Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘I think I’ll pass’

Every party has a pooper

Posted by AllieB on June 6, 2013

Oh, hey. You’ll all be pleased to know that it’s cooled down and, moving forward, I will stop talking about the weather so much because that is boring. Instead I’ll talk about my…birthday! That is the opposite of boring! It’s topical because I am planning my own party (with the help of friends), and I am also being very conscious about embracing this milestone instead of bemoaning it – discussing it on BBT helps me do that. The best is yet to come, right?

I’m still looking for a bday venue, and I’d heard about this place from a few people: it’s a mediocre hotel in a somewhat random ‘hood with a very awesome rooftop. I gave them a call and spoke with their events guy, Matthew, to whom I laid out all the deets…things went fine until they didn’t:

“This is for my 30th birthday,” I told him, “and I want to put together like a breezy, fun party where people can have some food and some drinks and enjoy the city – and nothing huge, like 50 to 60 guests.”

“That sounds delightful!” Matthew was very pleasant, and I was excited to feel a connection because every other place I’ve called has either not acknowledged me or been totally disinterested in the fact that I, Allie Baxter, am turning 30. He went on to tell me about the food (tacos) and booze (well was standard for open bar), and I thought this all sounded perfect and unpretentious and exactly what I wanted.

Then he continued, “So, since you want to have that many people, you would have to commit to a private rental of our rooftop…and in order to qualify for it you have to guarantee a $30,000 minimum.”

I laughed. “Come again?”

“To rent our rooftop for 50 guests you’d have to guarantee a minimum $30,000 minimum tab.”

“$30K!?!?! Would my 50 guests and I be drinking gold??” I suddenly felt just like George Banks in Father of the Bride.

“Eh…no.”

“Did you say “thirty” thousand because I told you I was turning thirty?” Clearly this was an act of blatant ageism.

“No…that’s how much it is.”

“I see.” I did not see. “I’m just having a hard time reconciling the fact that this means that I – just me, on my own – would then be responsible for consuming $600 worth of tacos and well vodka, and – don’t get me wrong! – I love tacos, but maybe not that many tacos, ya know? So….thanks but no thanks.”

Matthew seemed genuinely confused about my reaction, but I am genuinely confused about where they came up with that number, so at least it’s mutual. I will say, it does look like a great place to go have a couple of drinks and maybe 1 or 2 tacos – let’s go to here soon:

pod 39 roof

 Y’all how awesome would this have been?! Evidently they charge $28k for the view…which I kinda get.

In the news, both worthy and non:

-I saw Ethan Hawke outside of Morandi. I don’t think he’s taken a shower since Reality Bites. Celebs are always dining there – Cameron Diaz ate there two weeks ago, and Justin Bieber stalked Selena Gomez this winter while she was dining with gal pals. The place is literally 50 yards from my apartment, and the only person I see is greasy Ethan Hawke.

-Atlanta would be home to the “Pa-zing.” Calypso, a brand new wing place in Atlanta, has made itself known all the way up here for their invention of a chicken wing smothered in cheese and topped with pepperoni. Way to go, ATL.

-National Running Day was yesterday. In honor of the holiday and that marathon I’m doing in November, I celebrated by not running.

-It is my birthday month, ergo it is the astrological month of the Gemini. Much as I am a quintessential Middle Child, I am also a textbook Gemini. How nice to be so well-described by blanket stereotypes. A tagline about Gemini characteristics caught my eye on one of the blogs I read, The Hairpin, and it lead me to this:

gemini

 Brilliant. Oh yes. See also: sarcasm

-That wasn’t very newsy news. I got nothing without the rogue cruise ships.

Thank GOODNESS it’s Thursday. After work I have spinning and then beverages. Have a lovely afternoon and evening. And here’s a baby seal pup:

baby seal

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 9 Comments »

A lesson in dysfunctionality

Posted by AllieB on March 14, 2011

There’s fashion forward, and then there are pant boots (henceforth to be known as Poots).  In the same vein of the Teva Stiletto, Paris fashion house Hermès has created a hybrid of two things that need not be conjoined. Just like I do not wish to wear a stiletto sandal with the look and feel of a Teva, I think I’ll pass on pants made of leather with a high heeled platform boot attached the bottom.

from: style.com

For me, that I might ever don an article of clothing (well, clothing + footwear) whose name is a synonym to the word fart is a non-option. I bet that leather is really soft though…I guess, if it came to it and I absolutely had to have some Poots, it would be nice to have my rear end, legs, and feet ensconced in Poots by Hermès. Thanks, Mom, for leaving the WSJ article on my place mat – you are right; it did interest me.

Speaking of dysfunctional, the finale of the Bachelor is tonight. Neato. There’ve been what – 15 seasons of this show, 21 counting The Bachelorette, and ONE successful, longterm marriage? From where I’m sitting, it seems that the odds – they aren’t good. The whole premise of this show is just weird and contrived and abnormal, not to mention rife with infidelity…just sayin – it’s all pretty questionable. I’ll be watching last night’s episode of Shameless.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

Ruminations Part Deux: Help.

Posted by AllieB on January 12, 2011

I’ve just woken up from my afternoon nap (today it was more like an early evening nap), and I feel very well-rested. Having slept for 12 hours each of the last 24, I feel really very clear headed and wise. A tad sluggish, but getting back on the BBT horse earlier helped a bit – these posts don’t write themselves, you know.

Right before my nap, I was on Facebook, hitting refresh on my mini-feed and waiting for some sort of exciting information to pop up. It didn’t. Then, I saw it – on the bottom right hand corner of my page…Facebook Chat. It’s omnipresent with its grey dot, but I obviously never, EVER sign on the thing. I strayed towards it on my mouse pad, weighing the pros and cons as I got closer and closer….

ALLIE – NO!

Luckily, I was able to stop myself in time. I marched straight over to the carpet and knocked out a few sit-ups, punishing myself for such a near-miss. Facebook Chat?!? Never will I ever. Then I took Max outside and we both nearly bit ass on the sheet of ice that is the driveway. The shock of cold air did us both some good, and we came in revitalized and refreshed – in other words, in perfect shape for a nap.

Another lesson in poor judgement that I almost executed earlier was the purchase of some Pajama Jeans. I was watching some riveting daytime television when the ten minute infomercial came on…intrigued, I moseyed over to the website to do some more research – I mean, what a great idea: the comfort of some pj pants combined with the style and fit of my fave pair of designer jeans! And, what’s this: a free grey crewneck T that I get to keep even if I return my Pajama Jeans?! Sold. There’s no way these are too good to be true.

ALLIE – NO!

I think we can all agree these bad boys – genius as the premise is and as reasonable a price – are indeed too good to be true. Great for loungewear, maybe, but not so much in public. There’s one woman riding a bike in hers on the informercial – I guess they could be okay for that, too, and maaaaybe for a Sunday trip to the grocer…but probably leave them at home on your next dinner date.

So, a couple of close calls today…fingers crossed I venture out tomorrow. In fact, hopefully upon reading this those with mobile mobiles will be so concerned about my sanity they will come to get me, ignoring my insistence that they not put themselves at risk. Plenty of people have offered to fetch me, I would like to note, but it didn’t seem worth it….rest assured, I’ll be singing a different tune tomorrow.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

For the Outdoorsy Prostitute in all of us!

Posted by AllieB on December 9, 2010

Teva Stilettos. I can’t think of anything that doesn’t make sense about a stiletto made by Teva. Never again will we say, as we launch out on an overnight hiking excursion, “I would be a lot more excited about this 30 mile trek if I could only trade out this pair of functional Merrell’s for a pair of high heeled sandals with the look and feel of a Teva.”

They’re nothing if not versatile – look at that: wear them as a sexy sandal, with a thick wool sock on a rocky trail, or, OR whilst wielding an unwieldy wheelbarrow.

source: thequickanddirty.com

Although, come to think of it, if there’s someone on your gift list about whom you always say, “What do you get the girl who has everything?” – these might be just that.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 7 Comments »

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Posted by AllieB on December 6, 2010

I have read two articles of significance today, one of which I found pleasing, yet hardly shocking, and the other I found incredibly disturbing and extremely shocking.

The first is just a different spin on this ilk of article that comes out every now and again that serves to bolster the morale of those of us with vices. “Bad Habits That Can Boost Your Health” was released by AOL, and heralds the effects of cursing, playing your music too loud, and wine.

While experts could not pinpoint the exact explanation, lead researcher Dr. Richard Stephens and his team believe that throwing around the F-bomb may trigger the flight-or-fight response, which can increase heart rate and aggression and help the body cope with pain.

I find that using a curse word when someone really pisses you off is also helpfull – it might not be physical pain I’m dealing with, but it certainly helps me focus on the physical pain I’d like to inflict upon them. In addition to the positive impacts of expletives, the article also reports that listening to loud music can help boost your memory, and a glass of wine/day will help keep the doctor away. GTK.

Conversely, to counterract this good news, Charlotte K Bax just sent me a link to an alarming article in the NYTimes entitled, “In Kentucky, Noah’s Ark Theme Park Planned.”

The park will include a 100-foot Tower of Babel, a first-century Middle Eastern village and a journey through the Old Testament, with special effects depicting Moses, the 10 plagues and the parting of the Red Sea. For children, there will be a petting zoo, live bird and animal shows and a play area with ziplines and climbing nets — all Bible-themed. Even the trainer, Dan Breeding, will present animal acts with a Gospel message about creation.

In addition, animals will actually live in pens on the ark – but only youth-aged ones, they assure us.

“We think that God would probably have sent healthy juvenile-sized animals that weren’t fully grown yet, so there would be plenty of room,” said Mr. Zovath, a retired Army lieutenant colonel heading the ark project. “We want to show how Noah would have taken care of them, taken care of waste management, taken care of water needs and food needs.”

Ah, but of course. Waste management in the time of Noah is certainly crucial to the development and enhancement of America’s youth. What’s more, the ministry behind this whole idea is the same group that also founded the Creation Museum, a mere 45 miles away from the Ark Theme Park, whose displays feature “…dioramas designed to debunk evolution show humans and dinosaurs coexisting peacefully on an earth created by God in six days.  The ministry, Answers in Genesis, believes that the earth is only 6,000 years old — a controversial assertion even among many Bible-believing Christians.”

I feel really uncomfortable. I’m also delving into topics I never wanted to really touch on here at BBT, so we’ll move along to the Ugly…IIIII’m breezy!

Happy Holidays from Taylor Where the Hell is My Mom-sen!!

Rachel: OH MY GOD!!!

Phoebe: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »