Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘Goog’

Oh. Happy Belated.

Posted by AllieB on August 9, 2012

I’m surprised someone hasn’t spoken up about this because HOW RUDE: I forgot to celebrate BBT’s birthday three weeks ago. Now I get why there’s nothing in my baby book after my first birthday – it’s just not as exciting. The second year was a little rocky; the dreaded “sophomoric slump” was something of an issue – ie the two months I didn’t write – but there were still some noteworthy moments. I do love a good pictorial retrospective:

Clockwise from top left: Tina got married; Char got married; 50 Shades of Grey happened; I made a very helpful flow chart; BBT is moving to NYC; Ryan Lochte tweeted, joined Mensa; that’s me on Perez Hilton

I haven’t been as vigilant about tracking my site analytics, but it’s always fun to see what people Goog to land on my page – searches from the last month include:

-funny chicken wings

-did the Malaysian woman go to jail for beating her baby

-stealing

-a guinea pig house that’s simple to make but looks cool

-i hate obnoxious girls

-who’s right, allie or jordan (Editor’s note: I wonder who searched that?? Too funny.)

-sexy fat girls

Hmm strange. I’m not sure how I feel about those phrases queuing up BBT in search results. It’s true, though – I really do hate obnoxious girls. And if anyone knows how to construct a guinea pig house that’s simple to make but looks cool, then BY ALL MEANS let me know.

Blog of the Week: McKayla is not impressed. Ha!

Today is Thursday, by the way. It could be Tuesday, for all I know – my lack of daily structure leaves me with zero perception as to what day it is, but it does lend itself to multiple blog posts/week…I was hoping today was National {insert a tasty beverage here} Day, but all I could come up with is National Mustard Day. Boo. Let’s pretend it’s National Drink Wine Day, instead – join me, won’t you? (For the record, the next Drink Wine Day is February 18, 2013, which means there are only 193 days left to hone our skills. OMG, A, that’s the day before your birthday…what a happy/par for the course coincidence!)

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

A wedgie wedding

Posted by AllieB on August 11, 2011

TGIT.

WATCH: Despicable Me. This is a deLIGHTful film featuring the voices of Kristen Wiig, Will Arnett, Russell Brand, Jason Segel, some other people, and….Steve Carrell. Before you’re like, NO I’m over Steve Carrell and his voice, know this: he speaks in an Eastern European accent. I LOVE Eastern European accents and Steve’s is hilarious! I rented DM at the beach with the fam and we watched it 4 times in 24 hours. Granted, it was raining and it was the only movie we had, but still….it’s that good. Here is a clip featuring Agnes. IT’S SO FLUFFY I’M GONNA DIE!!!

It’s a great movie for boys and girls, men and women, etc etc. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up.

FEMALES: it’s not brand new information, but gel manicures are the bomb. I got “Bubblegum” which is a lovely pale pink and it’s like I got a phalange makeover – my hands look so sophisticated and elegant…two words not so frequently used w/r/t BBT…and I’m partial to Glamour Nails in The Peach, although if you’re further north Hammond Nails in the Chastain shopping center is really good, too…

GET IN MY BELLY: Hip Pops! Based in Athens, Melissa Fontaine has recently launched this popsicle truck which will be debuting at the UGA v Boise State tailgate. These flava-flavs look awesome…I can’t wait to try! Play your part: go like them on Facebook.

HOW TO: Drink in Public. Shout-out to Savannah for having no open container laws…you know what place does? Athens.

Freaky deaky:

A wedgie wedding: this week’s featured phrase on Things People Goog That Lead Them to BBT.

Grossest Phrase: “why do my feet swell with cheese.” SICK.

Proof Positive That People Are Retarded Phrase: where cann I butt Winn Dixie piminto chees. This is a shot in the dark, but I bet you can find it at Winn Dixie…

Maybe I need to talk less about cheese…

I need a talented graphic designer – seriously – if you know someone or are someone who might want to help me create a BBT persona, please email me: baxterbarktwiceblog@gmail.com.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

What are some good comebacks if your last name is Weiner?

Posted by AllieB on July 28, 2011

Sometimes I think I don’t like someone, but then I see them in comparison to someone who I really don’t like, and suddenly they don’t seem that bad. Case in point: who wore it better betwixt ole Boobs Legsly and Taylor what’s that? I just fell asleep Swift.

Source: People

My favorite part is the description:

The actress (Boobs) dressed up her Tibi frock with leopard-print pumps in June, while a month later, the singer (Zzzzz) added a metallic belt and bow-bedecked wedges.

If I had a nickel for every pair of bow-bedecked wedges I had…I would have zero nickels. Whereas if I had $100 for every pair of leopard-print pumps, I’d have $100. I’d much rather the latter than the former. Maybe I’m coming around on BL…

There’s really no way to say this that will sound normal, so I’m just going to put it out there: last night I dreamed that one of my very good guy friends gave birth to a chicken. Nurses Baxter and Edge were on hand to assist, and he gave birth to a healthy 3lb chick. I can see the whole thing vividly in my mind, and I’m still very unsettled with the whole affair. And I’m never going to tell who it was, so don’t bother asking – as if you’d even want to know. I wish I could un-know it.

Overshare? I’m running low on material/am so sore I can barely lift my arms to reach my keyboard. Moving is the HATE.

Henceforth, whenever I cannot think of a relevant entry heading, I’m just going to look at the search terms that landed people on BBT and use that as a title instead. Starting with today…so if you were hoping to find some answers to the Q, you’re S.O.L. Actually, that reminds me of a funny joke I saw on the interweb this week – on a message board someone posted:

Q: What is a good comeback to someone who tells you to go make them a sandwich?

A: Well, you better come back with a G.D. sandwich.

BURN!

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Ugly people hang out with ugly people

Posted by AllieB on July 26, 2011

I always get a kick out of seeing what people goog to land on BBT. In the past month, the following searches have resulted in page views, and it is proof positive that 1. people are weird, and 2. I need to look into editing my keywords.

  • Casey Anthony drowned my puppy
  • camel-toe athletics
  • does love cause swamp butt
  • don’t mess with bbt
  • how to make people feel awkward and leave
  • lesbian boat captains
  • Missy Baxter author
  • how do I get ants out of my topsy turvy?
  • ugly people hang out with ugly people

It’s 7:30 in the morning and I laughed really hard cutting and pasting these. That says a lot because not very much is funny at 7:30 in the morning.

It is beyond me how some marketing brainiac could ruin wine, but – somehow – the people behind these “chick wines” have managed to do so. The most unforgivable: “Mommy’s Time Out.” I’d rather drink water than drink that – I don’t think I’d even find the humor in a gag gift. What might be permissible is the “Middle Sister” as I, Allie, am a quintessential middle child and the second born of three sisters. I will say, the descriptions of every varietal give me nerd chills, but at least it’s not a creepy third person reference to motherhood….Pants, I’d get you the Sweet & Sassy in honor of SassySissy. Tina, I’d get you the Wicked White because I like her sunglasses. I, obviously, am Forever Cool. Der. I know a lot of oldest siblings, I’m realizing…it does not surprise me that there is no Oldest Sister wine – no offense, but that doesn’t sound very good. Type A Cabernet!

IRREGARDLESS, I could get 3 bottles of Two Buck Chuck for the price of one of these, so…I guess this is all a moo point. (Source: this very hard to read article of which I could only get through the first paragraph – where are the pictures??)

Joey: All right, Rach. The big question is, “does he like you?” All right? Because if he doesn’t like you, this is all a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.

Another title I was considering for today was, “Apropos of Nothing.” Actually, I considered naming BBT that at first. That would not have been irrelevant, given how things have panned out re: my ADHD content, but Baxter Bark Twice has worked out nicely…BBT is catchy; AON is an international corporation that provides risk management services…me, not so much.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Free Willy*

Posted by AllieB on July 13, 2011

It’s a scorcher out there today…I walked to Starbucks earlier to get a green tea lemonade, and in the 2.5 minutes I was outside managed to elevate my hair emergency to Code Red – glorious this is not.

I seriously am going to make one of these at around 3 o’clock today – thanks, Martha!:

Ingredients

  • 8 cups chopped seedless watermelon (about 6 pounds)
  • 1/2 cup freshly squeezed lime juice (about 4 limes)
  • 2 tablespoons sugar, plus 2 tablespoons more, if needed
  • 1/2 cup vodka, (optional)
  • Mint leaves

Directions

  1. Working in batches, puree in blender watermelon with lime juice and sugar until smooth. Add more sugar, if needed.
  2. Transfer puree to a pitcher; add vodka, if desired. Cover; chill until ready to serve.
  3. Stir; pour into tumblers, over ice. Garnish with mint.

I found these on an interweb site called, “Why Teachers Drink.” BBT says: fair enough.

I think I sat next to the guy on the left my freshman year in Ecology 101. Or I probably would have, had I ever gone to class.  BOOM!!! To the person on the right – touché. And to the rocket scientist in the middle: fail.

Confession: I just had to goog “Ecology” because I didn’t know of what it was the study. You’ll all be pleased to know that I earned an A. GO DAWGS!

*It would have been more accurate to say “Free Willy’S” but then it wouldn’t be a double entendre with a reference towards the classic film and a lame 7th grade joke. Today is Willy’s Mexicana Grill 16th birthday. If you feel like putting in some effort, you can visit one of five locations at the appointed times, shake Willy’s hand and thusly earn yourself a free burrito.

  1. 11 AM at Roswell Road – Buckhead
  2. 12 NOON at Perimeter
  3. 1PM at Kennesaw
  4. I guess I kind of dropped the ball on the lunch times – you can still do dinner!
  5. 6PM at W. Paces Ferry
  6. 7PM at Howell Mill

Sweet. I probably won’t do it, but I thought I’d put it out there.So, I messed with some internal aspects of BBT, and it’s temporarily not showing up on Google. Lo siento. I think I fixed it…hopefully.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »