Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘humor at the expense of others’

You’ve got mail

Posted by AllieB on May 31, 2011

Sometimes I feel like a tool having my own blog. I’ve more or less come to terms with it, but really – the word “blog” is totally nerd-chill inducing, and I like to think of myself as the anti-nerd, which is why I go the public library at least once/week and am obsessed with all things Kate Middleton.

One of my favorite things about BBT is that people seem to be reading it; I especially like it when they tell me what it is they like best. I received this email recently from a friendly reader, and it made my week. Also, the author of said email is hysterical and I’d be remiss to not share it, even if it wasn’t about BBT (it is, though – it’s about BBT):

Although I have not vocalized this in a comment on your blog, I oh so enjoy reading it.  It makes me giggle like all of the small school children that I had to accompany to Wicked on Wednesday as part of community service outreach (the play was entertaining but not as much as Crystal and Shantelle’s argument about whose shoes were the most “crazy fly”).  And though I can’t enjoy your food trucks in Atlanta, I do frequent the trucks roaming the streets of Another City* and have awoken in bed with remnants of said food trucks on my chest.  I also was propositioned once by an Indian falafel maker…so yea, I am pretty well known to the Other City* food truck industry.  I am classy though, so I didn’t go through with it even though in my mind I was picturing myself sitting on a throne of falafels wearing my jewel-encrusted crown, tossing some out the peasants under my rule…that’s what happens when you marry a falafel maker and move back to his country, right?

Anyhoo, one of the funniest things I saw on your blog was the picture of Hilary (re: lesbian boat driver (captain?) in plaid – I hope Birkenstocks were involved), but everything else is also up to my standards of daily internet consumption, in fact quite higher than my standards.  And I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but toot toot as my standards are quite high (see not hooking up with the falafel maker discussion above).  Keep up the good work!

*changed to protect the innocent…or not-so-innocent as the case may be (see throne of falafels)

Unlike my advice columns, I did not make this up. How could I – I have neither the creativity nor the verbiage to compose such an email. To the auteur I say: toot toot right back at ya.

How funny was that picture of Hilary…while she was not wearing a pair of Birks in the pic, she was sporting a pair of navy blue Crocs – clog-style, complete with heel strap.

The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.. Lurve, Pal, BBT, Pants, Billy


Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 9 Comments »

A Cinderella Story

Posted by AllieB on May 19, 2011

Let’s check in with Kate. She and William went to the North Island of the Seychelles for their honeymoon and it cost $720,000. Sounds about right. This place looks nice, I think I might go there for my honeymoon, also – my honeymoon with Prince Carl. Meanwhile, Pippa is galavanting around Europe with ex-boyfriends, taking off her ‘kini tops, and being an attention monger in general. I say good for her: she’s just having a good time, letting loose – she deserves some attention, her sister just married a Prince for crying out loud. I can even forgive her long torso.

The story below was cut and pasted from an email chain just this morning. The referenced evening actually took place some time ago, but it’s fun to relive every couple of months. Let’s call her Tabitha* – Tabitha is a hoot. To accomplish these feats on a single Thursday evening, well…it’s impressive.

That was a great Thursday night. I know it started off with pitchers of margs at el azteca then trivia at churchills then downhill slide at 5p. The sandal just slipped right off my foot, as did my purse from my arm at some point that night. I woke up with only my phone. Luckily, the Papa Johns website had my credit card info stored so I was able to order some pizza to tide me over til others got off work. Then my dear friend Anonymous Boy went to 5p and retrieved my purse but couldn’t find my shoe. He showed up at my apt with a list he had started making at work of things that he was supposed to bring to me. I have recreated said list below.

1. Purse
2. Vodka
3. Shoe
4. Jello

Everything was crossed off the list except shoe. Fail.

Fail, indeed.

*Name has obviously been changed. BBT only throws strangers under the bus, unless it’s Hilary, and clearly I know no one who goes by the name “Tabitha.”

Looking for something to do tonight? Someplace to go enjoy this glorious spring weather? Say no mas: come to The Ivy at 5:30 and have the most fun you’ve ever had.

“I work until beer o’clock.”
— Stephen King

You and me both, Stephen King. You and me both.

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

D is for Dunce

Posted by AllieB on March 10, 2011

The following humans are clearly very special, and I’d like to acknowledge their specialness by awarding them Dunce Hats.

Meet Timothy Chapek. Timothy needed to take a shower, so he broke into someone’s house. Hilary McKenzie, owner of said home, had the gall to enter whilst Timothy was self-cleaning, causing him to panic. Tapping into his meager cache of brain cells, Timothy did the only thing he could think to do (source: NYDaily News):

“I just broke into a house and the owner came home,” Chapek told the 911 operator, in a call obtained by The Smoking Gun. “I think they have guns.”

“You broke into a house?” asked the confused operator.

“Why are you in my house taking a shower?” homeowner Hilary McKenzie can be heard asking in the background. “Who are you?”

“My name is Timothy Chapek,” Chapek told her sheepishly.

“I broke in…I already called them,” he added, when McKenzie threatened to call the police. “They’re on the phone right now.”

When people who know Timothy hear about this, they’ll probably shake their heads with disdain and mutter, “damn fool can’t even burgle a house right…” At least that’s what I would say, if I knew Timothy.

Next, I shall revisit the gold mine of fail that is girls track. I’ve shared with you before a video of girls track going awry*, and this gem is no less sensational.


I don’t even understand how that happened, but I’m glad it did.

Holy crap that is awesome.

*Sidebar: I just watched that YouTube and it’s amazing – here’s the link again, you don’t need sound. I have it embedded so it starts at the perfect time…DO IT DAMMIT. Ok bye.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »


Posted by AllieB on February 1, 2011

I’ve always liked Hugh Jackman and now I love him. I’m also possibly reconsidering the Hollywood talk that he might be gay because this is just about the biggest straight guy move I’ve ever seen. See below as Hugh and his daughter, Ava, enjoy a casual play date at the playground.


Hugh: Hey, Ava! Over here!

Ava: Yeah, what’s up D- BOOM.

I’m pretty pleased with celebs of the male variety, across the board: I just read in US Weekly that Justin Bieber checks into hotels using the pseudonym “Chandler Bing.” I LOVE Chandler Bing! I’m even more of a Belieber than I was before – and props to him considering he was born the year the show first aired. Also, I can’t wait for Chandler’s (Matthew Perry) new show, premiering next Wednesday, Feb 9, Mr. Sunshine – it looks very funny.

Chandler: I’m sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a fifty year old woman?
Ross: She didn’t look fifty!
Chandler: Did she look sixteen?

-The One with the Rumor

Lastly, apropos of absolutely nothing, I share with you this adorable photo of the Baxter Fam that I’m guessing is from c. 1990 based on our ages and my mom’s Laura Ashley frock. Charlotte and I are in our P’tree Pres Praise Kid Choir t-shirts because we both had the dream of one day being soloists. You can imagine how that panned out (it didn’t). I bet my dad would never deck any of his daughters in the face with a snowball…not intentionally.

Credit: Lissa!

Posted in Celebs | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »