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Archive for the ‘Arbitrary’ Category

Dear 22-Year-Old Self…

Posted by AllieB on May 29, 2014

Today’s post is not by me, but my great friend Amy whom you all know as “A.” She posted the following ruminations on Facebook this week, and, based on the obscene number of likes, it really resonated with people – I know it did with me, and I’d be remiss to not share here on BBT. Without further ado…

Sure, it’s been done – and whelp I did it too. For those who know me – you know – I write. I write for work, I write to write and hell, I write to get out of my own head. A few months ago, I overheard a girl’s convo on the plane… she had just turned 22; I had recently turned 31 (omg). Gah to be 22 again or 25 or 28 (or not!). It triggered this stream of consciousness… I found it yesterday, re-read it and re-read it again. Maybe you’ll find a nugget or two that speaks…

[edit free. don't judge typos.]

What I would tell my 22-year-old self…and sometimes have to remind my 31 year-old self.

Don’t stress the small stuff.

Be nicer

Get over yourself. You’re actually not too cool for a lot of things.

Words hurt  – and linger

You can’t actually just get away w anything.

Forgive.

Boys will hurt you, get over it. They’re not worth it.

There will be one that’s worth it; he’ll make you laugh when you want to cry. He won’t disappear when things suck. He won’t be perfect, he’ll just do everything to make you think he is. Be kind to him. Be very kind to him, but don’t smother him. Don’t let him smother you. And be patient.

Trust

Have faith

Dance when no one else is

Respect yourself, respect others no matter their ‘status’ in life.

Take advantage of every single moment w your girlfriends. Your lives will inevitably take different paths- embrace every second.

Be in the moment. Take it all in.

Don’t drink Bella Pinot or Cavit….magnums…in one sitting.

Life is too short to drink bad wine! Enjoy it.

Be smart.

Talk smart.

Walk smart.

Be witty, be clever, be funny. It’s okay if people don’t get it.

Embrace your eccentricity – there will be haters, but there will be lovers. You’re weird. Own it. The right people will join in your weirdness. The right person will fall in love w you for it – and you’ll love him.

TRAVEL – culture makes the world better – embrace it, incorporate it.

Don’t obsess over your weight or your clothes.  If you like it, makes you feel good. Do it. Just own it.

Failing is okay. It’s a must – makes for some of the best growing and excelling. So take risks – at work, at life, at love.

There is no such thing as perfection.

Attention from boys does not define how pretty or lovable you are.

Respect your parents. Listen to their advice, they actually do have a clue.

Spend more nights at home.  JOMO is better than FOMO.

Take every opportunity to go…travel…experience it. Don’t drink it into oblivion. Remember the moments.

4 inch heels in every color do actually go out of style. And hurt your back! So do tube tops.

No make up, long hair and all natural do not. Comfort is king…But do your best to look good sporting it!

Moderation is key.

Don’t skip your workout – but don’t beat yourself up if you do.

Put your phone down.

Always take pictures.

Keep some of your secrets!

Health is the ticket to a mentally and physically happy life.

There is life beyond breakups and heartache. True story.

Broken hearts make bigger stronger hearts. More enduring hearts. More compassionate hearts. More appreciative hearts.

You will be self-sufficient.

It is your job to make you happy, and never at the expense of others.

You’re gonna have to work your ass off. Period. Do things you love.

You have to try and you have to try again.

You must be open-minded and tolerant.

Never take a cheap laugh at the expense of someone else.

Relax. Hit the reset button And move on.

Vacations never get old.

Neither does red lipstick.

Or simple pleasures like fresh air Or floating in the ocean. Or driving with your windows down, or catching the sunset at the exact right moment or your favorite song when u need it most. Or the moment someone makes you smile…when your day seems bleak. Take in the little things. Don’t be too distracted and miss them.

Make out sessions get even better; Don’t trade them in for anything. But choose wisely. Save your kisses, but don’t hoard them!

Don’t use your sexuality to manipulate someone.

Be empowered to take control of it- as much as you want to give in. Hold it close.

Keep your heart open. Even after it’s been tampered with. It heals. It gets stronger. Use it, like any other muscle, or it will get weak.

Go to church.

Pray – not for what you want- for what you have in your life. Talk to God everyday, start your day w Him, and end it w Him- not just when you’re sad or feeling weak – when your strong and things are just right.

Give thanks.

Always say thank you.

Don’t tail old people on the road. Be patient. You’ll be old and slow one day too!

Never judge. Never. You have no idea what other people are dealing with. Life is water.

Smiling resting face is better than bitchy resting face.

Overcome your ego. It only holds you back and forces unwise decisions.

Learn something new everyday. Never stop learning and absorbing. Read. Write.

Keep day dreaming. studies now say you’re more creative if you let yourself!

Towel time gets better with age!

Take care of your body. Eat well. Sleep well.

Yoga is the best for the mind and body.

Find balance, set your intention.

Be in control, but be willing to let go.

Listen. Shut your mouth and just listen.

Be at peace with life. Love yourself. Love others. Wholly.

You’ll love music forever. You’re mixing the soundtrack of your life- so be free, make it good, but choose wisely…

True dat, A. Wisdom: imparted. You don’t have to agree with everything – it’d be weird if you did – but a little self-reflection never hurt anyone, ya know? Even if it’s just for a moment or two. The bad news is that we’ll never be 22 again, but the good news is…we’ll never be 22 again. With age comes wisdom…and vacations :)

I think I’ve out-EMO’ed myself. To you and yours: a very happy Thursday and weekend!

re: girlfriends and travel...check!

guest author A – AllieB – K at The Breakers last weekend. I do know that my 22-year-old self could not have planned a last minute trip to the beach with two favorites… #30yroldperks

 

 

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

What are you drinking?

Posted by AllieB on May 22, 2014

I can think of nothing except the upcoming long weekend, so today’s post is all about travel and vacation and activities for when you travel on vacation.

Memorial Day Weekend is the unofficial start of summer, and, to me, summer means baseball games and hanging out by water – be it a pool, the beach, or the murky, toxic Hudson River – and, of course, having drinks outside. Much like the ladies of Sex and the City and their Cosmopolitan, I, too, would like a Signature Cocktail. People will be at a bar ordering drinks and ask, “What does Allie always get that looks so good? Oh! A spicy margarita – I’ll have one of those” and it’s almost like I’m doing a good deed or something. If you’re looking to upgrade from your Bud Light Lime, please refer to this fun interactive drink calculator on New York Times: What Are You Drinking? (Credit: JVB)

what are you drinking

I got margarita. Duh

This week in Really?!?

Malaysia Airlines’ new ad campaign is apparently celebrating their knack for ferrying their passengers off to places where no one can find them….Really, Malaysia Airlines? Really?!?

Malaysian Airlines

 What I want to know is who looked at this and said, “That is not at all inappropriate. Approved!”

That’s what’s up:

- 38 People Who Will Make You Feel Better About Your Life Choices – wow.

- I’m calling it now – this is the book of the summer: You Should Have Known by Jean Hanff Korelitz. PLEASE read so we can discuss. It’s a literary mystery featuring a psychiatrist who is publishing book entitled “You Should Have Known” basically telling women who are in bad relationships that their partners had been exhibiting signs of clear and present danger all along, and they should have seen it coming. I think you can see where this is going….

- I do not understand Reddit if someone could please explain

- I traded out my office desk chair for a Body Ball this week…BOLO for my 6-pack.

- In my last post, You’re Doing It Wrong, I provided some very simple do’s and don’ts for social media behavior. It’s clear to me that some of you did not read it closely, if at all, so I will say it again: you cannot punctuate hashtags. If you really want to have a break  between words within same tag, then you may use the underscore (_) aka the “low dash.” Anything else will mess it up and then you look dumb. I had an email address once, back in 9th grade: compuchick_alb@hotmail.com. Looking back I’m a little upset – that’s pretty racy?? I clearly had no concern of internet pervs. My kid’s email is going to be oldandugly@gmail.com.

- I realized last week that I had no plans for Memorial Day, and it turns out that my nearest and dearest A and K didn’t have plans for Memorial Day, so we decided to go to…PALM BEACH! Sun, pools and beaches, frozen bevs, cute and arrogant preppy boys – it’s going to be awesome. I’ll warn you in advance, I will likely break many of the rules I mandated in the aforementioned post, and A doesn’t adhere to any rules of social media – mine or otherwise – so just prepare yourselves for the inevitable onslaught.

the breakers palm beach

 A & K – ARE YOU READY

 In summary: summery cocktails = good; airlines that lose people = bad; Reddit = ???? Happy Memorial Day!

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

You’re Doing It Wrong

Posted by AllieB on May 1, 2014

There are a million articles floating around the internet about the do’s and don’ts of social media, but there aren’t any by me, personally, talking about you, specifically, so…here we go.

Instagram:

-For me, the most egregious of all Instaffenses (Instagram + offenses = Instaffenses) is posting several pictures in a row. The one exception is if you’re traveling in some remote place and only have access to Wi-Fi sparingly, but even then I encourage you to exercise some restraint. I promise you’ll get more likes if you post singularly rather than in multiples, and likes, obviously, are the only reason why anyone posts anything. I get really mad when people clog up my feed. What’s that – you just lost a follower? It was me.

-#youcantpunctuatehashtags and only a special few can hashtag emoji…

hashtag wine

-Use your head: the same group of people need not post the same picture on each of their respective accounts at the same time. I can assure you we don’t need to see the Birthday Dinner table shot more than once, and we probably could do w/o it in the first place. Just because it’s not on Instagram doesn’t mean it didn’t happen…

-No, wait: the absolute WORST Instaffense is when people put up a solo picture that someone else took and call it a selfie. NEWSFLASH it is not a SELF-ie if someone else takes it. Then it’s just you “candidly” posing while your poor friend takes a picture over and over til you deem it postable. I don’t mind selfies, and I don’t mind if you have someone take a picture of you, but you cannot call the latter the former. That’s wrong.

-You aren’t fooling anyone with the TBT’s where you’re all “how awkward is this!” when it’s quite clear that you’re actually showing us how cute/talented/tan you were – your humble brag: it is showing. I posted one of these myself the other week, but I balanced out the adorable one (adorable!) with the second (not so much). Plus, I am picking a wedgie in both. No one’s thinking “look at how cute/talented/tan she was!” In fact, they’re probably thinking, “bless her heart” or “Allie…no.” I win!

easter wedgie collage

Do you think #Instaffense is going to start trending?

Facebook:

-I realize this is more of a personal problem, but perhaps you can commiserate: doesn’t it seem that the people you’re actually curious about never post or like anything, and the people about whom you do not care are all up in your face? Why is that? Why?

-I do not appreciate people who post constant reminders that they are on vacation, knowing that I am sitting on the 18th floor of an office building in Midtown Manhattan where yesterday it rained a month’s worth of rain. This applies to both Insta and FB. And Snapchat. Another personal problem, perhaps, but something I’d like everyone to keep in mind.

-These days I use Facebook more for news than personal stuff, and I like it when people post links to articles or things on the internet they like. Assuming you and I have the same interests, I’d be okay with more of that kind of activity.

I don’t think I’m asking for much here – just be less annoying and more smart when it comes to what you do and share.

And now, my life in pictures:

SPRING!! Foliage! Filters!

SPRING!! Foliage! Filters!

you can’t make this up.

you can't make this stuff up.

*and that’s a grande nonfat Chai Latte – don’t act like you weren’t wondering.

well, this is upsetting. also, wrong.

upsetting. also, wrong.

how to dress in NYC when it just rained for 2 days and is 700% humidity #elevatordoorselfie

photo 2

should I start a fashion blog..?

I apologize for the extended absence, but I’ve been busy working, playing, and I just wrapped up my Spring Wedding Tour 2k14. Congrats to two of the best and your respective marriages, ABE V and Pal – two great people, two great weddings.

Hey, have y’all been to Bermuda? I’d like to go, maybe in July…I’ll keep you posted.

Today is the first of May (insert Justin Timberlake “It’s gonna be May” picture here) which means I am half-dead due to allergies. I sound like a sick frog and my eyes are red and swollen in the manner of someone who is high on pot. It’s hotness all around here on the 18th floor in Midtown Manhattan – total hotness. TGIT! (?)

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

There are no small victories: BBT by the numbers

Posted by AllieB on April 10, 2014

Minus 10 points for missing last week – I don’t even have a good excuse and it will probably happen again, but I’m here today which I’d say is a victory – and not a small one because there are no small victories. Lots of exciting stuff going on: instead of using a standard bullet format to organize my thoughts, I am breaking them down by the numbers. And if that’s not enticing enough, there’s a really cool surprise when you get to the end…

24: 24 hours til I’m poolside in the Panhandle.

3: Three different sales people Pretty Woman’ed me at Bergdorf’s on Monday. I ordered something from Neiman Marcus online, and I didn’t like it. I also didn’t like the idea of waiting 14 days for my refund (there’s no Neiman’s in NYC), so I gave Customer Service a call and learned I could return my item to Bergdorf’s. Awesome! B-dorf’s is 10 blocks from my office. Things got a lot less awesome upon arrival – I totally get now how lousy Julia Roberts-as-prostitute felt when she went to that store and those bitchy ladies wouldn’t help her.

Sidebar Rant: I think there’s a required seminar all these employees attend where they learn how to make you feel like crap. First and foremost: the signature Eye Rake – this move actually has the same effect as that machine in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids except it shrinks your soul.  Anyone who is not toting an ostrich Prada bag or hasn’t had at least four plastic surgery procedures is subject to the Eye Rake wherein the sales associate rakes their eyes up and down your person, pausing to raise a single brow at especially offensive attire or accessories, such as a pair of Tom’s. Once they’ve robbed you of all self-worth, the employee will purse their lips in a smirky duckface and then, with a hugely exaggerated roll of their eyes, might they deign to answer whatever question you dared ask.

Perhaps one day I’ll go back in carrying not one but three Prada ostrich bags having spruced myself up with a face, brow, eye, boob, AND butt lift, then glide around with my nose in the air waving wads of cash saying, “Big mistake, huge.” Yeah….yeah.

I digress. Someone finally told me where to return the stupid dress, and I got my dollaz back in 48 hours. Mission: accomplished.

2: I’ve made two tomato pies in the last two weeks. Have you heard of the tomato pie diet? It’s all the rage – little known fact: mayonnaise and flaky pie crust are actually power foods.

tomato pie

4: I recently bought a pack of classes to Barry’s Bootcamp aka Torture Chamber Where You Pay $$$$ To Be Yelled At Then Almost Vomit. I’ve gone to four of them. Four is also the number of days since I’ve been able to stand up or sit down without crying a little.

0: I have successfully walked into the Men’s room zero times this week! Two weeks ago I moved up several floors to a new office, and the layout is literally identical to where I was with one exception: the men’s room is where the women’s room was, and vice versa. While I feel really good about my literacy and ability to identify the universal signs for MALE and FEMALE, I still find myself walking towards the wrong door…

5: …and last week I actually did walk thru the wrong door. Five times :(

2011: back in August 2011 the PGA Championship was at the Atlanta Athletic Club. I went to an early round and discovered the physical specimen that is Adam Scott. I spent much of the day stalking tracking his progress and I know I wasn’t the only one who felt our “connection” – it was palpable. Adam definitely needs another green jacket. What a smokeshow.

BBT and Adam Scott

See something you like, Adam? I think he might be jealous of my traps #hoss #mustbetheangle

19: Valeria, the human Barbie, has a 19 inch waist and maintains her inhuman proportions by way of plastic surgery and subsisting on an “air and light” diet. She’s freaking me the EFF OUT. Read more about how cool and normal she is in this GQ article. (Credit: Hilary.)

human barbie valeria

That’s a real person.

39: 39 Things That Only Girls Growing Up in the 80’s Would Get. This gave me almost physical pangs of nostalgia…Caboodles! Lip Smackers! Side pony’s! I actually still like a side pony…(credit: A)

23: So this what they mean by “heaven on earth” – the Annual Lobster Rumble on June 5 in NYC showcases 23 lobster rolls from 23 restaurants across the US, and I, the event attendee, am tasked to taste them all and choose a winner. Holy sh*t. There goes my “one lobster roll per year” rule. That was a really dumb rule anyway.

I was lying about the cool surprise – thought I’d lose you when I started talking about my “standard bullet format.” Thanks for reading!

I’m PCB-bound for a calm and relaxing wedding weekend with only a couple friends – we’ll go to bed early and there will be no dancing, especially not to Mustang Sally.

Spring is here!!!! TGIT!

Bryant Park 1And one day, not too far from now, those trees might even grow some leaves…

 Take a minute and count your blessings today. I say that in all sincerity.

 

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Top 10 Reasons Why You’re Still Single

Posted by AllieB on March 27, 2014

I’m not going to sugarcoat it.

10. I can smell your Eau de Desperate musk from here. We all can.

9. You UGLY. Just kidding.

8. LET IT GO. Stuff happens, and it’s a fact of life that the older you get the more baggage you’ll be toting around, but maybe you should assess how you’re handling said bags…are you the person trying to stuff your full size rollerboard, 50 lb duffle, overcoat, and laptop case in the overhead compartment? No one likes you. Here’s an idea: how about checking the big, bulky ones? You’re not trying to hide the extra luggage, you’re just stowing it someplace more convenient and out of the way…bonus: people like me won’t kick you in the shins as we finally pass by your seat after watching you wrassle with your crap for 30 minutes.

Emotional baggage -> literal baggage

7. Your horizons: they are too narrow. Eschew all you think to be true about your “type.” Chemistry is a tricky, unpredictable thing, and who knows who or what might strike your fancy. I’m not saying lower your standards; I’m simply suggesting that maybe your white knight rides a black horse.

6. The idea of your sacred alone time becoming shared time with another human is unsettling.

5. You’re not even trying. If you’re not meeting new people – be it at a bar, volunteering, a concert, whatever – then you really might die alone. There is also online dating and speed dating, and, once you have a target in mind, casual stalking & choreographing “accidental” run-ins. In the words of someone annoying, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

4. You have a blog. Two words: Flat Face

3. You’re too social. You’re a recluse. You drink too much. You’re uptight. You’re a slob. You’re OCD. You’re too aggressive. You don’t take initiative. You’re not motivated. You’re always at the office. Your Flywheel classes are making you poor. Why are you so fat.

Huh? I’ll explain: it seems you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, so might as well go ahead and fly that freak flag at full mast. We all deserve to have someone look meaningfully into our eyes and say: “I like you very much. Just as you are.”

2. You took this quiz on Buzzfeed, How Single Are You?, and got “Destined to be Single.” Oh.

…and the #1 reason why you’re still single…

Well, I don’t actually know. But this could have something to do with it:

everything happens for a reason(Source)

Conversely, it could just as easily explain why you’re not single…

TGIT! I hope you’re enjoying this lovely Sprinter – or Wing, if you’d prefer. I have a nonnegotiable “No Tights” policy that kicks in April 1, so YO, Mother Nature: let’s wrap it up.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »