Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for October, 2010

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Wishlist: Things I need

Posted by AllieB on October 7, 2010

Fall has arrived, and everyone is talking about various things they need. Sister needs velvet shorts. Allison needs a one-shoulder Alexander Wang dress that barely makes sense (but I adore it, too). Hilary needed fringe boots  (I need those as well, but in black). And I also think I might need a pair of sequined shorts.

So far, my one big purchase for the fall has been my new J Brand Lovestory jeans – and I know, they’ve been around forever, duh Allie, but these are awesomer than the average pair because they are a lightweight material thus more comfortable, and, IMO, more flattering. Seriously, go try some on – your caboose will have never looked better.

In addition to these obvious life necessities, I am in need of some other items as well:

  1. A waterproof cover for my smart phone device. I got a brand new cell piece back in August, and after only two days in my possession my omnipresent water bottle leaked in my purse during a work breakfast at J. Christopher’s (overrated), and the phone was saturated. Devastated, I hastily disassembled it and google’d how to best handle the situation. I submerged the phone in rice for two days, and voilà! It turned on and worked fine. But then the exact same thing happened last Friday while I enjoyed an innocent happy hour at Bluepoint with my parents. (I highly recommend the Friday happy hours at Bluepointe – they have a wide selection of liquor drinks and wines for $5 and then a substantial menu of small plates for $7 and under.) Needless to say, I wasn’t so lucky the second time, and I’ve been phoneless for six days. I barely know any of my friends anymore. I’ve resorted to landlines and smoke signals – it sucks.
  2. A yacht like the one my nearest and dearest, Amy, cruised the Adriatic in. 

Rachel: Pam! Oh God okay, just imagine this, “The Pam.”

Mr. Bowmont: I don’t think she’d like that.

Rachel: Okay, uh-uh imagine this, “The Mr. Bowmont.”

Mr. Bowmont: I don’t think so dear.

Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. All right, you are settin’ sail up the Hudson! You’ve got the wind in your h – aaaarms…

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

This is not okay.

Posted by AllieB on October 5, 2010

Heidi Montag is the most accurate personification of everything that is wrong with Hollywood ever, in all the history of everything that has ever been wrong with Hollywood.

Bal Harbour Plastic Surgery Associates has come up with the really neat idea where you, too, can “Heidi Yourself” by uploading a picture and then playing with one of the TEN surgery options that Heidi underwent in a single day. Kewl.

The site is somewhat rudimentary, and you don’t really have all that much control over specific facial features…which is why, perhaps, I wound up looking like this when I tried to Heidi myself.

Thanks, but no thanks. Now, if Boobs Legsly‘s doctor put up a page like this…we’re talking a totally different ballgame.

Try at your own risk: http://balharboursurgery.com/heidiyourself/. And thank you to the STAR magazine in my doctor’s office for enlightening me to this social and medical atrocity.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

O is for OH WOW

Posted by AllieB on October 1, 2010

It’s been a busy week, and I haven’t brought much to the table in terms of internet interaction. I miss emailing and Facebook. Surprisingly, I did not miss gchat. Maybe I’m over gchat? Probably not. Anyway – I haven’t really been following the news, and the stories I have caught wind of I feel are already exhausted in terms of discussion, etc.

However, this Duke “sex thesis” warrants mention. I find it ridiculous (a PowerPoint??) as well as deplorable. Per the Jezebel article (which I will not link to directly because the title is extremely inappropriate):

Upon graduating, the author decided to pass on the wisdom she had learned, in thesis format. The subject: “An education beyond the classroom: excelling in the realm of horizontal academics.”

Her poor parents. They were probably so proud that their daughter got into Duke (Puke), and then she goes and does this. What a treat! Imagine their Christmas card letter: “…and our slore of a daughter made a PowerPoint about her sex life that the entire world has been able to read. We feel really good about the $180,000 we spent on her tuition.”

I do think this regrettable situation can teach us all a lesson or two: 1. try to refrain from making detailed PowerPoints about your sexual relations, and 2. anything you write and then share via the web is free game – even if it’s just an email to three friends. FYI. Note to self. Words of wisdom.

**UPDATE: if you’re so inclined, this is a link to the clear non-blurry version – names, faces, etc…..wowza. Barstool Sports

Moving along – it is Friday, hoorah, and Friday is a great day for video montages. This is incredible. Even if you haven’t seen every single episode of Friends five or more times like, say, me or Sister or Hilary or Pal or Kara or Leila, you can’t not enjoy Ross.

Ross: Oh, major shampoo explosion!

Rachel: Uh, look Ross, this really isn’t easy.

Ross: Oh, it’s all over everything. Why? Why me?

Rachel: Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo?

Ross: Oh, not another one! Oh my G… And this is moisturizer. It’s even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

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