Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘HELP’

Anything you can do, I can do almost or equally as well

Posted by AllieB on October 3, 2013

I’ve mastered the subways; I emerge from underground and know instinctively which way is N/S/E/W; you should see me weave thru the herds of cattle throngs of people on the sidewalk; I stuck out my tongue at a cab driver last week when he violated my right of way – let’s face it, y’all, I’m a New Yawker.

alexandra

a saavy city girl from the very beginning. that’s right – GIRL

While I think we can all agree these are noteworthy accomplishments, I’ve still yet to conquer my Everest: mastering the art/science/I think it might be magic of making dinner reservations. I spent a good chunk of time this week trying to find two restaurants that will impress my high-brow foodie friends, A and K, when they come to visit, and I’m getting the proverbial talk-to-the-hand at every place I’ve tried. I mean, this is like a month in advance! Evidently no one A) knows who I am or B) is aware that I manage a very dated and irrelevant restaurant guide to Atlanta. K&A, how do you feel about dining at 5:30? Actually, wait: who needs restaurants – we’re all talented chefs, why don’t we just cook our own meals!?! And let’s be sure not to have any wine at all.

what would happen if we did either of those things

what would happen if we did either of those things

Obviously, none of us would ever find ourselves in this sort of situation, and I want to be very clear that I am NOT condoning such behavior, but when I saw this I thought I’d better share: The Rules for Calling in Sick When You’re Actually Hungover. Upon completion I found myself wanting to seek out Captain Obvious so I could thank him for sharing such brand new information, but who am I to judge – let’s see what I’ve got:

1. Mind over matter. I am a strong believer in this: stop wallowing and get over it. I am lucky not to get the voms when I am overserved, so I’m sure this is easier said than done…but most of the time I feel like people are just being big babies.

2. Water: it’s not a myth. Water before, during, and after your ill-advised outing will help tremendously. And cold Vitamin Water Zero in the morning is like nectar of the gods.

3. A lot of people say exercise. Me, not so much

4. Oh. I was supposed write a list about how to call in sick when you’re hungover. I don’t really have any tips on that for I hath ne’er done such a thing.

5. Cpt Obvs: 1, BBT: 0

But seriously: drink water.

Ok, this is weird, right? Mediocre-hurdler-turned-bobsledding-hopeful, Lolo Jones, is trying to gain 60 lbs to make “bobsled weight.” Her daily diet includes two 1,365 protein shakes and FOUR double bacon cheeseburgers from McDonald’s. This approach seems flawed. She is literally going to turn into a double bacon cheeseburger…literally. Ehhh, Lolo makes me uncomf – she seems like she’s kind of nuts, if not a little bit delusional:

“My abs are still there,” she said. “I’m still cut, just super solid.”

Yeah, a super solid double bacon cheeseburger…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, G FORCE!!!!! Remember that time we went to Pakistan? Such adventures we’ve had…I love you!!

incognito in Lahore

incognito in Lahore. also, barefoot. ew

TGIT! Feels good to be back on sched…truthfully, I’ve had a whole week of Thursdays, but I’m glad everyone else is now on my same page.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Methods of Madness

Posted by AllieB on August 29, 2013

Every time I think something is going to be different, it is the same. This is likely because I don’t do anything different on my end to affect the outcome – you know that’s a definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If this is the only qualifier, I belong in the nuthouse. Moving: moving sucks. I hate moving, and I suck at it. I have all these plans to be intentional and smart: packing in advance, organizing my stuff so it’s easier to unpack, throwing out what I don’t want…however, because of in spite of these plans, I have been avoiding my house all week, choosing instead to work late, drink Pacificos, and visit other people’s apartments. By the time I get home I’m obviously spent…tomorrow, I say, as I turn off of my light. I am running out of tomorrows. Jordan!! Tonight will be so much fun! I’ll make some wine and order pizza.

moving

Progress?? (they are empty because I haven’t started) (I have more stuff than that) (help) (everyone else moved out) (there’s an echo)

Speaking of insanity…Miley Cyrus is gross, and I’m obviously not going to dignify her spectacle on Sunday night with airtime on BBT. Her…twerks? gyrations? miniseizures? whatever those were…made me yearn for quality performances like Britney’s from 2000 & 2001. I’m not saying she’s a great singer, or that her songs are “good” (they’re not good – they’re awesome) but that girl can DANCE. And she looked damn good. I spent some time watching YouTubes, which you can go to here (2000 was the best, IMO). And, for some eye candy and personal motivation, I have shared this picture below. Excuse me while I go do 1,000 crunches.

just....dang

just….dang

The Miley backlash nearly broke the internet, that was really insane. I don’t like to weigh in on things that everyone else has already discussed to death, but I will say this: skinny though she obviously is, Miley has a flabby tush. There is nothing hot about a flat, wobbly pancake butt.

Time continue passes at an alarming rate, and September starts on Sunday. I can’t quite get my head around this, but regardless of whether I can or not it’s still happening, so I guess I’ll embrace the perks, namely: football and new tv. Stolen straight from the Microsoft Office Suite of HadleyPMill, I share with you this fall schedule for network tv (if it’s Real Housewives you’re looking for, you’re in the wrong place. Also, quit watching that crap). I know you can’t really read it, right-click to enlarge if you’re on a comp #duh

1Competitive Fall 2013

Green = new show. Dates of premiers also helpfully listed

I went to Atlanta last weekend! It was a last minute thing, and it was a great visit – I saw many of my favorite people and ate lots of my favorite foods. Plus, I got to go to Target, which may have been the real highlight. I hear there’s a Target in Brooklyn, but I’m more likely to book a ticket to Atlanta and go to the one on Sidney Marcus than go there. See below for some of my favorite comforts of home…

from top right: over-friend spicy chicken (YUM); Georgia peach cobbler (YUMMM); Tina; JTommLiv and BBT at her baby shower...!

from left: JTommLiv and BBT at her baby shower…! over-friend spicy chicken (YUM); Georgia peach cobbler (YUMMM); Tina.

That’s all, y’all –  Happy Labor Day Weekend! Wish me luck on my move, and, above all…

go-dawgs_display_image

#GATA #soexcitedbutsonervous #sicem #clemsonsucks #orangeisugly

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , | 9 Comments »

A wedgie wedding

Posted by AllieB on August 11, 2011

TGIT.

WATCH: Despicable Me. This is a deLIGHTful film featuring the voices of Kristen Wiig, Will Arnett, Russell Brand, Jason Segel, some other people, and….Steve Carrell. Before you’re like, NO I’m over Steve Carrell and his voice, know this: he speaks in an Eastern European accent. I LOVE Eastern European accents and Steve’s is hilarious! I rented DM at the beach with the fam and we watched it 4 times in 24 hours. Granted, it was raining and it was the only movie we had, but still….it’s that good. Here is a clip featuring Agnes. IT’S SO FLUFFY I’M GONNA DIE!!!

It’s a great movie for boys and girls, men and women, etc etc. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up.

FEMALES: it’s not brand new information, but gel manicures are the bomb. I got “Bubblegum” which is a lovely pale pink and it’s like I got a phalange makeover – my hands look so sophisticated and elegant…two words not so frequently used w/r/t BBT…and I’m partial to Glamour Nails in The Peach, although if you’re further north Hammond Nails in the Chastain shopping center is really good, too…

GET IN MY BELLY: Hip Pops! Based in Athens, Melissa Fontaine has recently launched this popsicle truck which will be debuting at the UGA v Boise State tailgate. These flava-flavs look awesome…I can’t wait to try! Play your part: go like them on Facebook.

HOW TO: Drink in Public. Shout-out to Savannah for having no open container laws…you know what place does? Athens.

Freaky deaky:

A wedgie wedding: this week’s featured phrase on Things People Goog That Lead Them to BBT.

Grossest Phrase: “why do my feet swell with cheese.” SICK.

Proof Positive That People Are Retarded Phrase: where cann I butt Winn Dixie piminto chees. This is a shot in the dark, but I bet you can find it at Winn Dixie…

Maybe I need to talk less about cheese…

I need a talented graphic designer – seriously – if you know someone or are someone who might want to help me create a BBT persona, please email me: baxterbarktwiceblog@gmail.com.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

Might I suggest an alternative method of transport

Posted by AllieB on September 9, 2010

I never thought that I would appreciate MARTA, or that it could possibly be the better option in comparison to another city’s public transit system, but I stand corrected.

Perhaps the concept of personal space simply doesn’t exist in Japan – that’s the only explanation for the apparent tolerance of this inhumanity. I’m having an anxiety attack just watching it. BOUNDARIES, PEOPLE.

Oh my god.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »