Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘autobiographical’


Posted by AllieB on October 4, 2011

According to several close friends, it is 90% of the reason why they like me. It’s taken me on adventures ranging from Dora the Explorer (G-rated) to I Shouldn’t Be Alive (no, seriously). It has been a surprisingly effective character building exercise, one that I have not taken to kindly. It’s my…MINIVAN!!!

Credit: Leila

Correction: was my minivan. As of yesterday, I no longer hold the title to this vehicle. I know it happened fast and that no one really got a chance to say goodbye, but if you feel inclined to pay your respects you can find it by Home Depot sitting in front of my parents’ covered in angry notes from the neighbors.

Physically, it is not in great shape. The headlights are secured by packing tape thanks to two separate accidents from January 2k10. The roof has a large dent from when a certain ABEV climbed on top and had a solo dance party to Scissor Sisters tune “I don’t feel like dancing.” Turns out – he really did feel like dancing. This dent was especially fun when it would rain, and it would collect a reservoir of water just waiting to gush in my open window when I pulled down a hill. I cursed you many a morning, ABE…many a morning. He did offer to pay for the cost of repair, but that issue quickly took a back seat to what was going on elsewhere.

Mechanically, it’s very sound – seriously. But many moons of randomness have amassed in the thing and who knows what’s in there. Items that you may or may not find in the van include: a bridesmaid dress, sombrero, Christmas tree, coffee maker, that earring you lost in 2007, three people’s debit cards, the last horcrux, and 7-12 fleece jackets.

Parting is not such sweet sorrow. I do, however, look forward to wearing my message tee featuring the message shown at the right. Sydney gave that to me years ago, but I haven’t been able to wear it because it becomes decidedly less funny when you actually drive a minivan. No longer will I have to deal with the confused guys at the valet…or the understandably confounded mothers at the gas station who would get a look/whiff of the interior and wonder if I actually transported children around (no). I’ll tell you one thing, though, between the car itself and the Westminster Catbackers and Peachtree Presbyterian stickers, the van was pretty great for flying under the radar…

I’m already getting a little nostalgic – maybe I will have a memorial service. I bet Kramer would host it. Also, for those of you who only liked me for my ride, maybe it’s time to be a little less shallow, huh?

Anyway, so that happened.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 12 Comments »

How to be cool and tough

Posted by AllieB on July 14, 2011

How to be cool and tough: written by some d-nozzle frat guy and shared with you here, on BBT.

One hopes this is a big joke and that this person is just making fun of himself…but it’s a little too long and involved – if it’s just some frat dog making fun I’m pretty sure his ADHD would’ve kicked in around #4, “The Cool and Tough Automobile,” and he’d of thrown in the towel. He tries to play it off at the end, but by then it’s too late – I’m pretty positive this person is 100% GEN-U-INE serious. I can’t even decide which parts to share – the whole thing makes me wish I was illiterate.

Ya know what, actually, he’s absolutely right. This last paragraph is totally legit and he makes many valid points. I wonder if I can track this stud down? He sounds dreamy.

It is important to note here that not everyone is cut out to be cool and tough. Although, many of these skills can be learned, truly being cool and tough requires a certain degree of natural talent that not everyone is born with. One of the best ways to become cool and tough is to hone your skills by surrounding yourself with other cool and tough people. Be these people. It is certainly neither cool nor tough to be an individual. Constantly strive for the same level of mediocrity of all those around you. However, it is important to remember that though these people may also be cool and tough, they will never be as cool and tough as you are. Some of the people in your fraternity may be cool and tough, but many of them aren’t. So don’t hang out with them. It is also important to remember that being cool does not necessarily make one tough, nor does being tough automatically make one cool. You should strive to find the proper balance between the two and become simply known as a Cool and Tough person.

I just died a little. Here’s the whole article – I think you’ve been fairly warned. (Credit: Leila. You would.)

On a very different note, I would like to give a little shout-out to the Atlanta Police Department. Yesterday I got gas, and when I went to put back on the gas cap I found that it was no longer there. Confused, I got down and started looking under my car, etc., as I knew it had been there minutes prior. However, as I was at the most MANIC PLACE ON THE PLANET, the QT on Sidney Marcus, my non-gas getting activity began to incur cars honking and just general unrest. Stupidly, I was like, oh well, and got in my car and drove away. As I pulled out, I goog’ed “is it safe to drive without a gas cap,” and was a half-mile up the road, reading about how I was about to spontaneously combust, when I saw the blue lights. For the record: cops terrify me. Even if I’ve been doing nothing wrong (and in this case I have a brake light out and probably have like unpaid  tickets and bench warrants), I hate those blue lights…anyway, they pulled up next to me, rolled down their window, held up my gas cap and were like, “Did you seriously look on the ground for five seconds, give up, and drive away.” I replied, shakily and red-faced, that I had. The two guys shook their heads in unison, rolled their eyes, and handed over the cap. Thanks for caring, APD. The end.

TINA!!! I will see you tonight and hopefully also see many of these faces. Your face – it’s as though it’s made of clay.

Posted in Imparting Wisdom, Really? | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Food Coma

Posted by AllieB on June 20, 2011

I am in one. Here’s why: over the span of 48 hours, Friday night – Sunday night, I ate at these places. Some places more than others, but at all locales food and booze was consumed….so, I think you’ll understand my slo-mo domepiece. I said on the way to dinner on Friday that I really ought to start taking pictures of my food/restaurant experiences so as to enhance the BBT experience. As you can see below, that went well.

Floataway Cafe: I obviously got the hangar steak.

Local Three: less food, more drinks…their Whiskey Sour Jell-o was kind of really delicious….sounds weird; tastes awesome

Treehouse: eggs benny; hoegaardens

Varasanos: the Carmelized Onion…YUM

Holeman & Finch: CAKE!!!

Casa di Baxter: homemade scones (I told you that Jordan can bake), two different kinds of bacon, berries-only fruit salad (you can keep your bananas), homemade sticky toffee pudding from the HF recipe…it is seriously the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth that’s not made of steak or cheese or both.

Fellini’s: duh.

I sound like a total heifer…whatevs, happy bday to BBT! And if someone knows why I did not receive this as a birthday present, I am ready and waiting for whatever explanation you might be able to conjure.

It’s not a purse it’s a box, it’s not a box it’s a bag, it’s not a bag it’s a bottle of wine. It’s not a bottle of wine, it’s three bottles of wine, it’s not three bottles of wine, it’s three liters of wine. It’s not three liters of wine, it’s my purse. – The Hairpin

I’ll be back tomorrow with my head on straight. Meanwhile, LIKE BBT ON FB and think of some ideas as to what I can offer for a contest…like, “Like BBT on Facebook and get a chance to win [enter awesome prize here]” Thinking caps: ON. Gracias.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

21 Questions

Posted by AllieB on March 29, 2011

I often filch my material from other people. Today’s post is no exception.

NYMag has a section called 21 Questions where they ask various people…21 questions. I’m changing the Q’s to match ATL and taking the questionnaire myself – here’s an example of a real one with Sarah Hyland (Hayley from Modern Family). This is me being honest.

Name: Allie

Age: 19 years older than an 8 year old

Neighborhood: Buckhead

Occupation: Nonprofit Development with a side of online media consulting and a focus on blogging. I’ve got all kinds of balls in the air

Who’s your favorite Atlantan, living or dead, real or fictional? Ludacris or Margaret Mitchell

What’s the best meal you’ve eaten in Atlanta? This is a very difficult question. Floataway Cafe by Emory is definitely amongst the best meals I’ve ever had, but so is the Mr C’s Philly Cheesesteak. I’m an equal opportunity indulger.

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job? I juggle the aforementioned balls.

What’s the last thing you saw at The Georgia Dome? No one ever takes me to Falcons games…the last thing I saw at The Georgia Dome was the Monster Truck Rally. We wore fake teeth, cut off denim, some of us wore Aerosmith message tees (moi), brought in our own funnel and sat in Warrick Dunne’s box. It was one of my most fun times.

What’s your favorite medication? Airborne

What’s hanging above your sofa? Pictures of my trip to Greece with Nancy.

Who is your mortal enemy? Hilary. And birds – I hate birds.

When’s the last time you drove a car? I drove this morning to work – it takes 2.5 minutes

How has the Recession affected you? Back in 2009 my job gave me a raise and then took it away two paychecks later. That sucked.

What makes someone an Atlantan? Innate knowledge of back roads…the ability to get out of town, heading South, without getting on the Connector…running the Peachtree Road Race at least once…attending Braves games at The Atlanta Fulton County Stadium…riding The Pink Pig at Macy’s Downtown…spending an evening in the OK Cafe parking lot.

THE END. I deleted like half of the Q’s – that was the most godforsaken boring survey I’ve ever taken, and I have taken a LOT surveys. Besides, now all I can think about is how much I want to go back to Greece…

Paradise Beach, Mykonos

Seriously, wtf is this weather – it’s almost April. If I wanted it to be cold and dreary at the end of March I’d move to BUFFALO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. The Super Paradise is looking more appealing than ever right now…Yacht Week in Greece, anyone? Bueller? Tyler Perry?

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »