Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘busted’

Hello, 911? I’m on fire

Posted by AllieB on May 30, 2013

I am well aware it was but a few weeks ago that I was ranting and raving about the endless NYC winters, but I really don’t care about how flaky and/or melodramatic I seem because I just don’t.  Today, after a Memorial Day weekend where the high topped out at 48 degrees Fahrenheit on Saturday, it is 92 degrees and the air feels like hot, stinky breath. I am seriously, legitimately concerned about how I am going to survive the next few months. I joked last week about getting bob haircut – as if! – but today I’m thinking a full-on Ellen DeGeneres whack job. I’m not kidding. And my hair is the least of my worries. Do they have full body deodorant? I’m talking Secret Prescription Strength for head-to-toe. The good news is that my office temp is a comfy 58 degrees, so I have to wear sweaters and scarves inside then basically disrobe to go outdoors. Winter’s easy:  you just put on more clothes. The wet, hot, American summer of NYC is a new animal with which I’ve yet to grapple, and I’m already thinking about ceding victory…for I am screwed. BOLO for 3 straight months of red-face/dancefloor Allie.

This week I present to you a very special segment: How to Stay Slim & Trim. I have two things that are really going to rock your world – perfect timing for ‘kini season!!

1. PRANCERCISE! What is prancercise, you ask? Prancercise is defined as follows: A springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse’s gait and is ideally induced by elation.” But why use words when there is video:

I had a hard time getting past that camel toe, but I powered thru and am already planning to go prancering after work. I’ll fit right in doing this around the Central Park Reservoir. Don’t need sound for that video, and you don’t need to watch more than 20 seconds. Thank you, Sista Wedge.

2. Aw, crap.

AB marathon

The gods have spoken. If I’m going to talk so big about running a marathon, it seems I might actually have to do it. I bailed on the LA race in March, and when I signed up for the NYC race on a whim I assumed there was no way my name would be chosen from the lottery – I worked it out: I had an 8% chance of getting it. Given my history of never getting chosen for anything, I felt pretty confident about my odds…until that email showed up earlier today. Just this morning, during my morning yog, I thought to myself, “I sure am glad I didn’t get chosen to run that marathon in November.” But it’s local, it’s important to participate in light of the Boston Marathon tragedy, and it’s something I always said I’d do. Plus I’ve got like, what, 5 months to train? Totes doable – I’ve already got my Body Glide and everything. I don’t think I can prance my way through this one, guys.

And now for the really, really random stuff:

-Ron Swanson is one of the greatest TV characters of all time – that is a statement of fact, not opinion. His awesomeness is elevated in this slideshow depicting his feasts throughout the 5 seasons of Parks and Recreation as well as his commentary.

-My birthday party is happening. I haven’t sent out the invite yet, but here’s a preview…!

bday invite

ATTN anyone tempted to refer to my upcoming birthday as “Dirty Thirty” – you are preemptively dead to me.

-Ya know how I went to the Stones Fest last Thursday to see my friend Parker play? Well…it was awesome. Jason Isbell, Norah Jones, Boz Scaggs, Regina Spektor also played… I will never, ever forget the ensemble performance of Shine a Light (my most very favorite song) as long as I live….read about it here – this guy knows a whole lot more about it than I do.

Remember that really funny spider email from 2008? I had totally forgotten about it until I rediscovered it last night. LOL

funny spider

I threw this together in like 15 minutes but I’m on a great streak here of not missing a week, and I gotta keep up the good work.

TGIT! Eat, drink, and be merry. I’ll see you next week – same time, same place – unless I melted, in which case…who knows.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 13 Comments »

Extreme Makeover: BBT

Posted by AllieB on July 6, 2011

We’re baaaaaacckkk!!!!

First, allow me to once again apologize for the virus that some people caught from BBT. Hackers are the hate, and I’ve gone through great lengths to ensure that I am no longer susceptible to any kind of hijacking.

Thanks to the diligence and endless patience of SRM, I’m back in action, and better than ever, IMO. I am liking the new look/feel…a little more sleek with a certain je ne sais quoi, oui?

I don’t even know where to start…plus I’m on vacation, so I’m a bit muddled in the dome.

  • Casey Anthony – total nonsense; my favorite commentary on the day was regarding the heightened elevation of Nancy Grace’s sui watch. I MEEAAAANNNNN….
  • Varasano’s is really stepping it up: they have half-off wine on THURSDAYS (practically unheard of), and last night they had a deal where you got bottomless wine and either a Nana or Margherita pizza with bottomless wine for $19.99. That is a steal, especially for two people…..I imagine it’s encouraged to be spread out betwixt a duo.
  • Princess Kate, dare I say it, is toeing the line of emaciation. I swear this isn’t just jealousy talking (it’s only like 70% jealousy), but she’s starting to look a little weathered in the face and a little tendon-y in the bod. God forbid she isn’t getting enough nourishment – what would come of her glorious hair?! Do take a minute to look at the 11 photos prior to the one I linked – she and Wills really, really like each other. It’s adorbs!
  • I’m very out of practice. Blogging, it turns out, is not at all like riding a bike or driving a stick shift…it’s more like….something that you get the hang of with practice and then feel clueless when you don’t do it for awhile and try to do it again.
  • At least I have my eloquence.

This new layout is making my posts seem much shorter…I feel like I should call it a day and not force it, but this looks so weenie…

OH! On notice: LEANN RIMES. She’s been annoying me for ages but I haven’t wanted to dignify her behavior/ugliness with a post…well, lucky for her I’m very rusty and am in desperate need of material, so Leann: you suck. She hasn’t NOT been photographed in a bikini for the past three months. She’s a butter-face and then some – her male-bod kind of freaks me out…I guess as long as she keeps on her sunglasses, she’s not a total disaster….

I watched the sun rise this morning. It was neat.


Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Something’s different…is that a new hairdo?

Posted by AllieB on April 6, 2011

Is it just me, or is this The Week that Time Stood Still. I would’ve bet the farm when I woke up this morning that it was Thursday. Newsflash: it’s Wednesday, known to some as Hump Day, known to me as The Day I Always Think Is Thursday.

Hilary finally made herself useful and sent me a link to celebrity yearbook pictures. I find Ryan Seacrest’s transformation inspiring: no matter how dire the situation is, there’s still hope… holy wow. He looked pretty saucy though, back in the day, like he just snapped his fingers and said, “oh no you di’ent….!”

Ryan Seacrest definitely went to his Ten Year High School Reunion

I find Boobs Legsly‘s transformation slightly less inspiring – anyone can get a new nose. Well, and new boobs, but the jury’s still out on that one. Not this jury, mind you – I am as positive they are fake as I was positive today is Thursday, but she has not confirmed any surgeries. ATTN Boobs: no need to confirm – I have eyes that can see.

mega schnoz -> normal schnoz

Disclaimer: I’m not hating on plastic surgery, and I think it goes without saying that any animosity I might have towards Blake is firmly rooted in complete and total jealousy.

If you have a pulse, you will like this video. It’s a mandatory must-see, no sound necessary. I die.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »