Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

On Notice: J Simps

Posted by AllieB on November 15, 2010

Seriously, Jessica? Your behavior in recent weeks has me yearning for the days when your indiscretions were confined to wardrobe blunders and unfortunate sound bites.

So, again I ask: seriously, Jessica? Your engagement to NFL free agent Eric Johnson is equal parts pathetic and stupid. Your ex-husband Nick and his longtime girlfriend, Vanessa, got engaged but two weeks ago, you had an unfortunate run-in at an LA eatery wherein you got drunk and said insulting things about them (a.k.a. the most innocuous couple of all time), and now you’ve gone and gotten engaged to a man whom you’ve not only been dating for only five months or so, but whose divorce from his own wife was finalized only last  September – as in, two months ago. To me, the cons outnumber the pros by about a gazillion to one. The close proximity in which  you secured your own engagement to that of your ex is truly laughable, and it’s quite clear that you threatened the poor guy – or maybe your Dad did – a gun to the head, perhaps?

Never one to humiliate yourself on a single level when there are other arenas in which to fail, your Christmas single, “My Only Wish” off your new holiday  album is a very sad, very obvious rip-off of Mariah Carey’s classic, “All I Want for Christmas (Is You).” Why, why would you choose that song – of all the Christmas songs – to copycat. Your half-ass version is not good, and no one is going to listen to it when they can just listen to Mariah’s instead. Please see a comparison of the lyrics below – it’s  hard to even read, must less listen to.

Between these two latest gaffes plus the others I wrote about a few months ago…I just – I don’t know what to say, moving forward. Given how things have been going for you recently, I’d take extra precautions when performing in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade – there are 13 – 14 deaths/year  by way of parade float, so…just sayin’ – ya better watch out…

That was morbid, lo siento. I’m just fed up with your nonsense – pump the brakes, reel it in, and stop being so stupid. Then we’ll talk.

P.S. Congrats on the engagement…kudos for choosing such a fugly unique ring.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

You, too, can make a difference…

Posted by AllieB on November 15, 2010

Today, November 15, is National Philanthropy Day. Because I work for a non-profit, I would like to encourage others to pay homage to the meaning of this noteworthy day. Take your old clothes to a thrift store, make a monetary donation in honor of a loved one, or, and this is how I’ve chosen to acknowledge the day (in addition to showing up to work, which I feel is essentially a charitable deed), adopt a word.

Indeed – some words are at risk of being removed from the dictionary, I suppose to make room for more relevant words, such as bootylicious (added to Webster in 2008 as an adjective: sexually attractive, esp with curvaceous buttocks). Go to this website – note the .org URL – and adopt your own word for free. Mine is “cloakative” – I will try to use it in a sentence.

At first, my friendship with Hilary was cloakative at best, but we’ve come leaps and bounds since then and now I almost genuinely like her.

It means superficial – that may or may not have been clear. Perhaps we actually can do without “cloakative” – I’m going to find another one. Adopt a word today! Save the words!

Note from Allie: I do not recommend image goog’ing “bootylicious.” I really should’ve known better….but I wanted to provide a visual. I think we can all agree that Kim Kardashian is pretty much the indisputable personification of the word. Holy moly, that thing needs its own zip code.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

When your allergies act up, take out your nose ring

Posted by AllieB on November 11, 2010

New words are exciting. Here’s a good one, courtesy of dictionary.com via YKenna.

frabjous \FRAB-juhs\, adjective:

Wonderful, elegant, superb, or delicious.

My orzo from Whole Foods is a frabjous experience for my tastebuds.

Hilary rarely looks or says anything remotely frabjous.

It is absolutely frabjous outside today; the Wizometer was right to give it an 11.

There ya go – frabjous. Try to use it in a sentence today.

Tai: Wow, you guys talk like grown-ups!

Cher: Well this is a really good school.

The video below depicts a high school girls hurdles race, and it is also proof positive that high school track is a no-cut sport. It is one enormous fail after another, my favorite part being around 34 seconds. You don’t need sound. Credit: Sister.

Holy crap I just watched it again. While I never was subject to this sort of humility in high school (note to high school girls: if you can’t clear the hurdles, quit the team),  I’m sure I managed to embarrass myself on a daily basis. Think about all those uncomfortable situations that we were privy to at that age…I guess I’ve really come a long way – had I witnessed this as a student, I surely would have felt too guilty to laugh and probably would’ve had to look away due to the secondhand awkwardness. Look at me now – pointing and laughing with the rest of them. Maturity is a marvelous thing.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

God Bless Our Troops

Posted by AllieB on November 11, 2010

Today is Veteran’s Day, honoring our veterans and also the fine men and women who are serving currently. I am so proud of my cousin Dave for serving his country in Afghanistan.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

Well, I’ll be…

Posted by AllieB on November 11, 2010

Gwyneth Paltrow – a jack of all trades: actress, singer, blogger, mother… Honestly, she seems like she’d be really, really boring to actually hang out with, but I thought she was great at the CMA’s last night!

I still think Goop is the most condescendingly superior piece of crap ever, but I nevertheless appreciate her skillz in other arenas – stick to the performing arts, Gwynnie, no one needs your homemade ricotta recipes or thoughts on Mary Magdalene…

Thursday! Or my Friday, actually, as I am taking the day off tomorrow for no other reason other than that I feel like it. Also, I have excess vacay days, and the holidays are always really busy around l’office, so I figure I better take what I can get.

As a longtime devotee of the Today Show, I am therefore subjected to our local 11 Alive news station as well. I still miss Flip Spiceland, but I have become a fan of Chesley McNeil – he’s a total nerd but in a very endearing way. Anyway, they give each daily forecast a rating using the Wizometer, which rates the weather on a scale of 1 – 11. On this day, on 11/11, Chesley gave today’s weather an 11. The 11 Alive weatherman gave today, 11/11, an 11. The mind reels.

I really do love Thursdays.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

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