Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for the ‘Celebs’ Category

An Open Letter to the Internet

Posted by AllieB on November 13, 2014

I am mad at the internet. Between Taylor Swift’s new album and Kim Kardashian’s oily photo shoot, I am actually feeling feelings of legit anger. I am  unwittingly in the know about every single moment of Taylor’s life and am somehow now intimately acquainted Kim’s nether regions. I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW OR SEE ANY OF THAT. The over-exposure and inexhaustible self-promotion of these two women and their “art” really bothers me. I don’t follow Taylor Swift or Kim Kardashian on any form of social media, but they are unavoidable – from TIME Magazine to every single pop culture news outlet – and I want out. What’s more: I want the option to opt out. I feel like the internet has taken away my right to choose.

That said, I’m also a little mad at Taylor Swift. Promoting a new album is a musician’s job. You give interviews, you go on tour, you give free shows on morning news programs and appear on magazine covers. You tweet and you post on Instagram and you get your fans excited. Taylor Swift invited fans TO HER HOUSE for cookies. Taylor Swift inked a deal with the CITY OF NEW YORK to be its global ambassador even though she moved here in March. March of 2014. Speaking of, I’d like to note that Taylor Swift’s New York is that of the .0000007% and bless the tweens from Middle America who think their TriBeCa loft and black SUVs are but a Greyhound ride away. And although the entire music industry has imbibed the kool-aid served up at Taylor ‘s house parties, giving her album 5 star reviews across the board, I can’t bring myself to listen to a single song or watch the new music video that’s getting all the hype – I won’t even link you to it, I am standing strong!

And I’m always mad at Kim Kardashian. I think KimK is actually a robot and definitely has butt implants and is dead inside and I’m sure is very nice but only because she was programmed that way and her motherboard can only handle a very limited range of emotion. She is what’s wrong with everything that is going wrong.

While I do take issue with both Taylor and Kim personally – clearly – I am more more frustrated with the bigger picture. The ebola frenzy of recent weeks really annoyed me, too, but even coverage of that has waned significantly. And I’m not some highbrow consumer – believe you me, I’d much rather click thru on an article about 17 tips for getting ready after a sweaty workout-minus the shower over one about Vladimir Putin and something about the Ukraine, but that is my choice. The obsessive and ceaseless nature of documenting and reporting Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian has forcibly burdened me with information I did not want or seek out, and therein lies my main issue. I also recognize that resistance against these two is futile – case in point: I am writing about them right now – and it’s clear to me I have but one option: I must move to Appalachia. The End.

OK I feel much better, and I don’t even feel bad because I know that TSwizz would just Shake It Off saying “Hater’s gonna hate!” while cashing a check for gazillion dollars, and KimK can’t feel anything stronger than “slightly perturbed” so no harm, no foul.

I do realize the irony of a tirade against the internet…on the internet…but no one stopped to listen when I set up my soap box in Bryant Park.

My apologies to MelBoo and KReav for this outcry against Taylor Swift, but you’ve gotta tell your girl to pipe down.

What’s for lunch?

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

I have a new hobby!

Posted by AllieB on February 13, 2014

If there is one thing I know to be true it is that idle hands and minds are the devil’s playground. Are they ever. The solution is simple: stay busy – duh. Here’s how I am keeping the devil at bay…and then just some other stuff, because there’s always other stuff.

-I have a new hobby: gambling! I bought upwards of 10 squares for the Superbowl ($50 out, $0 in – that went well), and I’m filling out my ballot now for the Oscars . Perhaps I’ll even look into that billion dollar bracket that Warren Buffet is doing…but probably not because I can’t even pretend I care about college basketball, and I can pretend to care about most things.

-I am watching the Olympics. Well, sort of – sometimes I get bored – but I’ve observed the following:

First: mogul skiing should be illegal.

mogul ski NO

Second: Bob Costas is my hero

-I am in love with Jimmy Fallon. I watched the 1.5 hour Jimmy Fallon Goodbye Special (it’s OnDemand), and I loved it. I haven’t had that much fun watching a television program in a long time. If I was a celeb, I’d tell my agent, “GET me on Jimmy Fallon and tell him I want to play Beer Pong and Catch Phrase and also do some sort of dance.” You can tell everyone is having an awesome time – Jimmy is the most genuinely entertaining and easily entertained person I have ever seen; he loves people and they love him. Will Ferrell is a frequent guest, and this is my new favorite thing: Will Ferrell and Jimmy Fallon Fight Over Tight Pants. (PLEASE WATCH!) My second favorite thing is this tumblr of all his Thank You Notes – sometimes the internet comes thru in amazing ways. I have very high hopes for our Jimmy.

thank you oatmeal

Thank you, Oatmeal, for looking like I already ate you before I eat you.

-Ah yes, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day…kewl…better get to Duane Reade and stock up on the holiday candy. If you’re in a bad place re: your Valentine’s sitchy, I encourage you to check out the post I did last year – your morale will skyrocket; my VDay’s of yore leave much to be desired. I think it also single-handedly fulfills BBT’s “personal sharing” quota for the next decade.

-I am accepting of Fashion Week this season, minus the huge stain it is on my Instagram. Also, the below was chosen as a “Best Look of the Day” by NYMag. Have they no eyes that can see?

The Row fuzzy sweater and slouchy pants

If this were shown with a bowl of popcorn and a remote instead of patent Oxfords and a briefcase, I could possibly reconsider.

-I am very much looking forward to a return trip to France in August. Is that annoying? You’re annoying. Our 2010 stay at the chateau was delightful, and I can’t wait for Round 2. I am already planning some activities, and, amongst other things, I would love to visit a vineyard, see Mont-St-Michel, and have zero women die on my airplane. (Hey, E Rock – have I told you that story?)

BBT + chateau; #wine; Mont-St-Michel; death

BBT + chateau; #wine; Mont-St-Michel; death

-Speaking of death, I am plotting the very slow and painful demise of Old Man Winter.

-I have been going to spin class on the reg,* and I like it. Well, I don’t like it – obviously I hate it – but it seems like a very efficient way to exercise if one must exercise. The downside is that, upon completing a single, 45 minute class, I say to myself, “Done!” and feel as though I have achieved my apex of physical fitness, an ass that won’t quit, and will never have to exercise again. That’s not right.

*Because BBT is not a fitness blog (say what?!) and because I am not lame, I will leave this open to interpretation. But I’m kind of proud of myself so if you’ll allow me a little humby brag, I will say that I have gone to more spin classes in the 44 days of 2014 than I did in all of 2013 and 2012 combined. And you should know that still doesn’t say much.

-Happy late/early BIRTHDAYS to Sis & A & Mims. Mucho love. Mucho.

favorite people

I just love this pic in general. Hazy pic….hazy night. xoxo

Happy Thursday, Happy Valentine’s Day, Happy…whatever! Except you southerners – y’all are really starting to piss me off with all these snow days, so I wish you no happiness. Read the previous sentence as: Thursday, Valentine’s Day, …whatever. If you don’t have power I am sorry.

P.S. I know most people reading this are dealing with crappy weather right now, but this happened on my way to work today: living near the water means more wind, it’s just science, and I was literally blinded by horizontal snow coming at me in gale force gusts on my way to the subway. As I turned the corner onto Hudson I ran smack into a woman, also blinded, and it was like something out of a movie except not. We both involuntarily reached out and grabbed one another to keep our balance, and we wound up locked in a sort of standing embrace – she was about a foot shorter than me, so I basically had her nestled in my bosom – and then, once we gained our footing, continued on in our respective directions without exchanging words besides a muffled SORRY. Now that I am safely ensconced in my office, I can kind of laugh about it…but at the time: only tears.

do you see?? real human tears.

do you see?? real human tears.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

See and (not) be seen

Posted by AllieB on September 6, 2013

Fashion Week is kind of not my scene. I like to read about it and see pictures in magazines while ensconced in the comfort of my couch; I can do without the overheated, overcrowded tents…in fact I have something of  phobia when it comes to enclosed tents – they catch on fire really easily and then people start panicking and stampeding – it’s a recipe for disaster.

However, given an opportunity to attend during the work day for free is a no-brainer. I went this morning with co-workers to the BCBG Spring 2014 show at Lincoln Center. What’s so overwhelming is the whole blogger (psssh – freakin bloggers) craze and the street style photographers. It’s a whole business now, and I feel like anyone in an open-toed bootie, sporting some sort of domepiece accessory, or carrying a kitschy clutch can be stalked for their picture. Eyepatches, also, will get you some airtime. Oddly,  no one seemed interested in capturing my street style of J.Crew Minnie’s and tank.

Here’s my takeaway: if you are at all hungover under the weather and have even the slightest ambivalence towards crowds, zero personal space, excessive perfume, jarring noises and flashing lights, Fashion Week is not for you. I’d rather go to IKEA in that state than Fashion Week, which, I think, says all you need to know.

One obvious bonus: the celeb spotting.

fashion week collage

The ULTIMATE sighting: Olivia Palermo (never said I had good seats), Heidi Klum (yes that’s her), the crowd awaits

I realize you might not believe that’s Olivia and Heidi, so here is my proof. Giuliana Rancic and Selita Ebanks (??) and Estelle and Jesse Metcalfe were also there. They were much more clear in person…iPhone’s do not zoom well. Olivia is everything I hoped she would be – almost too pretty to look at with a very definite “I am so SO much better than all of you” attitude. And she kept her sunglasses on the whole time. Of course she did. Heidi, quite literally, glows.

The celeb spotting has actually been kind of ridiculous lately: I saw Dustin Hoffman at Whole Foods on Saturday. He and his wife were doing regular old grocery shopping. He was trailing behind her, pulling the buggy, while she asked him questions over her shoulder. He must have responded negatively because she whipped around and goes, “well did you at LEAST get the PARSLEY!?” He didn’t answer but turned and headed off towards the greens. I saw them again when they got in line behind me – I don’t think Dustin recognized me because I was wearing a hat – but I nevertheless felt embarrassed about my items: Newman’s Lemonade (1 gal), mac n cheese, chicken wings (5, sweet chili from the hot bar). Allie…no.

Then, the next day, as I explored my new ‘hood, I walked by Jennifer Connelly and her whole fam. She is stunning. I really like her – she might be in my top 5. You know how I feel about Blood Diamond…and who could forget Career Opportunities?!

Speaking of my new ‘hood….I LOVE it. My quality of life has soared to heights heretofore unseen. Who needs the charm of an old brownstone walk-up when you can live in a high rise with a doorman?? I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to live without a doorman again…unless, maybe, I own the whole building. I can’t stop taking pictures. Do you wanna see some?? Ok. No filters – seriously.

majestic, ain't she

majestic, ain’t she

skyline as seen from Pier 26 (the one I live on)

skyline as seen from Pier 26 (that’s where I live)

sunset over Pier 26

sunset

sunrise

sunrise

I won’t bore you with stories about my move, but you better believe it did not go off without a hitch/multiple hitches.

Praying for a Bulldog W…have a great weekend!

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Methods of Madness

Posted by AllieB on August 29, 2013

Every time I think something is going to be different, it is the same. This is likely because I don’t do anything different on my end to affect the outcome – you know that’s a definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If this is the only qualifier, I belong in the nuthouse. Moving: moving sucks. I hate moving, and I suck at it. I have all these plans to be intentional and smart: packing in advance, organizing my stuff so it’s easier to unpack, throwing out what I don’t want…however, because of in spite of these plans, I have been avoiding my house all week, choosing instead to work late, drink Pacificos, and visit other people’s apartments. By the time I get home I’m obviously spent…tomorrow, I say, as I turn off of my light. I am running out of tomorrows. Jordan!! Tonight will be so much fun! I’ll make some wine and order pizza.

moving

Progress?? (they are empty because I haven’t started) (I have more stuff than that) (help) (everyone else moved out) (there’s an echo)

Speaking of insanity…Miley Cyrus is gross, and I’m obviously not going to dignify her spectacle on Sunday night with airtime on BBT. Her…twerks? gyrations? miniseizures? whatever those were…made me yearn for quality performances like Britney’s from 2000 & 2001. I’m not saying she’s a great singer, or that her songs are “good” (they’re not good – they’re awesome) but that girl can DANCE. And she looked damn good. I spent some time watching YouTubes, which you can go to here (2000 was the best, IMO). And, for some eye candy and personal motivation, I have shared this picture below. Excuse me while I go do 1,000 crunches.

just....dang

just….dang

The Miley backlash nearly broke the internet, that was really insane. I don’t like to weigh in on things that everyone else has already discussed to death, but I will say this: skinny though she obviously is, Miley has a flabby tush. There is nothing hot about a flat, wobbly pancake butt.

Time continue passes at an alarming rate, and September starts on Sunday. I can’t quite get my head around this, but regardless of whether I can or not it’s still happening, so I guess I’ll embrace the perks, namely: football and new tv. Stolen straight from the Microsoft Office Suite of HadleyPMill, I share with you this fall schedule for network tv (if it’s Real Housewives you’re looking for, you’re in the wrong place. Also, quit watching that crap). I know you can’t really read it, right-click to enlarge if you’re on a comp #duh

1Competitive Fall 2013

Green = new show. Dates of premiers also helpfully listed

I went to Atlanta last weekend! It was a last minute thing, and it was a great visit – I saw many of my favorite people and ate lots of my favorite foods. Plus, I got to go to Target, which may have been the real highlight. I hear there’s a Target in Brooklyn, but I’m more likely to book a ticket to Atlanta and go to the one on Sidney Marcus than go there. See below for some of my favorite comforts of home…

from top right: over-friend spicy chicken (YUM); Georgia peach cobbler (YUMMM); Tina; JTommLiv and BBT at her baby shower...!

from left: JTommLiv and BBT at her baby shower…! over-friend spicy chicken (YUM); Georgia peach cobbler (YUMMM); Tina.

That’s all, y’all –  Happy Labor Day Weekend! Wish me luck on my move, and, above all…

go-dawgs_display_image

#GATA #soexcitedbutsonervous #sicem #clemsonsucks #orangeisugly

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Truth Day

Posted by AllieB on August 15, 2013

And by truth day I mean…a day of truths.

1. I like Perrier, but I love Pellegrino

2. If there’s one thing I really miss about Atlanta it is the ubiquitous, well-priced, spacious delight of a grocery store that is Publix. It irks me that grocery stores up here can’t sell wine – I’m not sure what BS law mandates that; I think it’s just because there isn’t enough room. I also really miss the Publix sub sammies; this was a heretofore containable yearning that has blossomed into an insatiable craving thanks to this link MC sent me. The key, y’all, is to ask them to scoop the bread and add fresh jalapenos to everything.

If you’ve never experienced the glory of a Pub Sub, you’re probably wondering what’s soooooo great.

Publix Subs Are The Most Delicious Thing To Ever Happen On Earth

two points for the Leo GIF. You come here to me, Leo

3. When people try my patience I count to ten and employ breathing exercises I learned in that yoga class I took once. Namaste.

4. I saw this on Pinterest ages ago, and it’s really stuck with me. That Pinterest – so wise.

wise words

truth bomb.

5. I don’t drink coffee, I drink Earl Grey tea with almond milk. 3-4 cups in the morning, 1 in the afternoon. And now you know so you can quit wondering

6. My new running shoes are from the men’s department – NOT because of size…because of color.

7. Why is it that people with brand new puppies do not post nearly enough pictures, yet people with new babies…all the damn time.

8. I used to smoke a LOT of cigarettes. It was a filthy habit and one I 100% shut down literally the day I arrived in NYC.

9. I’m alarmingly bad at math. I didn’t know how to do 20% of a number until like six months ago. People always told me the trick of moving the decimal to the left and multiplying by two, but I thought it was it myth. It is not.

10. For the love of Roy G Biv, slow your roll on filters. I don’t not use them, but – as with everything in life – moderation is key. Taking innocuous scenery shots and using 12 CameraPlus filters is cheating, and then it usually goes from bad to worse with hashtag drivel like, #nottooshabbyforaMonday – it’s annoying as eff. Here, por ejemplo:

before and after

A totally meh scene made post-worthy by aggressive enhancement. #waitthatiscool #maybeIshouldputitonInsta

11. That empty subway car is empty for a reason

12. BBT turned three in July. This means to say: if BBT were a dog, BBT could get wasted legally. In toto, BBT has 341 published posts – 3/4 of them are about weather, 2/3 mention Kate Middleton, 1/2 discuss my love of reading, 1/3 tell that story about the woman dying next to me on an airplane…I’m lucky anyone reads this thing.

13. Once you’re in the trust tree, you’re there for.ev.er

14. I really like my job. Even without Bagel Fridays I genuinely look forward to coming to work. And, just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, my most favorite friend El works here now, too!!! I’m on the 10th floor and she’s on the 11th, which is good because there needn’t be too much togetherness, but it’s fun to know she’s here and is available for afternoon strolls and/or AWD’s.

2000 lax cats

We go waaay back: 2000 Lax Cats. We’re in there somewhere

15. Back to Leo, please enjoy this GIF history of Leo DiCaprio raising glasses. Will someone give the man an Oscar already!? I’m going to watch Blood Diamond this weekend. Maybe also Romeo + Juliet.

16. My kid’s gonna be the one with the pony. My kid might also be the one without shoes…

17. Allow me to reiterate my suggestion of Orange is the New Black. My enthusiasm has increased tenfold in the last week and you should all tune in. No flakiness – it has my official stamp of approval. Boom. Sidebar: did you know that I am a notary for the State of New York? It’s like I literally have a stamp of approval.

18. Y’all know how much I love horoscopes – NYMag now does a weekly roundup using, yep, GIFs (scroll down for the good stuff). Here is mine for this week:

GEMINI: Go off by yourself and spend time in contemplation or meditation. At this time of year, psychological self-evaluation can be of enormous help in your personal growth.

Ha. Haha. Well played.

19. This seems like a good stopping place.

And a very happy Thursday to you and yours!

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »