Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘annoying’

In a perfect world…

Posted by AllieB on July 31, 2014

In a perfect world…

– pizza = kale

– Instagram automatically blocks all uploads with the caption “not bad for a Monday” and people who – in my opinion – post too much are limited to one photo per week. May I suggest Snapchat? Snapchat is a nice, disposable way to overshare. Also, you don’t have to use hashtags… #mostofyoushouldnot

– my Seamless order always comes in 15 minutes, even when the estimated time of arrival says 45-60 minutes

– the cute guy on the subway would not be married/5’4″/have halitosis.

– I would pay $475/month for rent, which is what the students at the University of Georgia (and surrounding community colleges, let’s be honest) moving into this ‘Jersey Shore Goes to Athens’ development are paying. Is this for real?? A LAZY RIVER?!

athens ridge apartments pool

in addition to the lazy river, there is also a 20 ft outdoor tv and 25 person hot-tub. they should prob go ahead and add an on-site physician to treat all those “rashes” and have people sign release forms for the inevitable reality show

– Crimes Against Humanity would be punishable by law. No longer would we have to wait for karma to be the bitch – we could instantly dictate some sort of penalty befitting the nature of the crime. For example, when that jerk stole my cab on 18th and 8th the other night I could sentence him to a month-long inability to flag down any cabs and blackball him from Uber. That’d teach him. In a perfect world you can’t treat people like sh*t and get away with it, and your Crime Against Humanity would be promptly and properly handled. Perhaps one of those rashes going around that cesspool in Athens would make you think twice…

– dishwashers unload themselves

– much like the Red Sea parted for Moses so do the tourists on 42nd Street for me

– the girl in the Wendy’s commercial doesn’t exist. Neither do the Kardashians, Real Housewives, or LeAnn Rimes. Blake Lively isn’t allowed to speak and Channing Tatum is my boyfriend. I really don’t know what is up with my Channing Tatum crush, but it’s proving to stand the test of time/judgement of my peers.

guys, c'mon - how cute is this

guys, c’mon – how cute is this

– four-day work weeks – this could happen, y’all

– I can teleport anywhere I care to go. I could just suddenly appear in your living room or at the bday party or next to you on the beach. I would never miss anyone or anything again. SURPRISE IT’S ME ALLIE!

– happy hour on a boat has the same benefits as a Flywheel class – they are equidistant from my apartment, surely their physical impact should be equal as well?

– I WOULD HAVE SO MANY PUPPIES

PUPPIES

 Summering in Montauk with all of my puppies

Dang…reality bites.

For those of you who read books, I have the following titles teed up on my Kindle – I am too lazy to add summaries, but I did add genre you are welcome:

Big Little Lies by Lianne Moriarty (chick lit)

One Plus One by Jojo Moyes (chick lit)

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed (memoir – Reese Witherspoon stars in movie coming out in Oct)

Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline (fiction)

Close Your Eyes, Hold Hands by Chris Bohjalian (fiction)

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr (historical fiction – WWII)

Flash Boys: A Wall Street Revolt by Michael Lewis (nonfiction)

I Like You Just the Way I Am by Jenny Mollen (memoir – chick lit)

The Heist by Daniel Silva (mystery)

Lastly, I implore you to take a minute and watch this vid – it’s overwhelming to think about all that’s wrong with the world, but it’s also pretty neat to see what a difference you can make on a very small, local level. In a perfect world we would all be so considerate. I really love this – thanks, A.

The End. This weather is redonk – you should all have drinks outside on patios/rooftops this evening, as I intend to. TGIT!

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You’re Doing It Wrong

Posted by AllieB on May 1, 2014

There are a million articles floating around the internet about the do’s and don’ts of social media, but there aren’t any by me, personally, talking about you, specifically, so…here we go.

Instagram:

-For me, the most egregious of all Instaffenses (Instagram + offenses = Instaffenses) is posting several pictures in a row. The one exception is if you’re traveling in some remote place and only have access to Wi-Fi sparingly, but even then I encourage you to exercise some restraint. I promise you’ll get more likes if you post singularly rather than in multiples, and likes, obviously, are the only reason why anyone posts anything. I get really mad when people clog up my feed. What’s that – you just lost a follower? It was me.

-#youcantpunctuatehashtags and only a special few can hashtag emoji…

hashtag wine

-Use your head: the same group of people need not post the same picture on each of their respective accounts at the same time. I can assure you we don’t need to see the Birthday Dinner table shot more than once, and we probably could do w/o it in the first place. Just because it’s not on Instagram doesn’t mean it didn’t happen…

-No, wait: the absolute WORST Instaffense is when people put up a solo picture that someone else took and call it a selfie. NEWSFLASH it is not a SELF-ie if someone else takes it. Then it’s just you “candidly” posing while your poor friend takes a picture over and over til you deem it postable. I don’t mind selfies, and I don’t mind if you have someone take a picture of you, but you cannot call the latter the former. That’s wrong.

-You aren’t fooling anyone with the TBT’s where you’re all “how awkward is this!” when it’s quite clear that you’re actually showing us how cute/talented/tan you were – your humble brag: it is showing. I posted one of these myself the other week, but I balanced out the adorable one (adorable!) with the second (not so much). Plus, I am picking a wedgie in both. No one’s thinking “look at how cute/talented/tan she was!” In fact, they’re probably thinking, “bless her heart” or “Allie…no.” I win!

easter wedgie collage

Do you think #Instaffense is going to start trending?

Facebook:

-I realize this is more of a personal problem, but perhaps you can commiserate: doesn’t it seem that the people you’re actually curious about never post or like anything, and the people about whom you do not care are all up in your face? Why is that? Why?

-I do not appreciate people who post constant reminders that they are on vacation, knowing that I am sitting on the 18th floor of an office building in Midtown Manhattan where yesterday it rained a month’s worth of rain. This applies to both Insta and FB. And Snapchat. Another personal problem, perhaps, but something I’d like everyone to keep in mind.

-These days I use Facebook more for news than personal stuff, and I like it when people post links to articles or things on the internet they like. Assuming you and I have the same interests, I’d be okay with more of that kind of activity.

I don’t think I’m asking for much here – just be less annoying and more smart when it comes to what you do and share.

And now, my life in pictures:

SPRING!! Foliage! Filters!

SPRING!! Foliage! Filters!

you can’t make this up.

you can't make this stuff up.

*and that’s a grande nonfat Chai Latte – don’t act like you weren’t wondering.

well, this is upsetting. also, wrong.

upsetting. also, wrong.

how to dress in NYC when it just rained for 2 days and is 700% humidity #elevatordoorselfie

photo 2

should I start a fashion blog..?

I apologize for the extended absence, but I’ve been busy working, playing, and I just wrapped up my Spring Wedding Tour 2k14. Congrats to two of the best and your respective marriages, ABE V and Pal – two great people, two great weddings.

Hey, have y’all been to Bermuda? I’d like to go, maybe in July…I’ll keep you posted.

Today is the first of May (insert Justin Timberlake “It’s gonna be May” picture here) which means I am half-dead due to allergies. I sound like a sick frog and my eyes are red and swollen in the manner of someone who is high on pot. It’s hotness all around here on the 18th floor in Midtown Manhattan – total hotness. TGIT! (?)

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:|

Posted by AllieB on November 16, 2010

Boobs Legsly got the cover!? How infuriating. I suppose she’s earned it, though – if by “best dressed” they mean “breast dressed.”

(Zing!)

Posted in Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »