Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do


Posted by AllieB on October 4, 2011

According to several close friends, it is 90% of the reason why they like me. It’s taken me on adventures ranging from Dora the Explorer (G-rated) to I Shouldn’t Be Alive (no, seriously). It has been a surprisingly effective character building exercise, one that I have not taken to kindly. It’s my…MINIVAN!!!

Credit: Leila

Correction: was my minivan. As of yesterday, I no longer hold the title to this vehicle. I know it happened fast and that no one really got a chance to say goodbye, but if you feel inclined to pay your respects you can find it by Home Depot sitting in front of my parents’ covered in angry notes from the neighbors.

Physically, it is not in great shape. The headlights are secured by packing tape thanks to two separate accidents from January 2k10. The roof has a large dent from when a certain ABEV climbed on top and had a solo dance party to Scissor Sisters tune “I don’t feel like dancing.” Turns out – he really did feel like dancing. This dent was especially fun when it would rain, and it would collect a reservoir of water just waiting to gush in my open window when I pulled down a hill. I cursed you many a morning, ABE…many a morning. He did offer to pay for the cost of repair, but that issue quickly took a back seat to what was going on elsewhere.

Mechanically, it’s very sound – seriously. But many moons of randomness have amassed in the thing and who knows what’s in there. Items that you may or may not find in the van include: a bridesmaid dress, sombrero, Christmas tree, coffee maker, that earring you lost in 2007, three people’s debit cards, the last horcrux, and 7-12 fleece jackets.

Parting is not such sweet sorrow. I do, however, look forward to wearing my message tee featuring the message shown at the right. Sydney gave that to me years ago, but I haven’t been able to wear it because it becomes decidedly less funny when you actually drive a minivan. No longer will I have to deal with the confused guys at the valet…or the understandably confounded mothers at the gas station who would get a look/whiff of the interior and wonder if I actually transported children around (no). I’ll tell you one thing, though, between the car itself and the Westminster Catbackers and Peachtree Presbyterian stickers, the van was pretty great for flying under the radar…

I’m already getting a little nostalgic – maybe I will have a memorial service. I bet Kramer would host it. Also, for those of you who only liked me for my ride, maybe it’s time to be a little less shallow, huh?

Anyway, so that happened.

12 Responses to “MINI-VAN, MEGA-FUN”

  1. hb said

    wait WHAT?!?!

  2. Tina said

    I can’t believe it! Come and pick me up – I want a ride in the new car!

  3. Socks said

    I dont know how to feel about this quite yet.

  4. sweet dee said

    gooodbye my lovvvve (*in my best lloyd christmas voice)

  5. CKB said

    This is a shocking development. I will send an In N Out sticker for the new wheels ASAP. P.S. That picture is total false advertising, it makes the MV look waaaaay too good!

  6. AllieB said

    it’s a weird time for all of us, I agree…we can take solace in the melodious wisdom of Hall & Oates

  7. Sandstorm said

    I say this for 2 reasons

    1) the awesome sandstorm dance party in the van 2.25 yrs ago

    2) there is also alot of sand on the floor and in the seats of the van

    • AllieB said

      I almost included that forbidden photo with superimposed domepieces on those involved, but it didn’t cut it. That is a memory that only the 9-10 passengers will be able to appreciate.

  8. Smith said

    What? Don’t come pick me up. Don’t even waste your time.

    This feels like a death in the family.

  9. Mom said

    Even I’m a bit sad reading this… So, when do you reveal the new ride?

  10. […] appointment, so I didn’t take the time to check out the damage, but I’m not happy. It’s too bad I don’t drive that minivan anymore because I finally look the part. […]

  11. […] irony, I, once again, find myself behind the wheel of the famously infamous minivan. After making such a big deal about getting rid of it – I even discussed a memorial service? -  here I am, less than a year later, back to commandeering that godforsaken turquoise family […]

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