Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘green-eyed monster’

The sauce is weak

Posted by AllieB on February 28, 2013

GREAT NEWS! It is Thursday. Besides that I got nada…bupkis…a great big giant goose egg. No more life events to share, good or bad.  I’ve been working a lot, I socialize, I go to el gimnasio – OH! Remember Lucy Hale’s hotter twin? She showed up in my Cardio Sculpt class on Wednesday. Miss Thang came traipsing in already sweaty – evidently she works out before she works out. Fine, whatever, but the class was at 6:30 in the morning – clearly, she sucks. But she can do a push-up, maybe even a few, and I cannot. Rico, the instructor, was actually fascinated by my inability to lift myself from a horiztonally prone position, flat on the floor, into a push-up. I told Rico that it had always been this way and that when I took the Presidential Fitness Test in 9th grade I could only complete 1/4 of a pull-up. “We can’t excel at everything,” I said. Rico thought about this and asked, “but would you call being able to do a single, legit push-up excelling?”

“For me, yes, that would be excelling.”

“You gotta raise your standards, gurl, because you on the floor just now, trying to push yourself up – that was just about the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen. And I used to work at the YMCA.”

Jeez, Rico, no need to SUGARCOAT IT.  

I can’t Instagram a #tbt, so here’s one. This is me chillin – just me and my cheeks hangin out. I bet if I showed this to Rico he’d be like, “typical.”

baby allie


I watched the entirety of the Oscars on Sunday – from alpha to omega I tuned in – and I hve some observations:

Jennifer Lawrence is clearly PLU. Let’s hang sometime JLaw 



-how pissed was Anne Hathaway that SHE didn’t think to fall down?? (Sidebar: article about why we love Jennifer Lawrence and do not love Anne Hathaway. Muy interesante.)

-Channing Tatum… you come here to me.

-INTERVENTION: BBT, this is the third consecutive post in which you’ve mentioned Channing Tatum. Pump the brakes, yo

Halle Berry…daaaaang.

I’ve never borne the burden of having too much money, so I can’t attest to what I’d do if I had just billions of dollars that I wanted to “spend before I die” but I really, really do not think this would come to mind. My certainty stems from the fact that this is the STUPIDEST thing I have ever heard and someone really ought to shut it down.

Plans for Titanic Replica Set Sail as Australian Billionaire Avoids Sink Jinx

Summation: he’s building a boat exactly like the Titanic, from size and interior to class separation (allegedly he’ll be riding in third class becaase that’s where all the fun is), to sail the exact route the Titanic did without – fingers crossed! – hitting an iceburg and sinking. Apparently he has “dozens of people” interested in signing up. In one deviation from the ill-fated ship, there will be a lifeboat seat for every single passenger and crew member.

In Clive’s defense, he already owns 100 vintage cars, 150 race horses, five private jets and a large collection of dinosaur fossils. And you’d think the person with a private collection of dinosaur fossils must want for nothing…this just goes to show: money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy a lot of other stuff. 

I give up. Go have yourself a beverage. TGIT!

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Tricks of my trade

Posted by AllieB on February 1, 2012

I can already tell this is not a guy-friendly post, so here’s a little something for y’all…here’s Candice Swanepoel posing for the Victoria’s Secret swimsuit issue. This picture is actually a before (left) and after (right) photoshop.

Is it just me, or does she look better in the before than she does the after?? For more ego-boosting images, click here.

I am a fountain of information, if I do say so myself. The best eye drops, hangover cures, mini-Vaseline canisters…not to mention restaurant tips and the like. You’re welcome for all of that, but I do have a confession to make…more often than not, I have not actually tried the product which I am pedaling – shameful, I know, and a little dishonest. (I really do want to try that hangover pill – did anyone ever get that?) BUT I do feel that I am somewhat upfront about that…except the mini Vaseline thingys, I blatantly said I’d ordered all 4 when I had not, nor have ordered any of them to this day. Anyway, whatever, get over it – I HAVE tried this product I discovered (by way of H.L. Edge) and now you all need to try it. Meet and greet: Frownies.

  • Frownies are a simple method to reverse deep expression lines Frownies repair wrinkle-damaged skin without dangers of injections or toxic chemicals
  • Dramatically reduce lines and wrinkles safely and naturally
  • Trains the underlying facial muscles to regain the strength and tone they have lost
  • Use daily or nightly; leave on for a minimum of three hours

My favorite place to use them is on my brow that is furrowed. Whenever I read, text, or am displeased with someone, my brow goes into furrowed mode. Given the amount those three things are happening, I’m starting to sport a permanent furrow (I refuse to use the word ‘wrinkle’ here). I’m not going down that Botox path just yet, and these seemed like a good intermediary step. I (Gaylen), obviously, purchased them off Amazon so they were a mere $14 for 144 patches. I haven’t been using them for all that long, but it’s interesting – when you put them on you can tell how much your skin is inclined to relax into that same furrowed position, and the frownie patch ensures that it cannot. Visit this link and buy your Frownies today!!!

Moving along. I fell short in my wing post last week in that I didn’t offer any recommendations for where to get the best ones. Mr C’s is good, Wing Factory, obviously…Treehouse has those teriyaki ones that are pretty decent. One Star Ranch does a pretty good hot sauce…but for those who like to get all adventurous-like in the kitchen, these look pretty awesome, too: Bacon Cheddar Buffalo Wings. JBax told me about this cooking blog, and it has really good pictures – if the food tastes half as good as it looks, then I’m sure it’s awesome. I rarely get all the way thru the post to look at the actual cooking preparation, but if anyone’s looking for something delish to whip up for Super Bowl Sunday, these look like a winner.

It’s FINALLY February!! January…..don’t ever do that again. Happiest of Hump Days to you all.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Something’s different…is that a new hairdo?

Posted by AllieB on April 6, 2011

Is it just me, or is this The Week that Time Stood Still. I would’ve bet the farm when I woke up this morning that it was Thursday. Newsflash: it’s Wednesday, known to some as Hump Day, known to me as The Day I Always Think Is Thursday.

Hilary finally made herself useful and sent me a link to celebrity yearbook pictures. I find Ryan Seacrest’s transformation inspiring: no matter how dire the situation is, there’s still hope… holy wow. He looked pretty saucy though, back in the day, like he just snapped his fingers and said, “oh no you di’ent….!”

Ryan Seacrest definitely went to his Ten Year High School Reunion

I find Boobs Legsly‘s transformation slightly less inspiring – anyone can get a new nose. Well, and new boobs, but the jury’s still out on that one. Not this jury, mind you – I am as positive they are fake as I was positive today is Thursday, but she has not confirmed any surgeries. ATTN Boobs: no need to confirm – I have eyes that can see.

mega schnoz -> normal schnoz

Disclaimer: I’m not hating on plastic surgery, and I think it goes without saying that any animosity I might have towards Blake is firmly rooted in complete and total jealousy.

If you have a pulse, you will like this video. It’s a mandatory must-see, no sound necessary. I die.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »

Who all seen da Leprechaun say Yeah!

Posted by AllieB on March 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I’m a big fan of the Irish. They’re just so much fun and often very funny and I could seriously listen to them talk all day – I freakin love their accents. After the woman died on my plane on the floor next to me whilst en route to Paris last summer, we had to swing by the Shannon Airport to have her.. removed…and the Irish EMT’s were totally adorable and even managed to make light of a decidedly not breezy situation. To show my appreciation, I’ll be sure to celebrate St. Patty’s Day with extra enthusiasm this year.

Down in Savannah, where Hilary is what Godzilla was to Tokyo lives, St. Patrick’s Day is a legitimate holiday, and I’m very jealous of her day outdoors in a town with no open container laws – smart people, these Savannians. Maybe I’ll sneak a green beer into my office…could put it right in a Diet Coke can…

Happy Birthday to you, Flembot!! Love, The Creepy Old Man Dressed Like a Leprechaun


Frau Farbissina: It’s a television commercial. With this cartoon leprechaun, and all of these children are trying to chase him, “Hey, leprechaun, leprechaun man, we want to get your lucky charms.” Oh! And there are these little tiny pieces of mashmallow just stuck right in the cereal. So when the kids eat them they think, “Oooh this is candy, I’m having fun!”

-a timely funny from Austin Powers

Señora Matheson, can we have class outside today?

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Camel, I think your back is broken

Posted by AllieB on March 9, 2011

This is the last straw. Blackberry’s are not very cool – the key pad is annoying, the flash on the camera is legitimately blinding, and, most of all, it is more functional than it is fun and awesome. What do I need function for when Google has created this ingenious new app for iPhones and Android. I LOVE GOOGLE. Sorry I’m not sorry BBM buddies, this train is sailing as soon as I can afford the flat price of a Verizon iPhone without any contract signing bonuses or upgrade discounts – this means to say…anytime within the next 1 – 8 months.

Meet & Greet: Google Goggles –

Do you see?? This is fantastic! Translate those pesky Lebanese menus, search by sight, log your wines, recognize art without having to ask/check the artist…this is like the ultimate app. Obviously I don’t know anything about anything when it comes to iPhones, and I’m sure there are already apps like this – but Google Goggles still thrills me. It’s just good thinking, is what it is. Click here to enjoy your own interactive perusal. (Credit: PAL)

Plus, then I can start submitting hilarious typos to that damnyouautocorrect website.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »