Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘awesomeness’

Post about how BBT is awesome and The Bachelor is not

Posted by AllieB on January 4, 2012

BBT is not an open book; that was never the plan. Mayhaps one day I’ll start an anonymous blog so I can finally do surveys with the sorts of questions the male contingent has asked that I ask – none of which I can even kind of describe to you here – but til then I like to hold my cards close re: real facts and information. Be that as it may, I share with you some statistics about BBT. Sharing these goes directly against everything I just said.

  • since its conception in July 2k10, I have published 279 posts on Baxter Bark Twice.
  • in 2011, BBT was viewed almost 100,000 times (NOT counting spam, bots, or spiders – I like the numbers a whole lot more when I include those guys, but…the blogging oath and all that). According to my WordPress Jetpack Site Stats, this means that if BBT was a concert at Madison Square Garden, it would take about 5 sold-out performances for that many people to see it. Neat. Kind of an odd metaphor, but it’s nice to have a visual.
  • 37 percent of all visits were new visits, the remaining 63 percent, obviously, returning. Of those 63 percent returning visitors, 51 percent visited over 25 times. Super neat.

This sounds an awful lot like bragging and a little bit like a math problem, neither of which are things BBT condones, but I’m kinda proud of myself – especially given my incredibly scattered content and lack of direction. Besides, a blog is nothing without her readers, so it’s really you I have to thank…except Hilary.

MUZZLE. Let’s talk about something else.

As much as I abhor all things Bachelor/Bachelorette, I tuned in for the season premier on Monday. It is insane. IT IS SO INSANE. What on EARTH is happening?! Sloan Crosley – you recall my bestie Sloan – tweeted that she’d like to be a Behind the Scenes Manipulator on The Bachelor. I agree. First, there’s the Monica v Jenna feud, next you’ve got Monica aggressively coming on to Blakely and them canoodling on the chaise, and then there’s Jenna going absolutely, completely BATSH*T BONKERS and crying nonstop for hours (cute dress, though – good beadwork). I just don’t even know what to make of the season, especially when the Bachelor in question is Ben. He was such a non-presence in the first episode it easily could have been called 30 Totally Loony Women Dressed Like Skanks and Drinking Too Much in a Random House For No Reason At All. There’s no way I can watch another second I’ll see if I can stick it out for another week, but I’m not optimistic.

From left: Jenna, the spineless crier, and Monica, the unhinged pseudo-lesbian psychopath, both of whom made it thru the first rose ceremony. Houston, we have a problem.

For a more comprehensive recap, I – begrudgingly – direct you towards Betches Love This Site. They pretty much nailed it…but of course they did; it’s right up their alley.

As for upcoming topical topics, people have been asking for some Facebook etiquette tips. Or not tips so much as what is absolutely NOT okay to share on the book of face. I tread lightly in this area as there is a very real chance I could offend an avid reader. I have an illness and it’s called pleasing people. I think I need to get over that. Any tips? Kara?

Oh, I just finished a very good book: The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles. I reserved it at the library like 5 months ago, and it just came in – I couldn’t even remember what it was about or why I wanted to read it, but it was excellent. It takes place in 1938 in New York City – actually, People Magazine can say it better than I can: “Put on some Billie Holiday, pour a dry martini and immerse yourself in the eventful life of Katey Kontent…[Towles] clearly knows the privileged world he’s writing about, as well as the vivid, sometimes reckless characters who inhabit it.” Recommend for females only, I think. A, go ahead and order it…for boys, READ THE HUNGER GAMES.

There is more than one relevant item on this list of 20 New Year’s Resolutions for 20-Somethings. Even if you’ve already rounded out your list of NY Ressies, you should check these out. Even if you’re not in your 20’s or think you’re better than resolutions, reading this is worth a minute of your time. Credit: Haley G.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 6 Comments »

OH HAPPY DAY

Posted by AllieB on November 9, 2011

As many of you know from spending time with me, or from this blog post, I am never without my trusty Vaseline. Before you’re like, “EW” know that Vaseline is one of the few balms without any of those pesky additives like Carmex, which I am convinced have some sort of ingredient that makes you addicted. I am not addicted to Vaseline, I just have a very strong fondness for it. Anyway, when they came out with the small flip top size I was thrilled, but it’s still kind of bulky and boys people will look you at strangely when you whip it out in public/at a work meeting. I’d seen Tina’s convenient little pocket sized ones that her boss would bring her back from Europe, but I could not find them ANYWHERE. I even looked on the internet, and when I tried to get drugstores in the UK to ship it to me they’d say, “We’re terribly sorry, but there seems to be something wrong with your postal code. It is five digits long and it has no letters.” Well, KMA, England because – once again – Amazon has saved the day.

Available at Amazon.com. I’ve purchased all 4.

I should probably take my love for Vaseline down a notch/less public.

I met with my interviewee at Bocado last night, and I’m getting to work on the interview write-up…it was really fun, and I’m already thinking about who’s next. Short list includes: Carlos of Irby Avenue fame; a lead singer of a famous rock band; a fashion designer; Missy Baxter.

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

Cheers

Posted by AllieB on September 30, 2011

I hate Rihanna’s new song. Someone needs to remix that thing stat because she sounds like she just took 12 too many vicodin. Whatevs – cheers to the freaking weekend.

This blog is amazing. It’s called ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS. Credit: Bobby.

YOU HAVE A METH ADDICTION CARLA.
WE’RE NOT EVEN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I’M A DOG AND YOU CAN’T TALK TO DOGS. THINK ABOUT IT.
I’M NOT EVEN YOUR DOG. YOU PROBABLY STOLE ME, BECAUSE YOU’RE ON METH.
GO TO REHAB. DRY YOURSELF OUT. YOU STILL HAVE SOME TEETH LEFT.

YOU HAVE A METH ADDICTION CARLA.

WE’RE NOT EVEN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I’M A DOG AND YOU CAN’T TALK TO DOGS. THINK ABOUT IT.

I’M NOT EVEN YOUR DOG. YOU PROBABLY STOLE ME, BECAUSE YOU’RE ON METH.

GO TO REHAB. DRY YOURSELF OUT. YOU STILL HAVE SOME TEETH LEFT.

Have great weekend! Don’t do meth.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Yeah…I’m kind of over it.

Posted by AllieB on April 19, 2011

Newsflash: I love all things Kate Middleton. And I really think she would love all things Allie Baxter, if I hypnotized her or tricked her in some way given the chance. I think it’s our uncanny similarities: our path to royalty, our ability to stay poised and collected in the face of turmoil, our impeccable appearance…truly, the list goes on. I cannot wait to see what her dress looks like, and I know the wedding itself will be glorious, but, that said….I am kind of over everyone else’s obsession.

Really, Papa John’s? (The Hairpin)

People are saying that her wedding will be the most watched event ever, in the history of television, and I realize you’d have to be a real dunce to not want to score in on the cash cow that is a Royal Wedding, but it’s become less fun for me, somehow. Ok, wait, I actually just did the research to back my previous statement, and they are expecting TWO BILLION people to tune in. This, plus the 400 million who will watch via other media (online, etc.) will account for over a quarter of the world’s population. Needless to say, the mind reels.

I dunno, I’m just a little bored, is all. I could only make it through half of the Lifetime movie last night, and I am kind of sick of the “speculating” about honeymoon destinations and what her dress looks like. Chill out, peeps, we’ll know when we know. Kate has already told me, telepathically, but I clearly won’t divulge.

I am ever devoted to Princess Kate, and I will absolutely be one of the two billion watching next Friday morning, but I’m going rogue til then – unless you have a fridge wrapping or similar to send me, I’m out.

In other celeb-crazy news: Tim Riggins Beer Popsicles – Tim Rigginsicles. Tina, shall we make some this weekend – some poolside refreshments, perhaps? They give you step-by-step instructions, so it’ll be super easy….

My level of kiddingness is neg.

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , | 8 Comments »

The results are in, amigo. What’s left to ponder?

Posted by AllieB on January 24, 2011

It’s all happening…!

The rumors have been circulating for years – years! – but the confirmation has finally been confirmed: the sequel to Zoolander will be released in 2012. This is not exactly brand new information, but I am pleased to know that they are making progress. The script is finito and Ben Stiller even shared some basic plot details (credit: NYMag):

“Now the studio has the script and we’re at that point where we’re waiting to see what they want to do. It’s ten years later and most of it is set in Europe. I don’t want to give away too much, but it’s basically Derek and Hansel ten years later – though the last movie ended on a happy note a lot of things have happened in the meantime. Their lives have changed and they’re not really relevant anymore. It’s a new world for them. Will Ferrell is written into the script and he’s expressed interest in doing it. I think Mugatu is an integral part of the Zoolander story, so yes, he features in a big way.”

That really is a cool story, Hansel.*

Girl Talk did not disappoint; it was awesome! We had seats in the balcony – by far the best in the house. Except for the fact that the balcony was moving…a lot…like bouncing up and down. This concerned me a bit, but, upon further examination, I realized that the people below us would actually be much worse-off should the balcony collapse, so it was fine. I also nearly pushed Sister over the railing – ACCIDENTALLY – but that definitely would’ve put a damper on the evening. Sorry, without any irony. I’ve been noticing a flux in thoughts of the macabre ilk, recently…might need to check on that…

BOLO for a balcony!

*Zing.

Posted in Celebs, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »