Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for the ‘Celebs’ Category

Marla Hooch: What a Hitter

Posted by AllieB on January 24, 2013

It’s not easy doing this – being strung along by the promise of awesomeness and glory, the sweet taste of victory in attainable, if-we-just-make-this-play reach…you know where I’m going with this: such is the life of a Georgia sports fan. I don’t know why the sports gods decided to screw so badly with our heads and hearts this year, but it was not fair. We rose up across the nation, and to no avail. It really sucks.

I pondered this at late nights on occasion in ATL, but now that I’ve moved up here and find myself walking and listening to music simultaneously I think about it a lot: what would my walk-out song be if I were a Braves player? What would blare over the loudspeakers to announce my presence as I sauntered/swaggered to home plate? Don’t scoff, I’m serious. This week my choice is Kashmir by Led Zeppelin, specifically at the 2:00 mark. Next week it might be DMX or Nicki Manaj…but this week it’s LZ.

Sister, yours would be “I’m a Loser Baby” by Beck.

loser

Thank you, Marla Hooch, for taking the time to share your thoughts on BBT today. You probably won’t be invited back.

And now, for the weather. It is soul-crushingly cold in NYC this week.  I’ve heretofore never experienced this kind of chill, where you’re in physical agony after two minutes outside, even when you’re APPROPRIATELY dressed. Never was I ever appropriately dressed in Atlanta. Rain, cold, snow – I just suffered for the 10 second walk to my car and wore backless shirts year round whatever I pleased. Today I am wearing leg warmers seriously, without any irony. I purchased them at American Apparel for a dress-up engagement party (great idea, btw, highly recommend a costume-required engagement party), and I am wearing them today with boots. Y’ALL IT IS COLD. Normally I like to take a stroll during lunch, but this week all I’ve done is take a stroll to the lobby to meet my Seamless delivery dude. People aren’t meant to live like this; I need a full-length mink. Buff, send me yours, I need it more than you do.

so emo

#swaddled #slightlyfurrowed #lusciouslocksthankstoEquinox #thatrhymes #lesmissoundtrack

If I look pissed it’s because I am. It was one degree this morning. ONE DEGREE. Hilary said it best: “That’s not a temperature. A temperature is like 65. Or 85. 1 is like how many pizzas I’d like today. Not a temperature.” Agreed. And now I’ll be ordering pizza for lunch. UPDATE: I went with sushi.

In celeb news…There are few things I love more and am better at handling than being proven wrong. I definitely don’t like to be right all the time, and I’m happy to accept another’s assertion of truth over my own. I trust you all sensed my tone. However, sometimes facts are facts, and I just have to go with it – case in point: this photo of T Swizzle. I’ve called her boring, lame, and even Taylor “what’s that? I just fell asleep” Swift, but she looked pretty smoke at The People’s Choice Awards a couple of weeks ago…not bad, T Swizz, not bad at all.

taylor-swift

This doesn’t mean I like you, but it might mean I recently purchased your newest single. Speaking of celebs! I saw Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef at Raoul’s on Saturday night. She is stunning but would be even more so if she wiped that snarky smirk off her face – she did not look like someone I want to be friends with. I’m really killing it with my celeb sightings.

So, this happened: a couple of Saturdays ago, before the Apocalypse and you could go outside without 18 layers of clothing, I was sitting in Union Square enjoying a nice cup of hot cider from one of the vendors at the park’s Farmers Market, reading my Kindle. I was early meeting people for brunch/lunch, so I sat for a sec, enjoying the mild temp and pleasantly quiet day. OR SO I THOUGHT.

“Hello, excuse me, hi.” The man’s voice startled me, and I sloshed my cider. Annoyed, I was all set to pull my usual avoid-and-ignore move, but I decided to do things differently – I was just a girl, sitting in the park, drinking some hot cider, why couldn’t I have a normal conversation with him.

“Yes, hi,” I responded with a half-smile. A HALF-SMILE!

“Do you mind if I sit down?” Before I could answer, he sat down right next to me – right next to me when I was surrounded by empty benches. My half-smile began to waiver.

“So, what’s your name?” he asked eagerly as he leaned towards me, effectively violating any and all social mandates re: personal space.

“My name is Allie…” I said while I adjusted my position, trying to communicate that he was about six inches closer than what was already too close.

“OH I KNEW IT! I knew your name would be something like Allie!!” What does that even mean? “My name is Alex. But I bet you could have guessed that. Alex and Allie!”

“Yeah, I don’t know that I could have…”

“But who knows? Right? That’s why I just love this f*ckin city. So, Allie, I think we should hang out sometime…” At this point, I started gathering my things – I really did try and be friendly because hey, why not, but he was putting out a weird-and-getting-weirder vibe and he also looked like Voldemort’s rat-like sidekick. I’d had enough.

they weren't identical twins or anything, but that was my first thought: Peter Pettigrew

they weren’t identical twins or anything, but that was my first thought: Peter Pettigrew

He began to protest: “Wait, you’re not leaving! You didn’t even get to hear what I was going to say! I was going to say I wanted to hang out with you and your FRIENDS. Not just YOU! I bet you’ve got cute friends. You can set me up!”

This was too much. “You want to hang out with my friends? You’re using me to get to my friends? Whom you’ve never met? And you want me to make the introduction?” I know I sounded a little incredulous, but this guy was the worst. Plus he was wearing some kind of unpleasantly odorous cologne that was 100% AXE Body Spray, or possibly its generic version. No gracias.

“Sure, why not. Maybe they are nicer than you. Maybe THEY would want to hang out sometime.”

I sensed Alex’s teasing/pouting act was a quick stop on the way to TemperTown, so I bade him farewell and got to to brunch/lunch 20 mins early. I thought I did okay for a first attempt at random conversation with someone whom I initially had wanted to run away from. Another one of my non-resolutions is to, eventually, retire my Flat-Face as it pertains to meeting members of the opposite sex. This will be my Everest.

Did you notice how this kind of read like a newscast? Sports, weather, celeb stuff, wrapping up with a human interest story…  #notmybestwork

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Where have YOU been?

Posted by AllieB on January 18, 2012

Hey what’s up.

I’m just going to jump right in as though I haven’t been on a two week hiatus. I find the best way to delve back into BBT after an unearned and unwarranted vacation is by doing a random round-up of randomness. Here goes:

Food: Atkins Park in Virginia Highlands (and Vinings, although I haven’t been there, and it’s owned by the same dudes as Ormsby’s of which I am also a big fan) has excellent burgers. I recommend The Best Way Burger: medium rare with bacon jam and tellaggio cheese (it’s brie-like in consistency and taste). Go with a side of the fried pickles – skip the sweet potato fries, they are less fry and more slab of potato…they kinda look like slugs. After you enjoy this light snack, take a stroll thru Va High and walk off an 1/29th of your meal, then stop by Murphy’s for dessert. Unbeknownst to many, Murphy’s will make you a molten, melty, amazing brownie for $2.00. It’s not on the menu, but it should be. Stop by and get one of those, unbutton the top button of your jeans enjoy a mimosa and/or cuppa joe and the company of friends. This makes for a very, very pleasant Sunday.

Celebrities! The Golden Globes happened. Obviously, Heidi Klum was my favorite – shocking, I know, what with the nude backless dress and large turquoise necklace. If A.B.S. by Allen Schwartz comes out with a remake of this one, I seriously might buy it.

Cameron Diaz…has possibly never looked worse.

More Food: you’re in the market for some good, old-fashioned, pseudo-texas-style bar-b-q, may I recommend One Star Ranch on Irby Avenue in Buckhead. It’s pretty basic, but in a good way – if it’s not broken there is absolutely no reason to fix it. Standouts include the fried pickles, onion rings, pork and beef ribs, and the smoked turkey. I hear their servers are really nice, too, and it’s a great place to go for lunch or dinner…plus, who can beat the $5 daily margarita special?! Just sayin, you might wanna give it a shot.

MISC: I didn’t share my NY Ressies because I find that once you share things people are more likely to hold you accountable, but I really would like to start volunteering. I worked at a non-profit for several years, and the pay was such that I felt like I was pretty much volunteering, but now I need to seek something out. Pallison is checking out the Humane Society, and I’ve considered being a foster parent for Atlanta Lab Rescue, but I’m not sure I can handle being around animules at risk/in danger…maybe I’ll plant some trees or something? I need to research. If you have a cause you hold near and dear, holla at me – I’m open to most anything.

The End. I will never, ever abandon you again.

Posted in Celebs, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

If you have to ask, the answer is no

Posted by AllieB on January 5, 2012

Oh, look – it’s Jessica Simpson. My biggest concern, I think, is that she’s so top-heavy she’s going to topple over. To quote a wise acquaintance, she looks like a kite – a very large, incapable of ever possibly taking flight kite. WHY DOES SHE REFUSE TO HIRE A STYLIST.

Gracias, Y Kenna.

J Simps is a great segue to my next subject – you know she sends some seriously manic texts: “I’M OUT OF CHOCOLATE OH WAIT I JUST FOUND SOME CRUMBS IN MY CIRCLE SCARF PLEASE BRING ME SOME CHEETOS WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU?!” … or something like that. Please refer to the flow chart below. ErinD sent it to me, and I got a kick out of it largely because I have a history of sending the most redonkulous texts ever. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I should compile a coffee table book or similar. (It should be noted that people on the receiving end of these messages have never made such a suggestion.) Back in the day, I could have had my very own thumbnail on Texts From Last Night. Luckily, I’m totally in control of the disorder nowadays – much to the relief of everyone in my phone book.

Even if I’d had access to this during my texting heyday, I’m not sure it would have helped – namely because I can’t read from right to left or down to up, but also because it’s completely extraneous. Allow me (this is my maiden flow chart, so bear with me):

Personally, I think my guide proffers a much simpler solution to all texting malfeasances. And it would behoove me to take my own advice….wisdom: imparted.

Thursday!!

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 9 Comments »

Enlighten me.

Posted by AllieB on December 1, 2011

Forget my lame suggestion of ties yesterday, if you’re willing to fork over $750, THIS is what you should buy the guy in your life:

It’s The BEASTIE BOYS! Per NYMag: Packaged in a handsome metal box are three eleven-inch dolls — fully poseable! — each with their own stands, white jumpsuits, goggles, work boots, and safety vests. (Who knew these rebels were OSHA compliant?) Tossed in for good measure is the two-disc deluxe version of their Sounds of Science. Yes, at $750 it’s a bit pricey for a meta-gift, but proceeds from all sales are split between two charities that benefit kids with cancer.

Fully poseable?! Who could pass. You’re welcome.

For this week’s Confounding Conundrum, I share with you the pictorial comparison below. Shown are two women: both are approximately 5’2″ and share the same thick trunk/shoulder/no-neck body type; both are five months pregnant.

And I guess the similarities end there, because evidently Hillary Duff is giving birth to a newborn human, whereas Jessica Simpson is giving birth to Shaq. I do wish that Hillary had on tights or a longer skirt, but for the most she looks pretty great. And it’s not that Jessica looks bad, per se, it’s that she still has FOUR MONTHS TO GO. This begs the question – what on earth is she growing in there?

I am reminded of the classic film, Men in Black. Rookie agent, Will Smith, is new on the job and is innocently helping a woman he believes to be human deliver her child. Everything is going as well as it could be, when BOOM!

Squid baby.

All I’m saying is: if I were Eric What’s-His-Face, I’d stick out the delivery in the waiting room, just to be safe.

Happy Birthday to BOBBY! BBT hearts you. XX

Take it easy and just be breezy. Yours in ridicule,

Baxter Bark Twice

LEST I FORGET: My friend Helen’s biz, H&H Home, will be featured as part of One Kings Lane’s signature Tastemaker Tag Sale series:  One Kings Lane will be offering our vintage and one-of-a-kind items at up to 50% off retail, starting TONIGHT, December 1st at 6:00 PM PST / 9 PM EST. Our Collection includes a curated assortment of newly finished, never-before-seen items hand-selected by H&H Home. To learn more, and preview the collection, visit www.handhhome.com. To join One Kings Lane and shop OUR sale, go to https://www.onekingslane.com/sales/12418 

ALSO: Scout for the Home is open til 8 tonight and will be serving wine. Scout is a great place to buy smaller items for the home/gifts…think mothers, sisters, friends and the like.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

This is happening

Posted by AllieB on October 21, 2011

The world of celebrities has been a hot topic on BBT this week, and for that I apologize.

Jessica Simpson is pregnant. At least that’s what OK Magazine is saying. She was holding out for someone to buy exclusive rights to the news of her pregnancy for $500,000 before she’d willingly confirm it. Yep, she runs a billion dollar company, and that’s what her unborn child is worth: a measly half-mil. On behalf of the fetus, I am indignant.

The jig, as they say, is decidedly up. (The Scoop)

I think I’m going to go to the Taste of Atlanta this weekend – with weather like this, I’d be cRaZy not to. I’ll take some pics with someone’s iPhone and share them next week – the variety of restaurants and their respective menus look amazing.

For the record, bowling last night was awesome and I really hope it becomes a standard wintertime activity. Competitive/Game-time Allie joined us only briefly, and, after I dominated the first round, I was able to settle down into breezy mediocrity for the duration. In addition, people told me I was “annoying to bowl with” so I read between the lines and decided to take it down a notch. Also, Midtown Bowl has surprisingly delicious food…Caro got a grilled cheese on whole wheat that looked awesome, and the fried okra was more than decent. Who knew. Plus, they have jello shots. Tell me again why we don’t go here more often?? Oh yeah – the bowling shoes….I GET IT. I HAVE BIG FEET.

Happy Weekend! Baxter, out.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »