Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for September, 2010

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The Allie Awards

Posted by AllieB on September 21, 2010

I was reading archived articles in the Atlanta Business Chronicle online recently, and I stumbled upon a brief write-up about an event that took place in April: The Allie Awards. My interest was immediately piqued – I was already thrilled to see my name on an award that warranted mention in the ABC, but then it got even better: the award was for Best Buffet.

The Allie Awards honor the best catering companies in Atlanta, as well as other aspects of event planning – venue, tents, etc. What a perfect match for me, AllieB, line-leader at the buffet and lover of all things wrapped in bacon.

I wonder if they are looking for a spokesperson? A face of The Allies, if you will…I would be happy to attend various events in the name of research.

Or perhaps I’ll just come up with my own, more relevant categories and have The AllieB Awards. Let’s see…

  • Best Hot Sandwich: Publix’s Philly Cheesesteak
  • Best Quesadilla: Paul’s on the Patio (you’d be surprised)
  • Best Stuffed Pasta (on a budget): Trader Joe’s Portobello Mushroom Ravioli
  • Best Stuffed Pasta (not so much on a budget): Sotto Sotto’s Ravioli Nudi
  • Best Nachos: Tavern 99

clearly I am qualified to designate awards pertaining to food

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

animals dressed as humans

Posted by AllieB on September 17, 2010

Panda is ready for the weekend. Are you?

Sis & Kayruh – too bad you didn’t see this before last night…you could’ve stolen his moves instead of mine. FILCHERS.

Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?

Monica: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance!

Ross: That is correct.

Joey: The Irish gig guy?!

Chandler: His legs flail about as if independent of his body!

–The One With The Embryos

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Eye on the prize

Posted by AllieB on September 16, 2010

Jennifer Anniston is in Atlanta at this very minute filming her new movie, Wanderlust, with co-starr Paul Rudd.

First of all, I think the movie sounds very intriguing. An excerpt from onlocationvacations says:

In the movie, Jen and Paul play an urban couple who  stop at a rural B&B which turns out to be a commune filled with nudists, pot smoking and orgies. The script has created some buzz of its own because, reportedly, Aniston’s character has sex with a woman in the movie.

Maybe this will break her Rom-Com curse…?

Secondly, and much more importantly, this means she and Paul Rudd are trolling the streets of Buckhead, with sightings reported at Chops, St Regis, Whole Foods…I’ve been to Whole Foods no fewer than four times this week for various reasons, and I’ve seen nada.

I wonder what I’d do if I saw them. Probably something really awkward…I once spent a very brief segment of an evening with Owen Wilson and his entourage (thanks to JTomm), and, as we were all being introduced, I felt the inexplicable need to reach across the table and help myself to a handful of his nachos. He didn’t speak to me after that.

Jennifer and Paul are my chance to redeem myself – I must find them! Anyone want to get an AWD at the St. Regis?

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

One-upper extraordinaire

Posted by AllieB on September 15, 2010

Everyone has a friend like Penelope. No matter what happens, this one-upping scene-stealer always trumps your line, and I often get the feeling that their story isn’t quite on-level…

Watch below as Penelope actually uses a Shamwow! to quantify just how much she cried during a wedding ceremony.

[hulu:http://www.hulu.com/embed/-Dq2NWI2uPC2hyqc2xw84g]

Or, another example might be:

Allie: I got hit by a bus today

One-Upper: Today I was dragged six miles by an 18-wheeler, yet look how amazing my hair looks…and that doesn’t even compare to the time when the airplane took off before I was safely in my seat, and I flew alongside the plane all the way to Dubai…

See? It’s incredibly irritating.

Allie: I had the best day – I got a raise!

One-Upper: I got a raise AND a promotion!! And a brand new car plus an iPad, and it turns out I’m next in line to be the princess of a small and obscure yet extremely wealthy Eastern European country!!

It’s possible these stories are embellished for the purpose of underscoring my point.

Posted in Really? | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Dear Jessica

Posted by AllieB on September 14, 2010

I’m worried about you. I’ve heard that you’re actually quite teeny in person, and I’m sure you are, but most people aren’t seeing you in person – they’re seeing you in US Weekly and People and on Tyler Durden, and these photos – they aren’t good.

Honestly, I’m not sure you even have all that much weight to lose – the problem is more that you insist upon dressing as though you’re actively seeking out ridicule. It seems that, these days, every time you leave the house it’s an egregious fashion fail. You’re cute! You have nice hair! Many people seem to find your ditziness endearing! You once had, like, the best body ever! You can doooooooo this!

Can we not:

Let’s revisit a time when things like this were happening:

a compilation by People from 2007 - these aren't necessarily my favorite looks, but you get the jist

In spite of your bevy of recent blunders, I am nevertheless optimistic. Just get a stylist and go for a couple of 3 mile yogs/week. Not unlike Lindsay Lohan, I think there is hope for you yet. And I’m sorry for comparing you to Lindsay Lohan just now – that may have been a bit harsh.

Your Friend – AllieB

P.S. Also, maybe stop talking about your poor hygiene while you’re on the talk show circuit – you’re not doing yourself any favors.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

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