Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for the ‘Arbitrary’ Category

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The future according to BBT

Posted by AllieB on January 19, 2011

Dictating the futures of fictional characters is surprisingly empowering. Earlier today, I read this amazing article which details the lives of every member of the Baby-Sitters Club as adults: The Baby-Sitters Club: Where Are They Now. This is the first line:

Kristy Thomas
Well obviously Kristy is a lesbian.

I enjoyed it so much that I decided to do one for Jessica and Elizabeth of Sweet Valley High…

Because karma’s a bitch, Jessica’s ruthless and selfish behavior throughout her youth results in a hard-living adulthood, rendering her weathered and washed-up at the age of 35 with no friends, no man, no job, and living in the makeshift pool house Elizabeth built behind her home. Her best frenemy, Lila, died of an overdose a decade earlier, and Bruce Patman turned out to prefer the company of men and took off for Miami as soon his trust kicked in at age 21.

One day, as  she was clearing out the attic of Elizabeth’s house, Jessica found her old cheerleading uniform. Instantly, Jessica is reminded of her strong will and ability to charm her way into anything she wants. She sets off to right her wrongs, My Name Is Earl-style, and ends up falling in love with one of the nerd boys whose life she made miserable in high school, who had just sold his company to Google for hundreds of millions of dollars. They get married and travel the world in a boutique cruise ship, booking one suite for themselves and another for her 8 dogs, all mutts. At age 94 they die side by side in their sleep. Their fortune is bequeathed to an animal shelter.

Good, ole reliable Elizabeth…she married Todd, they had three kids, live in the same split-level ranch with the pool in the backyard that she grew up in (Mom and Dad died suddenly at age 65 in a freak accident involving a contrived African safari in San Diego and a very cranky rhinoceros) and she still zips around town in a red convertible, allowing her to flaunt her “wild side” every now and again.

But Elizabeth has a secret… unbeknownst to anyone in Sweet Valley, including her best friend Enid (with whom she co-founded the Sweet Valley Knitting Coalition) she also runs a private S&M website accessible only by monthly fee. Meanwhile, her husband, Todd, has developed something of a gambling problem and takes off in the middle of the night for a casino in Minnesota, never to be heard of again…

Unable to cope, Elizabeth immerses herself in her “craft,” totally neglecting her now teen-aged children. Taking charge, Jessica takes a break from her jaunt around the world and ensconces them in elite boarding schools on the East Coast, where they flourish both academically and socially. No one’s real sure what became of Elizabeth…

That was fun. Who else can I do…?

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »

Today is the most…ugh, whatever

Posted by AllieB on January 17, 2011

Today is the third Monday in January, thus, according to British psychologist Cliff Arnall, it is the most depressing day of the year. Something about weather plus holiday debts plus failed New Year’s resolutions makes it such.

Whatever his formula is, it seems fitting. I didn’t work at all last week and am in severe denial about being here today. I’m glad to be doing something, I guess…fortunately, as it’s only the third week of the year, I don’t yet feel badly about not accomplishing my non-resolution resolutions. Oh. They probably mean my ones from 2010…dammit. Actually, I did okay for myself last year – hey, things are lookin’ up…!

Anyway, if you’re looking for some ideas as to how to celebrate Blue Monday, as it is so-called, here are some ideas (per NYMag).

  • Hold yourself as you rock back and forth in the shower with your clothes on.
  • Type out a comprehensive list of all the goals you’ve failed to accomplish and all the dreams you’ll never fulfill.
  • For dinner, put on a pair of ill-fitting sweatpants and a stained sweatshirt and eat cereal out of the box while you lie in bed.
  • Watch Requiem for a Dream, followed by The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, followed by Million Dollar Baby, followed by Shoah.

Neat. Those are some really great ideas. That first tip makes me think of the HORRIBLE and incredibly effective anti-meth commercials that I won’t even link to here on BBT because they are so disturbing; if you want to see them, goog “meth commercials Georgia.” But maybe wait until tomorrow – they will not help your Blue Monday blues. In that same vein (wordplay!), I wouldn’t watch Requiem for a Dream again for anything – even if my only other theatrical option was In the Land of Women, I wouldn’t watch it. Attn: Mr. Aronofsky, something is not quite right in that temple topper of yours…

I gotta say, just recognizing the bleakness of today in this manner has cheered me up significantly. Boo yah, Blue Monday.

And you can always just be glad you didn’t show up to an internationally televised awards program looking like Helena Bonham Carter did at the Golden Globes last night. I know she’s all ‘zany’ and ‘unique’ and whatever, but WTF is going on here. Be more normal, please, and, frankly, less terrifying.

from NYMag.com

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Ruminations Part Deux: Help.

Posted by AllieB on January 12, 2011

I’ve just woken up from my afternoon nap (today it was more like an early evening nap), and I feel very well-rested. Having slept for 12 hours each of the last 24, I feel really very clear headed and wise. A tad sluggish, but getting back on the BBT horse earlier helped a bit – these posts don’t write themselves, you know.

Right before my nap, I was on Facebook, hitting refresh on my mini-feed and waiting for some sort of exciting information to pop up. It didn’t. Then, I saw it – on the bottom right hand corner of my page…Facebook Chat. It’s omnipresent with its grey dot, but I obviously never, EVER sign on the thing. I strayed towards it on my mouse pad, weighing the pros and cons as I got closer and closer….

ALLIE – NO!

Luckily, I was able to stop myself in time. I marched straight over to the carpet and knocked out a few sit-ups, punishing myself for such a near-miss. Facebook Chat?!? Never will I ever. Then I took Max outside and we both nearly bit ass on the sheet of ice that is the driveway. The shock of cold air did us both some good, and we came in revitalized and refreshed – in other words, in perfect shape for a nap.

Another lesson in poor judgement that I almost executed earlier was the purchase of some Pajama Jeans. I was watching some riveting daytime television when the ten minute infomercial came on…intrigued, I moseyed over to the website to do some more research – I mean, what a great idea: the comfort of some pj pants combined with the style and fit of my fave pair of designer jeans! And, what’s this: a free grey crewneck T that I get to keep even if I return my Pajama Jeans?! Sold. There’s no way these are too good to be true.

ALLIE – NO!

I think we can all agree these bad boys – genius as the premise is and as reasonable a price – are indeed too good to be true. Great for loungewear, maybe, but not so much in public. There’s one woman riding a bike in hers on the informercial – I guess they could be okay for that, too, and maaaaybe for a Sunday trip to the grocer…but probably leave them at home on your next dinner date.

So, a couple of close calls today…fingers crossed I venture out tomorrow. In fact, hopefully upon reading this those with mobile mobiles will be so concerned about my sanity they will come to get me, ignoring my insistence that they not put themselves at risk. Plenty of people have offered to fetch me, I would like to note, but it didn’t seem worth it….rest assured, I’ll be singing a different tune tomorrow.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Ruminations from a Recluse

Posted by AllieB on January 12, 2011

Five things that are true about yours truly:

  1. I do not prefer icy weather
  2. I can sleep a LOT
  3. I’m pretty creative in the kitchen
  4. I’m a really good dancer
  5. Not so much with the singing

I laughed at all those people stocking up on bottled water and such at the grocery store Saturday and Sunday. Look who’s laughing now – it’s certainly not me. Anyway, I’ve had a lot of time to do nothing in the last couple of days, and allow me to share with you my new knowledge.

To those of you with Showtime, you MUST MUST MUST watch the new show, Shameless, which premiered on Sunday night. By the end of it, my jaw was literally hanging open in shock and awe – in a good way. It’s about a highly dysfunctional family in Chicago – five kids, an alcoholic father, and their convoluted lives which are instantly engaging and fascinating. It stars William H. Macy, Emmy Rossum (of whom I have not fond memories from the scariest movie of all time, Poseidon, which is about rogue waves in the North Atlantic that are basically tsunamis in the middle of the ocean), and, my favorite, Steve Howey, who was Van on Reba. The show is racy, it’s smart, its moral compass is all over the map…in essence, it’s quality TV.

With an interesting selection of food in pantry/fridge, I’ve had to get a little creative. Last night I made a simple yet delicious (and not the least bit healthy) meal of pasta with eggs for dinner. It sounds kind of redundant, but it was really, really good. The recipe describes it as the ultimate comfort food, and I’m inclined to agree. I can’t quite explain it – it doesn’t just taste like pasta with eggs, somehow the flavors merge and it is a happy time for your taste buds and tumster.

Avril and Britney both have new singles out. Avril’s What the Hell is a guilty pleasure that gets shrill after awhile; Britney’s Hold It Against Me is an electronic number that sounds like it’s already been re-mixed for da club. However, I’ve had a few dance parties to both tunes, and they each provide more than adequate beats for that.

Meet & Greet: Max. I’m staying with Max at his house this week while his parents are in Cabo. CABO. He and I feel the same way about icy weather. We’ve been challenging each other to sleep-a-thons, and it’s unclear as of yet who’s the winner…we’ve both logged in some serious zzzz’s.

Oh, really HOTlanta? Really?

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NYR 2k11 OMG LYLAS BOLO

Posted by AllieB on January 4, 2011

New Years Ressies for 2011…well, first I’d like to say that I’ve never been big on NYR’s because I do not respond well to self-inflicted restraints. Now, if I could get my head around the fact that these are not restraints, but goals, and they are not self-inflicted, but set with my best interest in mind, then perhaps I might have more success adhering to them.

Bottom line is: whenever I try to encourage myself to do something, my other self likes to rebel and prove that I don’t give a tiny rat’s a**. This is just silly because the only person being affected here is yours truly. Plus, it makes me sound like I have a multiple personality disorder, and that can’t be good.

So, here goes – my non-resolution resolutions for this year:

  1. Run a half, perhaps even full, marathon
  2. Cook for myself more. Nothing complicated – we’re not all Rachel Ray (THANK GOD), but how difficult can chicken w some veggies be…or even a tasty casserole…I have a few foodie blogs I can peruse for inspiration: Closet Cooking (I find Kevin just utterly charming), and Smitten Kitchen (I find her decidedly less charming but very wise) to name a few…
  3. Keep myself busy – be it a writing course at Emory, some sort of volunteer work, Dance Wii (it’s a date, Pantalones!) I want to keep myself/brain constantly active. Basically, I would like to have a schedule full of post/non work activities that do not necessarily include AWD’s. I’ve been told by both peers and people with letters after their name pertaining to a medical profession that I think way too much – but not in a good way. I figure – keep myself busy and I won’t have time to hem and haw over stuff that really doesn’t matter.

There might be a few more, but I’m not quite ready to divulge my heart of hearts on the WWW, so those I have shared only with a select few.

I have MISSED BBT!!! I had work-mandated time off from Christmas Eve – Jan 3 (as in, the office was closed, not that they asked me to leave…), and I totally checked out. I’m excited for the upcoming year – I hope to establish a more specific premise and perhaps even get this thing off the ground. I’m wondering if my largest category should be something besides “Arbitrary.” Hmm. Food for thought. Something to ponder. Chew on that. Etc.

Missy & Me on Christmas Eve; not my best look, I am realizing

Perhaps I will write exclusively about Missy Baxter…she at least deserves her own category.

**Afterthought: I would also like to add Do more yoga to that list. Or – actually do yoga at all, period, as I haven’t done it since that one time back in 2k9. I think it would be really good for me…on account of my rage.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

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