Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘questionable’

On Notice: J Simps

Posted by AllieB on November 15, 2010

Seriously, Jessica? Your behavior in recent weeks has me yearning for the days when your indiscretions were confined to wardrobe blunders and unfortunate sound bites.

So, again I ask: seriously, Jessica? Your engagement to NFL free agent Eric Johnson is equal parts pathetic and stupid. Your ex-husband Nick and his longtime girlfriend, Vanessa, got engaged but two weeks ago, you had an unfortunate run-in at an LA eatery wherein you got drunk and said insulting things about them (a.k.a. the most innocuous couple of all time), and now you’ve gone and gotten engaged to a man whom you’ve not only been dating for only five months or so, but whose divorce from his own wife was finalized only last  September – as in, two months ago. To me, the cons outnumber the pros by about a gazillion to one. The close proximity in which  you secured your own engagement to that of your ex is truly laughable, and it’s quite clear that you threatened the poor guy – or maybe your Dad did – a gun to the head, perhaps?

Never one to humiliate yourself on a single level when there are other arenas in which to fail, your Christmas single, “My Only Wish” off your new holiday  album is a very sad, very obvious rip-off of Mariah Carey’s classic, “All I Want for Christmas (Is You).” Why, why would you choose that song – of all the Christmas songs – to copycat. Your half-ass version is not good, and no one is going to listen to it when they can just listen to Mariah’s instead. Please see a comparison of the lyrics below – it’s  hard to even read, must less listen to.

Between these two latest gaffes plus the others I wrote about a few months ago…I just – I don’t know what to say, moving forward. Given how things have been going for you recently, I’d take extra precautions when performing in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade – there are 13 – 14 deaths/year  by way of parade float, so…just sayin’ – ya better watch out…

That was morbid, lo siento. I’m just fed up with your nonsense – pump the brakes, reel it in, and stop being so stupid. Then we’ll talk.

P.S. Congrats on the engagement…kudos for choosing such a fugly unique ring.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Time to take things down a notch

Posted by AllieB on September 2, 2010

People do stupid things when they drink too much. Fortunately, these bonehead moves rarely make national headlines…unless you’re this guy.

Bloomberg.com’s headline reads:

Man Lost $1.4 Million Corot Painting After Boozing

Ouch. James Carl Haggerty walked into a bar with the painting, drank for several  hours, left with the painting, yet managed to arrive home sans painting. Perhaps he left it in the taxi? This isn’t a Blackberry, James, it’s a $1.4 million, art historically important painting by renowned artist Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot. James was hired by co-owners Tom Doyle and Kristen Trudgeon to have the painting appraised, and earned a nice $25,000 fee for his troubles. Understandably, they are now suing him, deeming his rock-solid explanation unacceptable:

“The next morning, Haggerty informed Doyle that he did not have the painting, and could not recall its whereabouts citing that he had too much to drink the previous evening,” the suit says.

At least he’s being honest. You can’t help but feel sorry for him – I bet his moral hangover was off the charts.

I suppose this story is too outlandishly ridiculous to really teach us a lesson in the perils of over-consumption – maybe Smart Water’s new advertising campaign is more on-level:

that is a very wise billboard

Posted in Imparting Wisdom, Really? | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Grocery Store Shame

Posted by AllieB on August 4, 2010

Here’s how it usually goes down*:

I arrive in lounge wear that may or may not be appropriate public attire and get a basket. I always choose a basket in lieu of a cart because obviously a basket will keep me from buying too much, or at least keep me from buying a large frozen pizza (they don’t fit). It doesn’t; I still do; and I just end up carrying things in my arms.

Anyway, my immediate go-to’s are Velveeta Shells ‘n Cheese and a two liter bottle of ginger ale. I then pick either a bag of Cape Cods or those awesome Terra veggie chips, or both. Next I visit the frozen foods section, where I pick out a pizza to carry around and a sweet – usually a pint of something Haagen Daaz makes (I’m on a dulce de leche kick right now).

If the line isn’t too long, I hunker down for a philly cheesesteak. I would do just about anything for a philly cheesesteak from Publix…anything except waiting in a line with more than three people in it.

It’s towards the end of my shopping, when my basket is overflowing and my hands are full, that I inevitably run into someone I know. Usually it’s in the manner of me chasing down an errant can of crescent rolls as it goes rolling beneath another shopper’s cart –  obviously, I know said shopper.

“Oh, hello Mrs. You’re In My Mom’s Bible Study! It’s great to see you!”

“This weather is ridiculous, Mrs. I Dogsit For You & Sleep At Your House When You’re Out of Town, but you still look so cute! Can’t wait to see Rover next week!”

Everyone laughs, and we go our separate ways, but I know they’ve judged me. It’s okay because I am judging me, too.

And that is why I don’t buy my wine at the grocery store.

*I would like to note that this applies to SUNDAYS only. I do not eat like this every day…just Sundays. Obviously.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink, Really? | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Obviously

Posted by AllieB on July 28, 2010

I find the show entertaining, and I’m especially fond of their coined catchphrases (GFA – amazing), but this…this I don’t get.

Jersey Shore

Cast of Jersey Shore rings the bell at NYSE 7/27/10 - courtesy of Huffington Post

Read the story

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »