Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Amanda Knox was up to no good; get me a shot of snake juice

Posted by AllieB on October 5, 2011

Let’s talk about current events. Amanda “Foxy Knoxy” Knox was acquitted for murder in Perugia, Italy this week and is now back at home in Seattle. She and her manfriend, Rafaelle, along with a third guy, Rudy, were charged with murdering her roommate, but the court has overturned the verdict and now she’s free. Et cetera.

There are few issues here:

-never have a manfriend named Rafaelle – things will always end poorly

-whether or not Amanda actually killed her roommate, she was obviously mixed up in some uncouth activity over there. It’s like when UsWeekly publishes a “THEY’RE BROKEN UP” story and it’s immediately refuted but then weeks or months later they confirm that it actually was true. People are getting their information somewhere, and rumors are almost always based on truth. Things can obviously can get blown out of proportion, but something is amiss here…if I were Foxy Knoxy’s mom I’d be all, “Welcome home, sweetie!” and, “Yay you’re acquitted!” and then after a couple of weeks I’d be like, “Wait, what the crap were you doing over there that you got charged with slicing your roommate’s throat??” Ya know??? Just sayin – she’s kind of a creep.

-she’s going to have a very hard time finding a new roommate

I’m no Leila Ann/Nancy Grace, and I get tired of researching facts so forgive me if I’ve left out something important. I tried to be vague.

Last night I enjoyed good company, mediocre wine, thin crust ‘za and a most delicious salad with Sedge, Dani, and YKenna. I really enjoyed that salad. It was spinach leaves, goat cheese, craisins, pears, red onion, and this dressing. Tasty!

I LOVE RON SWANSON. Images courtesy of this GIF compilation.

To do: the Futurebirds are opening for Panic this weekend at the Verizon Amphitheater. Are you familiar with the Futurebirds? They’re awesome.

Ok, one more. I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.

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MINI-VAN, MEGA-FUN

Posted by AllieB on October 4, 2011

According to several close friends, it is 90% of the reason why they like me. It’s taken me on adventures ranging from Dora the Explorer (G-rated) to I Shouldn’t Be Alive (no, seriously). It has been a surprisingly effective character building exercise, one that I have not taken to kindly. It’s my…MINIVAN!!!

Credit: Leila

Correction: was my minivan. As of yesterday, I no longer hold the title to this vehicle. I know it happened fast and that no one really got a chance to say goodbye, but if you feel inclined to pay your respects you can find it by Home Depot sitting in front of my parents’ covered in angry notes from the neighbors.

Physically, it is not in great shape. The headlights are secured by packing tape thanks to two separate accidents from January 2k10. The roof has a large dent from when a certain ABEV climbed on top and had a solo dance party to Scissor Sisters tune “I don’t feel like dancing.” Turns out – he really did feel like dancing. This dent was especially fun when it would rain, and it would collect a reservoir of water just waiting to gush in my open window when I pulled down a hill. I cursed you many a morning, ABE…many a morning. He did offer to pay for the cost of repair, but that issue quickly took a back seat to what was going on elsewhere.

Mechanically, it’s very sound – seriously. But many moons of randomness have amassed in the thing and who knows what’s in there. Items that you may or may not find in the van include: a bridesmaid dress, sombrero, Christmas tree, coffee maker, that earring you lost in 2007, three people’s debit cards, the last horcrux, and 7-12 fleece jackets.

Parting is not such sweet sorrow. I do, however, look forward to wearing my message tee featuring the message shown at the right. Sydney gave that to me years ago, but I haven’t been able to wear it because it becomes decidedly less funny when you actually drive a minivan. No longer will I have to deal with the confused guys at the valet…or the understandably confounded mothers at the gas station who would get a look/whiff of the interior and wonder if I actually transported children around (no). I’ll tell you one thing, though, between the car itself and the Westminster Catbackers and Peachtree Presbyterian stickers, the van was pretty great for flying under the radar…

I’m already getting a little nostalgic – maybe I will have a memorial service. I bet Kramer would host it. Also, for those of you who only liked me for my ride, maybe it’s time to be a little less shallow, huh?

Anyway, so that happened.

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Cheers

Posted by AllieB on September 30, 2011

I hate Rihanna’s new song. Someone needs to remix that thing stat because she sounds like she just took 12 too many vicodin. Whatevs – cheers to the freaking weekend.

This blog is amazing. It’s called ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS. Credit: Bobby.

YOU HAVE A METH ADDICTION CARLA.<br />
WE&#8217;RE NOT EVEN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I&#8217;M A DOG AND YOU CAN&#8217;T TALK TO DOGS. THINK ABOUT IT.<br />
I&#8217;M NOT EVEN YOUR DOG. YOU PROBABLY STOLE ME, BECAUSE YOU&#8217;RE ON METH.<br />
GO TO REHAB. DRY YOURSELF OUT. YOU STILL HAVE SOME TEETH LEFT.

YOU HAVE A METH ADDICTION CARLA.

WE’RE NOT EVEN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I’M A DOG AND YOU CAN’T TALK TO DOGS. THINK ABOUT IT.

I’M NOT EVEN YOUR DOG. YOU PROBABLY STOLE ME, BECAUSE YOU’RE ON METH.

GO TO REHAB. DRY YOURSELF OUT. YOU STILL HAVE SOME TEETH LEFT.

Have great weekend! Don’t do meth.

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Is she? She is, isn’t she?

Posted by AllieB on September 29, 2011

Everyone knows that InTouch is for photographic perusal ONLY and that their news reporting is almost always erroneous, but when they say things like this – I pay attention:

Exclusive: It’s Official: Jessica Simpson IS Pregnant!

The denim and FARM incident of 2k9 will never go away. Ever. BULGE.

No one is really giving InTouch an exclusive anything (except that stupid LeAnn Rimes, maybe – she is the WORST), but I’m going with it. To quote another newsworthy source, Hollywood Reporter, “Jess has sorta looked pregnant for awhile. Now she actually is!” I can’t decide if I want her to be or not…you can’t make fun of pregnant people for being fat. Though she could really blow up – the same article also reported that she’s craving nachos dipped in chocolate, so this is promising…I guess now she’ll actually have to confirm or deny via reputable news source. BOLO!

Speaking of bulge, I have undertaken the onerous burden of attending tastings with my Mom to choose a caterer for CKB’s wedding in March. I kid, this is like my favorite activity ever. You recall The Allie Awards, yes? No one has contacted me about being the face of the Allie’s…I could even MC the next award show. Who are you wearing, you look fabulous..!! Ok, my Allie Awards need some serious updating – a lot has changed since September 2010 and there are some HIGHLY egregious errors:

Best Hot Sandwich: Publix’s Philly Cheesesteak – was I on glue? Duh, it’s Mr C’s.

Best Quesadilla: Paul’s on the Patio (you’d be surprised) – well, they took it off the menu, so that’s gone. Plus their service blows. This one’s up for grabs – thoughts???

Best Stuffed Pasta (on a budget): Trader Joe’s Portobello Mushroom Ravioli – truth.

Best Stuffed Pasta (not so much on a budget): Sotto Sotto’s Ravioli Nudi – yes.

Best Nachos: Tavern 99 – I’m humiliated that this is on BBT. I don’t even remember the food there; all I can think about are the waitresses in sexy umpire outfits. And by sexy I mean really really not. TREEHOUSE is the new winner on this one.

I have to go do some work before my third and final tasting this afternoon. And then go on a 5 or 3 mile yog. Do yourself a favor and check out Toe Pick SF today – and not just because I got a shout out (I love shout outs) but because it’s some good shiz.

 Just wanted to say hey to my gal pals. Hey!

Posted in Celebs, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Struggleville Shrimp

Posted by AllieB on September 26, 2011

I am having a blog-related identity crisis. Whenever people ask me what my blog is about, the answer with which I usually respond is, “nothing.” Now there’s a glowing recommendation. Please, everyone, read my blog about absolutely nothing! For this reason, I think I might take some time and figure out what Baxter Bark Twice is all about. I’m not eschewing BBT altogether – I mean, there’s some good stuff here – but I need some direction.

Mel: I’d like to see you have a little direction.
Cher: I have direction!
Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.

Cher and I are totes on the same page…

Meanwhile, here’s what I think about some stuff:

READ: Girls in White Dresses. If you are a dude, skip to the next item. This book is about 20-30 year olds in New York City just doing stuff that normal people of that age do. It’s funny and relevant and a legit page turner. It’s kind of a fresh take on the whole Everyone I Know Is Getting Married thing, but it also talks about first jobs, first homes, first loves, and my soul mate this guy who is very wealthy, suffers from a severe case of OCD and, once a week, cooks up a box of Kraft mac n’ cheese and eats it straight from the pan, mauling it like a lion might its prey. It’s not quite as strange when read in context. This is a quick and easy yet somehow still poignant read.

WATCH: 2 Broke Girls. It was funny. The two main characters are funny, and I think there’s great potential. Tonight @ 8:30 – CBS.

WATCH: Revenge. Ok, I’m hooked. I have no idea how this show could possibly last longer than one season, but that is fine with me so long as it’s a season full of episodes like last week’s pilot. I mean, it’s obviously trashy, but it’s filmed in the lovely setting of the Hamptons, and the main character (Rebecca from Brothers and Sisters) doesn’t annoy me that much. The story line is rife with scandal, extra-marital affairs, addiction, secrecy, blackmail, and a really cute yellow lab named Sam…basically it has all the makings of good, quality television. Wednesdays @ 10 p.m. – ABC.

DO NOT WATCH: Whitney. In a word: AWKWARD. Actually, I’ll probably watch it a couple more times before I ditch it completely, but I don’t do well with live studio audiences.

DRINK: Bleasdale Broad-Side Shiraz Cabernet Malbec. It is a blend, according to Captain Obvious, and it’s one of the more delicious reds I’ve had recently: very drinkable with any of a number of things, I’m sure – I had it with pizza. It retails for about $15 in stores, give or take, and sells for $24/bottle at Treehouse. Warning: don’t actually drink it at Treehouse because they will serve it to you piping hot and in a 3 oz glass – take it home to chill and enjoy in a more reasonably sized glass, like this one.

So, I’m a work in progress.

Over-thinking it in Atlanta,

BBT.

Sidebar – re: today’s heading, do you remember the Struggleville Shrimp from Last Resort?? Good food; good times.

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