Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

I will literally do anything to be liked

Posted by AllieB on October 10, 2011

Greetings.

Couple of things: I made it so that BBT is now MUCH more mobile-device friendly. If you are reading this from your mobile device, you know what I’m talking about because it is now a simple format instead of the narrow margin of text that was pretty much impossible to read. I hope this helps. You are welcome.

Also, in efforts to make Baxter Bark Twice a worldwide phenomenon, I am going to award one lucky Facebook fan $20 to iTunes. Who wouldn’t want $20 to iTunes?! According to the web information company Alexa, BBT is ranked as the 9,623,940th viewed site on all of the interweb, reaching .00001 percent of global internet users. I don’t really know what to make of that, but I feel as though I could do better. Ergo, here’s what you do:

1. LIKE me on Facebook.

By Friday at noon, I will choose someone at random and email them the code to their $20 iTunes gift card. Said winner can choose to remain anonymous or we can come up with some kind of moniker to announce their win – whatevs, I don’t really care, but I want more fans on Facebook, so I’ve resorted to actually paying you to be my friend. People respond well to bribes incentives, and I have no shame. Sorry I’m not sorry. If you’re already a fan not to worry – you can still win, but feel free to help generate some buzz.

Just think of what you could do with $20 to iTunes…make a brand new mix CD for that special someone; catch up on old episodes of Rescue Me; re-gift it to someone you’re too lazy/cheap to buy something for… The options are endless!

Thanks in advance.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

BYOB to Houston’s a.k.a. The Greatest News Ever

Posted by AllieB on October 7, 2011

Game changer: Houston’s allows you to BYOB and they don’t even charge a corkage fee!! This means to say, when you go to dinner with 4 other people and each of you pull out your own bottle of wine and set it on the table, they will very nicely open each bottle and serve it to you. You can enjoy a 3 hour dinner of deliciousness for only $25. Maybe re-think bringing the Trader Joe’s varietal, however, even if it is the Reserve ($4.99) label…Allie, I’m looking at you.

Rave Review: Zappos. I’ve been an Endless girl for the last couple of years, but I recently made an order on Zappos. This purse I really wanted went on sale (try again I fixed the link), and I do actually need a new bag, so I bought it. Mom, keep your comments to yourself – this is going to be hard for you to read. Anyway, I wanted it by the weekend, but I did not want to pay the extra $15 for two day shipping, so I rang them up to see what they could do. NOT ONLY did they give me two-day shipping for free, but she upgraded me to VIP status (I’ve been shopping with them since 2006) which means that I automatically get FREE OVERNIGHT SHIPPING on everything I order before 4 p.m. EST. I told the salesgirl that other online retailers could really learn a thing or two about customer service and that I was glad my call was being monitored because I wanted The Man to hear just how pleased I was.

Shake yo groove thang: Beyonce’s new video for “Countdown” is awesome, APU. I can’t embed videos unless they’re from YouTube because I’m too lazy to figure out how…so just go to the link. And you really really should.

Is there anything more delightful than a fall day in Atlanta? I think not. May all of your weekends be full of sunshine and puppies and cupcakes and red wine and Frye boots and new purses and Sashimi Tuna Salads and pasta.

Back in Rocktober 2k9, I went to go sit on the bar stool next to my buddy P.Wolfe at the bar we know as Kramerica, and I accidentally sat in a trash can instead. Pallison then created this image so the story can live on forever.

I recommend not doing this.

 APU = as per usual. I didn’t know that until today.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

It’s a bird, it’s a plane…it’s Wine Gal

Posted by AllieB on October 6, 2011

One of my biggest flaws, I think, is my lack of creativity when it comes to costumes. I have a pretty good imagination and can be creative with other stuff – this blog doesn’t write itself – but I suck at costumes. People who do not suck at costumes: A, K, Leila, Pants, Caro…you’ve all had some remarkable ‘stumes. Case in point: two years ago I dressed up as Parker Posey from Dazed and Confused. LAME. And, to make it even lamer, I was the only person who did it so instead of SENIORS my shirt said SENIOR – senior singular. I did enjoy having that whistle…and making people fry like bacon.

Last year, as I was thinking about options, I decided that, whatever I chose to be, it had to include a cape. Who wears capes? Superheros. Somehow I landed on a “wine superhero” (probably after a great deal of wine) and yada yada yada…meet & greet WINE GAL.

Wine Gal wore all purple: purple knee socks, purple tennis skirt, purple tank bathing suit (oddly, I owned all of these things), and I bought some sparkly purple fabric to fashion a cape. Key accessories included a gold fanny pack and my weapon of choice – corkscrew, duh – and then mini bottles of wine which served as my strength serum – think Popeye and spinach. I didn’t really have a super power….unless you count the ability to consume incredible quantities of red wine as one. Which I do.

So, here we are… Once again I have no idea what to be, I only know what I don’t want to be:

-slutty nurse/waitress/maid/police officer… you can pretty much be a slutty noun. Those costumes are lame and SO obvious. PLU don’t dress up like those things, but I just wanted to reassert how not okay they are – I don’t care what you saw in Mean Girls.

-persona from current events. Apparently Charlie Sheen is trending as this year’s most popular costume. That’s really dumb.

-any kind of animal. Either you’re a slutty kitten or you wind up in some huge cow costume with icky udders. No to both. Unless you’re a dude, in which case a big goofy animal costume can be funny. Actually, guy costumes are a totally different conversation – the same rules do not apply.

-anything really ugly or scary. I’m sorry, I’m just not good at really immersing myself in a look…this might be why I’m no good at costuming. Maybe I just need to get over myself and go as Mt. Rushmore or something……A, you will forever have my respect for that mountain of an ensemble.

Fack. BOLO for Wine Gal 2.0.

*PLU = people like us.

He changed our lives and imaginations with his inventions. Check out this compilation of tributes from across the world – an “iMemorial” of Steve Jobs – worth a look.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

Amanda Knox was up to no good; get me a shot of snake juice

Posted by AllieB on October 5, 2011

Let’s talk about current events. Amanda “Foxy Knoxy” Knox was acquitted for murder in Perugia, Italy this week and is now back at home in Seattle. She and her manfriend, Rafaelle, along with a third guy, Rudy, were charged with murdering her roommate, but the court has overturned the verdict and now she’s free. Et cetera.

There are few issues here:

-never have a manfriend named Rafaelle – things will always end poorly

-whether or not Amanda actually killed her roommate, she was obviously mixed up in some uncouth activity over there. It’s like when UsWeekly publishes a “THEY’RE BROKEN UP” story and it’s immediately refuted but then weeks or months later they confirm that it actually was true. People are getting their information somewhere, and rumors are almost always based on truth. Things can obviously can get blown out of proportion, but something is amiss here…if I were Foxy Knoxy’s mom I’d be all, “Welcome home, sweetie!” and, “Yay you’re acquitted!” and then after a couple of weeks I’d be like, “Wait, what the crap were you doing over there that you got charged with slicing your roommate’s throat??” Ya know??? Just sayin – she’s kind of a creep.

-she’s going to have a very hard time finding a new roommate

I’m no Leila Ann/Nancy Grace, and I get tired of researching facts so forgive me if I’ve left out something important. I tried to be vague.

Last night I enjoyed good company, mediocre wine, thin crust ‘za and a most delicious salad with Sedge, Dani, and YKenna. I really enjoyed that salad. It was spinach leaves, goat cheese, craisins, pears, red onion, and this dressing. Tasty!

I LOVE RON SWANSON. Images courtesy of this GIF compilation.

To do: the Futurebirds are opening for Panic this weekend at the Verizon Amphitheater. Are you familiar with the Futurebirds? They’re awesome.

Ok, one more. I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

MINI-VAN, MEGA-FUN

Posted by AllieB on October 4, 2011

According to several close friends, it is 90% of the reason why they like me. It’s taken me on adventures ranging from Dora the Explorer (G-rated) to I Shouldn’t Be Alive (no, seriously). It has been a surprisingly effective character building exercise, one that I have not taken to kindly. It’s my…MINIVAN!!!

Credit: Leila

Correction: was my minivan. As of yesterday, I no longer hold the title to this vehicle. I know it happened fast and that no one really got a chance to say goodbye, but if you feel inclined to pay your respects you can find it by Home Depot sitting in front of my parents’ covered in angry notes from the neighbors.

Physically, it is not in great shape. The headlights are secured by packing tape thanks to two separate accidents from January 2k10. The roof has a large dent from when a certain ABEV climbed on top and had a solo dance party to Scissor Sisters tune “I don’t feel like dancing.” Turns out – he really did feel like dancing. This dent was especially fun when it would rain, and it would collect a reservoir of water just waiting to gush in my open window when I pulled down a hill. I cursed you many a morning, ABE…many a morning. He did offer to pay for the cost of repair, but that issue quickly took a back seat to what was going on elsewhere.

Mechanically, it’s very sound – seriously. But many moons of randomness have amassed in the thing and who knows what’s in there. Items that you may or may not find in the van include: a bridesmaid dress, sombrero, Christmas tree, coffee maker, that earring you lost in 2007, three people’s debit cards, the last horcrux, and 7-12 fleece jackets.

Parting is not such sweet sorrow. I do, however, look forward to wearing my message tee featuring the message shown at the right. Sydney gave that to me years ago, but I haven’t been able to wear it because it becomes decidedly less funny when you actually drive a minivan. No longer will I have to deal with the confused guys at the valet…or the understandably confounded mothers at the gas station who would get a look/whiff of the interior and wonder if I actually transported children around (no). I’ll tell you one thing, though, between the car itself and the Westminster Catbackers and Peachtree Presbyterian stickers, the van was pretty great for flying under the radar…

I’m already getting a little nostalgic – maybe I will have a memorial service. I bet Kramer would host it. Also, for those of you who only liked me for my ride, maybe it’s time to be a little less shallow, huh?

Anyway, so that happened.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 12 Comments »

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