Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

For the Outdoorsy Prostitute in all of us!

Posted by AllieB on December 9, 2010

Teva Stilettos.  I can’t think of anything that doesn’t make sense about a stiletto made by Teva. Never again will we say, as we launch out on an overnight hiking excursion, “I would be a lot more excited about this 30 mile trek if I could only trade out this pair of functional Merrell’s for a pair of high heeled sandals with the look and feel of a Teva.”

They’re nothing if not versatile – look at that: wear them as a sexy sandal, with a thick wool sock on a rocky trail, or, OR whilst wielding an unwieldy wheelbarrow.

source: thequickanddirty.com

Although, come to think of it, if there’s someone on your gift list about whom you always say, “What do you get the girl who has everything?” – these might be just that.

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Wishlist: Dear Santa

Posted by AllieB on December 9, 2010

SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING!

It’s just not fair – every year there are more things that I need. More designers to choose from, new trends to explore, exciting new genres of gifts that I never even thought about…K opened the door to unique works of art on Etsy (I am a huge fan of this artist), and I never knew what I wanted my dream dining room table to look like until Nancy and Scout came along, and now I don’t know how I’ll be able to settle for anything less.

Clearly I am not asking for a dining room table for Christmas – I’m just sayin’ that there are things I want that I didn’t even know I wanted. In fact, I don’t even really know what I asked for for Christmas…I’m not too worried about it; Santa Baxter usually does a pretty awesome job, and there’s always lots of after-Christmas shopping to do.

Here are some of my greatest wants (needs):

Clockwise from top left:

  1. Flats from J.Crew
  2. Patterned scarf by YARNZ
  3. Framed vintage VOGUE covers
  4. Anything off the shoulder
  5. Chain-strap purse (Tory or whatever – though I do like that snake print…)
  6. AN ADORABLE BLACK LAB PUPPY (this is Hunter; we hang out sometimes)
  7. Burberry Trench
  8. Frye Boots
  9. Updated Snuggie from Brookstone (credit: Kayruh)
  10. I guess I need to see what this Lululemon nonsense is all about
  11. Everyday necklace to go with my cartouche from give a penny. designs
  12. Custom headboard from BedBoards Atlanta (or one from Scout would work, also)

Hmm, pricey. Perhaps I should add in a lucky #13: a winning lottery ticket…

Oh yeah, and #14: world peace.

“Wow, those must’ve been some cookies you made…”

“I didn’t leave him cookies…I left him cheese.”

Credit: Hilary.


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Woozy & Woozie

Posted by AllieB on December 8, 2010

This weather is making me cross-eyed. I walked outside this am and was greeted with such an aggressive blast of cold air that my eyes kind of glazed over and I was very disoriented – I felt a tad woozy, if you will. It was very off-putting. For some reason, this reminded me of my summer at  Camp Merri-Mac in 1996 (ish): one of my courses was swimming. It was the second or so day of camp, and this girl Fran – whom I could already tell was a real character – came thrashing over to me. Seriously, it was like she was trying to beat up the water; I’ve never seen anything like it.

Fran: Hi Allie!

Me: Hi Fran

Fran: I forgot my prescription goggles, Allie!

Me: Well that’s not good

Fran: I know! So, hey Allie, will you tell me if my right eye wanders??

Somewhat taken aback by such a request, I dutifully checked out her peepers, and, sure enough, she was looking straight at me with the left eye and the right eye was looking pretty much due east. Uh Fran, I think we’ve got a problem…

Meet & Greet: Princess Woozie. She loves tutus, her mom and dad, tug of war, riding shotgun, and rocketing her incredibly long torso across the room. Casey Wa Wa is waiting with breath that is bated for the results from a DNA test, and then we will know what kind of dog she is. In the words of Sis: Merry Christmas, Wa Wa! Who’s yo daddy???

If I could be anywhere in the world right now, doing anything that I wanted, I would be on the sectional at 318 with Woozie and a glass o’ red and a brand new Vanity Fair…watching episodes of Friends and SATC intermittently…and with some sort of delicious food arriving any minute…oh, and there’d be cheerful Christmas carols playing softly in the background. This was a very cruel thing to do to myself.

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Troubleshooting: Lindsay Lohan

Posted by AllieB on December 7, 2010

Suffice it to say, Lindsay Lohan has not had the best 2k10 ever. She’s been safely tucked away in rehab since October (give or take) and is mandated to stay until 2011, but then she’s on her own again…which means to say, it’s only a matter of time before she’s back in the slamma/going on benders/wearing tights as pants, etc.

Solution! Dancing with the Stars. I can take no credit for this – the People with Kate Middleton (love you Kate!) on the cover had a blurb with their suggestions for the next DWTS group, and they chose Lindsay. But, like, DUH – it’s perfect for her! Despite her best efforts to alienate her fans, I think America is still rooting for LiLo and wants her to succeed. Ergo, they will vote for her and she will do well and all will be right in the world again…so long as she doesn’t paint expletives on her finger nails, dance a routine sans underroos, or pass out backstage.

what not to do

See – I’ve got all the answers figured out. I wonder if Lindsay still has an agent? If not, Linds, I’m at work til 530 then reachable on my cell; let’s talk shop.

The Reebok Easytone commercials – the ones with the cute little rumps just shaking back and forth while that maddening song plays – are finally getting to me and I might need to spring for a pair of those toning pants. Is that embarrassing? I’m such a sucker for advertising/airbrushing. Good grief, those things are $80!! I’ll stick with my old school Nike tights and lunges, thankyouverymuch. Orrrr, maybe I’ll add to Christmas List….

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The good, the bad, and the ugly

Posted by AllieB on December 6, 2010

I have read two articles of significance today, one of which I found pleasing, yet hardly shocking, and the other I found incredibly disturbing and extremely shocking.

The first is just a different spin on this ilk of article that comes out every now and again that serves to bolster the morale of those of us with vices. “Bad Habits That Can Boost Your Health” was released by AOL, and heralds the effects of cursing, playing your music too loud, and wine.

While experts could not pinpoint the exact explanation, lead researcher Dr. Richard Stephens and his team believe that throwing around the F-bomb may trigger the flight-or-fight response, which can increase heart rate and aggression and help the body cope with pain.

I find that using a curse word when someone really pisses you off is also helpfull – it might not be physical pain I’m dealing with, but it certainly helps me focus on the physical pain I’d like to inflict upon them. In addition to the positive impacts of expletives, the article also reports that listening to loud music can help boost your memory, and a glass of wine/day will help keep the doctor away. GTK.

Conversely, to counterract this good news, Charlotte K Bax just sent me a link to an alarming article in the NYTimes entitled, “In Kentucky, Noah’s Ark Theme Park Planned.”

The park will include a 100-foot Tower of Babel, a first-century Middle Eastern village and a journey through the Old Testament, with special effects depicting Moses, the 10 plagues and the parting of the Red Sea. For children, there will be a petting zoo, live bird and animal shows and a play area with ziplines and climbing nets — all Bible-themed. Even the trainer, Dan Breeding, will present animal acts with a Gospel message about creation.

In addition, animals will actually live in pens on the ark – but only youth-aged ones, they assure us.

“We think that God would probably have sent healthy juvenile-sized animals that weren’t fully grown yet, so there would be plenty of room,” said Mr. Zovath, a retired Army lieutenant colonel heading the ark project. “We want to show how Noah would have taken care of them, taken care of waste management, taken care of water needs and food needs.”

Ah, but of course. Waste management in the time of Noah is certainly crucial to the development and enhancement of America’s youth. What’s more, the ministry behind this whole idea is the same group that also founded the Creation Museum, a mere 45 miles away from the Ark Theme Park, whose displays feature “…dioramas designed to debunk evolution show humans and dinosaurs coexisting peacefully on an earth created by God in six days.  The ministry, Answers in Genesis, believes that the earth is only 6,000 years old — a controversial assertion even among many Bible-believing Christians.”

I feel really uncomfortable. I’m also delving into topics I never wanted to really touch on here at BBT, so we’ll move along to the Ugly…IIIII’m breezy!

Happy Holidays from Taylor Where the Hell is My Mom-sen!!

Rachel: OH MY GOD!!!

Phoebe: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!

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