Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Methods of Madness

Posted by AllieB on August 29, 2013

Every time I think something is going to be different, it is the same. This is likely because I don’t do anything different on my end to affect the outcome – you know that’s a definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If this is the only qualifier, I belong in the nuthouse. Moving: moving sucks. I hate moving, and I suck at it. I have all these plans to be intentional and smart: packing in advance, organizing my stuff so it’s easier to unpack, throwing out what I don’t want…however, because of in spite of these plans, I have been avoiding my house all week, choosing instead to work late, drink Pacificos, and visit other people’s apartments. By the time I get home I’m obviously spent…tomorrow, I say, as I turn off of my light. I am running out of tomorrows. Jordan!! Tonight will be so much fun! I’ll make some wine and order pizza.

moving

Progress?? (they are empty because I haven’t started) (I have more stuff than that) (help) (everyone else moved out) (there’s an echo)

Speaking of insanity…Miley Cyrus is gross, and I’m obviously not going to dignify her spectacle on Sunday night with airtime on BBT. Her…twerks? gyrations? miniseizures? whatever those were…made me yearn for quality performances like Britney’s from 2000 & 2001. I’m not saying she’s a great singer, or that her songs are “good” (they’re not good – they’re awesome) but that girl can DANCE. And she looked damn good. I spent some time watching YouTubes, which you can go to here (2000 was the best, IMO). And, for some eye candy and personal motivation, I have shared this picture below. Excuse me while I go do 1,000 crunches.

just....dang

just….dang

The Miley backlash nearly broke the internet, that was really insane. I don’t like to weigh in on things that everyone else has already discussed to death, but I will say this: skinny though she obviously is, Miley has a flabby tush. There is nothing hot about a flat, wobbly pancake butt.

Time continue passes at an alarming rate, and September starts on Sunday. I can’t quite get my head around this, but regardless of whether I can or not it’s still happening, so I guess I’ll embrace the perks, namely: football and new tv. Stolen straight from the Microsoft Office Suite of HadleyPMill, I share with you this fall schedule for network tv (if it’s Real Housewives you’re looking for, you’re in the wrong place. Also, quit watching that crap). I know you can’t really read it, right-click to enlarge if you’re on a comp #duh

1Competitive Fall 2013

Green = new show. Dates of premiers also helpfully listed

I went to Atlanta last weekend! It was a last minute thing, and it was a great visit – I saw many of my favorite people and ate lots of my favorite foods. Plus, I got to go to Target, which may have been the real highlight. I hear there’s a Target in Brooklyn, but I’m more likely to book a ticket to Atlanta and go to the one on Sidney Marcus than go there. See below for some of my favorite comforts of home…

from top right: over-friend spicy chicken (YUM); Georgia peach cobbler (YUMMM); Tina; JTommLiv and BBT at her baby shower...!

from left: JTommLiv and BBT at her baby shower…! over-friend spicy chicken (YUM); Georgia peach cobbler (YUMMM); Tina.

That’s all, y’all –  Happy Labor Day Weekend! Wish me luck on my move, and, above all…

go-dawgs_display_image

#GATA #soexcitedbutsonervous #sicem #clemsonsucks #orangeisugly

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Hide your crazy and start acting like a lady

Posted by AllieB on August 22, 2013

Oh hello.

Recently, thanks to the wisdom and maturity that comes with turning 30, I have been able to face some harsh realities about my person:

1. I can be lazy

2. I have a penchant for over-indulging

3. Time to put my money where my mouth is and start writing that damn book

4. I overthink everything – I am my own worst enemy

5. I need to give myself more credit

None of this is brand new information, obviously, and self-awareness is an important trait, but it’s pretty worthless unless I start modifying my behavior. So…that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to be a go-getting, self-disciplined, published author who doesn’t dwell on the mundane and gives herself a pat on the back every day.

Too deep? I feel uncomf. Let’s head back to the shallow end and talk lobster rolls.

It’s not a total non sequitur: lobster rolls are something in which I  might very easily over-indulge if I didn’t enforce some self-discipline (see #2). I would eat one, like, every day if they weren’t $28/ea and didn’t have 8,000 calories. For this reason, and I have a similar rule for fettucini alfredo, I only get to have it once/year and it has to be worth it. IE, from the best restaurant and I don’t mess around with portions. This way I’m neither deprived, nor am I disgusting – you know what I say about moderation and how key it is. I don’t respond well to words like “no” and “don’t” and “can’t” and this system allows for indulgence but in a – what’s that? – yes, moderated way. Playing mind games with myself is exhausting, in case you were wondering. And this brings us to #4, doesn’t it…

lobsta roll

that’s some straight food porn right there

Enough with psycho-babble BS, BBT. Dinner at Pearl Oyster Bar, home to the best lobster roll in NYC, was so fun. Three cool girls, some rose, a heaping serving of lobster and mayo on buttered bread with shoestring fries and some fried oysters on the side… Laureo & EDon, we’ll do it again soon, but we’ll have to go somewhere else because my lobster roll quota for 2013 has now been fulfilled.

I am moving over Labor Day. The moving part blows, obviously, but the end result is very exciting. I’m headed downtown, y’all, and it’s going to be great. I’m on the river, I’ll have a balcony overlooking the river, there is an ice machine and a washer/dryer IN UNIT. Plus my rent is going down by like $300 – I feel as though I’ve struck real estate gold. I was running along the Hudson River Running Path the other evening, and I took this pic at the intersection of my new street + Westside Highway (my building is half a block behind me).

what a serene vista

what up JERSEY!

Speaking of running…I use Songza, an app whose virtues I’ve extolled on many occasions, for tunes. I first choose the day and time: it was Monday evening, then the activity: working out, then I choose the genre: the selection varies – I usually go with Aggressive Rap but I chose Upbeat Country. I forgot how enjoyable country is…anyway, Miranda Lambert’s Mama’s  Broken Heart came on, and one line really stuck with me…reference: today’s title. Ladies, hide your crazy.

BOOM – I never do what I say I’m going to do, and this week I did: dos posts en una semana.

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Yesteryear

Posted by AllieB on August 20, 2013

Remember back in the day when I would write 4x/week about all kinds of interesting, newsworthy stuff? Let’s take a page out of that book.

Well, it’s happened. My love for Kate Middleton has soared to heretofore unknown, unreachable heights. What is it about motherhood?? Everything about the first Royal Portrait is so amazing I nearly cried. Look at it: her, the babe, the Prince, her again, the PUP…plus Grandpa Middleton snapped the pic! The general population should just forego their own family portraits moving forward – I’ll be comparing every Christmas card I receive to this, and I don’t think any of you are going to come out with a W. No offense…y’all have some really cute babies and puppies, but this is literally perfect.

I DIEShe could be holding a baby goblin and it wouldn’t matter. I might make this my screensaver.

This week in New York Life: commuting via foot and rail, as is the norm for NYC residents who do not have their own drivers, requires some accommodating. Those snazzy peep-toe pumps are not ideal footwear for navigating the grossness that is the subway and city streets. I’ve actually foregone most all of my pumps since moving here because I can’t handle walking around in that nonsense. Well, correction, I wear them in the workplace, but they stay here. There’s no place for those stompers in my weekend attire. NYMag did a feature on the desk shoes of working women in the city – see here. I’m guessing 98% of you have no interest in the shoes strangers keep at their desks, so I will just share with you my own desk shoes:

desk shoes

I wear the Toms to and fro l’office and today am sporting those monsters second from the right. I took them off for the picture.

This was less interesting than I thought it might be….

Online dating is something I have not yet explored, and I’m sure I will have to at some point, but these ‘shortcuts’ people keep coming up with are insulting. The latest rage in finding your match is a silicon bracelet – like LIVESTRONG or something – which shouts to all that you are SINGLE, thereby making it easier to spot potential soulmates. According to the website, My Single Band is  “…something that identifies your single status whilst at the gym, at a cafe, at the station, at work, an evening out or on holiday.”

20-single-bandsYou can choose one of three words for your personalized look: FATE, FUTURE, or DESTINY. What about BARF?

If you haven’t already seen it, you must rent The Impossible with Naomi Watts and Ewan MacGregor about the 2004 tsunami in southeast Asia. I have been having a real Naomi moment – she is just so talented. Also, when I was traveling in Thailand in 2006, I saw many areas that were still in total ruin because of the tsunami. In fact, it was in Phuket where we happened upon a homemade DVD of the wave coming in over the very hostel in which we were staying. That was weird and eerie…we didn’t linger long in Phuket. Anyway, the movie is excellent, and even Sister enjoyed it which is the only testimony you need. Sister and I don’t usually agree on movies.

The Justin Timberlake + N’Sync reunion has been confirmed for this Sunday at the VMA’s. Caro…take a chill pill.

This was fun, right? As I always say, something > nothing. May all your Tuesdays be not too terribly terrible. I’ll be back on Thursday with pictures of the lobster rolls I’m enjoying tomorrow with Laureo and EmDon.

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Truth Day

Posted by AllieB on August 15, 2013

And by truth day I mean…a day of truths.

1. I like Perrier, but I love Pellegrino

2. If there’s one thing I really miss about Atlanta it is the ubiquitous, well-priced, spacious delight of a grocery store that is Publix. It irks me that grocery stores up here can’t sell wine – I’m not sure what BS law mandates that; I think it’s just because there isn’t enough room. I also really miss the Publix sub sammies; this was a heretofore containable yearning that has blossomed into an insatiable craving thanks to this link MC sent me. The key, y’all, is to ask them to scoop the bread and add fresh jalapenos to everything.

If you’ve never experienced the glory of a Pub Sub, you’re probably wondering what’s soooooo great.

Publix Subs Are The Most Delicious Thing To Ever Happen On Earth

two points for the Leo GIF. You come here to me, Leo

3. When people try my patience I count to ten and employ breathing exercises I learned in that yoga class I took once. Namaste.

4. I saw this on Pinterest ages ago, and it’s really stuck with me. That Pinterest – so wise.

wise words

truth bomb.

5. I don’t drink coffee, I drink Earl Grey tea with almond milk. 3-4 cups in the morning, 1 in the afternoon. And now you know so you can quit wondering

6. My new running shoes are from the men’s department – NOT because of size…because of color.

7. Why is it that people with brand new puppies do not post nearly enough pictures, yet people with new babies…all the damn time.

8. I used to smoke a LOT of cigarettes. It was a filthy habit and one I 100% shut down literally the day I arrived in NYC.

9. I’m alarmingly bad at math. I didn’t know how to do 20% of a number until like six months ago. People always told me the trick of moving the decimal to the left and multiplying by two, but I thought it was it myth. It is not.

10. For the love of Roy G Biv, slow your roll on filters. I don’t not use them, but – as with everything in life – moderation is key. Taking innocuous scenery shots and using 12 CameraPlus filters is cheating, and then it usually goes from bad to worse with hashtag drivel like, #nottooshabbyforaMonday – it’s annoying as eff. Here, por ejemplo:

before and after

A totally meh scene made post-worthy by aggressive enhancement. #waitthatiscool #maybeIshouldputitonInsta

11. That empty subway car is empty for a reason

12. BBT turned three in July. This means to say: if BBT were a dog, BBT could get wasted legally. In toto, BBT has 341 published posts – 3/4 of them are about weather, 2/3 mention Kate Middleton, 1/2 discuss my love of reading, 1/3 tell that story about the woman dying next to me on an airplane…I’m lucky anyone reads this thing.

13. Once you’re in the trust tree, you’re there for.ev.er

14. I really like my job. Even without Bagel Fridays I genuinely look forward to coming to work. And, just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, my most favorite friend El works here now, too!!! I’m on the 10th floor and she’s on the 11th, which is good because there needn’t be too much togetherness, but it’s fun to know she’s here and is available for afternoon strolls and/or AWD’s.

2000 lax cats

We go waaay back: 2000 Lax Cats. We’re in there somewhere

15. Back to Leo, please enjoy this GIF history of Leo DiCaprio raising glasses. Will someone give the man an Oscar already!? I’m going to watch Blood Diamond this weekend. Maybe also Romeo + Juliet.

16. My kid’s gonna be the one with the pony. My kid might also be the one without shoes…

17. Allow me to reiterate my suggestion of Orange is the New Black. My enthusiasm has increased tenfold in the last week and you should all tune in. No flakiness – it has my official stamp of approval. Boom. Sidebar: did you know that I am a notary for the State of New York? It’s like I literally have a stamp of approval.

18. Y’all know how much I love horoscopes – NYMag now does a weekly roundup using, yep, GIFs (scroll down for the good stuff). Here is mine for this week:

GEMINI: Go off by yourself and spend time in contemplation or meditation. At this time of year, psychological self-evaluation can be of enormous help in your personal growth.

Ha. Haha. Well played.

19. This seems like a good stopping place.

And a very happy Thursday to you and yours!

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The arsonist has oddly shaped feet

Posted by AllieB on August 6, 2013

Happy August 6th! Do you feel as I do, that 2k13 is going by super fast? This summer especially – it’s been a big one: I turned 30…went to Africa…I joined Snapchat…Georgia football kicks off in 24 days…things just keep happening! The mind reels.

To segue from my African adventures to just good ole normal weekly BBT posts, here is a bunch of random stuff – pop culture and what have you.

Watching: Orange is the New Black (exclusively on Netflix). I guess I should say “watched” instead of implying it’s something I’m still doing…I’m already finished. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it’s good – something to note is that it’s created by Jenji Kohan, who brought us the cluster that was Weeds. Do keep in mind that I’m not always right about things and that I often retract my opinions – hey, I’m flaky. But today, right now: BBT says to tune in. Also, look at this list of 23 Surprising Facts about OitNB – I think it might sell it even more.

I happened upon this last night on my yog along the Hudson River…

I saw this exactly as you see it - no enhancement. How?! Sometimes Mother Nature really nails it

I saw this then exactly as you see it now – no enhancement. How?! Sometimes Mother Nature really nails it

Reading: Suffice it to say, I’ve had some time on my hands recently to get through a few books. God bless the wonder that is the Kindle. Here, I even ranked them.

1. Where’d You Go Bernadette – I lol’ed a lot; it’s not your typical novel format, but I LOVED it

2. Beautiful Ruins – modern day movie business combined with 1960’s Italy – it works, I liked this

3. The Engagements – really like J. Courtney Sullivan, this one tracks intertwining stories over several decades

4. The Silent Wife – the dissolution of a relationship handled in a rather interesting way…this, along with many other books, has been heralded as the “next Gone Girl” – I’m not saying that it is, but the comparison didn’t bother as much as it usually does

5. The Cuckoo’s Calling – this crime mystery penned under J.K. Rowling’s pseudonym is really good – I’m always skeptical of authors writing under different names, but this is a page-turner

6. War Brides  – WWII-era historical fiction

What not to read: Revenge Wears Prada. I wanted to quit after like 8 pages, but I forced myself to stick it out for 60 more before I gave it up altogether. Andy is the least likable character ever, and I found myself wanting to go find her and yell at her, and then maybe shove her around a little. Skip it. Fortunately it has not affected my undying devotion to Devil Wears Prada, the movie. That’s all.

Also, I’m going to do a better job managing my Goodreads account – I just downloaded the app! – so if you’re interested in more suggestions you can go here instead of writing me emails (Caro, you’re not the only one). Bookmark it or something. I am interested in reading some more non-fiction and biographies/memoirs, so you may send me emails with suggestions for those.

News from my alter-ego, Alessandra: the discovery of this mascara, VOLUMINOUS by L’Oreal (grey tube w gold cap), is the best thing that’s happened to me in my 15 or so years of wearing makeup. It’s better than Diorshow, 1/4 of the price…pizza for everybody!

SPOTTED: Hugh Jackman and I were at Equinox last Wednesday at 545 am, getting our days started off right. We made eye contact and he smiled – he was smiling at everyone, and my goodness but is he handsome. Then, a couple of hours later as I sat on my desk and ate Fage yogurt with granola, I looked up, and – whaddya know – it’s Hugh on Good Morning America. The following evening K and I (K was in town!!!) saw Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) from Modern Family and his new husband at Commerce. We considered taking a pic with them until we saw some podunk tourists doing it, so we instead engaged his sweet husband in a convo while he waited for Jesse to finish up with silly people who wanted a photo with the famous person. I hope you’ll note that both of these celeb encounters occurred without me doing anything bone-headed. With age does come maturity??

Blindsided by: I am still recovering from the shock that Kate gave birth to a boy. It hadn’t even occurred to me that this was a possibility: Kate would have a princess and she would have hair just as glorious as her mum’s. After some thought, I realized how it was totally typical of classy, level-headed Kate to go ahead and get the heir-to-the-throne out of the way, thereby eradicating any potential pressure or undue criticism from the Royal Fam or the brutal UK tabloids. Well done you, Duchess, on controlling your own biological settings.

dang

this, them, her..

I wish I wrote this: fellow FOMO victim Will Welch offers step-by-step treatment for curing FOMO in this month’s GQ. Spoiler Alert: there’s no cure, but there are coping mechanisms.

Shack Attack: you peeps in ATL are really lucky – Shake Shack is headed to Buckhead in mid-2014. It is hard for me to talk about Shake Shack without going overboard, but it’s…it’s amazing. Yeah, Bocado and HF are great, but Shake Shack is different. And it’s cheap and easy and it’s like heaven in your mouth. So…y’all have got that going for you, which is nice.

Is Tuesday the new Thursday on BBT?? I hope not, I hate Tuesdays.

*re today’s title – I couldn’t come up with anything on my own and Anchorman happened to be on this weekend…really looking forward to #2. Plus, the arsonist really does have oddly shaped feet.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , , | 13 Comments »

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