Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

You’re Doing It Wrong

Posted by AllieB on May 1, 2014

There are a million articles floating around the internet about the do’s and don’ts of social media, but there aren’t any by me, personally, talking about you, specifically, so…here we go.


-For me, the most egregious of all Instaffenses (Instagram + offenses = Instaffenses) is posting several pictures in a row. The one exception is if you’re traveling in some remote place and only have access to Wi-Fi sparingly, but even then I encourage you to exercise some restraint. I promise you’ll get more likes if you post singularly rather than in multiples, and likes, obviously, are the only reason why anyone posts anything. I get really mad when people clog up my feed. What’s that – you just lost a follower? It was me.

-#youcantpunctuatehashtags and only a special few can hashtag emoji…

hashtag wine

-Use your head: the same group of people need not post the same picture on each of their respective accounts at the same time. I can assure you we don’t need to see the Birthday Dinner table shot more than once, and we probably could do w/o it in the first place. Just because it’s not on Instagram doesn’t mean it didn’t happen…

-No, wait: the absolute WORST Instaffense is when people put up a solo picture that someone else took and call it a selfie. NEWSFLASH it is not a SELF-ie if someone else takes it. Then it’s just you “candidly” posing while your poor friend takes a picture over and over til you deem it postable. I don’t mind selfies, and I don’t mind if you have someone take a picture of you, but you cannot call the latter the former. That’s wrong.

-You aren’t fooling anyone with the TBT’s where you’re all “how awkward is this!” when it’s quite clear that you’re actually showing us how cute/talented/tan you were – your humble brag: it is showing. I posted one of these myself the other week, but I balanced out the adorable one (adorable!) with the second (not so much). Plus, I am picking a wedgie in both. No one’s thinking “look at how cute/talented/tan she was!” In fact, they’re probably thinking, “bless her heart” or “Allie…no.” I win!

easter wedgie collage

Do you think #Instaffense is going to start trending?


-I realize this is more of a personal problem, but perhaps you can commiserate: doesn’t it seem that the people you’re actually curious about never post or like anything, and the people about whom you do not care are all up in your face? Why is that? Why?

-I do not appreciate people who post constant reminders that they are on vacation, knowing that I am sitting on the 18th floor of an office building in Midtown Manhattan where yesterday it rained a month’s worth of rain. This applies to both Insta and FB. And Snapchat. Another personal problem, perhaps, but something I’d like everyone to keep in mind.

-These days I use Facebook more for news than personal stuff, and I like it when people post links to articles or things on the internet they like. Assuming you and I have the same interests, I’d be okay with more of that kind of activity.

I don’t think I’m asking for much here – just be less annoying and more smart when it comes to what you do and share.

And now, my life in pictures:

SPRING!! Foliage! Filters!

SPRING!! Foliage! Filters!

you can’t make this up.

you can't make this stuff up.

*and that’s a grande nonfat Chai Latte – don’t act like you weren’t wondering.

well, this is upsetting. also, wrong.

upsetting. also, wrong.

how to dress in NYC when it just rained for 2 days and is 700% humidity #elevatordoorselfie

photo 2

should I start a fashion blog..?

I apologize for the extended absence, but I’ve been busy working, playing, and I just wrapped up my Spring Wedding Tour 2k14. Congrats to two of the best and your respective marriages, ABE V and Pal – two great people, two great weddings.

Hey, have y’all been to Bermuda? I’d like to go, maybe in July…I’ll keep you posted.

Today is the first of May (insert Justin Timberlake “It’s gonna be May” picture here) which means I am half-dead due to allergies. I sound like a sick frog and my eyes are red and swollen in the manner of someone who is high on pot. It’s hotness all around here on the 18th floor in Midtown Manhattan – total hotness. TGIT! (?)

6 Responses to “You’re Doing It Wrong”

  1. TStimpJones said

    Pretty sure this is my all time fav post. Love the #instaffense and your new trench! Finally!

  2. Allie's Trench said

    I’m hot!

  3. Katherine said

    I was the girl who posted insta’s on her vacay #instaffense. Was that the chai latte from this morning? They obviously like you better than me ;)

  4. elaney said

    Respectfully, I must disagree that calling a “picture of yourself” a “selfie” is the worst #instaffense.* Yes, I appreciate your appreciation for semantics. But that has nothing on the following:

    First of all, there is nothing in this post about babies. And let me just say what all childless people out there want to say, “your baby ruined my social media feed.” And the fact that your baby smearing dirt all over itself got more likes than the night I got engaged makes me hate myself.

    Second, when you hashtag long statements and use capital letters #YouLookLikeALoser. We can’t all be Jimmy Fallon. #AndWeShouldNotAllTry

    Thirdly, overinstagrammers* (who are referenced in your post) are way more annoying than the other offenders. These people baffle me. Do they only post and never look? How do they themselves not get annoyed at other overinstagrammers and take a hint?

    *Full disclosure – very guilty

    **I will say, I do appreciate your noting that if someone likes all the same stuff as you and has the same sense of humor, he / she can have a pass. For example, “A” is hilarious to me on instagram. And she can overinsta all she wants. #[insert wine emoji]

    • AllieB said

      I think I need to do a follow-up post.

      You are not the only person who disagreed with my issue of selfie vs solo shot of self…that could be a me thing. I’m willing to overlook.

      Re: babies – I tread lightly there, just as I do with, say, engagement posts. I have neither baby nor fiance, so I air on the side of wimp and avoided both in terms of instaffense or not. I tend to just turn a blind eye to them, and, even though I’ve seen 75 pics of someone’s baby I actually have no idea what sex it is or its name. One great idea for people posting baby shots: make sure your dog is in them, too! I have a friend who does this – it’s genius and doesn’t go unnoticed. And yes, all people with babies should first have dogs.

      I’ve come to think that overinstagrammers are the worst of all. Until Insta can do albums – one day?? – it should not be used as a platform for simultaneous multi-photo posting.

      And I will say, after our trip over Memorial Day Wknd, I might mandate some (insta)(snap)rules for our friend A…

      Thank you for weighing in, Elaney – I truly value your opinion.

      • elaney said

        obvi. any crusade against terrible social media etiquette (that’s not totally obvious and cliche) is one that we want to be a part of. #takebackinsta

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