Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘autobiographical’

I Drive a Minivan – The Sequel

Posted by AllieB on August 8, 2012

In a delightful demonstration of I-really-should-have-seen-this-coming irony, I, once again, find myself behind the wheel of the famously infamous minivan. After making such a big deal about getting rid of it – I even discussed a memorial service? –  here I am, less than a year later, back to commandeering that godforsaken turquoise family vehicle with but one automatic sliding door and zero DVD players. It’s not really a downgrade; I sold my car and am borrowing the van from my parents during my remaining weeks in Hotlanta. Plus, Gaylen really spruced the thing up – she even beat out the dent in the ceiling so I no longer have to deal with gallons of water sluicing through my open window after a rain storm. If you wanna go for a spin, call me. I’m like Enterprise; I’ll pick you up.

We’re baaaaack! The bumper stickers are gone now, so the only identifying characteristic is that the headlights are taped on.

BTW, selling a car by yourself is a huge pain – fielding calls/emails from strangers, meeting up with said strangers, having to go on test drives with strangers who are used to driving on the opposite side of the road…it’s not fun. But when it’s all said and done, it’s a huge adrenaline rush…there’s nothing like good old-fashioned negotiating followed by a solid handshake and a lot of cold hard cash. Admittedly, my wheeling and dealing skills could use some work – the bargaining convo went something like this:

Buyer: So you’re asking for X amount of dollars? I’ll give you $800 less.

Me: Sold!

Allie, no. It’s a good thing my mom was there to step in and bump the price back up. Everyone knows you never accept the first offer…

I laugh at a lot of things: myself, you, JSimps, corgis, death-themed family vacations, Workaholics (funniest show on tv), Drop Dead Gorgeous (the only thing Kirsten Dundst has ever done right), Ross on Friends (you’re welcome)…it doesn’t take much. This exchange, photographed from this month’s issue of Reader’s Digest (embarrassing), is very funny…if not just a little bit lame.

LOL! I put this on Instagram yesterday, and here it is on BBT today. Are you on Instagram? I love that thing – my name is alliebax, should you want to follow me..or whatever.

Nava is closing on Friday. SAD!! I will miss the patio, the cheese fritters, and the hangar steak. I will not miss the heinous service. We probably owe it to our time in Atlanta to swing by for a beverage…that place was our go-to back in 2k5/6. My imminent departure likely had a lot to do with it.

Happy Hump Day! TTFN & XOXO, BBT.

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A Change of Address

Posted by AllieB on June 28, 2012

Gather round, y’all – BBT’s got news: I’ve decided to move to New York. True story – come Labor Day, bye bye ATL and helloooo Big Apple. I’ve got lodging sorted out (at least temporarily – and it’s not here), so now all I need to focus on is that pesky job thing. This is where you come in – put your ear to the ground and let’s find me employment in NYC. Okgreatthanks.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to be all mopey or anything…at least not right away, and the reason I’m announcing it now is that I know people residing in NYC read this, and I also know that the world wide web is an excellent networking tool, so I’m making use of my assets. I am, however, going to compile a bucket list of things to do before I no longer declare ATL as my current city on Facebook – here’s what I’ve got so far:

  • Climb Stone Mountain. Haven’t done this since I was like 6 and I want to do it again. So far I’ve recruited Fleming, as long as it’s not hot…so I might need back-up.
  • Clermont Lounge. Come 1 AM don’t let me come up with some lame excuse as to why I can’t go – take me kicking and screaming. I’m 90% sure I haven’t been before – sacrelig, I know.
  • Dine in the Sun Dial Restaurant. Possible I’ve never done this either…which also seems wrong.
  • Go to Decatur – maybe even take MARTA to Decatur? K and A have done this…and if they’ve done it, any excuse I conjure up is irrelevant (not because y’all don’t do stuff, but I think we all know where you (and most Atlantans) stand on MARTA)

Et cetera. Hopefully I will be a better city citizen in NYC than I am here. Besides my knowledge of back roads and dive bars, I’m apparently not so Atlanta-savvy…

So that’s exciting!!! BBT goes to the Big Apple. Who knows what will happen….Sloane, let’s be besties and maybe I can right your coattails to literary success??

I just tried to segue off into a new subject about my massive crush on Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, but that’s going to have to wait – putting my news on BBT just made it very real…and now I’m even more excited, so I’ll keep it short and sweet. I do want to apologize to those whom I should have told personally. I owe you better, and I’m sorry, but this all came about pretty quickly, and I wanted to give you plenty of time to plan my going away party get my name out there re: employment…

Lady Liberty and I have already been in touch – it’s good to know the right people. (Credit: who else. Hilary.)

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Give an inch and they’ll take a mile

Posted by AllieB on May 17, 2012

If you live in Atlanta like I do, then you’ve been inundated with the arrival of the latest Willy’s spin-off, Lime. Do not go to there. Even if your co-workers are all, “hey, let’s check out that new place Lime!” say, in a strong, stern, slightly assertive voice, “No, thank you.” It’s just not good. They’re trying way too hard to be good, and it’s embarassing for everyone. I went the other day because I had a coupon for a free taco it’s close to work/my house, and it was a mistake. K, I should’ve listened to you. I guess their salsa bar featuring 7 different salsas is ok, and the quesadilla wasn’t horrible, but their CHIPS (the standard by which all tex-mex restaurants should be judged, IMO) are awful. Might as well bust open a bag of Tostitos and call it a day. BBT says: pass. The good news is…. Barberitos is opening in The Peach Shopping Center!! Yes, it’s true, and I’m so excited.

I’ve come to the conclusion that people who cut hair are taught that the measurement “one inch” actually means “as much as you want plus a little more”. I got my hair cut yesterday, and when I told her I wanted only a teeeeeny tiny bit trimmed she said, “Sure! We’ll only take off half an inch – three-fourths of an inch at most.” I was so excited – finally someone who understood me. Well, the only way she took off half an inch is if by inch she meant FOOT. This is ridiculous. I was in a rush post-appointment to get another much more urgent appointment, so I didn’t take the time to check out the damage, but I’m not happy. It’s too bad I don’t drive that minivan anymore because I finally look the part. Flat.Face.

48 Things That Will Make You Feel Old. Enjoy!! What an uplifting start to my day – thanks, YKenna. Pardon me while I go get my personal affairs in order…

good god. We're as old as the dinosaurs

Ah, this helps: 37 People Who Have No Idea What They’re Doing.

Dad on the subway: you're doing it wrong!

Thirsty Thursday!! Have a wonderful day, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and always remember that three rights make a left.

*A special thank you to LucyC for ensuring my grammatical accuracy.

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Taking one for the team

Posted by AllieB on May 8, 2012

HELLO!! Let’s jump right in.

Although posing for wedding pics can be a real pain, the end result is always fun to browse – the actual event was months ago and things have started to get blurry, then all of a sudden you have 1,772 pictures to relive the entire day…for better or for worse. What this most recent set of images from the Baxter-Maines nuptials has learned me is that I ought to avoid the camera unless I am intentionally posing. Now, I’m not totally vain and I realize that these weddings photos aren’t about me, and it doesn’t really matter what I look like – it’s not my day – but it’s become too glaring of an issue to ignore. Plus, this blog is about what I want it to be about, and today is about me teaching you what not to do when taking pictures:

1. Show any sort of raw emotion.

Char seeing my dad for the first time. Seriously, BBT, get it together. Lucy looks on serenely; I could very possibly be on the verge of collapse.

2. Do the running man on the dancefloor:

Mom looks cute and breezy. I look like a hoss.

3. Sport any kind of hair-do that showcases abnormally large ears (I GREW INTO THEM) or bedeck oneself in a drab, ill-fitting, button-down mock turtlenecks. WTF is that.

Allie & Otis Nixon, 1993..? I think it was ’93. It was post-over the wall catch, pre-departure from the Braves. Whatevs – we were instant kindreds.

But, seriously – don’t do the running man on the dance floor, and keep the singing along to a minimum. I decided to leave out the pics of my Steven Tyler impression – it was simply too cruel to share…for the sake of both my peepers and yours. Note to Char/Mom: be kind when assembling the wedding album.

I think I want to start writing freelance..like for local publications. Specifically: restaurant reviews. Specifically: restaurant reviews where the publisher foots the bill and I am treated like Julia Roberts in My Best Friends Wedding. Should someone have an in on that, holla. And I’m kidding about the diva part, as the photos above so clearly demonstrate: BBT is no diva.

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Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie

Posted by AllieB on February 2, 2012

Australian accents are hot. I don’t care if it’s a girl or guy, if they’re cute or not so much – anyone with an Aussie twang is at least a 6 on my scale. No, a 5…but that’s not a bad place to be from the get go. I had the pleasure of chatting with two males from Oz last night, which, obviously, is what spurned this philosophical waxing today. These two gents hailed from Walla Walla (or maybe not that exactly – they were very hard to understand…Australians mumble a lot??) and happened to be twin brothers. Oh my. Twin brothers from Australia…and did I mention they were 6’2″ with curly brown hair and big green eyes?  Our interaction was short-lived, and we parted ways before I could marry one or both invite myself along on their worldwide trek, but the interaction brought back some very fond memories…. I couldn’t help but reminisce on my own six month sojourn to the Land Down Under back in 2k4.

I lived here in Coogee Beach outside of Sydney…

And hung out at places like this in the Whitsunday Islands…

I even went skydiving!

Skydiving was definitely one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. It was over the Great Barrier Reef and one of the world’s only beach landings. I saw all kinds of craziness on the way down: sharks, hundred-year-old sea turtles, my life flashing before my eyes….I watched the film a few years back. My suggestion to you re: skydiving videos is as follows: don’t do it. Trust me, being filmed by the man strapped to your back with a camera held about 6 inches away from your face whilst free falling from 14,000 feet is no one’s best look. Plus, when you’re jumping out of an airplane, you might find yourself inclined to say things you would not otherwise say…which will be captured forever on this video. I’m not sure what a good alternative would be – maybe have a third person jump at the same time and film you/the scenery from afar/a more flattering angle? Regardless, my skydiving experience is one that I will cherish forever and share with no one….and I really need to find that videotape.

One of the best things about Australia is the way they do breakfast. In theory it’s the same as the US: eggs, bacon, toast…but in practice it is ever so much more. The bacon is the kicker – over there they serve up these thick slices of juicy meat, not greasy, grainy skinny little strips like here. I understand that some people are perfectly fond of that kind of bacon – me, I love all bacon – but the Australian take on breakfast pork is just better. My bowl of maple and brown sugar oatmeal suddenly seems woefully inadequate…

Sooo, that rodent Punxsatawny Phil DID see his shadow therefore we can look forward to six more weeks of winter. Well, KMA, Phil – Atlanta begs to differ. I hope I didn’t just jinx us to a freak March snowstorm…knock on wood or something.

UGA had a badass signing day yesterday, and I don’t know if they’re even counting this girl, Anna Watson, who is real and not photoshopped and could obviously give a brick wall a run for its money. WTF?!

Hilary, this girl could be your triplet. It’s uncanny!

This has not been BBT’s best week. Go forth and prosper.

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