Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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This is happening

Posted by AllieB on October 21, 2011

The world of celebrities has been a hot topic on BBT this week, and for that I apologize.

Jessica Simpson is pregnant. At least that’s what OK Magazine is saying. She was holding out for someone to buy exclusive rights to the news of her pregnancy for $500,000 before she’d willingly confirm it. Yep, she runs a billion dollar company, and that’s what her unborn child is worth: a measly half-mil. On behalf of the fetus, I am indignant.

The jig, as they say, is decidedly up. (The Scoop)

I think I’m going to go to the Taste of Atlanta this weekend – with weather like this, I’d be cRaZy not to. I’ll take some pics with someone’s iPhone and share them next week – the variety of restaurants and their respective menus look amazing.

For the record, bowling last night was awesome and I really hope it becomes a standard wintertime activity. Competitive/Game-time Allie joined us only briefly, and, after I dominated the first round, I was able to settle down into breezy mediocrity for the duration. In addition, people told me I was “annoying to bowl with” so I read between the lines and decided to take it down a notch. Also, Midtown Bowl has surprisingly delicious food…Caro got a grilled cheese on whole wheat that looked awesome, and the fried okra was more than decent. Who knew. Plus, they have jello shots. Tell me again why we don’t go here more often?? Oh yeah – the bowling shoes….I GET IT. I HAVE BIG FEET.

Happy Weekend! Baxter, out.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

YOU are very creepy

Posted by AllieB on October 20, 2011

You know what makes me uncomfortable? Besides the obvious responses of close-talking, Michael Flatley Lord of the Dance, and really really really – like, really – short people, the thing that makes me most uncomfortable is the COMMENTS section on large-scale websites. Take NYMag, for instance. Their Fashion segment, The Cut, posted a picture of Jennifer Aniston at some event recently in some very short low-cut shiny dress. She looked great (pregs???), but great. It commented on the labels she sported and that was about it….but then…the comments.

MAGSTOCK: If she was pregnant, her boobs wouldn’t be so empty and lo. Pregnancy makes your boobs round, full and beautiful. Not what she has there..

QUALITO: She looks like a aging mother of three, who’s lost all her money at the Vegas casinos, so she finds the nearest Filene’s Basement or Ross For Less, and buys the cheapest low-cut outfit she can find and then hits the lounge at the MGM Grand. No need for bra or panties. They’ll just get in the way of business.

REMAINING_ANONYMOUS: Short OR low-cut, not both. The dress would be much better IMHO with a boat neckline and if she stood with her arms in such a position that would highlight the dolman sleeves.

Join me in my discomfort, won’t you? These are but three of 33 comments – most of them snarky, judgmental, and straight up creepy. Who ARE these people??? I imagine that at least 100% of them live in their parents’ basement and are actively involved in local Cuddle Parties. SNL did a skit this fall aptly named The Comments Section where they brought three homely and socially awkward people on stage, exposed their blogging comments, and then sucker punched them all in the stomach. Ha.

Fortunately, despite rising in the WWW ranks from 9,623,940 to 6,176,867 in the last week (holla), BBT doesn’t get many weird ass comments. One person got really mad at me for making fun of Hilary Duff’s novel - really? – but besides that, nada. This is good, given how uncomfortable they make me.

THURSDAY! It’s f’ing cold, but at least it’s Thursday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANI!!!! And to P, but I’m guessing P doesn’t hit up BBT all that much. Tonight we’re going bowling to celebrate, and I’m very excited because I LOVE bowling and am really good at it about 1 out of every 3 times. I have very fond memories of the bowling league of 2k6. Baberham Lincoln was our team name. Questionable. Don’t forget socks!

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Bars of the jail and restaurant variety

Posted by AllieB on October 19, 2011

Lindsay Lohan Is Being Forced to Work at the Morgue

Idiot. She’s such a hot mess she makes Tara Reid look like Jackie O. I’m not even following this story anymore, but I saw the headline on Twitter, and I had to click through. Oh, this just in: she’s going back to jail. Nevermind, she can be bonded out. WHATEVER I don’t care anymore.

Go.to.the.dentist. Or maybe just brush every once in awhile. SOMETHING! (People)

Moving along to less manic/more hygienic subjects: Elise shared with me this gold mine of a resource, and I was almost tempted to keep it to myself for awhile but that goes against my oath as a blogger, so…here it is: GoBYO. This nifty website tells you, within a specified zip code and range, all of the restaurants that offer BYOB, as well as their corkage fees. I don’t know how accurate it is, because – por ejemplo – I’m pretty sure Thai Silk doesn’t charge anything, and they say they charge $10. I don’t think I’ll be the one marching into Antica Posta with my $9 bottle and checking what their fee is, as they would probably shove me out the side door before anyone in the restaurant saw such a ragamuffin clientele.

The good news is that it’s not just Atlanta! Other regions included are: Boston, Chicago, Dallas, NYC, LA, Philly, San Fran, South FLA, and DC/Baltimore.

Like I said, I cannot attest to its accuracy, but they got their info on Houston’s right, so that’s something.

 Revenge comes on tonight at 10 on ABC! Record it. You really might want to catch up on previous episodes before you dive in, not so much because you’ll be lost, but because you really want to watch every minute of this program.

ALSO, correction: Homeland comes on at 10 on Sundays, not 9. It’s after Dexter. I’m not sure I can even delve into the twisted world of Dexter.

Posted in Celebs, Food & Drink, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

So, I lied.

Posted by AllieB on October 18, 2011

For the life of me, I can not figure out a good way to randomly – like, legitimately randomly – come up with a way to choose a winner of the basically priceless prize of $20 to iTunes. I bet I could Goog this, and I probably will, but I just wanted you all to know that the contest is STILL ON… it’s just taking slightly longer to execute. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow. I promise – and I’ll take the oath of Chanel – that I will choose a winner…at some point.

Re: the survey. It seems that people really do enjoy the premise and the idea of a survey of their peers/the opposite sex, but my questions were boring. This is a valid point: my questions were boring. However, BBT is a personal blog – my name’s all over this and my reader demographics expand far beyond those in my immediate age range. Therefore, there are certain parameters and standards I must uphold. The internet is permanent, and once I put something out there I really can’t get it back. So, until I start writing under some pseudonym on a totally random page (lightbulb!), my surveys will continue to air on the conservative side of PG-13. We keep things classy around here.

Q&A:

-do you have the new iPhone? I don’t. I really really want it. This demo of the new SIRI program (credit: Seth) is not helping. I mean, this thing is badass. The future is now!

-are you watching Homeland??? It’s new on Showtime (Sundays @ 9 pm) starring Claire Danes. It is awesome. The premise is as follows: thought-to-be-dead POW Sergeant Brody is found alive after 8 years MIA. The story begins with his triumphant return to the USA…or is it??? Carrie Mathison (Danes), a CIA agent, received word from a paid snitch in Iraq that an American POW has been turned….is it Brody?? We don’t know. Everyone’s paranoid, and the show is awesome at keeping the twists and turns going. WATCH IT. It’s by the producers of 24, and I’m totally hooked…plus, it’s Showtime so they can really push the limits re: plot lines.

-ok, this isn’t a question, but check out this comprehensive compilation of the most controversial magazine covers of all time (credit: YKenna). It’s got pop culture, Vietnam, OJ Simpson, Demi Moore, religion, a baby nursing…it’s a quick pictorial lesson in history. Worth a look.

The last thing I need is this guy finding a scandalous survey by BBT.

OH, that reminds me: HBD ABE the V!

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Guys Hate It When You’re Annoying; Girls Would Rather You Not Fart (Survey Part Deux)

Posted by AllieB on October 13, 2011

I thought that doing a second survey was a really great idea, and I’m thinking I thought wrong. The last one was pretty entertaining; this one – not so much. My questions weren’t particularly interesting or insightful, which is probably part of the problem. To keep the lameness to a minimum, I am therefore ignoring the multiple choice questions and just sharing the write in responses. I didn’t do much editing, but a few things had to go.

One thing I was not overwhelmed by was the number of participants :| Whatever, ok, here we go…

First, the Boys: “I hate it when my girlfriend (or whatever you have)….” 

- Is sad

- Could go on forever here, even with a girl I love. We were made to piss each other off to a certain extent because nothing easy is worth doing.

- Wish there was more room to elaborate. Will send you a pdf file later this week with my essay

- gets all in her own head and lets it make her mad/sad/depressed.

- tells me I “need to update my wardrobe”. Not b/c it’s not true, just b/c it’s repeated in those exact same words time and time again, like the previous time didn’t happen.

- Doesn’t stay active and exercise on a regular basis.

- starts random fights for no reason whatsoever on a frequent basis.

- Is annoying

- has an opinion about sports. Just watch the game and cheer on the right team, but please no input on what is actually happening in the game.

- Is a whiny bitch and feels entitled

- is moody. The love of your life, so fun one minute and a total bitch the next.

- Tells me that Johnny T’s teeth are whiter than mine.

- is always late

- Wont give me a ride to my car

- Calls to tell me an irrelevant story about her day…especially when its not funny in the slightest.

- busts my balls

-gets drunker than I do

In your gf’s defense, Johnny T does have exceptionally white teeth. Girls, take note: be less sad, go for a run, don’t get too drunk, be on time, stop whining, be less bitchy, don’t tell that ‘irrelevant’ story…jeez. Sorry I asked. You can hang on to that PDF essay, I’m pretty sure I’m not interested.

Now the Ladies: “I hate it when my boyfriend (or whatever you have)…” 

- farts in the car

- fails to tell me he is leaving town for a month. (commonly referred to as an “ex-boyfriend”)

- belittles me in front of his friends in an attempt to project coolness amongst his male peers…fyi dude, your the one that looks like an idiot. And you have issues with insecurity. deal. breaker.

- tries to wear polo shirts w/ stripes on them. no.

- fails to exist

- Bitches about my drunkenness. Or when he eats on the sofa.

- …….not enough room to answer

- tries to order for me at a restaurant. I’ll interrupt.

- puts it off on me when he is not social or does not go out.  It pisses me off so much. Just tell your friends that you do not want to go out, don’t put it off on me like that. Not Fair!

- acts immature

- burns incense* and wears mesh shorts (not at the same time or, yea, maybe at the same time too)

- farts under the covers

- Snores

- talks about how hot your friends are

- eats late night & leaves crumbs & pb finger prints all over my kitchen, makes this terrible sound when he scratches his throat, tells me he’ll come to bed as soon as he finishes his beer but really stays up to burn incense

- chain smokes

- calls me dude.

- Hangs out with his girlfriend

- says he will do something and doesn’t. False promises suck. Duh.

- puts dirty dishes on the counter or in the sink instead of the dishwasher.

- ignores me and plays with the cat instead

- Leaves his dirty clothes everywhere and is very messy

- eats healthier than I do!

- won’t fight back – what an idiot.

*These boys are not burning incense, if you get my drift…

I don’t really know what to do with these – some of y’all might need to reassess your relationship status, and some of you are kind of anal… no offense. I’m having a hard time coming up with a theme – each person who responded hates a different thing that their Significant Other or whomever does, and I guess there’s really no rhyme or reason to how or why things do or don’t work out. Deep Thoughts, by BBT. Guys: best of luck to you… Ok, no more surveys.

Me: what are you doing tonight?

You: going to Kramer’s for Matt’s birthday!!

 :(

Friendly reminder: I choose the winner of the $20 iTunes gift card at noon tomorrow, so ya better  hurry over to Facebook and like the Baxter Bark Twice page if you want a chance to win…!

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 9 Comments »