Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘Boobs Legsly’

50 Shades of Do Not Want

Posted by AllieB on September 25, 2013

Hey guys! On the Effort Scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is standing up and 10 is walking to the kitchen, today’s post is about a 1.25.

50 Shades of Do Not Want: I’ve been over 50 Shades of Grey for awhile now, and, even though I obviously made my way thru all three books, I definitely judge anyone who is still reading them…similarly, I am an equal opportunity indulger of  any and all (red) wine, but even I turn my nose at this: 50 Shades of Grey Wine. There are two varietals: White Silk and Red Satin. That’s disgusting. Also, it’s going for $18/bottle! You could buy two non-embarrassing bottles of malbec for that; this just goes from bad to worse. BBT says: absolutely not.

IT Allie asks: have you downloaded the new iOS 7? Do it. Do it now. It’s like getting a whole new phone! And, given that I’ve actually downgraded to a plain old 4 from a 4S instead of upgrading (April 2k14..!), this is especially exciting for moi. I’ve had zero kinks – just back your shiz up. iTunes Radio is a great addition, and the camera has improved. Everyone also loves the Control Center; the pros abound. Me, I mostly just think it’s really pretty…

ios screen shot


I feel v exposed, like I just showed you my bank acct balance or undergarment drawer

-I’ve heard a few things about the fingerprint scanner on the new 5S: cats can do it, hackers figured out to hack it, and…this: You Can Also Unlock the iPhone 5 S with Your  Junk. Y’all, that’s gross.

-Closing out apps is not entirely intuitive – here’s how.

-Have you recently lost your 3rd Kindle? Just me? Well, fear not, because Amazon has released yet another Kindle, the Kindle Fire HDX, complete with a “mayday” button that links to live support 24/7/365, promising a 15 second or less response time. Dang. (Credit: Charlotte!)

Watching: My roommates love The Voice, so it looks like I love The Voice, too. I’m just not sure I’m emotionally equipped to handle it. They draw you in with heart-wrenching backstories of these people want nothing more than to share the gift of music, then they go out on stage, sing their hearts out, and….none of the judges pick them. Although, I do respect the judges for refraining from the pity pick – I’d have a team of losers halfway thru the first audition. I’m such a softie. Modern Family starts back tonight, SNL on Saturday, and T minus 103 hours, give or take, til Homeland Season 3 returns. (It took me almost as long to calculate that number just now)

SHE WOULD: Blake Lively is starting her own GOOPy-sounding company. Boobs Legsly, a moniker that isn’t even legit anymore since she’s morphed into this married class act, is even easier to hate than Gwyneth. Obviously I will read every issue, scoffing at the recipes but diligently saving all of them. It annoys me when people talk about “curating” a lifestyle. I can barely curate my salad from Chop’t*.

GFY, seriously

GFY, seriously

*I actually have a bombass salad order: Spinach, Kale, Fresh Jalapeños, Cucumber, Tomato, Pepper Jack Cheese, FreeBird Ancho Chile Chicken, Tri-Color Quinoa, Low-Fat Spa Greek Yogurt Tzatziki Dressing. I made it up all by myself. FACE.

Fall is here! I really am going to pump the brakes on talking about weather. Elmore Leonard, the renowned novelist who passed away recently, had a list of of 10 Rules for Good Writing:

  1.  Never open a book with weather.

I took a quick look at past BBT posts, and, if you replace “book” with “blog” I’m not doing so hot – same with the other nine. Whatever, I’m a slow learner. Like I was saying: fall is here! I want to swaddle myself in 1,000 sweaters (I like these: Dear Santa/if I budget better); fill my apartment with the aroma of spiced cider (the spiked cider looks good, pretty sure if I had a cabernet candle in my apt I’d have to have a bottle of cabernet open…oh wait); and jump in piles of leaves (don’t need sound and really only need to watch like first ten secs).


Happy Wednesday to all of you, and HAPPY FRIDAY to meeee! I’m headed south for a sure-to-be perfect wedding – can wait to see ya, EmilyB (cc: W Port)!

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Some of y’all done lost y’all mind

Posted by AllieB on August 3, 2011

Ahh Kilo Ali.

The y’all to whom I am referring are the celebrities ranging from the A to C-list variety. To start with: Vienna Girardi – COME ON DOWN!!! I will probably tune into the premier of Bachelor Pad next Munday, because I saw a clip with Vienna’s ex, Jake Pavelka saying, “I wish she would fall 3,000 feet to her death” or something totally melodramatic like that. Maybe he’s trying to be a tough guy after being such a pansy during his season on the Bachelor. I don’t know, they’re all really stupid – like, really stupid.

Anyway, Betsy has brought to my attention that Vienna got a nosejob. Or maybe she did. The before might be better than the after, but the after looks older than the before. It’s unclear which is what, which is not exactly the desired effect of rhinoplasty. Nailed it!

BOOBS you’re riding a bike for crissakes, put on some underoos (it’s not a Britney shot or anything, but the wind is blowing….whatever, see for yourself – it’s very PG).

For the LOVE, Mischa – get a mirror, a clue, or maybe even a friend. Friends don’t let friends leave the house looking like this.

Morale, in case it’s not clear, is higher than it was yesterday. Humor at the expense of others always cheers me up. Plus, I love Wednesdays; I always have. Hilbilly is coming to Atlanta tonight – hide your kids, hide your wives!

Have you been watching Curb Your Enthusiasm?? If not, call Comcast and take advantage of the HBO promotion they’re having right now where you can get 3 mos for free (or more, if you work the system – holla!) It’s f’ing hysterical. I don’t even know where to start, it’s all hilarious. Categorically not hilarious: Entourage. I want to drop kick E off the 17th Street bridge.


Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

What are some good comebacks if your last name is Weiner?

Posted by AllieB on July 28, 2011

Sometimes I think I don’t like someone, but then I see them in comparison to someone who I really don’t like, and suddenly they don’t seem that bad. Case in point: who wore it better betwixt ole Boobs Legsly and Taylor what’s that? I just fell asleep Swift.

Source: People

My favorite part is the description:

The actress (Boobs) dressed up her Tibi frock with leopard-print pumps in June, while a month later, the singer (Zzzzz) added a metallic belt and bow-bedecked wedges.

If I had a nickel for every pair of bow-bedecked wedges I had…I would have zero nickels. Whereas if I had $100 for every pair of leopard-print pumps, I’d have $100. I’d much rather the latter than the former. Maybe I’m coming around on BL…

There’s really no way to say this that will sound normal, so I’m just going to put it out there: last night I dreamed that one of my very good guy friends gave birth to a chicken. Nurses Baxter and Edge were on hand to assist, and he gave birth to a healthy 3lb chick. I can see the whole thing vividly in my mind, and I’m still very unsettled with the whole affair. And I’m never going to tell who it was, so don’t bother asking – as if you’d even want to know. I wish I could un-know it.

Overshare? I’m running low on material/am so sore I can barely lift my arms to reach my keyboard. Moving is the HATE.

Henceforth, whenever I cannot think of a relevant entry heading, I’m just going to look at the search terms that landed people on BBT and use that as a title instead. Starting with today…so if you were hoping to find some answers to the Q, you’re S.O.L. Actually, that reminds me of a funny joke I saw on the interweb this week – on a message board someone posted:

Q: What is a good comeback to someone who tells you to go make them a sandwich?

A: Well, you better come back with a G.D. sandwich.


Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Informative Disinformation

Posted by AllieB on July 20, 2011

GROUP DINNERS!!! Who doesn’t love having a meal of food with 18 people at a long, rectangular table and being stuck at the end, relegated to a corner with the dunce and the doofus, and then getting a check for $80 when you had a salad and shared a bottle of $25 wine (and possibly a martini – but still, that’s clearly too much. (Unless your martini was made of gold, as the margarita at Varasano’s is. $17.50 is the price for a 4 oz tequila beverage…just so you know…order accordingly.)) Well, per this Handy Guide shared with me by OD, How to Split a Check, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles at group dins. (If you’re 25 and older – if you’re under 25 and you’re reading this…well, isn’t that nice for you.)

Now, the observant among you have read this, processed it and realized that in a group-dining scenario, one is effectively incentivized to order lavishly and imbibe irresponsibly, because not everyone else will, and thus what you end up paying will be disproportionate to what you actually owe, meaning that you make out like a bandit while your schmuck pals who exercise restraint in the name of fiscal responsibility end up subsidizing you. This is correct!

I don’t really love group dinners. Unless we go to Treehouse and Bethenny splits the check as we order – I always appreciate that. Rory at Paul’s does that, too. Also, be advised, not eating and only drinking at restaurants doesn’t do you much good. If you’re really trying to save $$, bring vodka disguised in a water bottle and order club soda. I’M KIDDING that’s pathetic – don’t do that. Everyone will stare at you in disdain and someone might even ask you to leave. If the situation is that dire, stay home. Wisdom: imparted.

Why does no one have house parties anymore? Jeez. Lindsay, maybe we need to be telling more people about your beer pong table that folds up into a briefcase.

RUMORS!! Unbeknownst to me, there have been rumors circulating that J Simps is pregs – she’s aggressively denying them, of course…It’s not for me to say, obviously, but this picture may or may not be the reason why…

Source: Daily Mail

And Leo dumped Boobs!!! Muuahahahaha. That’s what you get for being desperate to be Mrs. Leonardo DiCaprio.

Evidently the niceness of yesterday was a one-time thing.

Happy almost Bday, BBT! Un día más

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »