Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘j simps’

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Is she? She is, isn’t she?

Posted by AllieB on September 29, 2011

Everyone knows that InTouch is for photographic perusal ONLY and that their news reporting is almost always erroneous, but when they say things like this – I pay attention:

Exclusive: It’s Official: Jessica Simpson IS Pregnant!

The denim and FARM incident of 2k9 will never go away. Ever. BULGE.

No one is really giving InTouch an exclusive anything (except that stupid LeAnn Rimes, maybe – she is the WORST), but I’m going with it. To quote another newsworthy source, Hollywood Reporter, “Jess has sorta looked pregnant for awhile. Now she actually is!” I can’t decide if I want her to be or not…you can’t make fun of pregnant people for being fat. Though she could really blow up – the same article also reported that she’s craving nachos dipped in chocolate, so this is promising…I guess now she’ll actually have to confirm or deny via reputable news source. BOLO!

Speaking of bulge, I have undertaken the onerous burden of attending tastings with my Mom to choose a caterer for CKB’s wedding in March. I kid, this is like my favorite activity ever. You recall The Allie Awards, yes? No one has contacted me about being the face of the Allie’s…I could even MC the next award show. Who are you wearing, you look fabulous..!! Ok, my Allie Awards need some serious updating – a lot has changed since September 2010 and there are some HIGHLY egregious errors:

Best Hot Sandwich: Publix’s Philly Cheesesteak - was I on glue? Duh, it’s Mr C’s.

Best Quesadilla: Paul’s on the Patio (you’d be surprised) - well, they took it off the menu, so that’s gone. Plus their service blows. This one’s up for grabs – thoughts???

Best Stuffed Pasta (on a budget): Trader Joe’s Portobello Mushroom Ravioli - truth.

Best Stuffed Pasta (not so much on a budget): Sotto Sotto’s Ravioli Nudi - yes.

Best Nachos: Tavern 99 - I’m humiliated that this is on BBT. I don’t even remember the food there; all I can think about are the waitresses in sexy umpire outfits. And by sexy I mean really really not. TREEHOUSE is the new winner on this one.

I have to go do some work before my third and final tasting this afternoon. And then go on a 5 or 3 mile yog. Do yourself a favor and check out Toe Pick SF today – and not just because I got a shout out (I love shout outs) but because it’s some good shiz.

 Just wanted to say hey to my gal pals. Hey!

Posted in Celebs, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Home is where my stuff is

Posted by AllieB on September 8, 2011

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: please stop talking/tweeting/dancing/any other gerund you can think of:

Spotted on Twitter yesterday:

Been getting lots of questions about this alleged breast reduction…not to worry! I LOVE MY BOOBIES!!!! They aren’t going anywhere!!!

One guess – uno – as to who the culprit is behind this gem. J SIMPS! I am, admittedly, very excited about her wedding. Does anyone know when that is? Better yet, is anyone going? If you are, I would like to work out some sort of deal giving me access to all of your media. I will pay you zero dollars for exclusive rights – very lucrative, very fair; get back to me.

I’m having some issues of the interior design ilk. My new abode is absorbing all of my furniture so it seems quite empty. I do not prefer clutter, but I do want it to seem…lived in. I think the window treatments I’ve been eyeing will help, and I have some ideas pertaining to wall decor…I was discussing this with my neighbor last evening, and the following conversation ensued:

Allie: My apartment is eating my furniture.

Kara: You know what you need? A plant.

Allie: Yes, but then I’d have a plant.

Do people have plants? It seems like a turn towards Catville, and I am not going to Catville. Pass. If I bring any living organism into my home, it will be a PUPPY. Here are some ideas I like:

From left:

-lofty aspirations (wordplay)

-I will, one day, have a book nook

-this is somewhat plausible, save for my laziness

Credit: PINTEREST.

On notice: Souper Jenny. You know what you did – $7 salads and sammies? For shame. It’s not so much the amount as the fact that, for the past two years, every time you return from your month long vacation (don’t even get me started on that nonsense – this isn’t France!), you jack up your prices by a buck. I don’t like it. Henceforth, the only time I will deign to dine in your restaurant is on Thursday nights when there are grilled cheeses. I think it’s time to serve that one with prosciutto/arugula/goat cheese on an Israeli bagel.

Baxter, out. TGIT.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Informative Disinformation

Posted by AllieB on July 20, 2011

GROUP DINNERS!!! Who doesn’t love having a meal of food with 18 people at a long, rectangular table and being stuck at the end, relegated to a corner with the dunce and the doofus, and then getting a check for $80 when you had a salad and shared a bottle of $25 wine (and possibly a martini – but still, that’s clearly too much. (Unless your martini was made of gold, as the margarita at Varasano’s is. $17.50 is the price for a 4 oz tequila beverage…just so you know…order accordingly.)) Well, per this Handy Guide shared with me by OD, How to Split a Check, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles at group dins. (If you’re 25 and older – if you’re under 25 and you’re reading this…well, isn’t that nice for you.)

Now, the observant among you have read this, processed it and realized that in a group-dining scenario, one is effectively incentivized to order lavishly and imbibe irresponsibly, because not everyone else will, and thus what you end up paying will be disproportionate to what you actually owe, meaning that you make out like a bandit while your schmuck pals who exercise restraint in the name of fiscal responsibility end up subsidizing you. This is correct!

I don’t really love group dinners. Unless we go to Treehouse and Bethenny splits the check as we order – I always appreciate that. Rory at Paul’s does that, too. Also, be advised, not eating and only drinking at restaurants doesn’t do you much good. If you’re really trying to save $$, bring vodka disguised in a water bottle and order club soda. I’M KIDDING that’s pathetic – don’t do that. Everyone will stare at you in disdain and someone might even ask you to leave. If the situation is that dire, stay home. Wisdom: imparted.

Why does no one have house parties anymore? Jeez. Lindsay, maybe we need to be telling more people about your beer pong table that folds up into a briefcase.

RUMORS!! Unbeknownst to me, there have been rumors circulating that J Simps is pregs – she’s aggressively denying them, of course…It’s not for me to say, obviously, but this picture may or may not be the reason why…

Source: Daily Mail

And Leo dumped Boobs!!! Muuahahahaha. That’s what you get for being desperate to be Mrs. Leonardo DiCaprio.

Evidently the niceness of yesterday was a one-time thing.

Happy almost Bday, BBT! Un día más

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

I’m so happy

Posted by AllieB on July 8, 2011

J Simps has come out with a new fragrance. It’s called: I Fancy You.

I am not kidding, that’s what it is called. I imagine hundreds of conversations, worldwide, following a similar script:

That’s an interesting perfume…. What’s the name of it? (So I know what NOT to buy)

“I Fancy You.”

Er, well, that’s nice – but I really just wanted to know what the name is of the perfume you’re wearing.

“I Fancy You.”

FINE nevermind.

It’s just awkward.

Here a few distractions to mediate the agony of a Friday afternoon in the workplace:

I’ll be back on Monday, so you can kiss the half-ass posts siyonara…

 

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

What’s new, pussycat?

Posted by AllieB on April 28, 2011

As the heavens prepared to open above Metro Atlanta last night, having wreaked real, tragic havoc over Mississippi and Alabama, people around town made appropriate preparations: got the animals inside, made sure they had candles/flashlights, some of us ensured we had plenty of wine and library books…you get the picture: time to hunker down. Refer to the following BBM convo:

Me: Mom, are you going to Body Pump today?

Mom: No, I’m going to a concert at Cobb Energy Center

Me: A concert?! Mom, the weather is supposed to get really bad later!

Mom: Sorry to miss BP!

I thought this turn of events was a bit curious – although my mom does love concerts (Hippie Fest ’07, Rod Stewart & Stevie Nicks), but then forgot about it and carried on with my evening. It wasn’t until hours later when I was chatting with my older sister, CKB, that I learned what was going on. My mother was at the TOM JONES concert. TOM JONES. Tom “Sexbomb” Jones. What? I don’t even know.

Soundbite! J Simps on her “workout regimen” for her upcoming nuptials (PopEater, credit: Julia)

“I just have to work out on my own. There is no regimen I need to follow. There’s no diet I need to follow…No exercise is fun! I am going to dance around my bedroom and hopefully lose some weight — and lift some weights and do what I can!”

Every time Jessica gets the urge to speak, she should resist that urge and not speak. She’s the only person to whom I’d say this, but: try NOT using your words. I goog’ed “Jessica Simpson dancing.” Have I gone too far? This isn’t very nice.

from allwomenstalk.com

Maybe think about tossing in some pilates along with your boudoir frolics, or going on the occasional yog…just in case.

It’s almost here….my favorite thing: THE ROYAL WEDDING!!!! Kate’s getting hitched! I set my alarm for 4:01. If I can’t stay awake for it, at least I will be absorbing the coverage as I sleep…omg I seriously can’t wait. I’m afraid I’m not going to be doing any live-blogging, 1. because the chances of me staying awake are very slim, and 2. I don’t know how to live blog. Rest assured, I’ll have plenty to say after the fact tomorrow afternoon, so….BOLO.

 

 

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

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