Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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Archive for May, 2012

Everyone is entitled to my opinion

Posted by AllieB on May 31, 2012

Herro. I started this post in the middle and then wrote the ending and then this part, so you might be like, “BBT, wtf are you talking about.” Try and keep up.

Much to my GREAT excitement, the Opening Ceremonies of the XXX Olympiad are in less than two months!!! This also means, obviously, less than two months til two whole weeks of bird dogging Kate Middleton’s wardrobe choices. I fear the Duchess is getting a bit thin, however…I do hope she’s keeping the myriad pressures of Royal Life at bay and not transferring them to an eating disorder. Too skinny = bony = weathered. No one likes a weathered princess.

Never will I ever criticize B Spears – nothing she can do will ever undo her MTV Video Music Award performance in 2000 - but the list of items she requested for her dressing room on the X-Factor is just…typical. I wonder what kind of chicken? KFC? Popeye’s?

*34 Herve Leger dresses
*12 Snickers bars
*10 snack-size bags of Doritos
*six cases of Diet Coke containing 24 cans, which must be replenished every week
*12 vases of magnolia blossoms in her dressing room
*10 pieces of chicken
*four pints of potato salad every week.
*beauty team which includes a personal manicurist, a facialist and a massage therapist

My list would read as follows:

*Olivia Palermo’s wardrobe
*My e-reader (hopefully if I have my own dressing room I will have upgraded from my Nook, version Archaic)
*One bag of cheetos from which I can have a few each day; this will be strictly monitored by my stand-in willpower, which I will need provided by way of large, scary woman. See qualifications below
*large, scary woman to stand in as my willpower. Responsibilities will include: monitoring cheeto intake, forcibly removing me from sofa to exercise…I still don’t understand why Jessica Simpson hasn’t hired one of these yet.
*one orchid/table surface
*pizza. Pizza from Tartufo, Fellini’s, Antico, and Mellow Mush…the pizzas are to be delivered hot, fresh, and in random order – keep me guessing!
*three Labrador puppies for 20 minutes each day, with one always on-call
*beauty team which includes a personal manicurist, a facialist and a massage therapist

So, this went viral: a letter regarding uncouth behavior at the local Piedmont Driving Club. I’m going to refrain from comment, but here are some high(low?)lights:

  • one member decided to play the 14th hole completely naked. I have not researched it, but I suspect this is a crime in Georgia
  • one member decided to show off to other members, and a caddie, his ability to pick up a golf ball with his naked butt cheeks.

Moving along…Domestic Allie made a rare appearance the other weekend. I guess Tina just brings out the best in me…she and Kirk whipped up a pretty awesome meal of kabobs at their new house, and everyone had a great time. I helped skew the skewers for a little while, but mostly I was in charge of watching feeding Tina wine. Kabobs are a messy business; someone’s gotta keep the chef hydrated.

This is us in our aprons. I’ve opted for the 1960′s photo finish in Picasa because aprons are sooo 1960′s.

I’ve always considered myself to be fairly well educated, and I am a proud alumna of The University of Georgia, but I’m feeling a bit slighted re: course selection…my Art History class on Theosophy (I don’t even know what that word means anymore) is way less relevant than these options. (Source: Reader’s Digest, June 2012. I know.)

  • How To Watch Television – Montclair State. I mean, I could teach that class, amiright??
  • Harry Potter: Finding Your Patronus – Oregon State. BBT says: legit.
  • Alien Sex – University of Rochester. Um, no.

I try to read this blog once a week because it is so funny.

THE FIRST TIME I LIVED ON MY OWN

This isn’t not not true.

TGIT! Today is the last day of May, so tomorrow is the first day of June.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 8 Comments »

The skies are angry

Posted by AllieB on May 22, 2012

Summer has arrived. Not the wet, hot blanket heat that we can look forward to in a month or so, but the totally insane, violent storms that come in out of nowhere, like the one last night. I was cruising down Peachtree, noticing how weird it was that it was raining in the Northbound lanes but not the Southbound ones (hmm strange), when all of a sudden I was blindsided by walnut-sized hail. What the hail!?* Anyway, I’m just glad Whole Foods has that underground parking option, and I never thought I’d say anything positive about a parking deck.

I’ve been getting around recently: here, read about one of Atlanta’s newest restaurants, Campagnolo in Midtown.

Located at the corner of 10th and Piedmont, Campagnolo is a festive hub of a restaurant with a chill yet “we’re new and hip” vibe. It’s longer than it is wide, but the patio and main dining area are pleasantly spacious and open. I felt a bit claustie as I made my way back to the bathroom, but that could also have something to do with the wall-to-wall humans packed in for a birthday party. In the grand tradition of myself, I arrived 30 minutes late and missed the apps, but I understand there was a homemade focaccia with baked goat cheese that was excellent. What I thought was excellent was the rose, the Le Cengle from France, and I also enjoyed my Zucchini Piccata. I didn’t take pictures because it hsa been requested that I not do that, but it was good. It had capers, and I love capers. Sissy and Dani split an orecchiette dish with spicy homemade sausage and cherry tomatoes, the portions of which were quite large, especially since they split the $10 small size. One of the highlights of my night was hearing Dani order this.

We had a lot of fun. There’s free valet parking, which is good because this little block of Midtown gets real saucy on Friday evenings….

everyone say, 'goat cheeese'

If I want to be a restaurant food critic, I’m going to have start eating the restaurant’s food…

Speaking of cheese, this past weekend someone – I believe it was Boda, and I apologize if I am misappropriating credit where it’s due – posed the question, “why can’t cheese be a power food?” Honestly, why can’t it? I see no reason why a bowl of queso can’t have the same perks as a big bushel of broccoli, except for the obvious fact that it’s impossible. I just wish things had gone differently from the get-go re: allocation of nutrition. Thanks a lot, science.

I love you Liz Lemon: click here for a very funny photographic timeline that chronicles the tumultuous history of Liz’s locks. Remember when she studied abroad in Germany?? It’s like a quick review of all the best episodes.

OH! The power of social media has finally paid off for me, personally: I bought the $34 year subscription to UsWeekly yesterday, and then went about sharing my personal link via various social media channels (The Twitter, FB), and if three people clicked thru on my link and purchased it then I got my deal at no charge…well, and this surprises no one, it worked and now I can look forward to the weekly gift of celebrity smut for a full 52 weeks for free. Sometimes I really am my mother’s daughter.

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CARO!! And thank you for allowing me to filch your words for today’s title. I will repay you in pizza tonight. XOXO.

Have a great day – hopefully one that has more direction and focus than this here blog post. I’m off to Flywheel…hayulp.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Give an inch and they’ll take a mile

Posted by AllieB on May 17, 2012

If you live in Atlanta like I do, then you’ve been inundated with the arrival of the latest Willy’s spin-off, Lime. Do not go to there. Even if your co-workers are all, “hey, let’s check out that new place Lime!” say, in a strong, stern, slightly assertive voice, “No, thank you.” It’s just not good. They’re trying way too hard to be good, and it’s embarassing for everyone. I went the other day because I had a coupon for a free taco it’s close to work/my house, and it was a mistake. K, I should’ve listened to you. I guess their salsa bar featuring 7 different salsas is ok, and the quesadilla wasn’t horrible, but their CHIPS (the standard by which all tex-mex restaurants should be judged, IMO) are awful. Might as well bust open a bag of Tostitos and call it a day. BBT says: pass. The good news is…. Barberitos is opening in The Peach Shopping Center!! Yes, it’s true, and I’m so excited.

I’ve come to the conclusion that people who cut hair are taught that the measurement “one inch” actually means “as much as you want plus a little more”. I got my hair cut yesterday, and when I told her I wanted only a teeeeeny tiny bit trimmed she said, “Sure! We’ll only take off half an inch – three-fourths of an inch at most.” I was so excited – finally someone who understood me. Well, the only way she took off half an inch is if by inch she meant FOOT. This is ridiculous. I was in a rush post-appointment to get another much more urgent appointment, so I didn’t take the time to check out the damage, but I’m not happy. It’s too bad I don’t drive that minivan anymore because I finally look the part. Flat.Face.

48 Things That Will Make You Feel Old. Enjoy!! What an uplifting start to my day – thanks, YKenna. Pardon me while I go get my personal affairs in order…

good god. We're as old as the dinosaurs

Ah, this helps: 37 People Who Have No Idea What They’re Doing.

Dad on the subway: you're doing it wrong!

Thirsty Thursday!! Have a wonderful day, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and always remember that three rights make a left.

*A special thank you to LucyC for ensuring my grammatical accuracy.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

#BBTproblems

Posted by AllieB on May 15, 2012

So far as I can tell, everyone I know has been going on vacation. And not even wedding-related vacations, but actual, legitimate holidays. I do not prefer this. If one more person checks in at Have You Ever Seen Water More Blue Resort or How Delicious Do These Frozen, Fruity Beverages Look Cay, I’m going to quit Facebook. Obviously, I’m not quitting Facebook, but I really am over it. WHERE IS MY VACATION. Mom, don’t answer that. For now I’ll have to settle for being the host with the most of a raging pity party – check your email for registry info.

To console myself I shall revist my own trips of yore:

 This time in 2k6 BBT was visiting Phi Phi Island, Thailand. I wonder what that girl’s name is with whom I’m drinking the vino..? I know she was from Dublin. Regardless, this really isn’t helping – nor did your email about Australia, Talbott, so thank you for that. (The part about the hole in the ground facilities did a little bit, however.)

I can’t make myself sit thru entire episodes of The Bachelorette, especially when they feature snoozefests like Emily Maynard (she’s pretty, there’s no denying that, but she, much like Taylor Swift, just make me want to take a nap), so I direct you to Melissa F’s blog/recap about last night’s premiere on Fonty Fest. I very much enjoyed reading it even though I really had no context for her commentary. This is great because now I will never feel the need actually watch it. Thank you, Melissa!

Speaking of vacations, for those of you taking trips in the near future, bite me check out these books: for those who enjoy lighter stories geared towards a more feminine audience, I recommend The Opposite of Me by Sarah Pekkanen. It’s chick-lit for sure, but it’s well-written and engaging…I laughed, I cried, etc etc. (Speaking of chick-lit, Elin has a new book coming out this summer..!) For both genders, I recommend this much darker, sordid, absolutely enthralling mystery: Defending Jacob by William Landay. Suffice it to say, it is not your average best-seller mystery, and once I got into it I couldn’t put it down. I’m still reeling from the ending.

Lastly, I’ve decided that I can let go of my Kate Middleton obsession, because I think I might just do the whole princess thing on my own. While always cute in an endearing-ginger kind of way, these recent pics of Prince Harry pretty much solidified his swoon-worthy status…kissing babies: check; kissing puppies: check. Notably not present: his Nazi costume (which I hope he’s retired permanently…) Oh, plus he’s playing polo. Helllooooo, Prince Harry.

You come here to me. I promise I’ll never say “swoon-worthy” again.

By the way, I recently learned what I’d do for a Klondike Bar: change out of comfy cozy pajamas into somewhat presentable garb, put on SHOES, descend several flights of stairs, and walk a block down Peachtree in icky drizzle at a late-night hour to the glowing mecca that is my local Walgreen’s. Oh, and pay for it in change. For the record: it wasn’t worth it.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Taking one for the team

Posted by AllieB on May 8, 2012

HELLO!! Let’s jump right in.

Although posing for wedding pics can be a real pain, the end result is always fun to browse – the actual event was months ago and things have started to get blurry, then all of a sudden you have 1,772 pictures to relive the entire day…for better or for worse. What this most recent set of images from the Baxter-Maines nuptials has learned me is that I ought to avoid the camera unless I am intentionally posing. Now, I’m not totally vain and I realize that these weddings photos aren’t about me, and it doesn’t really matter what I look like – it’s not my day – but it’s become too glaring of an issue to ignore. Plus, this blog is about what I want it to be about, and today is about me teaching you what not to do when taking pictures:

1. Show any sort of raw emotion.

Char seeing my dad for the first time. Seriously, BBT, get it together. Lucy looks on serenely; I could very possibly be on the verge of collapse.

2. Do the running man on the dancefloor:

Mom looks cute and breezy. I look like a hoss.

3. Sport any kind of hair-do that showcases abnormally large ears (I GREW INTO THEM) or bedeck oneself in a drab, ill-fitting, button-down mock turtlenecks. WTF is that.

Allie & Otis Nixon, 1993..? I think it was ’93. It was post-over the wall catch, pre-departure from the Braves. Whatevs – we were instant kindreds.

But, seriously – don’t do the running man on the dance floor, and keep the singing along to a minimum. I decided to leave out the pics of my Steven Tyler impression – it was simply too cruel to share…for the sake of both my peepers and yours. Note to Char/Mom: be kind when assembling the wedding album.

I think I want to start writing freelance..like for local publications. Specifically: restaurant reviews. Specifically: restaurant reviews where the publisher foots the bill and I am treated like Julia Roberts in My Best Friends Wedding. Should someone have an in on that, holla. And I’m kidding about the diva part, as the photos above so clearly demonstrate: BBT is no diva.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »