Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘wishlist’

BBT Investigates: What Do Guys Really Want?

Posted by AllieB on December 5, 2013

*specifically, what do guys really want for Christmas. The title is intentionally misleading.

Last year I asked 100 or so of my male and female friends, acquaintances, and frenemies to take a little survey about gift giving and receiving. I took the time to create it, they obliged me in answering it, I tracked and compiled their answers…and then I threw all of our hard work in the crapper. But, today I revisited my hard work and have decided, yes, these insightful questions and revealing answers must be shared! I am aware that I recently said gift guides are not one of my strengths, and that’s still true, but I’m not providing links to artisan cheese boards, I’m giving you the gift of TRUTH…it also adds a little insight into the ever-mystifying minds of the opposite sex. This is more than a gift guide; it’s a guide to life.

Today, per the title, we’ll learn about the dudes. PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE.

boys what they want

The best “Other” response I got was: Like Mariah, all I want for Christmas is ewe. I’m hoping to start a farm. 

You can’t say this wasn’t helpful! Ok fine, other “Other” responses included golf clubs, golf vacation, and golf clubs.

boys ignore girls

The most telling commentary was: If I ignored what she said she wanted and something on my own I would totally fail.

See?? You can’t make these vague references or veiled hints and expect to get what you want, or even remotely what you want. This goes for most things you’re trying to communicate, I’ve learned, just go ahead and spell it out. #lifelessons

dumb when girls ask for

There was some helpful commentary along with this question:

  • All of the above but also something “small”
  • “nothing” and a ring
  • Is it true that when a woman says nothing she means something? I did not expect to learn so much from a quiz. Do women always mean the opposite of what they say? Thanks, BBT!
  • “Oh, I’m sure I’ll love whatever you get me.” Wanna bet?
  • clothes… I have absolutely no idea what size you are. If I guess too big, I think you are too fat… if too small, its a subliminal messages to lose weight – lose lose

I’m sensing a bit of SARCASM from the funny guy in the middle.

The next question wasn’t really graphable:

I will be really pissed if I receive any of the following items:

  • A nicer version of something I already have. I simply don’t give a shit if it’s new. If it isn’t broken, I don’t a replacement.
  • Hemorrhoid Cream
  • a f*cking tie
  • socks or towels
  • more pajama pants
  • fruit cake
  • cologne
  • Jelly of the month club
  • vacuum cleaner
  • owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
  • Slippers
  • Anything I didn’t pick out
  • Any kind of DVD. Also, I don’t need anymore golf shirts.
  • grown up clothes
  • a Nickelback CD
  • A Cookbook

Jeeez, diva central over here.

boys santa

Alright, girls – now you know: be very clear about what you want, don’t even THINK about buying socks, and anything golf-related is probably a safe bet. Wow, Allie, that sure is a lot of brand new information.

Happy Thursday! See y’all next week when we delve into the female psyche…that sounds terrifying.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

50 Shades of Do Not Want

Posted by AllieB on September 25, 2013

Hey guys! On the Effort Scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is standing up and 10 is walking to the kitchen, today’s post is about a 1.25.

50 Shades of Do Not Want: I’ve been over 50 Shades of Grey for awhile now, and, even though I obviously made my way thru all three books, I definitely judge anyone who is still reading them…similarly, I am an equal opportunity indulger of  any and all (red) wine, but even I turn my nose at this: 50 Shades of Grey Wine. There are two varietals: White Silk and Red Satin. That’s disgusting. Also, it’s going for $18/bottle! You could buy two non-embarrassing bottles of malbec for that; this just goes from bad to worse. BBT says: absolutely not.

IT Allie asks: have you downloaded the new iOS 7? Do it. Do it now. It’s like getting a whole new phone! And, given that I’ve actually downgraded to a plain old 4 from a 4S instead of upgrading (April 2k14..!), this is especially exciting for moi. I’ve had zero kinks – just back your shiz up. iTunes Radio is a great addition, and the camera has improved. Everyone also loves the Control Center; the pros abound. Me, I mostly just think it’s really pretty…

ios screen shot

background

I feel v exposed, like I just showed you my bank acct balance or undergarment drawer

-I’ve heard a few things about the fingerprint scanner on the new 5S: cats can do it, hackers figured out to hack it, and…this: You Can Also Unlock the iPhone 5 S with Your  Junk. Y’all, that’s gross.

-Closing out apps is not entirely intuitive – here’s how.

-Have you recently lost your 3rd Kindle? Just me? Well, fear not, because Amazon has released yet another Kindle, the Kindle Fire HDX, complete with a “mayday” button that links to live support 24/7/365, promising a 15 second or less response time. Dang. (Credit: Charlotte!)

Watching: My roommates love The Voice, so it looks like I love The Voice, too. I’m just not sure I’m emotionally equipped to handle it. They draw you in with heart-wrenching backstories of these people want nothing more than to share the gift of music, then they go out on stage, sing their hearts out, and….none of the judges pick them. Although, I do respect the judges for refraining from the pity pick – I’d have a team of losers halfway thru the first audition. I’m such a softie. Modern Family starts back tonight, SNL on Saturday, and T minus 103 hours, give or take, til Homeland Season 3 returns. (It took me almost as long to calculate that number just now)

SHE WOULD: Blake Lively is starting her own GOOPy-sounding company. Boobs Legsly, a moniker that isn’t even legit anymore since she’s morphed into this married class act, is even easier to hate than Gwyneth. Obviously I will read every issue, scoffing at the recipes but diligently saving all of them. It annoys me when people talk about “curating” a lifestyle. I can barely curate my salad from Chop’t*.

GFY, seriously

GFY, seriously

*I actually have a bombass salad order: Spinach, Kale, Fresh Jalapeños, Cucumber, Tomato, Pepper Jack Cheese, FreeBird Ancho Chile Chicken, Tri-Color Quinoa, Low-Fat Spa Greek Yogurt Tzatziki Dressing. I made it up all by myself. FACE.

Fall is here! I really am going to pump the brakes on talking about weather. Elmore Leonard, the renowned novelist who passed away recently, had a list of of 10 Rules for Good Writing:

  1.  Never open a book with weather.

I took a quick look at past BBT posts, and, if you replace “book” with “blog” I’m not doing so hot – same with the other nine. Whatever, I’m a slow learner. Like I was saying: fall is here! I want to swaddle myself in 1,000 sweaters (I like these: Dear Santa/if I budget better); fill my apartment with the aroma of spiced cider (the spiked cider looks good, pretty sure if I had a cabernet candle in my apt I’d have to have a bottle of cabernet open…oh wait); and jump in piles of leaves (don’t need sound and really only need to watch like first ten secs).

 

Happy Wednesday to all of you, and HAPPY FRIDAY to meeee! I’m headed south for a sure-to-be perfect wedding – can wait to see ya, EmilyB (cc: W Port)!

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

What to Give: Holiday Gift Ideas

Posted by AllieB on November 30, 2011

Ho ho ho!!! (Sister, someone’s calling you.) Merry Christmas!

I’ve mentioned my lack of creativity before re: costuming, and the case is very much the same when it comes to gift giving. I think those who can give thoughtful and not necessarily elaborate or over-the-top gifts have a truly enviable skill. You know the person – they could make a bag of dirt seem appealing. They’re the ones who bring the delicately wrapped and ribbon-adorned lace cookies to the bake sale when you bring a half batch of Nestle Tollhouse because you ate most of the dough. (I speak not from experience….) Anyway, some people just have “the touch.” For those of us who don’t, there are gift guides.

For Guys: I’ve been asked by more than one person for gift recommendations for boys. This is pretty much the blind leading the blind, but I did a little research…and…here. Sorry in advance. I found this one guide: Gifts for Guys That DON’T SUCK that is trying just a little too hard…there are 4 pages of ideas, including a camouflage baseball, stainless steel ice cubes, and bacon-flavored hot sauce. I think I might pick up that third one for yours truly.

If anyone but Barney Stinson handed me a drink with these in them, I’d get the H outta D.

Look, shopping for guys is tough. Get him a tie. A Vineyard Vines or Ferragamo one with a tasteful golfing or aquatic or football motif. YKenna – I helped you not at all, did I.

White Elephant Party: Thompson Ferrier Candles. I always say you must smell a candle before you buy, but at this price I say go with it – Elegant Gardenia sounds pretty safe. I still don’t quite get the premise of these parties, but this falls in the right price range – can’t beat $15. This Capri Blue Jar candle ($28 at Anthro) is actually my most favorite, and it’s larger than most.

For Pallison ClevelandThe Meatball Shop Cookbook by Daniel Holzman and Michael Chernow (Ballantine Books; $28).  Make this: Start with the signature beef version and work your way up to the advanced-technique “bunny balls.”

Stocking Stuffer/Gift That Keeps on Giving: Best invention ever – the rubber wine stopper. This set will cost you $11.33 and will change the life of its recipient. It can make a bad bottle of wine good – literally. Go ahead and buy 2 – one to give and one to keep. That’s kind of nice mantra with Christmas shopping in general…

For the person who has everything/is impossible to shop for: a gift to charity in their name. Honestly, I really like it when people do this in my honor, especially when it’s to a cause I hold dear. If you’re really stumped as to what to get someone, think about what they like: puppies, trees, art, hunting, music, children, healthcare…if there’s a noun, there’s a 501 (c) 3 raising money for it. Most of these causes will send a notification to the person for whom you gave the gift, so that’s a nice little bonus.

This is a woefully incomplete list…nothing for parents…and I didn’t even include anything for me! That’s probably because I already have everything I could possibly wish for :) Well, except for new Frye boots and/or a console table for my abode.

Here are 425 more ideas from $3 to $1,295. 

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 9 Comments »

Do ugly people know they’re ugly?

Posted by AllieB on March 28, 2011

The quiet ones do.*

BOOM. I had a nice weekend – fairly standard with a side of really fun. I hung out with my peeps, ran a few errands, did a little cleaning, some dart throwing, a LOT of laughing…I also managed to hang on to both my first and last names (‘Allie’ & ‘Baxter’), which is more than I can say for this celebrity kook:

Diddy did it. So did Madonna and Prince, and now you can add Lindsay Lohan to the list of celebrities who are opting for a single moniker, with the troubled star’s mom, Dina, confirming to me that Lindsay plans to remove “Lohan” from her official name. “So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list…” (source: Popeater.com)

[Sigh of defeat] Well, I guess we can all just be relieved that she’s finally been able to pinpoint the source of her struggles: the two syllables of her last name. Problem: solved! This is some solid science, Lindsay Lohan – some very solid science.

I did a good bit of shopping on Saturday, and I had a few observations which I will share with you now:

  • don’t go shopping on Saturday
  • choose a day besides Saturday to do your shopping
  • Monday – Friday and Sunday are your best days for shopping

Le mis. However, I was able to ascertain that I want everything that every store is selling right now. I did some buying, but I still need all of these things (Miriam, this is not an invitation to go out and purchase the whole lot. AHEM Christmas Wishlist.)

  1. Free Dance Top – Anthropologie (that’s what they call it, to me it is a ‘fun shirt’)
  2. Nude Pump – Pour la Victoire
  3. White Flare Jeans – J Brand
  4. Blouse, Shorts, and Belt – J. Crew
  5. Leather Carryall – American Apparel (copying Atlantic-Pacific – my obsession grows daily)
  6. Turquoise Necklace – Kenneth Jay Lane

I wonder why I have such an aversion to color… Sidebar: is anyone else totally fed up with the red haired shopbop model!? I’ve had beef with her since ’06 and it really irks me that she’s still around, like, get another job or something. She’s so…smug.

*source: Texts From Last Night – All The Ones No One Remembers Sending – credit: Tina

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

Camel, I think your back is broken

Posted by AllieB on March 9, 2011

This is the last straw. Blackberry’s are not very cool – the key pad is annoying, the flash on the camera is legitimately blinding, and, most of all, it is more functional than it is fun and awesome. What do I need function for when Google has created this ingenious new app for iPhones and Android. I LOVE GOOGLE. Sorry I’m not sorry BBM buddies, this train is sailing as soon as I can afford the flat price of a Verizon iPhone without any contract signing bonuses or upgrade discounts – this means to say…anytime within the next 1 – 8 months.

Meet & Greet: Google Goggles –

Do you see?? This is fantastic! Translate those pesky Lebanese menus, search by sight, log your wines, recognize art without having to ask/check the artist…this is like the ultimate app. Obviously I don’t know anything about anything when it comes to iPhones, and I’m sure there are already apps like this – but Google Goggles still thrills me. It’s just good thinking, is what it is. Click here to enjoy your own interactive perusal. (Credit: PAL)

Plus, then I can start submitting hilarious typos to that damnyouautocorrect website.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »