you, MC, for introducing me to my new favorite condiment: try it on these nachos (I made them for the Superbowl and they were a hit – Tom’s not the only one who scores touchdowns!), maybe, or on your eggs. Or on your cheesy broccoli quinoa casserole. Win/Win/Win.

~ I’ve done the research; I did the legwork; I have a winner – the best mascara is: They’re Real! by Benefit. CC: ERock.

~ I’m not sure why this guy, Mark Manson, who just turned 30, is an authority on the life-lessons he churns out, but he clearly thinks he is and I guess that’s enough for me. He also doesn’t have the condescending, holier-than-thou tone you find on Elite Daily and those other websites where people basically write essays to justify their own bad decisions, and, in turn, make the reader feel like the one with shortcomings. Don’t send me any crap from Elite Daily. I especially enjoyed this piece from last month: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Tim doesn't give af

I wanna #belikeTim

~ Empire. This show, described as a “red-hot hip-hop soap opera”, is somehow really good, and soon you’re going to be the only person not watching it, so you might as well give it a try. Except you, Mom, you can sit this one out. Also – Blacklist. I’m a little late to this party, but I am HERE and I’m all in.

~ Wrangler, the Today Show puppy, is cuter than your average puppy. He might be the cutest puppy ever.

WRANGLER

COME HERE TO ME. Join Wrangler and me on Insta: @wranglertoday

The End. And if you didn’t like today’s post please refer to the above rendering of Tim. TGIT!

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Naughty or Nice?

Posted by AllieB on December 11, 2014

Santa’s super busy around Christmas, so I decided to lend a hand and help him out with those pesky Naughty or Nice lists. Santa, you are so welcome. ‘Tis the season for generosity and selfless good deeds! Also, no need to get a second opinion – pretty sure I nailed it.

Naughty:

~ the news of late…makes you wish for simpler times, like when we all thought we were getting Ebola

Nice!

~ the doorman in my building, Eustace, who knows the name of every single resident (he calls me Ali Baba which still counts and you can all call me that if you want because WWED?) and sells Girl Scout cookies for his granddaughter every spring. Put me down for all the boxes, Eustace – every single one.

~ Sephora. Sephora is on every block in New York, which means I am never too far from dry shampoo and bronzer. Dry shampoo is to me what cake is to those fat kids: you don’t want to be around us if we haven’t had our fix.

But, also a little Naughty:

~ Sephora. The small yet adorably packaged and, duh, therefore expensive items stocked in the checkout line at Sephora are to me what cake is to those fat kids: when it comes to temptation, we have the backbone of a wet noodle.

Back to Nice:

Domesticate-Me. Thanks to Serena and her sharp writing and rather challenging recipes, I have recently achieved Goddess of Kitchen status. I must also give a shout out to my poor budgeting skills, for without my inability to properly manage money, I would absolutely still order Seamless every night.

butternut squash soup

This is the Butternut Squash Soup with Roasted Garlic, Goat Cheese, and Pepitas. It took me like 2.5 hours but it was worth it – that stuff is dank city.

~ Grapefruit season! I love grapefruit. You can all come over for Grapefruit-Rosemary Mules! (I swear I wrote about grapefruit before I saw this recipe – I’m even eating one right now at my desk, we just happen to be on the same page. Is this getting weird? We have friends in common….time to pop that chill pill.)

Possibly the worst ever:

~ (Subterranean transportation x the holiday season) + New York City = HOMICIDAL RAGE. Just last night I was meeting ERock and Flem for dinner at Marta (BBT says: 3.5 stars), and I was literally forced onto the wrong train because of the crowd surge. Stuck in this cattle car against my will, I had to ride the express all the way to 14th then double-back up to 28th. I realized, after the fact, that I really should have just walked the 13 blocks from my office….but it was snowing. So, yeah – toss lousy weather into that equation, and get the hell out of my way.

Go ahead and give in to the goodness:

~ Serial. Yeah, it’s a podcast, and yeah, IT IS AWESOME. I haven’t downloaded this week’s epi yet, and it wraps up next week…I have so many feelings I don’t even know where to start. Stop resisting and start listening – especially if you drive a car or go for long runs, this podcast platform is made for you.

It’s a toss-up:

~ The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. While it is hardly a morale booster, the #VSFashionShow does provide endless fodder when it comes to documenting the appallingly awkward moves, behavior, and facial expressions of Taylor Swift…your call, Santa.

Adrianna and Alessandra each have two kids. And I bet Ed Sheehan posted this on his high school reunion page w caption: "YOU CAN KEEP MY LUNCH MONEY SUCKAS"

Adrianna and Alessandra each have two kids. And I bet Ed Sheeran posted this on his high school reunion page w caption: “YOU CAN KEEP ALL THAT LUNCH MONEY SUCKAS”

Ending on a high note:

~ Christmas in New York. I will never tire of Christmas in NYC.

grand central

So now I ask all of you: are you naughty like Ebola or nice like a grapefruit?

It’s possible Santa might need a back-up list….

I honestly, in my heart of hearts, woke up today and thought it was Friday. The only silver lining is that I had time to throw together this haphazard, weak-sauce BBT…which I think we can all agree places me firmly and immovably on the Nice list.

TGIhowisitstillT!

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10 Things About Fall & Other Stuff

Posted by AllieB on October 9, 2014

It’s fall, y’all! Fall, according to the Goog, is the most popular of all the seasons, so here are 10 things about fall and other stuff, then I added two more items at the end so I guess 12 things total. I try to mix it up; BBT is NOT some basic fall-loving betch who only talks about new sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes.

1. This is me not talking about pumpkin spice lattes – never had one; I don’t care; you do you but maybe consider the sugar content

2. TV is not only back, but there are a lot of new shows to check out: How to Get Away with Murder premiered two weeks ago, and, besides its annoying name (HTGAWM henceforth), BBT highly recommends. Marry Me has such potential (Penny from Happy Endings! Ron from Party Down!) and, I’m embarrassed to say this, Selfie might not suck… Homeland wrapped up some very tired story lines (smell ya later Brody) and the season premiere shows much promise for good TV – just so long as Carrie never touches her child, or anyone else’s, ever again. Lastly, I watched the first episode of The Affair last night – I am IN. It caught my eye earlier this year when I heard about the cast (Pacey Witter! Maura Tierney! Jimmy McNulty from the Wire!) and, based on the first epi, it is everything I hoped it would be.

3. I got stung – stung bad – by a bee in Idaho last weekend. I hope it died.

sun valley

Idaho – who knew? (I know other people knew, but I didn’t) CONGRATS Nandi & Duncan!

4. 31 Dog Reactions for Everyday Situations – this is perfect, please click thru (#’s 1, 2, 9, 12, 14, 16 – 25, 31)

5. I’m not implying that all kids raised in NYC are brats, but I have observed a heightened level of the ridiculous when it comes to parenting up here. Case in point: I was recently at my local Whole Foods doing my daily shopping of only things I needed right that moment (nothing if not practical!), and I noticed a father and his two children, a boy and a girl both under age of 4, in the midst of truly epic meltdown. The girl, the younger of the two, had collapsed on the ground and was crying that especially aggressive silent cry where her mouth was open and her body was heaving but no sound was coming out. Not to be overlooked, the boy had wrapped himself around his father’s leg while he cried a more subdued whimper but with double the snot and tears. Dad, to his credit, wasn’t freaking out but I think this is likely because he’d checked out entirely to his mental happy place. “Woof” I thought, as I skirted by them to get in line, “I wonder how much longer he’s going to let this go on..” I also may have thought things like, “get your sh*t together little girl” and “can someone please wipe this kid’s nose”

Finally, something yanked Dad back to reality – maybe it was that his daughter hadn’t taken a proper breath in like a minute – and suddenly he was totally, 100% over it. His eyes darkened as he inhaled deeply….”PENELOPE! ALVIN! THAT. IS. IT! When we get home….NO soy dream for you.”

Aaaaand you lost me. Hey, buddy, FYI: the moment you named your kids Pompous and Arrogant you gave them license to behave like jerks. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that one or both had some sort of dairy allergy, explaining why soy dream was the most glorious treat in which they’re allowed to indulge thus the absolute worst thing he could take away…but with names like that, it’s hard. My advice? Sign the girl up for soccer, the boy up for football, and cancel all lessons involving wind and string instruments. There’s still hope.

*Note: when I have kids one day and name them Philomena and Astrid and they go mental at the grocery store you can remind me of this post.

**Y’all know I’d never name my kids that.

***Confession: I played the Alto Sax in third grade. It was a risky move but I pulled it off. Penelope – not so much.

****I don’t know anyone named Penelope or Alvin, do I?

6. Jimmy Fallon + EW! = watch this.

7. My Father, The Hero (?)

Just kidding. Dude, that's too much...and when this pot calls you black, you better recognize

Dude, that’s too much…and when this pot calls you black, you better recognize

8. All the hilar Insta accounts you need to follow, give or take a couple – there’s really something for everyone. You should check out that blog regardless, @AshHess is doing good stuff over there. Thank you, Witty & Pretty!

9. Brush up on history with a healthy side of scandal and intrigue with After Camelot, a sweeping biography of the whole Kennedy family – there are lot of them, so it’s long, but you can breeze right through it.

10. This week in That Is Brand New Information: Todd Gurley is a Badass

Georgia running back Todd Gurley completes 50-yard pass (GIF)

I could watch these all day.

Here's the GIF of Georgia's Todd Gurley running like Marshawn Lynch against Clemson.  -- (Via @SBNation)

***UPDATE 10/10: I posted this yesterday before the TRAGIC news that TGII had been suspended. Why God. Why. I am 100% #teamtodd and still think he’s one of the good ones – he’ll get thru this and go on to have an amazing career and keep a clean record all the while, of that I am sure, and in the meantime us Georgia fans will have to hunker down and deal with the hard knocks that we should by now be used to/expect. TEAM TODD!!!

Bonus #11: I needed a crisp white button down to go with my outfit yesterday, but I couldn’t find the iron because we don’t own one, so I used my straightener instead – it totally worked! A tip from me to you: best to remove the shirt then iron as opposed to keeping on shirt whilst wielding a piping hot wand of heat near your skin.

Super Bonus #12: I think we already knew as much, but I asked Siri the other night who’s the fairest of them all, and…well:

fairest one of all

And there you are – a BBT for your Thursday. Boom.

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What are you drinking?

Posted by AllieB on May 22, 2014

I can think of nothing except the upcoming long weekend, so today’s post is all about travel and vacation and activities for when you travel on vacation.

Memorial Day Weekend is the unofficial start of summer, and, to me, summer means baseball games and hanging out by water – be it a pool, the beach, or the murky, toxic Hudson River – and, of course, having drinks outside. Much like the ladies of Sex and the City and their Cosmopolitan, I, too, would like a Signature Cocktail. People will be at a bar ordering drinks and ask, “What does Allie always get that looks so good? Oh! A spicy margarita – I’ll have one of those” and it’s almost like I’m doing a good deed or something. If you’re looking to upgrade from your Bud Light Lime, please refer to this fun interactive drink calculator on New York Times: What Are You Drinking? (Credit: JVB)

what are you drinking

I got margarita. Duh

This week in Really?!?

Malaysia Airlines’ new ad campaign is apparently celebrating their knack for ferrying their passengers off to places where no one can find them….Really, Malaysia Airlines? Really?!?

Malaysian Airlines

 What I want to know is who looked at this and said, “That is not at all inappropriate. Approved!”

That’s what’s up:

- 38 People Who Will Make You Feel Better About Your Life Choices – wow.

- I’m calling it now – this is the book of the summer: You Should Have Known by Jean Hanff Korelitz. PLEASE read so we can discuss. It’s a literary mystery featuring a psychiatrist who is publishing book entitled “You Should Have Known” basically telling women who are in bad relationships that their partners had been exhibiting signs of clear and present danger all along, and they should have seen it coming. I think you can see where this is going….

- I do not understand Reddit if someone could please explain

- I traded out my office desk chair for a Body Ball this week…BOLO for my 6-pack.

- In my last post, You’re Doing It Wrong, I provided some very simple do’s and don’ts for social media behavior. It’s clear to me that some of you did not read it closely, if at all, so I will say it again: you cannot punctuate hashtags. If you really want to have a break  between words within same tag, then you may use the underscore (_) aka the “low dash.” Anything else will mess it up and then you look dumb. I had an email address once, back in 9th grade: compuchick_alb@hotmail.com. Looking back I’m a little upset – that’s pretty racy?? I clearly had no concern of internet pervs. My kid’s email is going to be oldandugly@gmail.com.

- I realized last week that I had no plans for Memorial Day, and it turns out that my nearest and dearest A and K didn’t have plans for Memorial Day, so we decided to go to…PALM BEACH! Sun, pools and beaches, frozen bevs, cute and arrogant preppy boys – it’s going to be awesome. I’ll warn you in advance, I will likely break many of the rules I mandated in the aforementioned post, and A doesn’t adhere to any rules of social media – mine or otherwise – so just prepare yourselves for the inevitable onslaught.

the breakers palm beach

 A & K – ARE YOU READY

 In summary: summery cocktails = good; airlines that lose people = bad; Reddit = ???? Happy Memorial Day!

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There are no small victories: BBT by the numbers

Posted by AllieB on April 10, 2014

Minus 10 points for missing last week – I don’t even have a good excuse and it will probably happen again, but I’m here today which I’d say is a victory – and not a small one because there are no small victories. Lots of exciting stuff going on: instead of using a standard bullet format to organize my thoughts, I am breaking them down by the numbers. And if that’s not enticing enough, there’s a really cool surprise when you get to the end…

24: 24 hours til I’m poolside in the Panhandle.

3: Three different sales people Pretty Woman’ed me at Bergdorf’s on Monday. I ordered something from Neiman Marcus online, and I didn’t like it. I also didn’t like the idea of waiting 14 days for my refund (there’s no Neiman’s in NYC), so I gave Customer Service a call and learned I could return my item to Bergdorf’s. Awesome! B-dorf’s is 10 blocks from my office. Things got a lot less awesome upon arrival – I totally get now how lousy Julia Roberts-as-prostitute felt when she went to that store and those bitchy ladies wouldn’t help her.

Sidebar Rant: I think there’s a required seminar all these employees attend where they learn how to make you feel like crap. First and foremost: the signature Eye Rake – this move actually has the same effect as that machine in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids except it shrinks your soul.  Anyone who is not toting an ostrich Prada bag or hasn’t had at least four plastic surgery procedures is subject to the Eye Rake wherein the sales associate rakes their eyes up and down your person, pausing to raise a single brow at especially offensive attire or accessories, such as a pair of Tom’s. Once they’ve robbed you of all self-worth, the employee will purse their lips in a smirky duckface and then, with a hugely exaggerated roll of their eyes, might they deign to answer whatever question you dared ask.

Perhaps one day I’ll go back in carrying not one but three Prada ostrich bags having spruced myself up with a face, brow, eye, boob, AND butt lift, then glide around with my nose in the air waving wads of cash saying, “Big mistake, huge.” Yeah….yeah.

I digress. Someone finally told me where to return the stupid dress, and I got my dollaz back in 48 hours. Mission: accomplished.

2: I’ve made two tomato pies in the last two weeks. Have you heard of the tomato pie diet? It’s all the rage – little known fact: mayonnaise and flaky pie crust are actually power foods.

tomato pie

4: I recently bought a pack of classes to Barry’s Bootcamp aka Torture Chamber Where You Pay $$$$ To Be Yelled At Then Almost Vomit. I’ve gone to four of them. Four is also the number of days since I’ve been able to stand up or sit down without crying a little.

0: I have successfully walked into the Men’s room zero times this week! Two weeks ago I moved up several floors to a new office, and the layout is literally identical to where I was with one exception: the men’s room is where the women’s room was, and vice versa. While I feel really good about my literacy and ability to identify the universal signs for MALE and FEMALE, I still find myself walking towards the wrong door…

5: …and last week I actually did walk thru the wrong door. Five times :(

2011: back in August 2011 the PGA Championship was at the Atlanta Athletic Club. I went to an early round and discovered the physical specimen that is Adam Scott. I spent much of the day stalking tracking his progress and I know I wasn’t the only one who felt our “connection” – it was palpable. Adam definitely needs another green jacket. What a smokeshow.

BBT and Adam Scott

See something you like, Adam? I think he might be jealous of my traps #hoss #mustbetheangle

19: Valeria, the human Barbie, has a 19 inch waist and maintains her inhuman proportions by way of plastic surgery and subsisting on an “air and light” diet. She’s freaking me the EFF OUT. Read more about how cool and normal she is in this GQ article. (Credit: Hilary.)

human barbie valeria

That’s a real person.

39: 39 Things That Only Girls Growing Up in the 80’s Would Get. This gave me almost physical pangs of nostalgia…Caboodles! Lip Smackers! Side pony’s! I actually still like a side pony…(credit: A)

23: So this what they mean by “heaven on earth” – the Annual Lobster Rumble on June 5 in NYC showcases 23 lobster rolls from 23 restaurants across the US, and I, the event attendee, am tasked to taste them all and choose a winner. Holy sh*t. There goes my “one lobster roll per year” rule. That was a really dumb rule anyway.

I was lying about the cool surprise – thought I’d lose you when I started talking about my “standard bullet format.” Thanks for reading!

I’m PCB-bound for a calm and relaxing wedding weekend with only a couple friends – we’ll go to bed early and there will be no dancing, especially not to Mustang Sally.

Spring is here!!!! TGIT!

Bryant Park 1And one day, not too far from now, those trees might even grow some leaves…

 Take a minute and count your blessings today. I say that in all sincerity.

 

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