Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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That is brand new information.

Posted by AllieB on July 27, 2011

Newsflash! Kristen Cavallari and Jay Cutler broke up…that’s actually sad – he seems normal and she’s less annoying now that I only read her tweets and never have to hear her speak. Plus she just did a photo shoot of her in all these wedding dresses…ok, everyone has seen SATC: don’t do a PHOTO SHOOT featuring you in a wedding dress before your wedding. Counting chickens, jumping guns, etc…tabloids are brutal, aren’t they: “TRAGIC wedding dress photos.” Ouch. At least she looks really pretty…

Oh, it’s not such a newsflash, People has been reporting this since Monday. Well, no one told me.

I don’t like doing current events, even of the celebrity ilk…but I do like saying “Newsflash!”

I was on a run this morning, and I had a random thought that interrupted my counting (I don’t listen to music, I count – it’s good practice): maybe Casey Anthony didn’t drown my puppy, but it is really insane that she is serving zero days in jail. I mean, I know that is like the opposite of a newsflash, but it’s very troubling to me. CCHaynes – did you see her in the Caribb?? I hope I run into her somewhere; I would call Leila Ann Nancy Grace immediately.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m considering a switch from The Today Show to Good Morning America. Ann Curry is the WORST morning host ever, from her “joking” about slang for “breasts” (as awk as it sounds) to her interview with the most recent Congressional of Medal Honor winner: upon hearing his incredible story she succinctly and sensitively said, “Amazing. Pretty darn amazing.” I could do better than that…Kathie Lee could do better than that.

Word of the day:

hoary (adj)

-tedious from familiarity; stale

-ancient

-grey or white with age

That mean old witch puts the ‘hoar’ in ‘hoary.’

(wordplay)

No? You try.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 8 Comments »

Ugly people hang out with ugly people

Posted by AllieB on July 26, 2011

I always get a kick out of seeing what people goog to land on BBT. In the past month, the following searches have resulted in page views, and it is proof positive that 1. people are weird, and 2. I need to look into editing my keywords.

  • Casey Anthony drowned my puppy
  • camel-toe athletics
  • does love cause swamp butt
  • don’t mess with bbt
  • how to make people feel awkward and leave
  • lesbian boat captains
  • Missy Baxter author
  • how do I get ants out of my topsy turvy?
  • ugly people hang out with ugly people

It’s 7:30 in the morning and I laughed really hard cutting and pasting these. That says a lot because not very much is funny at 7:30 in the morning.

It is beyond me how some marketing brainiac could ruin wine, but – somehow – the people behind these “chick wines” have managed to do so. The most unforgivable: “Mommy’s Time Out.” I’d rather drink water than drink that – I don’t think I’d even find the humor in a gag gift. What might be permissible is the “Middle Sister” as I, Allie, am a quintessential middle child and the second born of three sisters. I will say, the descriptions of every varietal give me nerd chills, but at least it’s not a creepy third person reference to motherhood….Pants, I’d get you the Sweet & Sassy in honor of SassySissy. Tina, I’d get you the Wicked White because I like her sunglasses. I, obviously, am Forever Cool. Der. I know a lot of oldest siblings, I’m realizing…it does not surprise me that there is no Oldest Sister wine – no offense, but that doesn’t sound very good. Type A Cabernet!

IRREGARDLESS, I could get 3 bottles of Two Buck Chuck for the price of one of these, so…I guess this is all a moo point. (Source: this very hard to read article of which I could only get through the first paragraph – where are the pictures??)

Joey: All right, Rach. The big question is, “does he like you?” All right? Because if he doesn’t like you, this is all a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.

Another title I was considering for today was, “Apropos of Nothing.” Actually, I considered naming BBT that at first. That would not have been irrelevant, given how things have panned out re: my ADHD content, but Baxter Bark Twice has worked out nicely…BBT is catchy; AON is an international corporation that provides risk management services…me, not so much.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Jump, dive, or bellyflop

Posted by AllieB on July 25, 2011

MUNDAY.

It’s hot and humid. I embraced this weather but spending the day at the pool on Saturday. It so happened that said pool had a high dive – when is the last time you went off the high dive?? Some people did flips, some got real adventurous with the pencil…someONE got crazy with a bunk inward that incurred “AWWWW!” and “ugggggggggggh” from the crowd as she landed…that last one was probably my favorite “dive” (I use the word loosely) of the day, if not an impressive failure….good times!

If you haven’t been yet, I highly recommend Bistro Niko. While you are there get the mushroom flat bread because it’s a-MAH-zing and we actually wound up ordering it twice because we wanted more. BBT says: two thumbs up!

Meet & Greet: Gus. Gus has got the right idea – it’s too hot to even swim outside, so he decided to bring his pool inside. I like where your head’s at, Gus. This is actually really funny…A for Effort! (Don’t need sound, credit: JBax)

Tex’s Tacos schedule for the week…CKB, Gaylen, and I went on Friday and it was as delicious as ever – if not more so since they’ve started using skirt steak for their carne asada taco…YUM

Weekly horoscope: mine was way too aggressive for a Munday. No thanks.

Ok, bye.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BBT!!!

Posted by AllieB on July 21, 2011

Feliz cumpleaños! Joyeux anniversaire! Buon compleanno! สุขสันต์วันเกิด! سالگرہ مبارک! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (credit: Google Translate)

On this day in 2010, I posted my very first blog entry. I wrote it, published it, sent an email to a few people, left my office for lunch, and had massive anxiety the moment I was out the door. How far I’ve come!!!

Some neat facts:

Most viewed entry: Racks come in all shapes and sizes (this, unfortunately, is due to the J Simps reference I have in quotes and picks up an embarrassing number of Goog searches. I hope she doesn’t kill me in my sleep.)

Most commented entry: BBT Exclusive: Survey of the Sexes (one of these days….we’ll do #2)

Most popular feedback (male): ENOUGH KATE MIDDLETON – but she is pretty hot (I’m a girl and I like royalty)

Most popular feedback (female): I want a shout out!! (can’t force these things…your time will come)

BBT is nothing without her readers – many thanks to those who faithfully visit, and especially those who make suggestions – even if they’re dumb, I appreciate the effort.

I didn’t really know what to do to celebrate, so I made a collage of myself. I feel pretty retarded about it, but I’ve got a lot going on today so it is what it is.

Thank you for joining me.

Logo by Hilbilly

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

Informative Disinformation

Posted by AllieB on July 20, 2011

GROUP DINNERS!!! Who doesn’t love having a meal of food with 18 people at a long, rectangular table and being stuck at the end, relegated to a corner with the dunce and the doofus, and then getting a check for $80 when you had a salad and shared a bottle of $25 wine (and possibly a martini – but still, that’s clearly too much. (Unless your martini was made of gold, as the margarita at Varasano’s is. $17.50 is the price for a 4 oz tequila beverage…just so you know…order accordingly.)) Well, per this Handy Guide shared with me by OD, How to Split a Check, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles at group dins. (If you’re 25 and older – if you’re under 25 and you’re reading this…well, isn’t that nice for you.)

Now, the observant among you have read this, processed it and realized that in a group-dining scenario, one is effectively incentivized to order lavishly and imbibe irresponsibly, because not everyone else will, and thus what you end up paying will be disproportionate to what you actually owe, meaning that you make out like a bandit while your schmuck pals who exercise restraint in the name of fiscal responsibility end up subsidizing you. This is correct!

I don’t really love group dinners. Unless we go to Treehouse and Bethenny splits the check as we order – I always appreciate that. Rory at Paul’s does that, too. Also, be advised, not eating and only drinking at restaurants doesn’t do you much good. If you’re really trying to save $$, bring vodka disguised in a water bottle and order club soda. I’M KIDDING that’s pathetic – don’t do that. Everyone will stare at you in disdain and someone might even ask you to leave. If the situation is that dire, stay home. Wisdom: imparted.

Why does no one have house parties anymore? Jeez. Lindsay, maybe we need to be telling more people about your beer pong table that folds up into a briefcase.

RUMORS!! Unbeknownst to me, there have been rumors circulating that J Simps is pregs – she’s aggressively denying them, of course…It’s not for me to say, obviously, but this picture may or may not be the reason why…

Source: Daily Mail

And Leo dumped Boobs!!! Muuahahahaha. That’s what you get for being desperate to be Mrs. Leonardo DiCaprio.

Evidently the niceness of yesterday was a one-time thing.

Happy almost Bday, BBT! Un día más

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

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