Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘FYI’

I’m in a glass case of emotion: the story of BBT

Posted by AllieB on December 8, 2011

Today’s inspiration: the word “inspiration.”

My Idol Person I Like a Normal Amount: Sloane Crosley. Sloane is why Baxter Bark Twice is even extant; she is who I wish to be. I hope she doesn’t have a Google alert set up for her name and reads this. Actually, I hope she does. Hi, Sloane. Sloane has written two books: I Was Told There’d be Cake and How Did You Get This Number? Both are compilations of personal essays ranging in subject matter from bridesmaid woes to international travel to failed relationships and hot-off-the-truck furniture. She is really funny and frank and sometimes it seems like she takes the thoughts from my head, aligns them in an articulate and coherent manner, and writes them down. Pallison had the good fortune to run into Sloane on Sunday at a Barney’s Co-op in NYC. She co-opted (wordplay!) her in the dressing room, and absolutely spewed word vomit about how she and her friend Allie were her biggest fans, how we’re both friends with her on Facebook (true story), and how that line out of How Did You Get This Number, “it wasn’t as real as you thought it was” changed both of our lives. (Read the book. You’ll see what we mean.) Sloane, ever graceful, handled the situation with aplomb. Anyway, in an ideal world, BBT’s posts will parlay into longer, more personal essays, multiply several times in number, and become compilations that will be published. Fingers crossed!

Sorry for saying “spewed word vomit” with regard to your actions, Pal. I probably could have opted for a different choice of words – I didn’t, but I could have.

Person Whose Closet I Want:

Olivia Palermo. Gah.

The Movie From Which “Baxter Bark Twice” Originated: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Baxter is the name of Ron’s dog, and, after Baxter is drop-kicked over a bridge (see below), he goes missing. Later in the movie, Ron receives a call from someone who he obviously assumes is his lost dog, and says, “Hello? Who’s there? Hello? Who is this? Baxter… is that you? Baxter! Bark twice if you’re in Milwaukee…” See? My last name is Baxter, so it makes sense. Team Newnan can take credit for this moniker.


So, that’s how that happened. I always assume that everyone knows why Baxter Bark Twice is called Baxter Bark Twice, but I suppose if you’ve never seen a movie or if you hate to laugh, you could very well have no idea. Glad I was able to clear things up. If you’re looking to kill some time, I highly recommend visiting IMDB and reading quotes from the movie. I could do this all day.

Veronica Corningstone: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker.
Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry.
Ron Burgundy: Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair.

Ok, the end. Have a very thirsty Thursday!

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 9 Comments »

A BBT Exclusive: Survey of the Sexes

Posted by AllieB on January 27, 2011

Inspired by literary masterpieces such as Cosmopolitan and Maxim, I decided to do a short survey asking guys and girls what they like about each other in a very physical, on-the-surface sense. I’ve done the leg-work, I did the research, and now I have the answers…ish.

Without further ado…

  • Of the 19 males who participated, 68% are in a serious relationship, 32% are not
  • Of the 35 females, 66% are in a serious relationship, 34% are not
  • Ok, now for the good stuff

Q & A with the dudes:

Personally, I’m very pleased with the outcome of ass vs boob…to the second, I’m a bit surprised with Athletic Gear. I’d have thought that Corporate Attire would’ve been second, or perhaps Costume…shows what I know!

Lastly, here are some excerpts from the open ended statement, “I love it when my significant other/crush….”

– looks and acts particularly hot

– makes me laugh

– laughs

– answers the phone

– does something spontaneous

– Cooks gourmet meals

– Laughs

– strips

– Does pretty much anything totally unexpected.

– gets drunk and dances

– makes breakfast for me, cleans my house, does my laundry, is extremely rich, dresses up like richard simmons in bed

– doesn’t wear cardigans

If your answer is missing, that’s because it was outrageously inappropriate and I thank you very little for sharing such crassness with me. As for the ones I could include, my favorite is “doesn’t wear cardigans” because that is so random, and regarding “answers the phone” – it concerns me that this is what you love most about your significant other or crush…it doesn’t sound like things are going so well…

Q & A with the ladies:

I just realized I forgot to take my own survey. Dunce. Anyway – so, now you know: we don’t care much about your wardrobe, bank account, or abdominal region, but, unlike you, we don’t so much prefer the workout look. That’s likely because if a boy is in athletic gear, it means he probably smells like feet. Also, girls look better in spandex than guys do.

I gave girls the chance to answer the open-ended statement, “My favorite thing about my significant other/crush….” I was going to do excerpts, but they’re either redundant or ALSO much too inappropriate to share on BBT (turns out I have some pervy friends), so instead I will paraphrase what 35 females said is their favorite thing about their boo/wannabe boo and include a few noteworthy quotes:

  • he makes me laugh
  • he is considerate of me and values our relationship
  • he loves me in spite of how crazy I am
  • he is hot
  • he works really hard
  • I can embarrass myself in front of him
  • when he cooks for me
  • “his newfound love for reading”
  • “his bed-head”
  • “when he wears his glasses”

The End. I think my favorite part of this thing was reading the write-in responses, except the ones that were gross. People are weird, and some of you need to wash your mouths out with soap. I suppose that, overall, the results aren’t earth-shattering, but this wasn’t exactly the Spanish Inquisition…

Is it 5 yet? AWD’s…who’s with me??

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 16 Comments »

There are stupid questions

Posted by AllieB on December 2, 2010

This doesn’t make me sound super cool, but I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I like to know things, and if I don’t know something about which I am curious I like to research until I can figure it out. Google is my favorite invention, ever. I say that quite literally – I thought about it, and of all the things I make use of on a day to day basis I appreciate Google most. I’m clearly not counting cars and food and wine, etc. I especially adore Google Image – the results to the query “puppies hugging” make me really happy.


I get that looking stuff up online can be tedious and often it’s just easier to send a quick chat or email to a friend asking a quick Q, but there are limits. To those who send gchats asking, “how late is Trader Joe’s open?” or, “where is the concert tonight?” or, “what is a salad spinner?” – allow me.

First, I go to and am presented with the following screen, at which point I type in whatever idiotic question with which I’ve been burdened:

Per the instructions, I click a button – Google Search. The site generates a link, which I then share with the half-wit who has asked me about the salad spinner, whereupon they are firmly put in their place and probably feel like a dunce.

The link:

It’s hard not to feel foolish watching the process unfold – the first time it happened to me I think I actually blushed. You sit there, helpless, as the mouse scans over the screen, clicks in the search box and types out the question, then sends you to the actual Google results with a shame-inducing, “was that so hard?”

People don’t always laugh upon receiving this link, but it serves its purpose. Sister suggested that I become a comedienne, and I do not think she was being sincere. Lacy got so sick of it that she actually started looking things up herself. Me, I find it enormously entertaining.

Now, what should I goog…?

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Things I always have on my person that other people constantly borrow

Posted by AllieB on October 27, 2010

First and foremost: if you use Vaseline, you need to go purchase this updated pop-top cannister right now – I got mine at Target in the travel-sized toiletries aisle.

These next two items are for your peepers. Together, they can eliminate any signs of tears, over consumption of booze, allergies, etc., and I’m not exaggerating even a little bit.

I should note that the Rohto eye drops could be too potent for those who wear contacts  –  basically, they’re like a menthol cough drop for your eyeball. They leave your eyes with this fresh brightness Visine doesn’t even come close to. That eye roller thing by Garnier just feels really, really good…if you’re using them as a duo, do the roller first.

I should also note that I learned about the Rohto drops from an InStyle article from a few years ago where make-up artists to the stars were asked to share their “secret weapon product.” Lindsay Lohan’s make-up artist replied, “Rohto eye drops. They can make any party girl look like she’s slept for 8 hours.” Sold.

OMG! Maybe Rohto is looking for a spokesperson…and with LiLo stuck in court mandated rehab, I am clearly the obvious choice! Fo reezi – my level of kiddingness is neg.

Lastly, this gum is very tasty – I actually now chew it exclusively and buy it in bulk from Amazon because Publix is the only place that sells it: Trident Cool Colada. I don’t like colada-anything, yet this gum is the perfect mix of fruitiness and minty freshness. Buy a pack today!

JILL: Would you like some gum?

CHANDLER: Um, is it sugarless?

JILL: Sorry, it’s not.

CHANDLER: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.

CHANDLER: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.

-The One With the Blackout

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

That’s enough, Tenley

Posted by AllieB on September 7, 2010

Summertime TV is not my favorite thing. Networks – especially those of the cable variety – have done a good job of spacing out their programming so that there’re some decent shows during the months that all the major networks are on hiatus, but it’s still tough going. I found Bachelor Pad to be among the worst of these filler shows, and I’m thankful that soon How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, and 90210 will return to my Monday evening line-up.

That said…fall is near; new tv is almost here!! This site provides a complete, comprehensive list of premiere dates, and here are some especially worth noting:

  • Gossip GirlMon Sept 13: I hear it’s going to be better than last season – let’s hope so
  • 90210Mon Sept 13: will Annie come clean? Will Naomi’s cruel older sister continue to ruin her life? We shall see…
  • Top Chef: Just DessertsWed Sept 15: I love all things Top Chef
  • Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaThurs Sept 16: there are no words that could even remotely convey my excitement
  • How I Met Your MotherMon Sept 20: I’m about ready to meet this mother, myself
  • GleeTues Sept 21: there’s going to be an episode featuring B. Spears and her music this season, and I cannot wait
  • Running WildeTues Sept 21: this new sitcom from the producers of Arrested Development stars Will Arnett and Keri Russell (LOVE Keri Russell – she’s just so pretty, and I really liked her Emmy outfit, too). There are especially high expectations for this one, and a recent blurb in the Wall Street Journal said that the pilot was not a huge hit with a case study group, so cast and script changes were to be made. I will for sure watch.
  • The MiddleWed Sept 22: surprisingly hilarious, comes on before Modern Family – it’s worth a watch
  • Modern FamilyWed Sept 22: obvi
  • Cougar TownWed Sept 22: I love the cast of this show – they have great chemistry. Jennifer Anniston guest stars in season premiere as Jules’s (Courteney Cox) therapist.
  • 30 RockThurs Sept 22: der
  • Grey’s AnatomyThurs Sept 23: I still watch this program and it’s really good, esp now that Katherine Heigl is gone
  • My GenerationThurs Sept 23: a new drama on ABC – people reconvene at a ten year high school reunion, secrets are revealed, pots are stirred…could be good
  • The OfficeThurs Sept 22: Steve Carrell’s final season…sometimes my hyper-sensitive secondhand awkwardness has difficulty with this show
  • Saturday Night LiveSat Sept 25: Amy Poehler hosts and Katy Perry will provide the music
  • Desperate HousewivesSun Sept 26: it just keeps getting better, IMO
  • Brothers & SistersSun Sept 26: the season finale was heart-wrenching – can’t wait to see how things turn out
  • The Good Wife Tues Sept 28: last year’s first season was a huge success, it’s one of my favorites

A gem from Modern Family – it gets real good around 1:08.

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