Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘ron swanson’

Hello, 911? I’m on fire

Posted by AllieB on May 30, 2013

I am well aware it was but a few weeks ago that I was ranting and raving about the endless NYC winters, but I really don’t care about how flaky and/or melodramatic I seem because I just don’t.  Today, after a Memorial Day weekend where the high topped out at 48 degrees Fahrenheit on Saturday, it is 92 degrees and the air feels like hot, stinky breath. I am seriously, legitimately concerned about how I am going to survive the next few months. I joked last week about getting bob haircut – as if! – but today I’m thinking a full-on Ellen DeGeneres whack job. I’m not kidding. And my hair is the least of my worries. Do they have full body deodorant? I’m talking Secret Prescription Strength for head-to-toe. The good news is that my office temp is a comfy 58 degrees, so I have to wear sweaters and scarves inside then basically disrobe to go outdoors. Winter’s easy:  you just put on more clothes. The wet, hot, American summer of NYC is a new animal with which I’ve yet to grapple, and I’m already thinking about ceding victory…for I am screwed. BOLO for 3 straight months of red-face/dancefloor Allie.

This week I present to you a very special segment: How to Stay Slim & Trim. I have two things that are really going to rock your world – perfect timing for ‘kini season!!

1. PRANCERCISE! What is prancercise, you ask? Prancercise is defined as follows: A springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse’s gait and is ideally induced by elation.” But why use words when there is video:

I had a hard time getting past that camel toe, but I powered thru and am already planning to go prancering after work. I’ll fit right in doing this around the Central Park Reservoir. Don’t need sound for that video, and you don’t need to watch more than 20 seconds. Thank you, Sista Wedge.

2. Aw, crap.

AB marathon

The gods have spoken. If I’m going to talk so big about running a marathon, it seems I might actually have to do it. I bailed on the LA race in March, and when I signed up for the NYC race on a whim I assumed there was no way my name would be chosen from the lottery – I worked it out: I had an 8% chance of getting it. Given my history of never getting chosen for anything, I felt pretty confident about my odds…until that email showed up earlier today. Just this morning, during my morning yog, I thought to myself, “I sure am glad I didn’t get chosen to run that marathon in November.” But it’s local, it’s important to participate in light of the Boston Marathon tragedy, and it’s something I always said I’d do. Plus I’ve got like, what, 5 months to train? Totes doable – I’ve already got my Body Glide and everything. I don’t think I can prance my way through this one, guys.

And now for the really, really random stuff:

-Ron Swanson is one of the greatest TV characters of all time – that is a statement of fact, not opinion. His awesomeness is elevated in this slideshow depicting his feasts throughout the 5 seasons of Parks and Recreation as well as his commentary.

-My birthday party is happening. I haven’t sent out the invite yet, but here’s a preview…!

bday invite

ATTN anyone tempted to refer to my upcoming birthday as “Dirty Thirty” – you are preemptively dead to me.

-Ya know how I went to the Stones Fest last Thursday to see my friend Parker play? Well…it was awesome. Jason Isbell, Norah Jones, Boz Scaggs, Regina Spektor also played… I will never, ever forget the ensemble performance of Shine a Light (my most very favorite song) as long as I live….read about it here – this guy knows a whole lot more about it than I do.

Remember that really funny spider email from 2008? I had totally forgotten about it until I rediscovered it last night. LOL

funny spider

I threw this together in like 15 minutes but I’m on a great streak here of not missing a week, and I gotta keep up the good work.

TGIT! Eat, drink, and be merry. I’ll see you next week – same time, same place – unless I melted, in which case…who knows.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 13 Comments »

Amanda Knox was up to no good; get me a shot of snake juice

Posted by AllieB on October 5, 2011

Let’s talk about current events. Amanda “Foxy Knoxy” Knox was acquitted for murder in Perugia, Italy this week and is now back at home in Seattle. She and her manfriend, Rafaelle, along with a third guy, Rudy, were charged with murdering her roommate, but the court has overturned the verdict and now she’s free. Et cetera.

There are few issues here:

-never have a manfriend named Rafaelle – things will always end poorly

-whether or not Amanda actually killed her roommate, she was obviously mixed up in some uncouth activity over there. It’s like when UsWeekly publishes a “THEY’RE BROKEN UP” story and it’s immediately refuted but then weeks or months later they confirm that it actually was true. People are getting their information somewhere, and rumors are almost always based on truth. Things can obviously can get blown out of proportion, but something is amiss here…if I were Foxy Knoxy’s mom I’d be all, “Welcome home, sweetie!” and, “Yay you’re acquitted!” and then after a couple of weeks I’d be like, “Wait, what the crap were you doing over there that you got charged with slicing your roommate’s throat??” Ya know??? Just sayin – she’s kind of a creep.

-she’s going to have a very hard time finding a new roommate

I’m no Leila Ann/Nancy Grace, and I get tired of researching facts so forgive me if I’ve left out something important. I tried to be vague.

Last night I enjoyed good company, mediocre wine, thin crust ‘za and a most delicious salad with Sedge, Dani, and YKenna. I really enjoyed that salad. It was spinach leaves, goat cheese, craisins, pears, red onion, and this dressing. Tasty!

I LOVE RON SWANSON. Images courtesy of this GIF compilation.

To do: the Futurebirds are opening for Panic this weekend at the Verizon Amphitheater. Are you familiar with the Futurebirds? They’re awesome.

Ok, one more. I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

My top 10 or 15 or maybe 17 favorite TV characters

Posted by AllieB on August 8, 2011

Today seemed like a two-a-day kind of day.

My Top Ten Favorite TV Personas (I didn’t list numerically because I found I can’t commit to a set order – consider it a ten-way..or like 17-way tie)

Barney – How I Met Your Mother

Stephen Colbert

Ross Gellar & Chandler Bing – Friends

Liz Lemon & Jack Donaghy – 30 Rock

Miranda Hobbs – SATC

Flip – Shameless

Tim Riggins, Coach Taylor and Tami Taylor on FNL

Penny – Happy Endings (which HAS been renewed, btw)

Claire and Luke Dunphy..and Cam and Lily – Modern Family

Larry David

Franklin & Bash – Franklin & Bash

Sweet Dee – Always Sunny

Ron Swanson – Parks and Recreation

I cheated. That is more than ten but you try listing your top ten because it is HARD.

When it gets closer to September, I will do a comprehensive list of all of the best shows and their respective season premiers. I love fall! Until then, set your DVR because TLC is doing a special on Pippa Middleton tomorrow. Apparently she doesn’t actually talk to anyone directly in the special, it’s a compilation of her rise to hotness. IN – I am fascinated by her torso.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

I don’t wanna

Posted by AllieB on August 2, 2011

I am not feeling the blogosphere this week – not at all, whatsoever.

Yesterday was National Girlfriend’s Day. I started to write something about that, but it got real lame real fast, so I quit. Luckily, it never got this lame….all of these things are cringe-inducing, even the part about the Titanic because that was 100 years ago and it’s time to let it go. Besides, I think we can all agree that Rose, there was definitely room on that board for Jack. MOVE THE F OVER.

Blake and Leo were photographed bike riding together in NYC. Dweebs.

I don’t know what my deal is…things have been going so well. Maybe it’s that August is such a blah month. I think the French have nailed it – they take the whole month off. When we were there last summer we found nary a single patisserie that was open. Well, BBT is no patisserie (newsflash!), but I’m thinking I might follow suit. Souper Jenny did…why can’t BBT?? Potato/potatto (potato/vodka).

Maybe I just need some green tea lemonade from Starbucks.

Oh, this helps: Ron Swanson paraphenalia. I can’t spell that word. Paraphenelia. Paraphernalia. There we are. Huh – I did not see that second “r” coming.

I realize this is a lot like my random links Fridays, and I honestly don’t give a crap. It’s used, but you’ll take it.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »