Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

I’m in a glass case of emotion: the story of BBT

Posted by AllieB on December 8, 2011

Today’s inspiration: the word “inspiration.”

My Idol Person I Like a Normal Amount: Sloane Crosley. Sloane is why Baxter Bark Twice is even extant; she is who I wish to be. I hope she doesn’t have a Google alert set up for her name and reads this. Actually, I hope she does. Hi, Sloane. Sloane has written two books: I Was Told There’d be Cake and How Did You Get This Number? Both are compilations of personal essays ranging in subject matter from bridesmaid woes to international travel to failed relationships and hot-off-the-truck furniture. She is really funny and frank and sometimes it seems like she takes the thoughts from my head, aligns them in an articulate and coherent manner, and writes them down. Pallison had the good fortune to run into Sloane on Sunday at a Barney’s Co-op in NYC. She co-opted (wordplay!) her in the dressing room, and absolutely spewed word vomit about how she and her friend Allie were her biggest fans, how we’re both friends with her on Facebook (true story), and how that line out of How Did You Get This Number, “it wasn’t as real as you thought it was” changed both of our lives. (Read the book. You’ll see what we mean.) Sloane, ever graceful, handled the situation with aplomb. Anyway, in an ideal world, BBT’s posts will parlay into longer, more personal essays, multiply several times in number, and become compilations that will be published. Fingers crossed!

Sorry for saying “spewed word vomit” with regard to your actions, Pal. I probably could have opted for a different choice of words – I didn’t, but I could have.

Person Whose Closet I Want:

Olivia Palermo. Gah.

The Movie From Which “Baxter Bark Twice” Originated: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Baxter is the name of Ron’s dog, and, after Baxter is drop-kicked over a bridge (see below), he goes missing. Later in the movie, Ron receives a call from someone who he obviously assumes is his lost dog, and says, “Hello? Who’s there? Hello? Who is this? Baxter… is that you? Baxter! Bark twice if you’re in Milwaukee…” See? My last name is Baxter, so it makes sense. Team Newnan can take credit for this moniker.

Weeeeeeeee!

So, that’s how that happened. I always assume that everyone knows why Baxter Bark Twice is called Baxter Bark Twice, but I suppose if you’ve never seen a movie or if you hate to laugh, you could very well have no idea. Glad I was able to clear things up. If you’re looking to kill some time, I highly recommend visiting IMDB and reading quotes from the movie. I could do this all day.

Veronica Corningstone: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker.
Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry.
Ron Burgundy: Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair.

Ok, the end. Have a very thirsty Thursday!

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And the winner is…ME!

Posted by AllieB on December 7, 2011

I never win anything. I mean, I can win stuff competitively (have you met Game Time Allie? You may or may not want to – she’s something of a dealbreaker), but when it comes to winning things randomly, like raffles or lotteries or enter-here-to-win-xyz contests, my track record is like 0 – 1,249. Until yesterday! So, I read this blog: Elements of Style. It’s written by an interior designer based in Boston, and she puts up pretty pictures of “rustic” Maine Bed & Breakfasts and cool restaurants in Boston, and sometimes I just kind of want her life. Anyway, she was giving away a $75 gift card to this stationary store, Felix Doolittle, all you had to do was write in what item you liked best from their online store. I forget what I wrote exactly, but I DO know what I wrote about “catching up with my correspondence” a la Rachel on Friends in the One Where No One Is Ready…irrespective of my words, I was chosen as the winner out of 425 comments, and now what do I buy!? Personalized stationary? An “Allie Baxter” seal? Calling cards? Ha, what if I walked around handing out calling cards…I don’t think even Buckhead could handle that. Mom, maybe there’s something you’d like? And surely it’d be a travesty if I didn’t get these personalized magnetizers…

Speaking of interior design/pretty things, there is a Block and Brayer/Allison Harper Interior Design Trunk Show tonight, and I highly recommend going to check out their wares – there’s even a live demonstration with artist Hollis McFadden. I went to their last show, and I was very impressed and wanted all of the pillows shown in the pic below as well as window treatments and maybe even a shower curtain. BBT says: go!

Tonight, Miami Circle: be there.

I just heard my favorite meteorologist since Flip Spiceland, Chesley McNeil, mention that there will potentially be snow flurries in the Metro Atlanta area this afternoon/evening. This reminds me: time to TURN ON MY HEAT. My lone ranger space heater that I have blasting in my office right now really is not going to cut it…getting out bed in the AM is borderline impossible…it’s time. I didn’t turn it on last year, but last year I lived in a unit that is like 1/3 the size of my current one…so, note to self.

Bragging about winning that contest just reminded me I never did choose a winner for my own contest. I think I want to do it a different way – maybe you should have to do something like comment or share the link to win. This is all about generating readers, people, not just gratuitous gifts. I’ll get back to you.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 11 Comments »

A cure for the common hangover

Posted by AllieB on December 5, 2011

The FDA has approved a hangover pill – a pill that promises to cure your hangover. (Credit: Baxter Bark Thrice)

Blowfish in an over-the-counter effervescent tablet that contains 1,000 milligrams of aspirin, 120 milligrams of caffeine and a stomach-soothing agent.

So how is this different from taking two Tylenol and chugging down a grande at Starbucks?

“The magic of the effervescent tablet is that it hits your system much faster than getting a cup of coffee, taking an antacid and taking some aspirin separately,” creator Brenna Haysom told the NYDN.

It also works fast, promising to have you feeling normal and functional in just 15-30 minutes.  And it won’t break the bank, even if you’re a practicing alcoholic. A single dose is just $2.99, or $11.99 for a six-pack.   For those wanting to see if this miracle pill actually works, you can find it online, at Ricky’s and in your local Duane Reade in January.

Well, color me skeptical. The fact that the FDA’s approved it says a lot, though…my take on hangovers is this: mind over matter. But I’m not opposed to a pill, in addition to my mantra. Here’s the link to purchase on Amazon – of course Amazon carries it. I guess it couldn’t hurt to try..? Tell you what, why doesn’t someone volunteer to order it for me then I’ll try it and let you know if it works or not. ‘Tis the season for empty wallets and a multitude of holiday parties.

HILBILLY and Jimbabwe are ENGAGED! I am so happy.

Another thing about which I am happy: this Best of Craigslist gem shared with me by Paxton. I’m still not convinced he didn’t write it….

Apropos of nothing. But who doesn’t love a thieving guinea pig?!

Yeah he is.

“That’s all.”  -Miranda Priestly

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 6 Comments »

Enlighten me.

Posted by AllieB on December 1, 2011

Forget my lame suggestion of ties yesterday, if you’re willing to fork over $750, THIS is what you should buy the guy in your life:

It’s The BEASTIE BOYS! Per NYMag: Packaged in a handsome metal box are three eleven-inch dolls — fully poseable! — each with their own stands, white jumpsuits, goggles, work boots, and safety vests. (Who knew these rebels were OSHA compliant?) Tossed in for good measure is the two-disc deluxe version of their Sounds of Science. Yes, at $750 it’s a bit pricey for a meta-gift, but proceeds from all sales are split between two charities that benefit kids with cancer.

Fully poseable?! Who could pass. You’re welcome.

For this week’s Confounding Conundrum, I share with you the pictorial comparison below. Shown are two women: both are approximately 5’2″ and share the same thick trunk/shoulder/no-neck body type; both are five months pregnant.

And I guess the similarities end there, because evidently Hillary Duff is giving birth to a newborn human, whereas Jessica Simpson is giving birth to Shaq. I do wish that Hillary had on tights or a longer skirt, but for the most she looks pretty great. And it’s not that Jessica looks bad, per se, it’s that she still has FOUR MONTHS TO GO. This begs the question – what on earth is she growing in there?

I am reminded of the classic film, Men in Black. Rookie agent, Will Smith, is new on the job and is innocently helping a woman he believes to be human deliver her child. Everything is going as well as it could be, when BOOM!

Squid baby.

All I’m saying is: if I were Eric What’s-His-Face, I’d stick out the delivery in the waiting room, just to be safe.

Happy Birthday to BOBBY! BBT hearts you. XX

Take it easy and just be breezy. Yours in ridicule,

Baxter Bark Twice

LEST I FORGET: My friend Helen’s biz, H&H Home, will be featured as part of One Kings Lane’s signature Tastemaker Tag Sale series:  One Kings Lane will be offering our vintage and one-of-a-kind items at up to 50% off retail, starting TONIGHT, December 1st at 6:00 PM PST / 9 PM EST. Our Collection includes a curated assortment of newly finished, never-before-seen items hand-selected by H&H Home. To learn more, and preview the collection, visit www.handhhome.com. To join One Kings Lane and shop OUR sale, go to https://www.onekingslane.com/sales/12418 

ALSO: Scout for the Home is open til 8 tonight and will be serving wine. Scout is a great place to buy smaller items for the home/gifts…think mothers, sisters, friends and the like.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

What to Give: Holiday Gift Ideas

Posted by AllieB on November 30, 2011

Ho ho ho!!! (Sister, someone’s calling you.) Merry Christmas!

I’ve mentioned my lack of creativity before re: costuming, and the case is very much the same when it comes to gift giving. I think those who can give thoughtful and not necessarily elaborate or over-the-top gifts have a truly enviable skill. You know the person – they could make a bag of dirt seem appealing. They’re the ones who bring the delicately wrapped and ribbon-adorned lace cookies to the bake sale when you bring a half batch of Nestle Tollhouse because you ate most of the dough. (I speak not from experience….) Anyway, some people just have “the touch.” For those of us who don’t, there are gift guides.

For Guys: I’ve been asked by more than one person for gift recommendations for boys. This is pretty much the blind leading the blind, but I did a little research…and…here. Sorry in advance. I found this one guide: Gifts for Guys That DON’T SUCK that is trying just a little too hard…there are 4 pages of ideas, including a camouflage baseball, stainless steel ice cubes, and bacon-flavored hot sauce. I think I might pick up that third one for yours truly.

If anyone but Barney Stinson handed me a drink with these in them, I’d get the H outta D.

Look, shopping for guys is tough. Get him a tie. A Vineyard Vines or Ferragamo one with a tasteful golfing or aquatic or football motif. YKenna – I helped you not at all, did I.

White Elephant Party: Thompson Ferrier Candles. I always say you must smell a candle before you buy, but at this price I say go with it – Elegant Gardenia sounds pretty safe. I still don’t quite get the premise of these parties, but this falls in the right price range – can’t beat $15. This Capri Blue Jar candle ($28 at Anthro) is actually my most favorite, and it’s larger than most.

For Pallison ClevelandThe Meatball Shop Cookbook by Daniel Holzman and Michael Chernow (Ballantine Books; $28).  Make this: Start with the signature beef version and work your way up to the advanced-technique “bunny balls.”

Stocking Stuffer/Gift That Keeps on Giving: Best invention ever – the rubber wine stopper. This set will cost you $11.33 and will change the life of its recipient. It can make a bad bottle of wine good – literally. Go ahead and buy 2 – one to give and one to keep. That’s kind of nice mantra with Christmas shopping in general…

For the person who has everything/is impossible to shop for: a gift to charity in their name. Honestly, I really like it when people do this in my honor, especially when it’s to a cause I hold dear. If you’re really stumped as to what to get someone, think about what they like: puppies, trees, art, hunting, music, children, healthcare…if there’s a noun, there’s a 501 (c) 3 raising money for it. Most of these causes will send a notification to the person for whom you gave the gift, so that’s a nice little bonus.

This is a woefully incomplete list…nothing for parents…and I didn’t even include anything for me! That’s probably because I already have everything I could possibly wish for :) Well, except for new Frye boots and/or a console table for my abode.

Here are 425 more ideas from $3 to $1,295. 

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 9 Comments »

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