Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

I wrote it, now you read it

Posted by AllieB on November 27, 2012

Tis the season for holiday gluttony. And, if you’re like me, maybe a little bit of sloth. Well, if you’re like how I used to be…more on that in a bit. Hope everyone had a delightful TGivs. I stayed in the Tri-State area, hung out with family, shopped, and went to the opera. It was quite a night: we had dinner at La Grenouille beforehand, then saw Un Ballo in Mascheraat Lincoln Center – here, I’ll break it down for you with a little schizophrenic Q & A:

Did you enjoy the opera?

I don’t know.

Can you provide a plot summary or quick synopsis?

There was love, infidelity, death, some sneakiness…and lots of masks.

Ah. Care to enlighten us further?

I’m sure I would if I could.

Did you wear a long red gown and white gloves and prettily cry a single tear at the end like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?

Yes, no, and of course not.

Well, can you tell us how dinner was?

I can! Dinner was amazing. La Grenouille has an excellent prix fixe pre-theater dinner menu – I had the duck confit served with tuscan white beans to start, and for my main I had the beef medallion in a peppercorn sauce served with mashed potatoes. I’d had my fill of starches by this point, but the meat was cooked to perfection. We had a 2005 Bordeaux to accompany the meal, and it was, overall, just excellent. Sidebar: I went vegan awhile back and it’s going great.

And really nothing else to add about the opera?

Really, nothing else. Oh, maybe – there are screens mounted on the seats in front of you so you can follow along with what’s being sung – should your hair ACCIDENTALLY fall back over your own chair, say while you’re taking a quick nap or similar, thus blocking the words for the person sitting behind you, said person could possibly overreact resulting in something of a disturbance/tussle. Just FYI.

Thanks for that.

My pleasure.

So…dinner was great!

I was sad not to be in Atlanta, but I wasn’t even invited to come home – my parents weren’t in town to host us, they were here instead. 

 Tierra Patagonia in Patagonia. I would very much like to go to there.

And I don’t hold it against them at all: coolest hotel ever in a faraway & not oft-traveled country > cooking for me. We’ll make up for it at CHRISTMAS!!

Noteworthy mention: my mom booked the trip through Ansley Thomas at Smart Flyer, and I know she was very happy with the planning process and the trip itself. Yeah, this place looks alright.

So, I know you’re dying to know what I was referring to re: no longer being sloth-like, and here it is: I registered to run the LA Marathon on March 17, 2013. I’ve always said I’d do one before I turned 30, and those days are getting REAL numbered, so carpe diem and all that. I think it will make me feel good to cross something so substantial, something I’ve been talking about for so long, off my bucket list. I’m setting up a series of checks and balances to ensure that I don’t flake: the $165 registration helps; the airfare to get out there won’t hurt; and I think I’m going to raise money, too, the designated charity TBD. Also, if you’re reading this then you therefore know about it, so you can make it your life’s mission to hold me accountable. Before I began my training the farthest I’d run was the 6.2 mile Peachtree Road Race, and I spent most of the time availing myself to the refreshments offered along the course, which included Krispy Kreme donuts and beer. That was probably less “run” and more “lopsided walk due to persistent indigestion.” In spite of all of this, I am optimistic and excited: I have a training schedule that I compiled from various reliable online sources, and I’m going to join one of those running clubs. Tis the season for people to meet Red Face Allie.

After a rather unpleasant morning yog earlier this week, I am anticipating some real issues with the cold weather + outdoor runs. I’ve got a 20 miler in February that is going to be borderline impossible in the best of conditions, and I need to be prepared for the absolute worst. So, I did some research for a face mask of sorts because my nose is the only part of epidermis for which I do not have proper covering…suffice it to say, I’ve not made much progress. (These are all results found on Amazon when I searched “cold weather facemask”) 

From left: nope; absolutely not; could be funny…but, no.

Solution: unknown. I’ll keep you abreast. ABREAST.

Who says we can only give thanks one day/year?! No one, come to think of it, which is good because here I go:

1. I had my first celeb sighting!!! I was in the West Village with Mary Cath and Kate, and they can attest that those three exclamation points do my reaction no justice…I kind of freaked out…

Victor Garber. He’s in a lot of stuff!!! Argo, First Wives Club, Titanic, ALIAS…totally legit.

2. Green Chile Mac & Cheese at Good Restaurant. Holy YES PLEASE. I dined here the other evening with Laura and Lucy, and, although there were three of us working on it, we didn’t come close to finishing…I was contemplating how I might pack it up to go and carry it around in my clutch for the rest of the evening, when the waiter – who, I’d like to add, had been jumping the gun on our dining experience ALL evening – swooped in and took it away. I guess I thought I’d reconciled the incident, but given the amount I’ve thought about it since…clearly not. We have no choice but to return.

3. Hand sanitizer and other helpful anti-sick tricks. I end up next to Patient Zero for the next avian/swine flu on the subway at least 3x/week. When I inevitably find myself next to Snotty McHackUpALung, I like to daintily fake sneeze* into the crook of my elbow in hopes they will follow my example next time instead of sneezing in someone’s ear. (It was my ear. A GUY SNEEZED IN MY EAR.) I also got a flu shot and I take my Juice Plus every day.

*Obviously it’s a fake sneeze – my real sneeze would take out an entire subway car of people. I do not ACHOO in confined spaces.

4. My “around the city” NYC pics. This will never get old – I’m sure you feel the same way.

Christmas-tree lined sidewalks. This is my new favorite thing, and they smell SO good – much better than garbage.

My guy at the Starbucks in the bottom of my office building calls me Atlanta. At first he said Hotlanta (right????), but the other baristas thought that meant make my drink extra hot…so now it’s just Atlanta. It’s my daily caffeine and hometown fix.

5. ExACTly.

WHEN THE FOOD THAT I ORDERED ISN’T AS GOOD AS I HOPED

Go forth and prosper; be kind and rewind; aim to please; hold the door open for someone; tip an extra 10%. Tis the season to not be a jerk.

GoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGS!!!!

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Normalcy: it’s not for everyone

Posted by AllieB on November 14, 2012

The people-watching in New York is second to no other place I’ve been, including Flora-Bama. It’s a veritable sensory overload up here. Some days I am no mood to observe or interact with my fellow citizens, and I put in my headphones and keep to myself, and other times I like to immerse myself in my surroundings and see what peeps are up to…it is during these times that I hear things I wish I could unhear and see things I wish I could unsee.

Cut to: Sunday morning in a coffee shop in the East Village.

It was a lovely Sunday morning – daylight savings was the night previous, everyone was well-rested…a perfect bluebird fall day. I was standing in line at a locally-owned coffee shop to order some tea (I prefer Earl Grey), while the rest of my party retrieved the bagels. Spirits were high – I may have even been humming, I don’t know. I’d been there for only a short while when I got bored with my own thoughts and started listening to the twosome ahead of me. It was a boy and a girl, each carrying a musical instrument case – pretty sure both were banjos – who were meeting to go play a gig. The boy, we’ll call him Boy, was wearing one of those pork-pie hats, a sweater vest, and stonewashed jeans that were so stiff and sturdy they could likely stand up on their own.

As for the girl (Girl), just picture a much frumpier, less cute, more nasal, infinitely less charming Zooey Deschanel.

These descriptions, I realize, are not very flattering, and I honestly don’t think it was until after I heard their conversation that I began to view them so negatively. I think you’ll understand why:

Girl: So I’m totally thrown off by the time change, I had no idea where I was, what time it was, or what I was doing when I woke up. It was soooooo weird. I don’t even know what’s happening right now

Boy: Oh. Yeah. I don’t DO that whole “extra hour of sleep” thing. I stayed up an extra hour later just to be sure I didn’t get any more sleep than I usually do, because I don’t believe that you can just HAVE a free extra hour of sleep, you know? That’s just not how I do things.

Girl: For sure, I get that.

Boy: Yeah. I feel perfect today. Totally the same as I did yesterday. I don’t even really need this coffee, it’s just something to do while we wait for our ride. I’m not, like, tired – I’m totally on level.

Girl: Yeah. Yeah.

Oh COME ON. I wanted to yank that stupid hat off his head and stomp on it with my mass-produced, non-vintage boots. What an a-hole. WHO DOESN’T LOVE AN EXTRA HOUR OF SLEEP!? I’d always thought that was a rhetorical question – evidently, it is not. At least my bagel was delicious. I don’t think I’ve written an NYC post without talking about bagels, and that is because they are so awesome up here. I have one/week.

 Boy in pork pie hat who hates sleep + whiny celeb wannabe Girl = the flattest of all of my faces (for all my talk about flat face, there aren’t very many pictures of it…I’m actually quite smiley. Here is one exception: this is me during last week’s big storm. There is nothing remotely resembling a smile on my face.)

Let’s get current on some events:

– go see Skyfall. It is the best Bond movie of the Brosnan/Craig era, and not just because of Daniel Craig the scenery, Daniel Craig the chase scenes, Daniel Craig the Bond Girls, and Daniel Craig, but because it’s actually a good story. BBT says: a TEN! BBT also recommends Argo; it, too, is excellent.

– the CEO of the Irish airline, RyanAir, wants to start selling standing-room only tickets on flights. This seems to me a really dumb idea – possibly the dumbest I have ever heard. BBT says: I’m not going to dignify this with a response.

– Jessica Simpson is looking better (credit: People by way of Caro) – I guess anyone is going to look good next to her fugly mess of a sister. BBT says: Woof (but keep up the good work, Yessica!)

My idea of what constitutes a current event is perhaps incorrect.

Have a happy hump day! My Wednesday got started off on the wrong foot when I somehow managed to ride two stops in the wrong direction on the subway. I had to get off, climb all the way up the stairs, cross over Park, go back down more stairs, and wait for another train. I’m so ashamed – what a rookie mistake. The good news is that once today is over it will be Thursday, and then it will be Friday.

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Survival of the Fittest

Posted by AllieB on November 6, 2012

Hey! Let’s do this.

It’s Election Day. I do not discuss politics on BBT, so this is more of just a friendly reminder – just in case you live in a hole or are not on Facebook. Go rock your vote.

Sandy was but a week ago, and we’re already bracing ourselves for another storm – a “blustery Nor’easter” they’re calling it. It is impossible to say “Nor’easter” without looking or sounding like a moron (seriously, say it and you’ll totes see what I mean), so in lieu of that word I will say “bad storm.” This bad storm will bring rain and wind and snow and why again did I move here?

 Oh yeah. That’s why.

Speaking of Sandy, it totally sucked. No power for three days is really bad for morale, especially since there were no subways. No subways -> sidewalk stampedes. I had more than one near death experience on my commute, from people rocket launching themselves off scaffolding to the B*TCH who shoved me into oncoming fraffic. Such atrocities brought out a heretofore unseen side of BBT: Commuter Allie. Commuter Allie kind of reminds me of The Hulk and I hope she never comes around again because that is not a good look for moi. It really was so manic.  Thank goodness for Wine Girl.

Were I to write a guide about survival (working title Survival: A Guide), I would be sure to mention the following:

1. Wine. Lots of it. Even if you think you have enough, you probably need more – it’s not like it goes bad, AND if the storm lasts a really long time you could sell it at a huge mark-up to those who were stupidly less prepared, or issue a steep IOU to be cashed in at a later date. (This is a survival guide, not a How to be a Pushover Handbook.)

2. A large stack of clean clothes. Seriously, if a storm is coming, get thee to a washing machine.

3. I should probably say water.

4. Scrabble.

5. Electronics with awesome battery power – my Kindle was the runaway champion of battery longevity, while my iPhone died after about three hours. The darkhorse hero was my work Blackberry, which lasted a full 12 hours longer than the iPhone…

6. Headlamps. Seriously, you’ll be a lot happier during a power outage if you’re hands-free.

7. Jordan’s homemade Pumpkin Cranberry Bread

8. The ability to laugh at how much whatever situation you’re in sucks*. If you can’t laugh, excuse yourself from the group because the last thing anyone needs when the going gets tough is a Debbie Downer. My survival guide has a very strict NO DD policy.

This has best-seller written all over it.

The Wedding of the Year betwixt Bill and Sister was awesome. Salud! Prost! I thought about sharing the transcript of my toast, but I lost my notes. I do know it began with, “Hi, my name is Allie Baxter” and it massively bombed, like really blew went uphill from there.

BBT and beautimous bride; first dance to Marry Me, Bill (tear); the most amazing groom’s cake there ever was: Casey WaWa made it after all…

I’m getting super excited for Christmas up here. Who’s coming to visit???

Georgia sports – both professional and collegiate – seem to be thriving in my absence. I am sure this is no coincidence, and you’re all very welcome. Sic ‘em and RISE UP.

And now for some literacy. It’s long but it’s worth it: Ken Follet’s Century Trilogy. I’m almost done with book #2, and, according to Goog, I have to wait until 2014 for #3. WTF. Ken Follet, expect a visit from Commuter Allie…if historical fiction is not up your alley, perhaps try this kind of twisted mystery by Shatter by Joseph O’Loughlin. I read about it in People mag a few weeks ago, so if you can’t take my word for it, you can take theirs. My subway/train rides are among the highlights of my day, thanks to my Kindle reader (courtesy of my very generous big sister, CKB).

It’s completely insane that it’s already November and Thanksgiving is a scant three weeks away. Where does the time go? Who knows where thoughts come from – they just appear. Have a great day and a great week. #clearheartsclearmindscantlose

*On a more serious note, while Hurricane Sandy was a walk inthe park for most of us, it was horrible for thousands of others. My sister, who’d been planning to run the marathon on Sunday before it was canceled, is now running one this weekend in efforts to raise money for those who were rendered homeless or hungry from the storm. Should you feel so inclined, follow this link to donate. Gracias.

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Did someone eat an onion bagel?

Posted by AllieB on October 9, 2012

Long time, no see! I kind of meant to give BBT a makeover before I wrote again, but that requires time and effort, the former of which I have little and the latter…well, you know how I do with things that require effort. Nevertheless I decided touching base was more important than a new face (that rhymes), so here I am. Hello.

What have I been up to, you ask? Let’s go with the list approach:

1. I moved to New York! 100 points to Gryffindor, because I love it. Honestly, I haven’t been around that much due to an aggressive Fall Wedding Schedule (FWS henceforth), but I’m making the transition pretty smoothly. Turns out someone with my skills and background is very much in demand, and I got job at a reputable, heard-of company doing legitimate, paycheck-worthy tasks, so that’s good – I really like it so far. NYC is a tough place to be sans income.

I call this one “Skyscrapers” – Empire State; Chrysler Building; Twin Towers

Moving here is by far the best idea I’ve ever had, and I don’t know why it took me so long to figure this out. I think I was like half-dead in Atlanta or something; I’m pretty sure we can all agree I was not maximizing my potential as a person. Ever since I made up the saying “wherever you go, you’re still there”, I’ve realized that a change of scenery can be just what the doctor ordered, but it also isn’t a magical panacea that fixes everything. NYC is giving me the kick in the pants I sorely needed, but now it’s up to me to actually dooooooo something – which I fully believe I will. Ok, I can ramble on forever using stale cliches and ruminating on abstract notions, so I’ll shut it down. In conclusion: me + NYC = good.

2. Weddings are happening.

Hadley and Greg’s wedding in Newport!

From top left: wedding day with the class of 2001; the somewhat picturesque altar at White Castle Inn where they exchanged vows (and the microphone into which I read my reading, which did not work despite the rigorous testing that occurred minutes previous; I handled it like champ, totally unruffled, even when the plane flew overhead thereby completely drowning me out…other people’s weddings are all about me, right?); besties at the clam bake; a historical mansion in Newport with a two-story funhouse water slide (I found this strange.)

3. Happening some more…

Hilary and Jim’s wedding in Savannah!!

From top left: the perfect reception accessory; rear view photography by B.Ward; Agnes and Jim (this is not at the wedding, but Agnes is in a life jacket, so I stuck it in there anyway); Pal-Bert-Mrs. BillyBelShipley-Pants; Savannah Yacht Club vista

4. I think you can guess where I’m going with this

Jennifer and Alex’s wedding in Sandestin!

From top left: four favorites at the Rehearsal D.; #nofilter pic of Rehearsal D at Bentley’s on the Bay; BEAUTIFUL BRIDE; bride & groom (credit: Heather); my margarita enjoying the beach

I’ll tell you, if you’ve gotta have four of your nearest and dearest get married within six weeks of each other, I hope you’re as lucky as I am in that they are all incredibly breezy, laidback, obviously beautiful brides whom you genuinely enjoy celebrating. I’d have gladly gone to Pigeon Forge for these girls, but I’m glad I got to go to the beach instead. Three down, one to go…I’ll see you in nine days, Pants.

5. In my sixth grade Language Arts class I was taught that a list/outline should always be constructed in odd numbers.

I’ve got lots more where this came from – I didn’t even go into the story about the broad-backed beast of a girl who stole the bagel OUT OF MY HANDS at Starbucks in Bryant Park, or the pre-school teacher who accosted me in the bathroom at Frankie’s 570  in the West Village to talk about AND show me her FUPA, but I promise I’ll be back…have a nice Tuesday, if that’s even possible – Tuesdays are still the worst day. Oh, here – this proves my point nicely: I searched random holidays that fall on October 9, and I found this…that’s right….Happy Moldy Cheese Day.

Bummer.

*Today’s title obviously pays homage to one of my top 5 movies, Devil Wears Prada, but it also describes me on Bagel Friday. Every Friday at work there is a huge spread of bagels (which is awesome), and last Friday I found myself engaged in a “getting-to-know-you” conversation with someone who had indeed just eaten an onion bagel. Onion bagels should disallowed in the workplace; onion bagels and tuna salad are herewith banned.

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Thirsty/Thrifty/Throwback Thursday

Posted by AllieB on August 23, 2012

The Donkey and I were enjoying half-price beers and tacos last night at The Ivy*, and chatting about what have you: my move, our friends, the DOW index, Jessica Simpson’s weight status…etc. I am my own best resource for all things pertaining to JSimps, so when we wanted to look at pics, I searched my JSimps tag which I affix to any and all posts wherein I discuss my favorite buxom blonde. Well, turns out I’m something of a prophet – please read what I wrote about her on September 29, 2011 in response to a tabloid article claiming she was pregnant (this was a month before she officially confirmed it):

Everyone knows that InTouch is for photographic perusal ONLY and that their news reporting is almost always erroneous, but when they say things like this – I pay attention: EXCLUSIVE: IT’S OFFICIAL: JESSICA SIMPSON IS PREGNANT.

No one is really giving InTouch an exclusive anything (except that stupid LeAnn Rimes, maybe – she is the WORST), but I’m going with it. To quote another newsworthy source, Hollywood Reporter, “Jess has sorta looked pregnant for awhile. Now she actually is!” I can’t decide if I want her to be or not…you can’t make fun of pregnant people for being fat. Though she could really blow up – the same article also reported that she’s craving nachos dipped in chocolate, so this is promising…I guess now she’ll actually have to confirm or deny via reputable news source.

I knew, in my heart of hearts, that was she was going to be an enormous pregnant lady, and I was RIGHT! So validating. And I think we can all agree that I’ve officially put the nail in my karmic coffin re: my own unpleasant pregnancy…so I’ve got that to look forward to, which is neat. There hasn’t been a picture of post-baby Jessica since early July…I am waiting with breath that is bated for the next sighting.

This was the throwback part of the post. Also, this:

Happy Birthday to Tina in 2007! I forgot to acknowledge your b-dizzle last week, so here is a tardy holla. We went to MJQ, and it got wild…HOLY SH*T THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. I can’t…I don’t…I’m having a really hard time processing that truthbomb – ha, more like truth nuclear warhead. Ugh. At least my hair isn’t that color anymore; BBT is not a blonde.

It’s funny to me that I really don’t read other blogs, but I do read Witty + Pretty, a very informative site written by a fellow Atlantan who clearly knows her stuff. This week she introduced me to the wonder that is Songza. Songza is a FREE music app that has like a gazillion different playlists for any occasion – literally, any occasion.  There are lists for activities, such as: Curing Road Rage, Sitting on a Back Porch, Walking Through a City, lists for moods: Lush, Sexual, Trashy, and they also have genres and categories you can search…I feel like I discovered a whole new portal to the internet or something – there are seemingly unlimited options. Also, I know said this a second ago but I’m saying it again: Songza is FREE and there are ZERO commercials. Smell ya later, Pandora; Songza 4 eva. (This is the thrifty portion, btw.)

Thirsty? Why, yes, I am. If you feel like getting complicated, I refer you to this list of Atlanta’s 10 Most Iconic Drinks – that margarita at Agave has my name all over it – or you can go the simpler route with this:

Look, there’s three for me one for each of us.

That’s it for Thursday. Peace playas.

*I’m already nostalgic for The Ivy – I realized this as I signed my $9 tab for 3 beers and chicken tacos; that is a freaking steal. And I also just realized that this little afterthought blurb incorporates all three of today’s talking points: thirsty, thrifty, and throwback. Man, I am GOOD.

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