Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

The 8th Sign of the Apocalypse

Posted by AllieB on October 31, 2013

It is neither famine nor earthquake, or any of that other apocalyptic stuff, that has me concerned…it is the confirmed, reputably-reported WINE SHORTAGE. I was hesitant to write about this – I imagine droves of people causing riots at liquor stores, brawling over who gets the last case of The Pinot Project. Perhaps not, but you better believe when this all becomes a real thing, I will be prepared and you will be thirsty.

There’s just not enough wine in the world, says Morgan Stanley, and the problem is only going to get worse.

I feel like a ghost just passed thru me – that is some scary stuff.

Speaking of scary….HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! I have no costume, and I feel like Scrooge. Maybe I should have dressed up as Scrooge?? I couldn’t get excited about anything, and now I feel left out. Woe is me. At least some people get it right…herewith, my two favorite costumes, ever:

The Donk as Werewolf of London. I am terrified yet fascinated

The Donk as Werewolf of London. Incredible

WaWa never disappoints...Bone Appetit (credit: Swardina)

WaWa never disappoints…Bone Appetit! (credit: Swardina)

Haters gonna hate: Blake Lively is not a new addition to My List. I have accepted her hotness – she’s really so attractive one can’t even be jealous; she’s inhuman. However, I can fault her for being a moron, and I think it would be in her best interest to stop talking. Stand there with your glorious hair, pouty pout, the bod that defies science, and keep that yapper shut. Blake’s been chosen as the new L’Oreal spokesperson and recently had a publicist-free interview with Vogue U.K. about her beauty/fashion/livelihood tips.

I don’t really need a personal trainer, or watch what I eat. I can’t start the day without a hot chocolate, or finish it without a few squares of dark chocolate. Its good for my mood!

Words we can all live by, truly.

A&K came last weekend, and it was the best. We ate delicious meals (Market Table & Locanda Verde were highlights) and laughed a lot and Amy took selfies. I’m a big fan of the hometown team…

BBT - K - A - E Rock - Lady Liberty

BBT – K – A – E Rock – Lady Liberty

Today is the 31st of October, so tomorrow is the first of November. That is whack. Man, I don’t write for one week and totally lose all my mojo…I’m just really shaken up by this wine shortage.

#mojo

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Buckhead Betty Meets Holly Hamptons

Posted by AllieB on October 17, 2013

What up!

I never got around to this last summer, so I’d like to take a minute and discuss a place of which I’ve grown quite fond. The Hamptons, to me at least, always seemed like a surreal, self-contained world of glamour and glitz and the sporadic sensational murder (credit: Revenge), and, while this wasn’t an entirely inaccurate perception, it’s not what I’m talking about – I hate glitz and murder is messy. It turns out, amid all that silliness, there are beautiful, pristine beaches and towny dive bars situated on the most picturesque real estate imaginable.

The off-season, obviously, is the ideal time to avoid the fracas, but you really just have to know where to go. This summer E Rock, Moo, Flembot, CammyCakes and I enjoyed a lovely meal and substantial servings of rose at Surf Lodge – there is a lot going on at Surf Lodge. I totally get why: the setting is perfect, the restaurant is beautiful, the people watching is entertaining…but when we maxed out on pink wine and folks in ridiculous sunglasses, we headed up the hill to Montauket, an old bed and breakfast. While I do not recommend staying or eating there, I implore you to go to this place for a Budweiser at sunset. Our tenure on this overlook was perhaps my favorite part of the entire weekend. The Hamptons, when you’re not sweating your face off in Talkhouse, or sitting in miles of bumper-to-bumper traffic, is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. For lack of better or more accurate phrase: it’s almost magical. ZERO Filters. None, nada.

montauket

boating

sunset

sunset over Montauket

shadowssss

Main Beach – East Hampton

photo 2

Montauk Point

Montauk lighthouse

Montauk lighthouse

Too mas? I exercised a great deal of discretion; I wanted to share way more than that. I’m telling you…it’s magical. And this isn’t totally out of left field – I spent last weekend out there. Gimme a house on Lily Pond Lane and a Jeep Wagoneer and I’ll never ask for anything ever again. Except maybe a new watch because I smashed the face on mine.

Now that I am 30 (say it loud, say it proud!), I am very conscientious about skin maintenance. Lotions, serums, facials – it’s an expensive venture, but I want preserve my fresh-faced youthfulness for as long as possible. I’ve got a few tricks in my arsenal, but I can assure you that were you to ask, “what is your skincare regimen?” at no point in the step-by-step procedure would I say, “and then I put a bra on my face.”

This is a face bra.

This is a face bra.

The Japan Shop invented it in a bid to combat smile lines and prevent premature ageing.

I am pretty skeptical about this facial bustier. Maybe wear a hat and buy some La Mer instead.

CitiBikes launched in NY last spring, and they’ve become crazy popular. With hundreds of docking stations around the city, it’s an incredibly easy and fun (?) way to get around while avoiding the stuffiness of the subway and the mania of the fraffic. Now that it’s finally about to get cold, I decided it was a good time to sign up for an annual membership. My timing is typical – I know this – but I’m so excited!! There are three stations within .03 miles of my front door. People will wonder: “Where’s Allie?” and someone will answer “Allie? She’ll be here soon, she’s riding her bike.” Honestly, I will use it all the time to zip between my ‘hood and the West Vill and over to the east side. I only have to use it 10 times to get my money’s worth – I can manage that over the next 365 days. I am not going to be a bike commuter: 1. it’s too far 2. helmet hair 3. red-faced Allie should never meet Corporate Allie. Jordan/Mom, I promise I’ll get a helmet.

bday Sister and I rode them in June. I was a total pansy at first, but I got the hang of it – just look at that breeziness. A&K – bring your biking gear!

On a serious note, thank you all so much for your kind words about the loss of our beloved Missy. A lot of people had their own favorite Missy memories, and it was very special to have some of you share. I know she’s up in doggy heaven, eating all the fancy cheese she wants and playing fetch in the heaven-equivalent of the Chattahoochee. I imagine it’s much cleaner where she is.

Happy 17th day of October. Do you have your Halloween costume yet?!? I’m looking at you, Casey Wa-wa.

princess wa wa

That’s a high quality picture. Man, I really miss my Blackberry.

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Missy & Me

Posted by AllieB on October 8, 2013

It is with heavy heart (and swollen eyes) that I share with you some very sad news: Missy Baxter, our beloved black lab and BBT mascot, passed away on Sunday. She lived a full, 14-year life and was maybe the most loved dog there ever was. I’m sorry to tell you that it doesn’t matter how old they are or how much warning you have…it still really sucks when they go. Reasons for writing and sharing this tribute are twofold; I need a way of coping, and I want to celebrate the very happy life of a very happy dog.

Missy and I were kindreds. I lived at home for awhile in my mid-twenties, and she and I became very close. We spent untold hours on the couch watching tv – we endured the highs and lows of the folks of Dillon, TX (Missy was a particular fan of Coach Taylor and Tim Riggins, just like me), and she loved Friends as much as I did – if not more. She could be something of a diva, but when it was the two of us she totally adapted my schedule of not having a schedule: we stayed up til the wee hours and slept thru mid morning. We just got each other, ya know?

missy collage

Missy was an incorrigible food thief; she really had no shame. Do y’all remember the cheese heist? It was Pal, Hilbilly, Swedge, JTomm, my parents and me, sitting around our coffee table enjoying some wine and charcuterie, and in slinks Missy…she circled the table, literally salivating, honing in on one particular $18/lb goat cheese & brie combo that I had begged my mom to buy. We joked about Missy’s impressive food-snatching skills, it never occurring to us she might have the gall to do anything while we sitting right there, when CHOMP. The entire block of cheese disappeared before our eyes. The whole thing, down the hatch in one gulp.

Missy participated in some alternative therapeutic methods in the last few months - this was when she got laser treatment for her joints. She also participated in acupuncture and water aerobics.

When she was older, Missy got laser treatment for her joints. She also participated in acupuncture and water aerobics.

I believe Missy had opposable thumbs that she employed only in our absence. I once interrupted her enjoying a large, Costco-sized container of almonds. Said container had not yet been opened – of this I would swear on my life – but she somehow managed to turn the lid and break thru the aluminum seal. On this occasion she proudly showed off what she’d done: “Bet you’re wondering how I managed this, aren’t ya?!” with a saucy wag of tail and toss of head. I’m still wondering.

she got the paper every morning for most of her life, starting when she was a teeny tiny puppy and the paper was bigger than she was

Her only defeat was the 5lb wheel of Stilton blue cheese relatives send us every year from Willams Sonoma. I stupidly left it out, and Missy helped herself. I came home to a very queasy pup and 3/4 of a ravaged, smelly cheese wheel. She looked at me, not guiltily but almost accusingly: “Why did you leave this out when you KNEW I would get into it…I hate you, I hate that cheese, and now I’m gonna puke <puke>.” One has to admit: Missy had quite the sophisticated palate.

party pooped

Perhaps the most bizarre instance of poaching took place on Christmas Eve several years ago. My sisters, mom, and dad We do a lot of cooking for Christmas and had left out a few projects in medias res when we went to church. Obviously knowing Missy’s penchant for counter-top pillaging, we put all food/implements out of her reach…so we thought. We came home to three large knives that had each been part of dish preparation – one butcher, two serrated – licked clean on the living room floor. Missy was abnormally slow to greet us, and, given this possible crime scene, we called for her in earnest, looking for trails of blood or worse…..we found her in my sister’s bathroom happily eating her way through the trashcan, oblivious to the fact that she nearly starred in her very own slasher film.

Missy listening attentively as I explain the meaning of Christmas

Missy listening attentively as I explain the meaning of Christmas

I miss her so much, and my heart breaks thinking that she won’t be there when I next go home. I know she is in doggy heaven having the best time doing her favorite things: playing ball; swimming; eating leftovers, brownies, and snot-filled tissues; flirting shamelessly with anything male that moves and riding around shotgun with all the windows down. We’ll be telling her stories for decades to come and there will always be a Missy-shaped placed in our hearts. We love you forever, Missy Misdemeanor!

the happiest dog

the happiest dog

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Anything you can do, I can do almost or equally as well

Posted by AllieB on October 3, 2013

I’ve mastered the subways; I emerge from underground and know instinctively which way is N/S/E/W; you should see me weave thru the herds of cattle throngs of people on the sidewalk; I stuck out my tongue at a cab driver last week when he violated my right of way – let’s face it, y’all, I’m a New Yawker.

alexandra

a saavy city girl from the very beginning. that’s right – GIRL

While I think we can all agree these are noteworthy accomplishments, I’ve still yet to conquer my Everest: mastering the art/science/I think it might be magic of making dinner reservations. I spent a good chunk of time this week trying to find two restaurants that will impress my high-brow foodie friends, A and K, when they come to visit, and I’m getting the proverbial talk-to-the-hand at every place I’ve tried. I mean, this is like a month in advance! Evidently no one A) knows who I am or B) is aware that I manage a very dated and irrelevant restaurant guide to Atlanta. K&A, how do you feel about dining at 5:30? Actually, wait: who needs restaurants – we’re all talented chefs, why don’t we just cook our own meals!?! And let’s be sure not to have any wine at all.

what would happen if we did either of those things

what would happen if we did either of those things

Obviously, none of us would ever find ourselves in this sort of situation, and I want to be very clear that I am NOT condoning such behavior, but when I saw this I thought I’d better share: The Rules for Calling in Sick When You’re Actually Hungover. Upon completion I found myself wanting to seek out Captain Obvious so I could thank him for sharing such brand new information, but who am I to judge – let’s see what I’ve got:

1. Mind over matter. I am a strong believer in this: stop wallowing and get over it. I am lucky not to get the voms when I am overserved, so I’m sure this is easier said than done…but most of the time I feel like people are just being big babies.

2. Water: it’s not a myth. Water before, during, and after your ill-advised outing will help tremendously. And cold Vitamin Water Zero in the morning is like nectar of the gods.

3. A lot of people say exercise. Me, not so much

4. Oh. I was supposed write a list about how to call in sick when you’re hungover. I don’t really have any tips on that for I hath ne’er done such a thing.

5. Cpt Obvs: 1, BBT: 0

But seriously: drink water.

Ok, this is weird, right? Mediocre-hurdler-turned-bobsledding-hopeful, Lolo Jones, is trying to gain 60 lbs to make “bobsled weight.” Her daily diet includes two 1,365 protein shakes and FOUR double bacon cheeseburgers from McDonald’s. This approach seems flawed. She is literally going to turn into a double bacon cheeseburger…literally. Ehhh, Lolo makes me uncomf – she seems like she’s kind of nuts, if not a little bit delusional:

“My abs are still there,” she said. “I’m still cut, just super solid.”

Yeah, a super solid double bacon cheeseburger…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, G FORCE!!!!! Remember that time we went to Pakistan? Such adventures we’ve had…I love you!!

incognito in Lahore

incognito in Lahore. also, barefoot. ew

TGIT! Feels good to be back on sched…truthfully, I’ve had a whole week of Thursdays, but I’m glad everyone else is now on my same page.

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50 Shades of Do Not Want

Posted by AllieB on September 25, 2013

Hey guys! On the Effort Scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is standing up and 10 is walking to the kitchen, today’s post is about a 1.25.

50 Shades of Do Not Want: I’ve been over 50 Shades of Grey for awhile now, and, even though I obviously made my way thru all three books, I definitely judge anyone who is still reading them…similarly, I am an equal opportunity indulger of  any and all (red) wine, but even I turn my nose at this: 50 Shades of Grey Wine. There are two varietals: White Silk and Red Satin. That’s disgusting. Also, it’s going for $18/bottle! You could buy two non-embarrassing bottles of malbec for that; this just goes from bad to worse. BBT says: absolutely not.

IT Allie asks: have you downloaded the new iOS 7? Do it. Do it now. It’s like getting a whole new phone! And, given that I’ve actually downgraded to a plain old 4 from a 4S instead of upgrading (April 2k14..!), this is especially exciting for moi. I’ve had zero kinks – just back your shiz up. iTunes Radio is a great addition, and the camera has improved. Everyone also loves the Control Center; the pros abound. Me, I mostly just think it’s really pretty…

ios screen shot

background

I feel v exposed, like I just showed you my bank acct balance or undergarment drawer

-I’ve heard a few things about the fingerprint scanner on the new 5S: cats can do it, hackers figured out to hack it, and…this: You Can Also Unlock the iPhone 5 S with Your  Junk. Y’all, that’s gross.

-Closing out apps is not entirely intuitive – here’s how.

-Have you recently lost your 3rd Kindle? Just me? Well, fear not, because Amazon has released yet another Kindle, the Kindle Fire HDX, complete with a “mayday” button that links to live support 24/7/365, promising a 15 second or less response time. Dang. (Credit: Charlotte!)

Watching: My roommates love The Voice, so it looks like I love The Voice, too. I’m just not sure I’m emotionally equipped to handle it. They draw you in with heart-wrenching backstories of these people want nothing more than to share the gift of music, then they go out on stage, sing their hearts out, and….none of the judges pick them. Although, I do respect the judges for refraining from the pity pick – I’d have a team of losers halfway thru the first audition. I’m such a softie. Modern Family starts back tonight, SNL on Saturday, and T minus 103 hours, give or take, til Homeland Season 3 returns. (It took me almost as long to calculate that number just now)

SHE WOULD: Blake Lively is starting her own GOOPy-sounding company. Boobs Legsly, a moniker that isn’t even legit anymore since she’s morphed into this married class act, is even easier to hate than Gwyneth. Obviously I will read every issue, scoffing at the recipes but diligently saving all of them. It annoys me when people talk about “curating” a lifestyle. I can barely curate my salad from Chop’t*.

GFY, seriously

GFY, seriously

*I actually have a bombass salad order: Spinach, Kale, Fresh Jalapeños, Cucumber, Tomato, Pepper Jack Cheese, FreeBird Ancho Chile Chicken, Tri-Color Quinoa, Low-Fat Spa Greek Yogurt Tzatziki Dressing. I made it up all by myself. FACE.

Fall is here! I really am going to pump the brakes on talking about weather. Elmore Leonard, the renowned novelist who passed away recently, had a list of of 10 Rules for Good Writing:

  1.  Never open a book with weather.

I took a quick look at past BBT posts, and, if you replace “book” with “blog” I’m not doing so hot – same with the other nine. Whatever, I’m a slow learner. Like I was saying: fall is here! I want to swaddle myself in 1,000 sweaters (I like these: Dear Santa/if I budget better); fill my apartment with the aroma of spiced cider (the spiked cider looks good, pretty sure if I had a cabernet candle in my apt I’d have to have a bottle of cabernet open…oh wait); and jump in piles of leaves (don’t need sound and really only need to watch like first ten secs).

 

Happy Wednesday to all of you, and HAPPY FRIDAY to meeee! I’m headed south for a sure-to-be perfect wedding – can wait to see ya, EmilyB (cc: W Port)!

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