Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘you’re fired’

Your coworkers hate you.

Posted by AllieB on October 24, 2014

At approximately 4PM on Tuesday afternoon I was at my desk, working or whatever, when I heard what sounded like someone clipping their nails. Surely not – this is an office with an open-plan layout and there’s no such thing as personal space; anyone within a 20 foot radius is privy to everything you say or do. The sound continued; I had to investigate. I stood up and honed in on a man sitting the next row over. He was CLIPPING HIS NAILS. He was at his desk clipping his nails and then nonchalantly brushing the remnants into his trashcan. I was/am/will forever be appalled.

Amid my disgust, I realized there was probably a good BBT in here, so I emailed a group of people inquiring as to their workplace pet peeves, and some of you might need to look for new jobs. I am saddened by how uncommon common sense is.

Herewith, 19 things you can do to make your coworkers hate you.

1. Mayonnaise-based salads have a shelf-life one day. As in, do not bring a tub of tuna salad on a Monday and plan to eat out of it thru Friday. You are the worst and everyone hates you.

And if you didn’t put it in the fridge, it’s not yours.

ross's sandwich

2. When people shoot nerf guns around me while I’m trying to be productive. This is not to be confused with when people shoot nerf guns when I’d like to be distracted.

3. I want to reiterate this one more time: no nail clipping at your desk or anywhere that’s not your own bathroom in your own home.

nail clipping

It IS crazy.

4. People who are RUDE. It won’t kill you to say THANK YOU.

5. The guy that speaks loudly and mispronounces everything by putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable.

Previously, it has been the guy that said “deuces” to me every day when I left. Or when you someone goes on vacation for two weeks and when you ask how it was responds by saying “it’s not a vacation when you have kids”. And you’ve been covering their work. (“Deuces” –> nerd chills)

6. People talking loudly on the phone. (Preach! I think people who have zero regard for other people/their surroundings are sociopaths.)

7. I can’t stand it when I have literally just walked in for the day or from grabbing lunch and someone races or hovers over my desk to ask me a question. Especially if I am mid-bite, and they want to ask me 10 questions. Like give me 1 minute to get lettuce out of my teeth, and then I can help you.

8. When you sign an email with your name “Gregg” and someone will respond back “Hey Jack”…..grinds my gears man (By Jack he means Jack Donnelly, name of the best khaki brand in the biz. Check out story and link at the end of the post)

9. Captain Unfriendlies. Those who do not make eye contact, speak or acknowledge that another human is also present when you’re in an enclosed common area.

10. Captain Toofriendlies. Those who loiter in your area when you are clearly done with the conversation at hand. Bye Felecia.

case of the mondays

11. When people eat delicious food – chicken fingers, pizza, french fries, etc – sending yummy smells wafting through the air when it’s not even a Friday. (Totes agree – get your fried mess away from me may I please have a french fry)

12. The guy who is flicking boogers on the wall over the urinal.  This isn’t Kindergarten, and there will be some kind of hell to pay if I ever catch the culprit. (That is gross. Boys are GROSS)

Also, people who schedule calls/meetings past 5pm on a Friday. Hell, past noon. (Or really just on Friday, period.)

13. People who are idiots

people are idiots

14. When you ask someone to send something ASAP and they say “I’m right on top of that, Rose!” and it takes 17 more tries before they actually get it to you. WERE YOU NOT A PART OF THE CONVERSATION WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD SEND IT? Because you were, and you lied, and now I hate you.

15. The girl in the office next door to me plays Second Life (online virtual world) pretty much all day at work.  She wears a headset and speaks aloud to other avatars.  I think she may “own” a boot store because she’s always talking about how she doesn’t like this set of boots or that set of boots.  I also think her avatar must have a really dominant personality because she says “f you motherf’er” 2-4 times/hour. (Um. What.)

16. I 100% clip my nails at work and don’t give a $*&%.  I hate the assistant that leaves at 4:59:59 every day regardless of how much she knows everyone has going on. (Aren’t you a delight.)

17. People talking over or down to you.  Work hard and be nice to each other.  Rude is never an excuse. (Words to live by!)

18. Co-workers sharing too much personal information.We work together I don’t need to know your birthing plan. (EW.)

Also, millennials (even though we technically are in that group). Spotlight on a convo I had with Frank our new Government Affairs Coordinator.

F: When were you born?

J: 1984

F: Ew.

J: When were you born?

F:1992

J. Oh.

(Tell Frank he used EW wrong.)

19. Women in sales that dress like sl*ts. Yes. I am being hypocritical. I should be supporting other women in my field. But they are all fake and obnoxious. (I’m with you on this – it’s obvious what you’re doing and you make the rest of us look bad.)

This is where you should pause and ask yourself, do I do any of these things? Check yourself before you wreck yourself, y’all.

As previously mentioned, I want to do a quick plug for Jack Donnelly khakis. Gregg, the owner, launched a Kickstarter campaign and is killing it – he’s at over 300% of his goal, and there are still three days to go. Read this note and check out the video, and join the movement! Be a part of something bigger than yourself.

An open letter to our loyal customers and supporters:

In June 2010, I launched Jack Donnelly from my parents’ basement. Disappointed with the way khakis were being made (mass produced and ill-fitting), I set out to create a better khaki – one that fit great, was highly constructed, and made to last.  It was important to me to do it the best way an American based company can – sourcing and manufacturing in the USA.

It’s been an awesome journey thus far, and all your feedback has been amazing. We’ve spent the last four years carefully building out and improving our product line.  We made sure to take it slowly because we wanted to build a business that lasts, to always deliver a top quality product, and to cultivate a brand that you can trust.

Today we set out on our newest and biggest journey, a Kickstarter campaign to help fund new product development and expanded operations with a mission to take our brand to the next level.  The more people who visit our Kickstarter page, the more successful we can be, and the more great pants we can make.

I ask you to please watch and share our Kickstarter video with your friends, family, and colleagues.  If you feel that we deserve your financial support to help fund our future growth, please contribute (and get some great pants).  I sincerely appreciate your support and business.  It means more than you know.  With your help we can make this into something special…the great khaki comeback starts here!

If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

Sincerely,

Gregg Donnelly

Founder

I know this is information overload, especially on a Friday (see #12), but really – what else are you going to do today? TGIF!

Living footloose & ebola-free in NYC,

BBT

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

This thing doesn’t make me any money; sometimes I am lazy

Posted by AllieB on November 1, 2011

Hello, I’m back. You can step away from the ledge/put away the noose – I’m back.

Let’s see – where were we….

I went to Taste of Atlanta. It was fun! We had some very tasty treats, with one of the faves being the meatball slider from from No. 246 in Decatur (owned by same peeps who own JCT), which I’d already heard great things about from K, and I am very proud of myself for really taking advantage of my city. Not only did we spend several hours at the festival, but we retreated to the rooftop retreat at the Hotel Palomar-now-Renaissance Inn in Midtown and enjoyed a cozy fire pit and very tasty jalepeno margaritas. I think that’s what they were.

from top: hilarity with a cityscape; El’s snazzy bedazzled clips from Medusa; couch closeness with Caro

Georgia BEAT FLORIDA.

Jessica Simpson…is going to be a mommy. She did not sell this information to any tabloid – probably because people who were going to pay her were like, nevermind we all have eyes that can see – and Respect for the way she chose to finally come forward: as a mummy. Get it – wordplay! Who knew she had it in her.  Also, is she due tomorrow because that is a sizable baby bump. I just don’t get why she didn’t come forward sooner…if people kept calling me fat yet I knew it was because I was giving birth imminently, I think I’d speak up.

Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce…I love how no one’s even pointing fingers at who did what wrong – this was clearly a business plan, plain and simple, and now they’re free to carry on with their lives, just several million dollars richer. I wonder what Kim will do with all the gifts she registered for. I still cannot get over the fact that she registered for gifts – she really ought to be ashamed of herself. Whatever, I don’t like Kim at all. She looks like a wax figure of herself and her rear end is truly confounding. Kim, you’re fired (from BBT).

I’ve said it before – about blogging again after not blogging for awhile and how it is not at all like riding a bike because it’s quite difficult to get back into the swing of things…welp, case in point. I always recover though. I’m nothing if not driven.

Did you see how I added a Pinterest sidebar?? I freaking love Pinterest. Click thru on “more pins” to see my carefully curated masterpieces.

On this day in 2010: I wrote a post called Bookshelf Porn. The end.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Shameful Post

Posted by AllieB on November 2, 2010

In the past, when I’ve surveyed others as to what sort of material they might want to read about on my little blog here, people always say I should write about shameful Facebook posts, of which there are a plethora. I’m not going to go on a tirade of things I hate on Facebook, but I do like to make fun of people who do stupid things on Facebook.

The sad thing is – sometimes people are innocent victims of their insolent friends. See below. The origin of this escapes me – I think Pal shared it last summer…? I don’t really know, but I’ve protected names and faces. (Although I will assert that I did not know, nor did I have a single friend in common with, any of the people involved.)

Commentator #1 needs a refresher in Social Niceties: What Not to Say to a Recently Separated Person, Particularly on a Viral Platform Such as Facebook. Commentator #3 did the right thing in calling him out. However, and maybe this is just my preference to avoid potentially awk situations, I would have inquired of a close, trustworthy mutual friend as to what happened, and then sent an email – NOT an FB message – offering my condolences or whatever was appropriate in this scenario.

Either way, Commentator #1: you’re fired.

I know I have more shameful material than this archived in my color-coded labels. BOLO for Shameful Post, Vol II.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »