Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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50 Shades of Do Not Want

Posted by AllieB on September 25, 2013

Hey guys! On the Effort Scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is standing up and 10 is walking to the kitchen, today’s post is about a 1.25.

50 Shades of Do Not Want: I’ve been over 50 Shades of Grey for awhile now, and, even though I obviously made my way thru all three books, I definitely judge anyone who is still reading them…similarly, I am an equal opportunity indulger of  any and all (red) wine, but even I turn my nose at this: 50 Shades of Grey Wine. There are two varietals: White Silk and Red Satin. That’s disgusting. Also, it’s going for $18/bottle! You could buy two non-embarrassing bottles of malbec for that; this just goes from bad to worse. BBT says: absolutely not.

IT Allie asks: have you downloaded the new iOS 7? Do it. Do it now. It’s like getting a whole new phone! And, given that I’ve actually downgraded to a plain old 4 from a 4S instead of upgrading (April 2k14..!), this is especially exciting for moi. I’ve had zero kinks – just back your shiz up. iTunes Radio is a great addition, and the camera has improved. Everyone also loves the Control Center; the pros abound. Me, I mostly just think it’s really pretty…

ios screen shot

background

I feel v exposed, like I just showed you my bank acct balance or undergarment drawer

-I’ve heard a few things about the fingerprint scanner on the new 5S: cats can do it, hackers figured out to hack it, and…this: You Can Also Unlock the iPhone 5 S with Your  Junk. Y’all, that’s gross.

-Closing out apps is not entirely intuitive – here’s how.

-Have you recently lost your 3rd Kindle? Just me? Well, fear not, because Amazon has released yet another Kindle, the Kindle Fire HDX, complete with a “mayday” button that links to live support 24/7/365, promising a 15 second or less response time. Dang. (Credit: Charlotte!)

Watching: My roommates love The Voice, so it looks like I love The Voice, too. I’m just not sure I’m emotionally equipped to handle it. They draw you in with heart-wrenching backstories of these people want nothing more than to share the gift of music, then they go out on stage, sing their hearts out, and….none of the judges pick them. Although, I do respect the judges for refraining from the pity pick – I’d have a team of losers halfway thru the first audition. I’m such a softie. Modern Family starts back tonight, SNL on Saturday, and T minus 103 hours, give or take, til Homeland Season 3 returns. (It took me almost as long to calculate that number just now)

SHE WOULD: Blake Lively is starting her own GOOPy-sounding company. Boobs Legsly, a moniker that isn’t even legit anymore since she’s morphed into this married class act, is even easier to hate than Gwyneth. Obviously I will read every issue, scoffing at the recipes but diligently saving all of them. It annoys me when people talk about “curating” a lifestyle. I can barely curate my salad from Chop’t*.

GFY, seriously

GFY, seriously

*I actually have a bombass salad order: Spinach, Kale, Fresh Jalapeños, Cucumber, Tomato, Pepper Jack Cheese, FreeBird Ancho Chile Chicken, Tri-Color Quinoa, Low-Fat Spa Greek Yogurt Tzatziki Dressing. I made it up all by myself. FACE.

Fall is here! I really am going to pump the brakes on talking about weather. Elmore Leonard, the renowned novelist who passed away recently, had a list of of 10 Rules for Good Writing:

  1.  Never open a book with weather.

I took a quick look at past BBT posts, and, if you replace “book” with “blog” I’m not doing so hot – same with the other nine. Whatever, I’m a slow learner. Like I was saying: fall is here! I want to swaddle myself in 1,000 sweaters (I like these: Dear Santa/if I budget better); fill my apartment with the aroma of spiced cider (the spiked cider looks good, pretty sure if I had a cabernet candle in my apt I’d have to have a bottle of cabernet open…oh wait); and jump in piles of leaves (don’t need sound and really only need to watch like first ten secs).

 

Happy Wednesday to all of you, and HAPPY FRIDAY to meeee! I’m headed south for a sure-to-be perfect wedding – can wait to see ya, EmilyB (cc: W Port)!

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Thoughts: Shallow & Deep

Posted by AllieB on September 12, 2013

I had an idea once that I might go to all of the classes Equinox offers then write about them, and, while that is a really good idea, it also requires me to go to all of the classes Equinox offers…so, sadly, this brainchild was over before it began. However, I do make it to the occasional group fitness gathering – last night was Asset Management. Not a seminar on finance, mind you, but an hour long workout focusing on your…assets. It was a good class, the teacher is Australian and Australians are funny, and there weren’t any ridiculous props like that VIPR class, (remember the giant tube I had to sling around?!? I wish I could forget) but there was a girl – a really not cute one – who had zero concept of personal space. This class was packed to the gills, and here’s Susie McLargeAndInCharge, barging into my very small area during each segment.

please stop

if this were my gym class, I’d be the woman wondering how/why/HOW I am in contact with the frontal protrusion of the man sitting in the row behind me  (how not shocking these are Tennessee fans)

I just get really mad when people don’t pay attention to their surroundings. It’s less the personal space invasion – I always invade Sister’s personal space every time I see her – and more the complete disregard for others. Susie Sausage was not picking up on my pointed looks and noises of frustration, so I finally stopped and stood still during a side-to-side exercise, and, whaddya know, she ran smack into me (it was all I could do to stay on my feet). She stopped short and looked at me first in surprise, then in anger, and I served it back tenfold; I glowered at her. Then and only then did she look around and realize just how out of bounds she was – I’m pretending like I heard her mutter “sorry” and not that word that rhymes with witch as she retreated to her area. You better believe she kept her distance for the duration of class. Once again, David hath defeated Goliath.

It’s a good thing I can switch up which location I go to, probably need to steer clear of that one for awhile…

And now for the news:

-FIRST and most importantly: 38 Essential Pizzas Across the United States. Readers from my most densely populated areas are decently covered, but it gets a little spotty around Missouri. Sucks for you, Mizzou.

-Fashion Week is still going on up here…me – I’m done. I’ve  had to totally re-tool my Instagram account, I’ve really had enough. I did see one disconcerting article that mentioned how Birkenstocks are back?Unfortunately, BBT has close contact with a bona fide Birkenstock Expert, so let’s check in with her – Hilary, thoughts?

-A related-yet-not-a-sequel-or-prequel to Harry Potter is in the works! And it’s legit – JK Rowling’s involved and everything. I love Harry Potter, and I – we – could all use more Hogwarts in our lives.

-watch the roasting of James Franco (it’s on YouTube, find it yourself). And if you can’t watch it all, at least watch Bill Hader – Bill Hader is #1

-I got 100+ likes on my last Instagram post (see below). I’m not gloating; it was a very special picture…which brings me to today’s Special Segment. I’m all for light ‘n breezy, but sometimes I like to get a little real.

light tribute and tower

For various reasons, the anniversary of 9/11 was more significant for me this year than any year previous. Obviously I feel an ever-increasing level of solidarity with the city, but I think a lot of it is just plain geography: living down in TriBeCa, where the new One World Trade Center tower is such a pervasively physical presence, I can easily visualize what used to be there even though I never really knew the view myself. I can imagine how the planes came in, and I know now where people sprinted up the street – my street, where I live – away from the buildings in sheer terror, knowing that something was terribly, irreversibly wrong but without any clue as to what had actually happened. Then I can hear the deafening silence as the dust settled and revealed the gaping hole where the towers once stood….although it’s still completely unfathomable, I guess I just have a better sense of it all, and I’m really grateful for that. I read upwards of 100 articles yesterday and watched countless videos, and, while devastating, the overriding sense of hope – even mere days after the attack – is just…it’s inspiring all over again. Jon Stewart, on his show’s first airing post-attack on 9/20/01, gave a very touching, candid monologue. See below (video/transcript):

I just wanted to tell you why I grieve–but why I don’t despair.

Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding. . .that’s extraordinary. And that’s why we have already won. It’s democracy. They can’t shut that down. They live in chaos. And chaos, it can’t sustain itself–it never could. It’s too easy and it’s too unsatisfying.

The view from my apartment was the World Trade Center. . .now it’s gone. They attacked it. This symbol of American ingenuity and strength and labor and imagination and commerce and it’s gone. But you know what the view is now? The Statue of Liberty. . . the view from the south of Manhattan is the Statue of Liberty.

You can’t beat that.

Thank you for letting me share.

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See and (not) be seen

Posted by AllieB on September 6, 2013

Fashion Week is kind of not my scene. I like to read about it and see pictures in magazines while ensconced in the comfort of my couch; I can do without the overheated, overcrowded tents…in fact I have something of  phobia when it comes to enclosed tents – they catch on fire really easily and then people start panicking and stampeding – it’s a recipe for disaster.

However, given an opportunity to attend during the work day for free is a no-brainer. I went this morning with co-workers to the BCBG Spring 2014 show at Lincoln Center. What’s so overwhelming is the whole blogger (psssh – freakin bloggers) craze and the street style photographers. It’s a whole business now, and I feel like anyone in an open-toed bootie, sporting some sort of domepiece accessory, or carrying a kitschy clutch can be stalked for their picture. Eyepatches, also, will get you some airtime. Oddly,  no one seemed interested in capturing my street style of J.Crew Minnie’s and tank.

Here’s my takeaway: if you are at all hungover under the weather and have even the slightest ambivalence towards crowds, zero personal space, excessive perfume, jarring noises and flashing lights, Fashion Week is not for you. I’d rather go to IKEA in that state than Fashion Week, which, I think, says all you need to know.

One obvious bonus: the celeb spotting.

fashion week collage

The ULTIMATE sighting: Olivia Palermo (never said I had good seats), Heidi Klum (yes that’s her), the crowd awaits

I realize you might not believe that’s Olivia and Heidi, so here is my proof. Giuliana Rancic and Selita Ebanks (??) and Estelle and Jesse Metcalfe were also there. They were much more clear in person…iPhone’s do not zoom well. Olivia is everything I hoped she would be – almost too pretty to look at with a very definite “I am so SO much better than all of you” attitude. And she kept her sunglasses on the whole time. Of course she did. Heidi, quite literally, glows.

The celeb spotting has actually been kind of ridiculous lately: I saw Dustin Hoffman at Whole Foods on Saturday. He and his wife were doing regular old grocery shopping. He was trailing behind her, pulling the buggy, while she asked him questions over her shoulder. He must have responded negatively because she whipped around and goes, “well did you at LEAST get the PARSLEY!?” He didn’t answer but turned and headed off towards the greens. I saw them again when they got in line behind me – I don’t think Dustin recognized me because I was wearing a hat – but I nevertheless felt embarrassed about my items: Newman’s Lemonade (1 gal), mac n cheese, chicken wings (5, sweet chili from the hot bar). Allie…no.

Then, the next day, as I explored my new ‘hood, I walked by Jennifer Connelly and her whole fam. She is stunning. I really like her – she might be in my top 5. You know how I feel about Blood Diamond…and who could forget Career Opportunities?!

Speaking of my new ‘hood….I LOVE it. My quality of life has soared to heights heretofore unseen. Who needs the charm of an old brownstone walk-up when you can live in a high rise with a doorman?? I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to live without a doorman again…unless, maybe, I own the whole building. I can’t stop taking pictures. Do you wanna see some?? Ok. No filters – seriously.

majestic, ain't she

majestic, ain’t she

skyline as seen from Pier 26 (the one I live on)

skyline as seen from Pier 26 (that’s where I live)

sunset over Pier 26

sunset

sunrise

sunrise

I won’t bore you with stories about my move, but you better believe it did not go off without a hitch/multiple hitches.

Praying for a Bulldog W…have a great weekend!

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Methods of Madness

Posted by AllieB on August 29, 2013

Every time I think something is going to be different, it is the same. This is likely because I don’t do anything different on my end to affect the outcome – you know that’s a definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If this is the only qualifier, I belong in the nuthouse. Moving: moving sucks. I hate moving, and I suck at it. I have all these plans to be intentional and smart: packing in advance, organizing my stuff so it’s easier to unpack, throwing out what I don’t want…however, because of in spite of these plans, I have been avoiding my house all week, choosing instead to work late, drink Pacificos, and visit other people’s apartments. By the time I get home I’m obviously spent…tomorrow, I say, as I turn off of my light. I am running out of tomorrows. Jordan!! Tonight will be so much fun! I’ll make some wine and order pizza.

moving

Progress?? (they are empty because I haven’t started) (I have more stuff than that) (help) (everyone else moved out) (there’s an echo)

Speaking of insanity…Miley Cyrus is gross, and I’m obviously not going to dignify her spectacle on Sunday night with airtime on BBT. Her…twerks? gyrations? miniseizures? whatever those were…made me yearn for quality performances like Britney’s from 2000 & 2001. I’m not saying she’s a great singer, or that her songs are “good” (they’re not good – they’re awesome) but that girl can DANCE. And she looked damn good. I spent some time watching YouTubes, which you can go to here (2000 was the best, IMO). And, for some eye candy and personal motivation, I have shared this picture below. Excuse me while I go do 1,000 crunches.

just....dang

just….dang

The Miley backlash nearly broke the internet, that was really insane. I don’t like to weigh in on things that everyone else has already discussed to death, but I will say this: skinny though she obviously is, Miley has a flabby tush. There is nothing hot about a flat, wobbly pancake butt.

Time continue passes at an alarming rate, and September starts on Sunday. I can’t quite get my head around this, but regardless of whether I can or not it’s still happening, so I guess I’ll embrace the perks, namely: football and new tv. Stolen straight from the Microsoft Office Suite of HadleyPMill, I share with you this fall schedule for network tv (if it’s Real Housewives you’re looking for, you’re in the wrong place. Also, quit watching that crap). I know you can’t really read it, right-click to enlarge if you’re on a comp #duh

1Competitive Fall 2013

Green = new show. Dates of premiers also helpfully listed

I went to Atlanta last weekend! It was a last minute thing, and it was a great visit – I saw many of my favorite people and ate lots of my favorite foods. Plus, I got to go to Target, which may have been the real highlight. I hear there’s a Target in Brooklyn, but I’m more likely to book a ticket to Atlanta and go to the one on Sidney Marcus than go there. See below for some of my favorite comforts of home…

from top right: over-friend spicy chicken (YUM); Georgia peach cobbler (YUMMM); Tina; JTommLiv and BBT at her baby shower...!

from left: JTommLiv and BBT at her baby shower…! over-friend spicy chicken (YUM); Georgia peach cobbler (YUMMM); Tina.

That’s all, y’all –  Happy Labor Day Weekend! Wish me luck on my move, and, above all…

go-dawgs_display_image

#GATA #soexcitedbutsonervous #sicem #clemsonsucks #orangeisugly

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Hide your crazy and start acting like a lady

Posted by AllieB on August 22, 2013

Oh hello.

Recently, thanks to the wisdom and maturity that comes with turning 30, I have been able to face some harsh realities about my person:

1. I can be lazy

2. I have a penchant for over-indulging

3. Time to put my money where my mouth is and start writing that damn book

4. I overthink everything – I am my own worst enemy

5. I need to give myself more credit

None of this is brand new information, obviously, and self-awareness is an important trait, but it’s pretty worthless unless I start modifying my behavior. So…that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to be a go-getting, self-disciplined, published author who doesn’t dwell on the mundane and gives herself a pat on the back every day.

Too deep? I feel uncomf. Let’s head back to the shallow end and talk lobster rolls.

It’s not a total non sequitur: lobster rolls are something in which I  might very easily over-indulge if I didn’t enforce some self-discipline (see #2). I would eat one, like, every day if they weren’t $28/ea and didn’t have 8,000 calories. For this reason, and I have a similar rule for fettucini alfredo, I only get to have it once/year and it has to be worth it. IE, from the best restaurant and I don’t mess around with portions. This way I’m neither deprived, nor am I disgusting – you know what I say about moderation and how key it is. I don’t respond well to words like “no” and “don’t” and “can’t” and this system allows for indulgence but in a – what’s that? – yes, moderated way. Playing mind games with myself is exhausting, in case you were wondering. And this brings us to #4, doesn’t it…

lobsta roll

that’s some straight food porn right there

Enough with psycho-babble BS, BBT. Dinner at Pearl Oyster Bar, home to the best lobster roll in NYC, was so fun. Three cool girls, some rose, a heaping serving of lobster and mayo on buttered bread with shoestring fries and some fried oysters on the side… Laureo & EDon, we’ll do it again soon, but we’ll have to go somewhere else because my lobster roll quota for 2013 has now been fulfilled.

I am moving over Labor Day. The moving part blows, obviously, but the end result is very exciting. I’m headed downtown, y’all, and it’s going to be great. I’m on the river, I’ll have a balcony overlooking the river, there is an ice machine and a washer/dryer IN UNIT. Plus my rent is going down by like $300 – I feel as though I’ve struck real estate gold. I was running along the Hudson River Running Path the other evening, and I took this pic at the intersection of my new street + Westside Highway (my building is half a block behind me).

what a serene vista

what up JERSEY!

Speaking of running…I use Songza, an app whose virtues I’ve extolled on many occasions, for tunes. I first choose the day and time: it was Monday evening, then the activity: working out, then I choose the genre: the selection varies – I usually go with Aggressive Rap but I chose Upbeat Country. I forgot how enjoyable country is…anyway, Miranda Lambert’s Mama’s  Broken Heart came on, and one line really stuck with me…reference: today’s title. Ladies, hide your crazy.

BOOM – I never do what I say I’m going to do, and this week I did: dos posts en una semana.

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