Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘there are stupid questions’

Ask and you shall receive

Posted by AllieB on December 15, 2011

As seems to be the case with all my surveys, the results of my poll on Tuesday were unremarkable. Turns out there are stupid questions (well, we already knew that (this is one of my favorite posts)), and apparently I keep asking them.

1. I read BBT because…

  • 22.7% – it has relevant or interesting information
  • 43.5% – it is funny
  • 7.4% – it is fun to make fun of Allie
  • 22.7% – I like to be distracted during the work day
  • 2.6% – Allie pesters me about reading it
  • 1.3% – I might stop reading if she asks me anymore stupid questions

Ok? I don’t know what I expected to glean from that question, but I’m glad to know that less than half of you read this because you think it’s funny.

2. What would you like to see more of on BBT?

  • 17.7% – boy/girl surveys
  • 14.6% – Atlanta restaurants/deals
  • 19.6% – personal anecdotes
  • 12.3% – celeb stuff
  • 17.3% – goings-on around Atlanta
  • 18.6% – new sites that I should check out

So, basically…this data helps me not at all. I should have made it so you could only choose one answer, and I also should have allowed it to show how many people took it. Fail on both counts. I will try to focus more on personal anecdotes, less on celeb stuff, and stay about the same with the other stuff.

3. I am a boy/girl:

  • 28.6% – boy
  • 71.4% – girl

I honestly do believe that more than 30% of my readers are male, but I also believe that they are less inclined to participate in my boneheaded polls. So…fair enough.

I have two sites of interest to share with you today – the perk is that both of these require about 2 seconds of your time to appreciate:

The first is a simple photo blog that makes me laugh outloud. Walk. Too Big For Stroller

The second is a mind-blowing fact blog about Apple and the rest of the world: Things Apple Is Worth More Than (spoiler alert: all of the illegal drugs in the world…)

My friends and I adopted a family for our third year in a row this Christmas, and I think this year was our best yet. I must say – and this is not because no one offered but because Christmas is a crazy time of year – I did do all of the shopping by myself, and I did a pretty awesome job. It’s for a family of three: a single father and two sons, and the gifts are exactly what they asked for. I’m proud of us for participating for three years straight. Between Lindsay’s magazine-worthy holiday decor and the cheer of wrapping gifts for this family (and the Stouffer’s mac n cheese), last night got me more in the Christmas spirit than anything else yet this year. ‘Tis the season!

New sites to check out? BOOM. Personal anecdote? Nailed it.

Ok – this may or may not be real. It is a “petite retriever” and I can’t tell what kind of hybrid it is, but his name is Rigoletto and he is a PERMANENT PUPPY. He tops out at 20 lbs. I must have him.

More pics of Rigo and other hybrids here.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Guys Hate It When You’re Annoying; Girls Would Rather You Not Fart (Survey Part Deux)

Posted by AllieB on October 13, 2011

I thought that doing a second survey was a really great idea, and I’m thinking I thought wrong. The last one was pretty entertaining; this one – not so much. My questions weren’t particularly interesting or insightful, which is probably part of the problem. To keep the lameness to a minimum, I am therefore ignoring the multiple choice questions and just sharing the write in responses. I didn’t do much editing, but a few things had to go.

One thing I was not overwhelmed by was the number of participants :| Whatever, ok, here we go…

First, the Boys: “I hate it when my girlfriend (or whatever you have)….” 

– Is sad

– Could go on forever here, even with a girl I love. We were made to piss each other off to a certain extent because nothing easy is worth doing.

– Wish there was more room to elaborate. Will send you a pdf file later this week with my essay

– gets all in her own head and lets it make her mad/sad/depressed.

– tells me I “need to update my wardrobe”. Not b/c it’s not true, just b/c it’s repeated in those exact same words time and time again, like the previous time didn’t happen.

– Doesn’t stay active and exercise on a regular basis.

– starts random fights for no reason whatsoever on a frequent basis.

– Is annoying

– has an opinion about sports. Just watch the game and cheer on the right team, but please no input on what is actually happening in the game.

– Is a whiny bitch and feels entitled

– is moody. The love of your life, so fun one minute and a total bitch the next.

– Tells me that Johnny T’s teeth are whiter than mine.

– is always late

– Wont give me a ride to my car

– Calls to tell me an irrelevant story about her day…especially when its not funny in the slightest.

– busts my balls

-gets drunker than I do

In your gf’s defense, Johnny T does have exceptionally white teeth. Girls, take note: be less sad, go for a run, don’t get too drunk, be on time, stop whining, be less bitchy, don’t tell that ‘irrelevant’ story…jeez. Sorry I asked. You can hang on to that PDF essay, I’m pretty sure I’m not interested.

Now the Ladies: “I hate it when my boyfriend (or whatever you have)…” 

– farts in the car

– fails to tell me he is leaving town for a month. (commonly referred to as an “ex-boyfriend”)

– belittles me in front of his friends in an attempt to project coolness amongst his male peers…fyi dude, your the one that looks like an idiot. And you have issues with insecurity. deal. breaker.

– tries to wear polo shirts w/ stripes on them. no.

– fails to exist

– Bitches about my drunkenness. Or when he eats on the sofa.

– …….not enough room to answer

– tries to order for me at a restaurant. I’ll interrupt.

– puts it off on me when he is not social or does not go out.  It pisses me off so much. Just tell your friends that you do not want to go out, don’t put it off on me like that. Not Fair!

– acts immature

burns incense* and wears mesh shorts (not at the same time or, yea, maybe at the same time too)

– farts under the covers

– Snores

– talks about how hot your friends are

– eats late night & leaves crumbs & pb finger prints all over my kitchen, makes this terrible sound when he scratches his throat, tells me he’ll come to bed as soon as he finishes his beer but really stays up to burn incense

– chain smokes

– calls me dude.

– Hangs out with his girlfriend

– says he will do something and doesn’t. False promises suck. Duh.

– puts dirty dishes on the counter or in the sink instead of the dishwasher.

– ignores me and plays with the cat instead

– Leaves his dirty clothes everywhere and is very messy

– eats healthier than I do!

– won’t fight back – what an idiot.

*These boys are not burning incense, if you get my drift…

I don’t really know what to do with these – some of y’all might need to reassess your relationship status, and some of you are kind of anal… no offense. I’m having a hard time coming up with a theme – each person who responded hates a different thing that their Significant Other or whomever does, and I guess there’s really no rhyme or reason to how or why things do or don’t work out. Deep Thoughts, by BBT. Guys: best of luck to you… Ok, no more surveys.

Me: what are you doing tonight?

You: going to Kramer’s for Matt’s birthday!!


Friendly reminder: I choose the winner of the $20 iTunes gift card at noon tomorrow, so ya better  hurry over to Facebook and like the Baxter Bark Twice page if you want a chance to win…!

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 9 Comments »

Advice from Bark Twice (Numero Dos)

Posted by AllieB on March 3, 2011

The first installment of my advice-giving piece went over well, so, for lack of better fun and interactive Thursday ideas, I’m going with it. I really want to do another survey, but I’m having a hard time coming up with new ideas. Should you have a suggestion, please share. Anyway, here we go: Round 2.

Dear BBT,

My friends have been pressuring me into getting a tattoo. Of our group of 6, everyone but me has a large Chinese symbol on either their back or lower abdomen. They keep calling me a pansy or a wuss for not getting one. I mean, I guess theirs are cool – the symbols mean important, relevant things like “peace” and “serenity” and, like, “wise” or something. I don’t want them to cut me out – I don’t want to end up like “Am I a Loser” from last week! Help!

-Peer Pressured (Bulls-Eye, USA)

Dear Tramp Stamp,

Congratulations, you are the winner of this week’s DUNCE award! You have to wear your dunce hat for a full seven days so everyone knows what an idiot you are for even considering succumbing to the peer pressure of your dumbass friends and marring your skin with an erroneously translated LARGE Chinese symbol. $1,000 that your friend’s “peace” tat means “man hands.”

*Disclaimer to my pals with body art: none of this applies to you.

Dear BBT,

I want to start a blog. Should I? I mean, is it hard? I just don’t know if I’d be any good at it…

-Indecisive (Blahville, USA)

Dear If You Have to Ask, the Answer Is No.

Note to self: get a second dunce hat.

Dear BBT,

I have a crush on this guy, but I don’t think he even knows I’m alive. Well, actually, he does because last week when I was trying to make my way over to talk to him, I tripped on my huge feet and poured my drink all over his clothes. It was so embarrassing for both of us because where I spilled made it look like he had wet himself – everyone was laughing at him more than me. Anyway, he has avoided me ever since and I don’t know how to make him not hate me! Please help.

-I can’t help it (Klutztown, America)

Dear Is Your Name Allie,

Wait, seriously, are you trying to make fun of me or something because this sort of thing happens to me all of the time. Well, I don’t really have the klutz problem, but I’ve been known to pull equally imbecilic moves like inadvertently making fun of a guy’s grandmother or something. It’s very hard to properly shoulder-dip and head-toss when your foot is in your mouth – I think my only hope is to one day just stop talking. As for you, maybe you can not walk and drink simultaneously…? Your Q has me stymied – it’s like the blind leading the blind. Good luck to the both of us.

If you would like your question pondered by BBT, please send an email to

Tis a glorious day in the ATL! There’s a new Pinkberry opening in Buckhead next to Borders and CVS across from Dick’s and Target and from 6 – 10 p.m. tonight they’re serving up free yogurt! And don’t forget about the free fries from Chick-fil-A tomorrow from 2 – 4 p.m. To round out my freebie trifecta, I just reserved a Turkey Cobb Sandwich from Corner Bakery and will be retrieving said sammy next Thursday after work.

Today, I leave you with these tweets from Steve Martin. I’m telling you, I love The Twitter.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »