Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘i luv u liz lemon’

Not only is your fly open, there’s a pencil sticking out of it

Posted by AllieB on January 30, 2013

I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I am skipping around in a field of daises full of leaping puppies with cheesesteaks and red wine as faaaaar as the eye can see. And it’s not just today – lately I’ve found myself seeking out interaction with pretty much any and everyone – I never realized how much more interesting the day is if you talk to the guy at the bodega, or whomever. (NOTE: I would never - even if I’d just won the lottery and found out J Simps is giving birth to triplets - EVER initiate conversation with strangers  on the subway or train. That’s like the public transportation equivalent of a sanctuary.) On Friday, for instance, I talked to a guy in the elevator. He was wearing a suit, and he told me he didn’t know why he wore suits on Friday, but that it probably had something to do with his Catholic school upbringing. I agreed and then suggested that perhaps that explained a lot of other things as well – oh, but did we laugh!

There are myriad reasons as to why I am Animated (Annoying?) Allie today:

1. I’m going to AUSTIN on Friday!! Not only have I never been there, but I’ve never even been to Texas! Plus, I did some thinking, and this is my first non-wedding-related, non-family trip that I’ve taken since 2007, the occasional random lake/mountain/beach weekend notwithstanding. I guess I mean the first trip I’ve taken that required flight and days off. We’re staying here, dining here, and doing whatever else we please. BOLO for Insta-overload.

Four Seasons Austin. Looks alright

Four Seasons Austin. Looks alright

*Oops. This is a rendering and not a picture. Thanks, Hilary – I guess this is what it feels like when someone corrects your grammar. The website is much cooler, you can go to the link above if you want to see it in all its splendor. Looks like I got schooled by the internet.

2. I move into my apartment tomorrow. I am the world’s WORST mover and I seem to be continuing my streak. At least I’m not slinging furniture down several flights of stairs and doing twelve – TWELVE – trips between my apartment and parents’ home to move all my crap. That was last summer, and that was the worst. This move is pretty much all clothes, and I’m shipping most of it. Assuming UPS picks up my boxes and they can be delivered to my apartment without me being there. I fear this could be a flawed system and it’s possible I’ll be wearing the same clothes for a week while I figure out what they’ve done with my items.

totally under control

My room on Monday – totally under control

3. These are back:

kate for the win

4. Amazon is sending me new sunglasses AND giving me credit for the order they messed up…twice.

Jabroni - nope; Bug Eyed - who knew there were shades too big for my dome?

Jabroni – eek; Bug Eyed – nope, but who knew there were shades too big for my dome?

The ones I want are a combo of those two…normal lens, normal size. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I love Amazon.

5. This Jack Donaghy insult generator – also credit for today’s title. We’re gonna miss you Liz Lemon.

6. Truf.


 Oh yeah. Happy Birthdays to Kara & Courtney! Remember when we all went to Trois like six years ago? Memories…

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »

Mediocre at Best

Posted by AllieB on January 6, 2012

I’m not really one for late night talk shows, but the other night I watched The Best of Conan – that wasn’t what it was called, but that’s what it was – and it was hilarious. I even made notes in my archaic smartphone device about the particularly funny segments so I could share on BBT. The first is a commercial for the world’s most expensive toilet. I guess you don’t technically need sound, but I just watched without it and it was much less funny…retract: you do need sound.

The other note I made to myself was “Newt owes Tiffany money” and I have no idea what I was talking about, so I guess that’s it.

Yesterday was a fun day on BBT. I think I’ll do more flow charts in the future – I’ve just barely dipped my toe in the wonder that is Power Point, and I think I like it.

The Duchess Catherine of York – Princess Kate – turns 30 on Monday!! It was this time last year that my obsession fondness for her was just heating up…I wish she could get married every year. According to NYMag, her birthday party is going to be 80’s themed!! I’m a bit confused as to why that long-torsoed Pippa left me off the guest list…wtf, Pippa? I really took the whole Kate thing to a new level on BBT…it even has its own category…looking back, I’m thinking that the “single white female” comments were not so much jokes as expressions of concern. If you’d like to take a trip down memory lane, I suggest “Hair Emergency” – not only do I discuss the gloriousness of Kate’s (and my own) hair, but I also rain some truth on J Simps and Taylor Swizzle. Good times.

I think I need to expand my horizons….but not today. Happy weekend!!! Keep it classy like Liz Lemon.


Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

The list is long, but distinguished

Posted by AllieB on May 13, 2011

Let’s jump right in. There is a lot going on today:

  1. Top Gun Day
  2. Friday the 13th
  3. Happy Birthday to my future husband, Prince Carl Philip of Sweden!!

80’s humor is so cheesy. I love reading movie and tv quotes – Pal, Hilary, and I spent the better part of Tuesday with 30 Rock, and it was one of the more entertaining afternoons I’ve had – but the things we laugh at these days are very different than what we were laughing at 25 years ago:

Carole: Hey Goose you big stud!
Goose: That’s me, honey.
Carole: Take me to bed or lose me forever.
Goose: Show me the way home, honey.

I hope I don’t use the word “stud” in a sentence this weekend. Sorry I’m not sorry, Tom Cruise was HOT in Top Gun. Especially in this pic, where you can just appreciate his hotness (I love a man in uniform) without having to think about the fact that he’s a borderline dwarf.

I’m too lazy to be superstitious, so I don’t much care about Friday the 13th. I also hate scary movies, except for the Scary Movie series. Anna Faris is a real gem.

I guess this picture is decidedly not relevant for today, but I think it’s really funny. He looks so defeated :(

Happy Birthday, Prince Carl!!! He is 32 today, if my math is correct, which means he’s probably 33. That is the perfect age gap for a couple, IMO. Have I taken this a bit far? I’ll tell you, lots of people land on BBT by goog’ing “Prince Carl Philip” or some variation thereof, and now that I’ve put his name in quotes even more will…I wonder if he’s the kind of guy who goog’s himself. He probably has people to do that for him. If this is the case, then, To Whom It May Concern: please know that I am completely normal and would make an excellent Princess (reference: Kate Middleton).

This is funny: Fergie’s daughters, who probably kind of suck anyway (they must, they wore THAT to the most important event in the history of important events), really do look like the evil step sisters from Cinderella!! It’s as though they planned it. They probably thought they were being cute :|

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Workin’ on my night cheese

Posted by AllieB on January 19, 2011

I could write a whole post about my Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – which does exist, by the way – but I choose not to. Instead I shall write about Snooki’s new novel, A Shore Thing. Meet Gia and Bella, two girls who are not-so-loosely based on Snooki and JWow, respectively. That’s fine with me – stick with what you know, I always say (credit: NYPost).

* “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”

* “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”

* “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”

Titillating stuff…maybe I’ll buy it on my Nook for my upcoming trip to Pakistan (more on that later). Also, three songs by The Whigs – with lead singer Parker Gispert, one of my oldest nearest and dearest - were featured thrice on Monday night’s episode of Jersey Shore…I thought “Someone’s Daughter” was particularly apropos.

YKenna has shared with me a new blog devoted to awkwardness:


This reminds me of Sister and me. Guess who’s who. I bet I could do a whole sub-blog on BBT featuring various categories of Awkward: Encounters with Strangers, Loss of Filter at a Staff Meeting, Babysitting Moments, Attempts to Ascend an Escalator and so on…between my daily blunders and those executed by my peeps, I would really have endless material from which to choose. Hmm. Mayhaps.

Last weekend in Athens, MPvZB, Sis, Leila and I reacquainted ourselves with the wonder that is Liz Lemon. Join us, won’t you?

Did this seem a little meh to you? It did to me. It must be my SAD talking.

Posted in Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »