Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘BOOM’

Get up offa that thang

Posted by AllieB on June 15, 2011

Tis a very good feeling to surmount the hump that is Wednesday.

Pippa’s single!!! Incidentally, Harry and Chelsey are in the latter part of their constantly on-again-off-again relationship, so mayhaps the rumors of the sparks that flew between them at the wedding could come to fruition…that’d be really weird. Their children would all be identical. My head kind of hurts even thinking about that – it’s not incest, is it? It almost seems like it’d be wrong. Whatever. I said this a couple of weeks ago, but I’m still marvelling at the length of her torso; it is, like, really really long. This pic is from a 5k she ran recently – her time was 25 minutes 30 seconds. My 5k PR is 20 minutes 17 seconds…BOOM. I may or may not have been 14 at the time.

I enjoyed a delicious and free lunch at The Ivy today because I am a Black Card Member aka a V.I.P. I got a pizza. Their pizza is awesome, as is the new pimento cheese sampler/salad, the Club sandwich, and they just added a bunch of salads and stuff, too. You should try it out – if you go there enough, you might even be considered for Black Card Membership……

While I’m distributing accolades about town, I should mention CamiCakes. (Katie – there’s also one in Jax!) I got Jordan a bday cupcake yesterday – I went with the “Classic Cami” which is vanilla cake with a truly awesome strawberry icing – and it was delish. There was a minor snafu when the gentleman ran my card for $2,700 instead of $2.70, but I told him Wells Fargo would deny that charge like Dikembe would a dunk and not to worry about it. We had a good laugh over the Dikembe comparison – he even did the finger shake at me. Good times!

I finally made a new mix cd. I’ve been listening to Girl Talk since before their concert in January and it’s getting kind of manic. I have no idea what’s on my new mix because I cannot get past the first two songs, which are “Chances Are” (that guy is hottt!) and “A Little Bit Stronger” from the Country Strong soundtrack. I’m not one for country or for singing along, but I have been belting out these tunes nonstop. This may surprise people, but I do not have a particularly melodious singing voice…less canary, more adolescent boy with bad allergies. I highly recommend both, but you can skip the movie, IMO.

That’s all for today; I’m going to get my fitness on. Thanks, People.com, for this motivating photo gallery – here’s a nice little preview for you, boys and girls:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slackers.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Do ugly people know they’re ugly?

Posted by AllieB on March 28, 2011

The quiet ones do.*

BOOM. I had a nice weekend – fairly standard with a side of really fun. I hung out with my peeps, ran a few errands, did a little cleaning, some dart throwing, a LOT of laughing…I also managed to hang on to both my first and last names (‘Allie’ & ‘Baxter’), which is more than I can say for this celebrity kook:

Diddy did it. So did Madonna and Prince, and now you can add Lindsay Lohan to the list of celebrities who are opting for a single moniker, with the troubled star’s mom, Dina, confirming to me that Lindsay plans to remove “Lohan” from her official name. “So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list…” (source: Popeater.com)

[Sigh of defeat] Well, I guess we can all just be relieved that she’s finally been able to pinpoint the source of her struggles: the two syllables of her last name. Problem: solved! This is some solid science, Lindsay Lohan – some very solid science.

I did a good bit of shopping on Saturday, and I had a few observations which I will share with you now:

  • don’t go shopping on Saturday
  • choose a day besides Saturday to do your shopping
  • Monday – Friday and Sunday are your best days for shopping

Le mis. However, I was able to ascertain that I want everything that every store is selling right now. I did some buying, but I still need all of these things (Miriam, this is not an invitation to go out and purchase the whole lot. AHEM Christmas Wishlist.)

  1. Free Dance Top – Anthropologie (that’s what they call it, to me it is a ‘fun shirt’)
  2. Nude Pump – Pour la Victoire
  3. White Flare Jeans – J Brand
  4. Blouse, Shorts, and Belt – J. Crew
  5. Leather Carryall – American Apparel (copying Atlantic-Pacific – my obsession grows daily)
  6. Turquoise Necklace – Kenneth Jay Lane

I wonder why I have such an aversion to color… Sidebar: is anyone else totally fed up with the red haired shopbop model!? I’ve had beef with her since ’06 and it really irks me that she’s still around, like, get another job or something. She’s so…smug.

*source: Texts From Last Night – All The Ones No One Remembers Sending – credit: Tina

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

My hair is glorious enough for the both of us

Posted by AllieB on March 11, 2011

I tend to devote my Fridays to Kate Middleton. That’s not weird at all; it is actually 100% normal. My friend, Hadley P, is the best resource for my Kate 411, and she really outdid herself this time. This is a brilliant blog (I even talk like Kate does – we both say “brilliant”): it takes photogs of Kate – candids, poses, what have you – and then writes captions that are funny.

Hilar. I think I’ll do that with pictures of people I know.

OK…now this is a fun game…

 

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Advice from Bark Twice

Posted by AllieB on February 24, 2011

For some reason people keep asking me to do an advice segment. I’m assuming that’s because I give great advice. Let’s see how it goes.

Dear BBT,

My friends are acting weird. They used to call and email me about meeting up and doing stuff, but now they never contact me and they don’t even respond when I contact THEM! What’s going on? What can I do?

-Am I Loser? (Podunk, USA)

Dear Probably,

They’re cutting you out. There are many reasons as to why this is happening, but it’s probably something you did. I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do except for make new friends – perhaps seek out people in a different part of town, or find some new hobbies. This way, you’ll tap into a whole new segment of the population who has no idea that you’ve been socially ostracized and have no friends. Chin up – you’re not a loser to people who don’t know any better!

Dear BBT,

I have a stalker. It’s not a creepy dude, it’s even worse – it’s a girl who, like, literally wants to be me. What if she goes all Single White Female on me?! I’m terrified. She keeps showing up wherever I am dressed just like me – I think she can see into my bedroom. What do I DOOOO??

-I’m Awesome (Awesomeville, USA)

Dear Are You Sure You’re That Awesome?,

I don’t like your tone. Maybe she’s just insecure and needs a friend – haven’t you ever read Chicken Soup for the Soul? Be nice; I have a feeling you’re one of those people who makes crap up for attention, and I don’t like it.

Dear BBT,

My roommate and I have not been getting along recently. Our power bill was over $300 last month and it’s all because she never turns off the lights and has like 15 lamps in her room (which is really weird in general). Also, she eats my food when she’s drunk, and it seriously pisses me off. Plus, she’s totally batsh*t bonkers and if I tell her I want to move out she’ll slice me in my sleep. How do I get her to want to move away from me so she thinks it’s all her idea?

-I Love My Leftovers (Poundtown, USA)

Dear Me Too,

Fear not! I have some great ideas:

  • Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate’s potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate’s potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, “He just didn’t belong.”
  • Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if she knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
  • Everytime your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake her up and say, “it’s time to go to bed now.”

If those don’t work, have her committed.

Hope that helped!!

MPvZB emailed me this earlier, and I was about to ask why she sent it when I realized the question I really should be asking is why WOULDN’T she send it. WWDD?

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 10 Comments »