Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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Archive for July, 2011

In other news

Posted by AllieB on July 29, 2011

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

Suri’s Burn Book. Suri Cruise talks shop/smack/shudders at the idea of a working class school and “lunch in a box” – on Mario Lopez’s child: LOOK AT THE CANKLES ON THIS BABY. But like, seriously…she’s got a point. (credit: Pal)

Emails from an A**hole. I bet I know a lot of people who have some fodder for this site in their archives…

Preemptively strike back against the Mundays!! Apparently the average person doesn’t crack their first smile til 11:16 AM on Mondays. Here’s how to turn your frown upside down and drive your co-workers crazy with an up and at ‘em attitude.

This is surprisingly not lame: Six life-changing uses for binder clips. I’m serious – the toothpaste and cable cord ones, especially…and if you’re a frat star, the beer stacker.

An amazingly in-depth and borderline scientific look at the sex lives of the Friends characters. I’m talking percentages and stuff. Somebody has waaaay too much time on their hands.

I know a vehicle that needs this accessory immediately if not sooner. Hint: it rhymes with “penny can.” (credit: Leila)

CKB is running the San Francisco marathon on Sunday morning. It’s her second time running it. She’s a machine, my sister is…goooooooooo CHAR!!!

This is the most recent picture I have of the two of us doing something active together.

#TGIF #lazy #betterthannothing

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

What are some good comebacks if your last name is Weiner?

Posted by AllieB on July 28, 2011

Sometimes I think I don’t like someone, but then I see them in comparison to someone who I really don’t like, and suddenly they don’t seem that bad. Case in point: who wore it better betwixt ole Boobs Legsly and Taylor what’s that? I just fell asleep Swift.

Source: People

My favorite part is the description:

The actress (Boobs) dressed up her Tibi frock with leopard-print pumps in June, while a month later, the singer (Zzzzz) added a metallic belt and bow-bedecked wedges.

If I had a nickel for every pair of bow-bedecked wedges I had…I would have zero nickels. Whereas if I had $100 for every pair of leopard-print pumps, I’d have $100. I’d much rather the latter than the former. Maybe I’m coming around on BL…

There’s really no way to say this that will sound normal, so I’m just going to put it out there: last night I dreamed that one of my very good guy friends gave birth to a chicken. Nurses Baxter and Edge were on hand to assist, and he gave birth to a healthy 3lb chick. I can see the whole thing vividly in my mind, and I’m still very unsettled with the whole affair. And I’m never going to tell who it was, so don’t bother asking – as if you’d even want to know. I wish I could un-know it.

Overshare? I’m running low on material/am so sore I can barely lift my arms to reach my keyboard. Moving is the HATE.

Henceforth, whenever I cannot think of a relevant entry heading, I’m just going to look at the search terms that landed people on BBT and use that as a title instead. Starting with today…so if you were hoping to find some answers to the Q, you’re S.O.L. Actually, that reminds me of a funny joke I saw on the interweb this week – on a message board someone posted:

Q: What is a good comeback to someone who tells you to go make them a sandwich?

A: Well, you better come back with a G.D. sandwich.

BURN!

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

That is brand new information.

Posted by AllieB on July 27, 2011

Newsflash! Kristen Cavallari and Jay Cutler broke up…that’s actually sad – he seems normal and she’s less annoying now that I only read her tweets and never have to hear her speak. Plus she just did a photo shoot of her in all these wedding dresses…ok, everyone has seen SATC: don’t do a PHOTO SHOOT featuring you in a wedding dress before your wedding. Counting chickens, jumping guns, etc…tabloids are brutal, aren’t they: “TRAGIC wedding dress photos.” Ouch. At least she looks really pretty…

Oh, it’s not such a newsflash, People has been reporting this since Monday. Well, no one told me.

I don’t like doing current events, even of the celebrity ilk…but I do like saying “Newsflash!”

I was on a run this morning, and I had a random thought that interrupted my counting (I don’t listen to music, I count – it’s good practice): maybe Casey Anthony didn’t drown my puppy, but it is really insane that she is serving zero days in jail. I mean, I know that is like the opposite of a newsflash, but it’s very troubling to me. CCHaynes – did you see her in the Caribb?? I hope I run into her somewhere; I would call Leila Ann Nancy Grace immediately.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m considering a switch from The Today Show to Good Morning America. Ann Curry is the WORST morning host ever, from her “joking” about slang for “breasts” (as awk as it sounds) to her interview with the most recent Congressional of Medal Honor winner: upon hearing his incredible story she succinctly and sensitively said, “Amazing. Pretty darn amazing.” I could do better than that…Kathie Lee could do better than that.

Word of the day:

hoary (adj)

-tedious from familiarity; stale

-ancient

-grey or white with age

That mean old witch puts the ‘hoar’ in ‘hoary.’

(wordplay)

No? You try.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 8 Comments »

Ugly people hang out with ugly people

Posted by AllieB on July 26, 2011

I always get a kick out of seeing what people goog to land on BBT. In the past month, the following searches have resulted in page views, and it is proof positive that 1. people are weird, and 2. I need to look into editing my keywords.

  • Casey Anthony drowned my puppy
  • camel-toe athletics
  • does love cause swamp butt
  • don’t mess with bbt
  • how to make people feel awkward and leave
  • lesbian boat captains
  • Missy Baxter author
  • how do I get ants out of my topsy turvy?
  • ugly people hang out with ugly people

It’s 7:30 in the morning and I laughed really hard cutting and pasting these. That says a lot because not very much is funny at 7:30 in the morning.

It is beyond me how some marketing brainiac could ruin wine, but – somehow – the people behind these “chick wines” have managed to do so. The most unforgivable: “Mommy’s Time Out.” I’d rather drink water than drink that – I don’t think I’d even find the humor in a gag gift. What might be permissible is the “Middle Sister” as I, Allie, am a quintessential middle child and the second born of three sisters. I will say, the descriptions of every varietal give me nerd chills, but at least it’s not a creepy third person reference to motherhood….Pants, I’d get you the Sweet & Sassy in honor of SassySissy. Tina, I’d get you the Wicked White because I like her sunglasses. I, obviously, am Forever Cool. Der. I know a lot of oldest siblings, I’m realizing…it does not surprise me that there is no Oldest Sister wine – no offense, but that doesn’t sound very good. Type A Cabernet!

IRREGARDLESS, I could get 3 bottles of Two Buck Chuck for the price of one of these, so…I guess this is all a moo point. (Source: this very hard to read article of which I could only get through the first paragraph – where are the pictures??)

Joey: All right, Rach. The big question is, “does he like you?” All right? Because if he doesn’t like you, this is all a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.

Another title I was considering for today was, “Apropos of Nothing.” Actually, I considered naming BBT that at first. That would not have been irrelevant, given how things have panned out re: my ADHD content, but Baxter Bark Twice has worked out nicely…BBT is catchy; AON is an international corporation that provides risk management services…me, not so much.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Jump, dive, or bellyflop

Posted by AllieB on July 25, 2011

MUNDAY.

It’s hot and humid. I embraced this weather but spending the day at the pool on Saturday. It so happened that said pool had a high dive – when is the last time you went off the high dive?? Some people did flips, some got real adventurous with the pencil…someONE got crazy with a bunk inward that incurred “AWWWW!” and “ugggggggggggh” from the crowd as she landed…that last one was probably my favorite “dive” (I use the word loosely) of the day, if not an impressive failure….good times!

If you haven’t been yet, I highly recommend Bistro Niko. While you are there get the mushroom flat bread because it’s a-MAH-zing and we actually wound up ordering it twice because we wanted more. BBT says: two thumbs up!

Meet & Greet: Gus. Gus has got the right idea – it’s too hot to even swim outside, so he decided to bring his pool inside. I like where your head’s at, Gus. This is actually really funny…A for Effort! (Don’t need sound, credit: JBax)

Tex’s Tacos schedule for the week…CKB, Gaylen, and I went on Friday and it was as delicious as ever – if not more so since they’ve started using skirt steak for their carne asada taco…YUM

Weekly horoscope: mine was way too aggressive for a Munday. No thanks.

Ok, bye.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »